Nope, my 5 other sibs and I get along great. Don't have any problems with aunts, uncles or cousins either. NancyLouise

I was estranged from my brother for almost 26 years~~his doing not mine. He came back into my life after his wife of 34 years divorced him and his kids no longer talked to him~~he is an acholic he moved in with my mom (80) so there was no avoiding contact with him . My first real time being with him was driving him to jail to serve time for DUI's and visiting 2x's a month for 4 months, so my DM did not have too. That was 3 years ago he has been at her place for the whole time now off and on sober it is not easy. Stresses me out. We get along ok there is just too much baggage from the past that gets in the way!

Yes....being a parents executor tends to chase off the "family" or what one thought was family.

and from the daughter I had,30 odd years ago..oh well,not that great a loss..I always wanted to be an only child anyways.

Ont the flip side,I have a fantastic DS(when his wife isnt around) 2 fantastic Grands and a b/f to die for.

No estrangement from family for me either. I have 7 sisters and 4 brothers and we all get along, don't get to see all of them as often as I'd like, but it would take a really lot to estrange me from any of them. Life is too short.

No and here's a ((((for those who are))).

I was estranged from my mom for the last 10 years of her life, her choice. We were all a burden to her and she was not afraid to let us know...for as long as I can ever remember. Technically, I guess we were estranged my whole life. As were my sisters. Her favorite thing to say to us: "I brought you into this world and I can take you out just the same!".

Another yes, here. It's a sad and hurtful thing.

Twinkie and his DS were estranged for several years but things are better now. They'll never be like they used to be, but they do love each other and interact now - for which I am grateful.

Most of his family is dead and he and his sister need each other. JMHO

Oh yeah!!! LOL

Greed does strange things to people and formerly "moral" and "ethical" people suddenly find that those terms are a language they don't understand.

Beware everyone.... I am the "devil incarnate" Ask certain people - they'll tell you! ;)

Hmmm, how do you do a smiley with horns???

Yes,our # 2 son.Hear from him every couple years,but that's it.I've seen him once in the last 25 years.This is all his choice.We still live in the same house he grew up in,and still have the same phone #,except for area code.

I used to worry and cry myself sick over it,because as others said,they were all raised in the same house,same rules etc.Then one day i finally turned him over to the Lord,and let him take care of him.I still think of him,but don't worry about him so much.He turned 47 on Valentines day.

In those times when he does get hold of me,it's like nothing ever happened.Actually ,nothing ever did.After he finished school he decided to move to Guam,and as far as i know he is still there.

Kathi

Just becoming so, now. From my brother. It's very, very sad, but for my own emotional survival it's best that I disengage from him.

I just can't have that toxic relationship destroy me any more. But it's very sad. He's my only sibling.

DH and I were estranged from DS for 5 years. Last summer he came around, finally, after missing us for these past years. He now lives on our property in a studio apartment (he's 24). He had some growing up and thinking to do because DH and I had chosen the "tough love" path with him. I like to think that we all needed our space and time to deal with the pain, hurt, disagreements, and differences.
Life is good....so here's a (((hug))) to all those who are going through such a difficult and emotionally draining time.

Yes, my mother was estranged from her whole family for four years, but that was a long time ago. Right now I am estranged from my youngest brother. He lived out of town for over 30 years and I was cordial to him whenever I heard from him. He did some terrible things and I have no desire to be around him. He denied it, but there were wittnesses that have no reason to lie about it. He moved back to Memphis 7 years ago and I've seen him twice. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but we were at the same family functions. He sent me an e-mail a couple of months ago telling me he moved back to town to be close to his family and we still don't see each other. I ignored the letter. He wrote to my other brother last week to ask him to ask me why I was mad at him. I wrote him an e-mail and told him we had this discussion many years ago. There's nothing he can do to undo the harm he's done and to please leave me and my family alone. He once again denied doing anything, but I'm positive he did. I told him I was cordial to him when he was miles and miles away because I didn't have to be around him and would have stayed cordial if he had stayed away. I don't wish him any harm, but I don't want to be around him.
Linda

I have 3 sisters. Our oldest sister is well.... different. She stopped talking to the adults about 5 years ago. She comes to family functions, but will only talk to the kids (hers and the neices and nephews). Her kids got after her so she would see our dying father, two days before he died. Her kids don't have anything to do with her either. She is just mean. Oh by the way she is one that preaches to everyone and quotes the bible with every sentenced. I guess she does not read "honor your Mother and Father"

Yes, my daughter.

