Wow, lots of neat traditions. I find shopping for gifts wearying. I usually start in October and try to be finished by the end of November. I try to leave time in December for decorating, cookie baking and wrapping gifts. We are also away for about 9 days total in December as our kids play in 2 international junior squash tournaments and so this takes a huge chunk out of our Christmas preparation time and also means we cannot have a real tree as we are away and can't water it. We buy for our 3 kids, in-laws, our staff (about 8 people), couple of aunts and uncles, and assorted family. We have done a draw for the family in previous years so that all the adults names are put in a hat and each person then draws and only has to buy 1 gift. But this has fallen by the wayside as part of the family had moved away and sometimes comes back for Christmas and sometimes doesn't. I am more conscious now in trying to buy gifts that are useful or consumable as we all know how easy clutter comes into our homes and how difficult and time consuming it is to take it back out. Traditionally my DH and I usually buy small gifts for each other, most of which will fit in our stockings, requisite gifts are chocolate bars, socks, paperbacks, I always receive a "For Better or For Worse" comic book and the year's stamp set (Canadian), and a CD, you get the idea. We also buy lots of little things for the kids' stockings. Sometimes there may be one big gift for the family (one year it was a large screen T.V. ) and then, the other gifts will be smaller and fewer. I usually get an Odyssey set of tapes (from Focus on the Family) as one of the gifts for the kids as we do lots of driving trips and the kids like listening to them in the car. Just wrapping all the stocking gifts takes forever, but they are so much fun to open Christmas morning. Christmas Eve, the family goes to Church as our Church does not have a Christmas morning service. Then we open presents Christmas morning, have brunch and relax and then start cooking Christmas dinner late afternoon, in-laws come and another round of gift opening takes place. I really like it that we don't have to go anywhere on Christmas day, it really is quite relaxing. My DH jokes that it's the only day in the whole year when the car doesn't leave the driveway!

I'm late chiming in here. I think a clear demonstration of HOW to handle this would help him tremendously. Maybe take him WITH you to tell the bus driver, so he can see how you handle it, what you say, what tone of voice you use, and what you propose for a solution from the bus driver. And I would vote no more punishment, actually. The school's punishment seems appropriate, and his hitting doesn't seem that big a deal for a kindergartener being provoked. I think what you've done is enough to make it clear this was wrong (plus, he's a good boy, he already knows it was wrong). Now is the time to help him figure out some truly concrete strategies to deal with this sort of thing. It's all fine and dandy to say "kids should learn to work it out," and "he needs to control himself," but it's not fair to make them figure out the HOWS of all those things by himself. Try some role playing, develop some concrete strategies (the kid starts calling names, and your DS turns to someone nearby him that he knows as friendly, and smiles at them and tries to start a conversation--distracts your son, gives him an ally, reminds him that not everyone around him is mean and hates him, and denies the mean kid the satisfaction of any sort of response. be sure to suggest what he could start a conversation about. Even if you think you're just inventing hypothetical tactics that won't work in the real world, examples help, if only because they teach kids that there *is* an alternative.) And a little sympathy about being picked on and getting in trouble might be soothing and empowering. It's REALLY hard to be the target of meanness like that and to be essentially powerless to make it stop. Because he is powerless to make it stop. The only thing he can do is tolerate it or avoid it. That's hard.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond and give me good advice. You pretty much confirmed that what we are doing is right--just "being there," keeping things light, not making a big deal out of this to DSS. KKNY, you don't know me, yet you read the worst into what I said, in the meantime, ignoring all of the clearly positive aspects of it. Perhaps I should read the worst into your post to point out that you did nothing more than take an opportunity to further what appears to be your "mission" to attack the SMs here. If you really wanted to help, as a BM, you could offer some constructive advice. But if you did that, you might actually help IMPROVE a step situation, which would REALLY run counter to your "mission," now wouldn't it?? For your information, and for anyone else who is wondering, I made the point that they are not "good enough" to make their middle school team (yes, they had try-outs and DID NOT make it) to show that this "team" they are on is just a step above "pick-up basketball" in the neighborhood. It is something they do for fun and exercise, but b-ball is not a sport that either of them particularly excel at, nor is this league something that is that important to them vs. time with their father, which they need, NOW MORE THAN EVER, IMO. It would be like DH telling them he can't do visitation one weekend b/c he has a church league b-ball game. If DH has to miss visitation for work (which almost never happens, as even though DH is a lawyer and works MANY hours a week, he puts in extra hours during the week so he can take off the weekends and be with DSSs), or if DSSs have to miss for school, church or some other activity that is really important to them, that is another matter. And this is not MY original sentiment--I am actually parroting what DH says, and HE certainly is allowed to make statements w/o having bad motives ascribed, ISN"T HE, KKNY??? The point I was trying to make is, there are some activities that really "justify" missing visitation, and others do not and are an "excuse" which is a symptom of a problem. If we suddenly agree to skip visitation everytime there is something going on that one of them could possibly do, we might as well tell them to "have a nice life" as I suggested above. I probably should have mentioned that DSSs have played in this league for years and have NEVER had a problem missing Sat. games for visitation, so it seems obvious it was an "excuse" this year. Also, they both are VERY VERY good at other things, and we support them. DSS 14's soccer team went to the state championships last year. DSS 12 has only lost a few wrestling matches IN HIS LIFE! So, when it comes to soccer and wrestling, we understand that they can't miss and work around those things. Someone mentioned "walking on eggshells" around SKs. That is the real irony of KKNY ascribing bad motives to me. For 9 years, I have gone out of my way to try not to say anything that would be upsetting to DSSs. When they do things that I would correct my son on in a minute (like eat chocolate chip cookies, brownies, etc. dropping crumbs all over the kitchen instead of over the counter, pouring a large glass of the last milk we have in the house so that there is none for anyone else) I do not say ONE WORD. I remind myself that I am glad they like my cookies, and I'm glad their drink of choice is MILK over soda. Of course, I would think nothing of telling DS 6 not to do that or anything else. But I don't want to do anything to make them feel "picked on" at our house. So it is almost LAUGHABLE to me that someone here would say I made a "dig" at DSS 14 over not being good enough to make the middle school team. Also, I feel badly for DH b/c he is truly one of the best dads one could imagine. Someone asked that recently on another thread. My DH is a wonderful DH and an amazing dad. When DSSs were little guys, he bathed them, dressed them, complete care. (He bathes our 2, does diaper changes, etc.) DSS 14 plays guitar and when his band played for his school recently, DH took the morning off work to be there. (4+ hours round trip for a 15 minute assembly, but again, he loved every minute of it.) He also takes DSSs INDIVIDUALLY on father-son weekends each summer. (For past 3 years, DSS 12 and he have gone to father-son wrestling camp; DSS 14 and he have been to father-son baseball camp and pro football Hall of fame.) DH loves to laugh and has a very witty sense of humor and always keeps things light. I just read this response to DH in its entirety and he agrees with everything I've said. I think I'm going to end this with the sentiment that the fact that DH and I are on the same page and have a STRONG, HEALTHY, HAPPY marriage will get us through this. Thanks again for all who posted on this. Have a good day.

Thank you so much Tammy for the wonderful gifts I received wine glass, candy canes, cookie cutter, cute card and owl ornament, instructions for winter seed growing. I especially appreciate all of your cute sayings and printouts on each package, that really took quite a bit of time, I really loved the little seed envelope that you made yourself with the 3 different seeds inside that was great. Thank you for taking the time to make the swap so special. Thank you! Kim