After two years of not knowing where she was or how she was, two policemen knocked on my door to tell me she had died from an overdose. She was found in a Portland, Oregon hotel staircase.

How do you get over something like that?

Makes me sad for all who are estranged for whatever reason.

Nope....we are all very close.

~Kathy~

(((Granlan))) I'm sorry this pain is in your life.
Leslie

Granlan, May I suggest that you hook up with an Al-Anon group. You'll find loads of other parents who have/had an addicted child in their lives. Hopefully, you can work on developing a peace for yourself.

I'm not estranged now but I was for all the years I was drinking. It's taken about 10 years to get to a place where we all like being with each other.

I'll stick to immediate family only because there is too much extended family with stories too painful to recall.

I have an older brother in another state. He was very financially successful in his career over the years--still could be--but he is now drinking himself into an early grave. My mother and I discussed recently that if she wants to see him alive again, she'll have to go there because he isn't able to travel. He'll sit there and die in the chair in his bedroom, which is where he spends most of his time.

I know I should despise the habit and not the person, but I will never forgive him for not coming to my parents' 50th wedding anniversary--the one he knew about for six months ahead of time--because of a "business meeting."

My family is quite convoluted, like many these days, I suppose.
I have a whole family on my biological father's side that does their own thing and don't involve the family I feel close to which is my step mother, my brother and my daughter. My mother and my step father are both passed on. I have an older sister who is full biologically related but she chooses not to associate with us. She has two children who we don't see, and two grandchildren that sadly we don't see either. The biological father, his wife and their 4 children are all Jehovah's witnesses and don't associate with anyone outside of that faith. This man abandoned my family when I was 3, and hasn't been anything of a father to any of us ever - my step father was my Dad, will always have that place in my heart.
I hold on tight to the small family unit I do have that communicate and love each either despite faults. The rest may or may not come around some day, but after many attempts to have a relationship with them I have put that energy to more fruitful endeavors.

Yes.
JoanMN

Not really estranged but our family doesn't have a lot to do with my moms sister and her daughters. I feel so bad for my mom. I am very close to my sister and can't imagine how painful it must be.

Yes. I haven't spoken to my mother in over 10 years. To be honest, I don't miss her all that much, just more the idea of a mother, if that makes sense. Someone I could talk to about issues or concerns...but even if we weren't estranged, she wouldn't be the kind of person I could do that with, so it's pointless.

Yes, I chose to move on and live without all the drama, hate and rudeness of some of my family. Many can't understand that but I choose not to wallow in all that any more. I like my nice quiet laid back kind of life. It fits me, my husband and 2 kids perfectly.

DH & I were not talking with his brother for a long, long time (long story). We got back together a long time ago now & even tho DH isn't that close to his brother, my SIL & I get along very well & call each other every few weeks. Wish I had a sibling but at least I have a SIL. Wish DH were closer with his only sibling.

My husband was estranged from his only uncle on his mother's side but he contacted him and mended the connection.

No, I've never been estranged from anyone in my family. It seems that we care about each other so much. I feel sad for those who do have problems with family.

Granlan, that is so sad about your daughter.

We were, but not now, thank God.

Yes.
Our now 21 year old son has not really spoken to us since he left home 13 months ago.

He chose not to follow the house rules that everyone else was able to follow. Checking in, no drugs, no alcohol, no intimate sleepovers, and a curfew that was "reasonable"-not 3 am! He moved in with some friends family-whose house party was soon busted for allowing underage drinking--was all in the papers here. Thankfully--by the Grace of G0d, son was not there when that happened.

It has been absolutely torturous! I pray for his safety and well-being. I cry myself to sleep many nights. I ask G0d "why?"

I love him with all my heart, but I cannot and will not compromise my morals and the morals he was brought up with. Does that make me a bad mother?

My husband-his father is having surgery Thursday, and he doesn't even know about it.I am so torn.

I couldn't stand it if I lost contact with my family. I speak with my Mom on the phone almost daily, even though we're 400 miles apart. And I am friendly with all my siblings.

My heart sure goes out to so many of you. There are advantages to being an only child and I'm thankful to be one.

Yes from DB just because of his spouse. She has done some really bad things to the family and to her it's ok. DH is very ill ( from agent orange and the viet nam war) he lets her do anything she wants no matter how it hurts others. He finally told the family she's his queen and if the family can't treat her like one then he has no use for us.
Sad thing is because of her they have no family or friends that want anything to do with them. They live a lonely life but it's his choice.

Sadly to say me and my baby sister,.It hurts so much.She told me never try to contact her and her family ever again.I have talked to my other sister and told her how much I missed baby sis and I wish she was part of my family.All my sis says is that is the way we were raised.That still does not make it right or easy.But when you are told leave me alone,what else can I do.I have not had contact since Nov,I pray daily that we can be a family.

Vickie- I know what you are saying. My mom always regretted having to get married -with my older bro. Then I came along as an accident and then 13 years later she had another accident. She was one of those mothers that you could never talk to and she was a yeller. Sadly, most of my memories of my child hood are of getting in trouble with mom. She passed 20 years ago and about 4 years ago my older brother and I had a conversation that really made me realize that I wasn't the problem. she had been in a psych hospital, i guess they used to call them nervous breakdowns. She was always on all kinds of meds and basically was not a happy person. She told me many times 'she would take me out' and 'you're just like your father' . I have come to realize that it didn't matter what I did I could have never made her happy. I moved out when I was 19 and my younger bro always felt that I 'left' him. So, for the past 15 or so years we havent spoken, not that i haven't tried, he just doesnt seem to care and I guess that there isn't a thing i can do about it. I met and married a wonderful man who has a 'normal' family.

My brother didn't see or speak to the rest of siblings after my father died in 1988...In 2003 he started coming around and died in 2004...I never saw him after 1988...it broke my heart cause he threw us away...lots of the probs I blame on his wife who I email when something major happens in the family, out of respect...but I have no desire to be friends with her for keeping our brother from us...The rest of us are just HUNKY DORY! My mom said on her deathbed to stick together and be friends and family and we've tried to abide by her wishes...

(((Hugs to all of you who deal with this in your lives)))

I come from a big family, and as they say, we put the "fun" in dysfunctional. However, we were always close to each other, and I still get along wonderfully with all of them that are left.

Hi Vannie...got home today from Houston & a wonderful event for granddaughter. :)

Hugs to all of you that are dealing with family issues.

Yes, my brother, I didn't even attend his funeral, some things you just can't forgive.

No not estranged but I definitely don't like some people in my family, mainly by brother. I tolerate him at best.

I, too, am sorry that so many of you are suffering (I can tell) from this issue. On a happier note, thought it was nice tonight that (Stick with me here - this gets complicated!) the man who married Twinkie's brother's widow called and asked for help with buying a motorcycle.
Twinkie's brother was killed in a truck accident in 1974. His widow remarried several years later. The man went to her former inlaws and basically told them he was not trying to take (DH's) place but wanted their blessings. He (and she) are still very much a part of Twinkie's family. Her "new" DH served as a pallbearer at Twinkie's mom's funeral and she was still very much considered a DIL.

Now - I could also tell ya some dysfunctional stuff, too! LOL

dh and his half brother...we saw him last nov at aunt's funeral, but his life style isn't healthy. we're having another family get togather in july, but i really hope he doesn't come.

My husband is from his siblings. His parents and one sister have died. They were never a close family (his mother always pushing one against another). We kept in touch with one brother since his sister died (4 years ago), but the last time we heard from him was when I let him know my youngest Grandson was born (almost 2 years ago). My son never received a card, phone call or anything from him or his wife. We always spent on his grandchildren. Also my niece (daughter of my dh's sister that died) we haven't heard from in over 2 years. Last time we spent with her was after her daughter was born, went to visit her, bought gifts, etc. After we got home, she emailed us to ask for money (told her no) and never heard from her again.

I always tell my husband that if he should die before me, I am not letting anyone in his family know. I do not want any phonies at his funeral.

Sheryl - NJ

Yep...have been for the last year and a half from my sister (her doing) and don't care to see her again. Funny thing is, when this sister was a little girl, she always would say how she wanted to be a witch, and sure enough, she grew up to be a mean one. Interesting enough, I don't even miss her because now there is no drama that she constantly brought into the family but always blamed on everyone else.

DH's two sisters are estranged from him. Their choice and for no reason. My husband is a jewel and someday they will regret it.

I'm not, but two of my daughters are at this time not speaking. #3 and #4. Long story. I just wish they'd leave me out of the middle. I just want to stick my fingers in my ears and go, la-la-la-la-la. And not answer my phone.
Leslie

I want to add today my middle sister told my baby sis that the dr has confirm that I have lupus.I been knowing it about a month and did not want to talk about it.Well my middle sis wanted me to come to her home for a cook-out and it was a day I was very sick in bed so Ashley told her mom is having a bad day with her lupus.Well to make a long story short my middle sis told my baby sis and my baby sis broke down and cry.That is what my middle sis said.I feel now baby sis does care.But I hate it takes sickness to put us back together.But my mom and dad was alway fussing with one of their siblings.I hate to fuss.I cry alot because I want us all to love and get alone.Some times I want to send baby sis a card and just sign I love you.But you know I just don't know if I should or shouldn't.

Judy, do it. You'll both feel better. Especially you, because you made the effort.
Get to a good doctor and get on some good meds. My Mom's had Lupus for 40 years. It hasn't been active for many years. She's on a lot of meds, but lives an active life.
Leslie

Yes, oldest brother and younger sister. Oldest brother even more so, after his stunt at his grandson's wedding.

Middle brother and I are very close and we more resemble our mom then the other two. There's times I swear they both are adopted. Our parents weren't affluent, but we were comfortable and the folks never put on airs. OB and DS are totally obsessed with $$$$ and don't care who they climb over or hurt. Then DS wonders why I don't want to have much to do with her.

Their treatment of our mother while she was alive was abysmal and to hear them talk they treated her royally -- NOT!

Mom wasn't even dead yet, before the two of them started hauling things out of her house. Even more disgusting was sister constantly grilling mom about who she wanted "this to go to and that to go to." Grrr I could go on and on, but I'm sure everyone gets the picture.

It's been said that divorce and death bring out the worst in people, and I can attest to that.

Thanks Leslie for your advise.I just needed someone to say I should or shouldn't .Why?Because I love and miss her so so much.We have been very close and was the closes one in my family up to Nov.She accused me of telling something that I did not tell.She was the one that went around telling it,something that had to do with another family member.But to me nothing was so bad that to split us up.I have nearly raised her two children.But after she sent me this real nasty email in Nov I did as she requested and left her alone.I have prayed daily and ever nite and even cried myself a sleep because I miss her.I have another sis besides these two and 1 brother.Both mom and dad is dead.We were very abuse by father as we were growing up.None of them but my brother will go to the grave of my father and mother.I have had to keep it up for as flowers up till about 6 months ago when I started going down with my sickness.But since I am under care of a neurology I get around better,.The doctors told me my little blood vessels are closed or collasped and it makes my larger blood vessels work harded.My legs and feet are really black and the tips of my fingers.I am in much pain because it has effected my legs.They first called it raynaud;s disease but I have did some study and Raynaud's disease is a type of lupus or the other way around.Anyways I am suppose to go next week to a larger hospital in Birmingham and have a nerve test.Sorry I got off on this subject.If anyone has ever heard of this I would love some advise.Let me add I have a stint in my heart.I am 45 years old.I have read and read and Ashley too up on this and I really do not understand what I am reading.But Leslie thank you ever ever so so much.I am mailing the card today.Pray everone she accepts it and she will aleast tell me she does not hate me or I can hear from her.I am crying typing this.YOu can tell this hints a tender place in my heart.

Judy...I hope you're going to a Rhumatologist for your Lupus. It can be controlled, but you have to be carefully monitored by this kind of doctor, because your medicines will have to be changed every so often, and your blood tests need to be watched because of the medicines.

you know blood is thicker then water bet sometimes the blood can be so watered down its not even funny!
some people in my family wont speek to a few others and its cuz these few are stupid liers and have mental illness and on drugs! any ways i choose not to be around people like that! no matter who they are! family or not
sad but true!