My Psychologist Daughter has estranged herself from family
ohiomom2010
13 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (28)
asolo
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agopopi_gw
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Estranged Mother has Cancer
Comments (13)Hello, it is me again. I went to see her, and it went so-so. When I got there, she was recovering from her 1st round of chemo but after 2 days had to take her to the hospital as she got very ill. I honestly thought she might die and after speaking to her Dr privately he had the same feelings. My aunt was there taking care of her and at first I felt sorry for her. She has parkinsons and had travelled away from her own family to be there for my mother. My mother was not very kind to her at times. I stayed with my aunt at my moms house- and while my aunt and I were spedning alot of time alone together, due to mom being hospitalized she turned into a very ugly person. I explained alot about ym childhood and why I wasn't in contact with my mother. She began by telling me she was aware of the abuse- then she went onto bad mouthing my mother, calling her self centered, a liar, that basically she got what she deserved, and on and on. She was cussing and yelling. Later on she confessed to me that she had previously been addicted to morphine. And that her husband had done time for manufacturing meth. Now, I have had no dealings withthis woman until this and I felt very out of my element, as I have not been exposed to this type of person. She was acting paranoid and would not give me any privacy. A closed door to make a call to my husband would be met with questioning. I was able to speak to my mothers Dr and she grilled me over that. I could do on but you get the idea. On the last night I was there to stay I ended up having to leave in the middle of the night as I was afraid she might actually hurt me. Despite my aint's best efforts, I was able to get my mother alone for a bit and said goodbye to her. I told her I wish I had known her better but that she didn't make things easy. My aunt came in and interrupted that scene. I am not sure if going was the right thing to do. I got to say goodbye to my mother- but she never said sorry for anything, expressed any regrets at the estrangement, nothing. On top of that my aunt now hates me and does not call me or return my calls with updates of my mothers condition. I know she had a 2nd round of chemo and that she got sick again and is thinking of giving up. The situation goes on. It is killing me and I don't know what else to do. Nothing I suppose. While I was there I helped get a few things sorted out- bought a wireless wouter so she could look at her PC from her bed. I gave her a laptop. Not met with much appreciation. I signed her up for a support group but I don't think she ever looked at the site. I sent her a long and thoughtful email, offering her to come and die at my home in OK, detailed and offering to take care of everything for her. I was sitting there when she read it and she deleted it w/o a word. Now, I opned my heart and home to this womand and she can't even look at me and acknolwledge that? My husband thinks she should NOT come here at this point, and I have to agree, given how the visit went. I had no expectations she had changed, I have no idea why I threw myself 'out there' emotionally. I guess I felt it was the right thing to do. I do have concerns about my aunt and my moms aresenal or morphine, fentantyl and oxycontin but I have done all I can do. Thanks for letting me update. I will write more when there is more. Seeing an ill stranged parent sure is a mixed bag....See MoreEstrangement by daughter. My unusual story.
Comments (5)Saying it feels like your child has died is NOT an odd thing to say, I understand because estrangement from a daughter feels like a death. The pain and deep, deep intense grief is unspeakable, it feels like a death. @sunny12345 I wish for you to have peace and healing, our situations are similar in some ways, I have C-PTSD and that has definitely informed my parenting in ways that were not always ideal. I'm so glad that you are improving! I can't imagine being in so much pain and not being able to communicate well for so long, it must have been so hard to parent that way. I would do all you can to help your daughter understand what happened to you. I think the idea of a joint meeting with a counselor and neurologist is a great idea, keep trying! Hang in there, clearly you are a strong woman and I think there is an excellent chance that some day your daughter will see and understand this and come back to you....See MoreEstranged from my daughter
Comments (6)I'm sorry I can't think of a way to say this gently -- But it sounds like you have planned the rest of your life with a "me and my daughter" mentality, and the time for that mindset appropriately ended about 10 years ago. After a late start, it seems your daughter has managed to launch herself into a successful, independent adult life. And while it may not feel like it right now, that's a good thing and as it should be. For her, that is. Now what about you? Well, I'd say it's time to do the same -- Time to launch your own idependent adult life. You're no longer responsible for your child, only for yourself. And if you're healthy, you're far from old and still have many options. Where would you truly prefer to live? (Planning only for yourself -- NOT around your daughter.) Where can you afford to live now, work now, saving a bit each year? Forgive your daughter. Just turn around and walk away -- walking off in your own direction. Walk toward what you want, not away from her. And let her know you'll be happy to see her wherever, whenever....See Moreestrangement from mother/family
Comments (1)From what you wrote, and knowing yourself as you do, I have no idea why you accepted the caregiver roll in the first place -- even on a "trial" basis. However, you did do it "on trial" and the trial period has verified it's no-go. Other arrangements will have to be made for mom because you can't do it. No problem. That was acknowledged as a possibility going in. What I don't understand is how that translates into a unilateral decision on your part to estrange yourself from everyone beginning at once. Sorry, but that's weird. Given your personal situation, which I don't know the whole of, I can't say whether it's a "bad choice" or not. It does seem like an overboard response, however, and I have little doubt the rest of your family will see it that way, too. Your life. You get to handle it your way....See Moremvinings
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agogailyn
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agosirens
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agomvinings
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agosirens
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoohiomom2010
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoreadinglady
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agomvinings
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoreadinglady
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agomvinings
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoreadinglady
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoflowergardenmuse
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoflowergardenmuse
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoflowergardenmuse
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agorainstormredsmith
8 years agoblueheron
8 years agolookintomyeyes83
8 years agoPat Fogo
6 years agocolleenoz
6 years agoPat Fogo
6 years agoSuzieque
6 years agolam702
6 years ago
Related Stories
HOUZZ TOURSHouzz Tour: From Detached Garage to First Solo Studio
Postcollege, a daughter stays close to the nest in a comfy pad her designer mom created from the family's garage
Full StoryVACATION HOMESHouzz Tour: From Fixer-Upper to Family Ski Retreat
Budget-conscious remodeling over 2 years gives a family a comfortable second home in the mountains
Full StoryINSIDE HOUZZHouzz Prizewinners Take Their Kitchen From ‘Atrocious’ to ‘Wow’
A North Carolina family gets the kitchen they always wanted — and not a minute too soon — courtesy of the Houzz sweepstakes
Full StoryDISASTER PREP & RECOVERYHouzz Tour: Modern Farmhouse Emerges From Hurricane Sandy Devastation
A homeowner loses her cottage but gains a new energy-efficient, low-maintenance home
Full StoryHOUZZ TOURSHouzz Tour: New Tower Rises From a Midcentury Ranch House
An Austin homeowner and her architect expand on the original vision of A.D. Stenger, who designed the ’60s-era home
Full StoryFEEL-GOOD HOME12 Very Useful Things I've Learned From Designers
These simple ideas can make life at home more efficient and enjoyable
Full StoryCOTTAGE STYLELessons From Camp: Cottage Inspiration for Home
Embrace the bones, and 11 other design tips from a reborn summer camp in the woods of Wisconsin
Full StorySTUDIOS AND WORKSHOPSStudio Tour: A Painter’s View From on Top of the World
This colorful artist’s space in Australia sits up high and opens up to inspiring views of the Queensland rainforest
Full StoryLIFE5 Life Lessons We Can Learn From Italian Design
Discover how these core ideas of Italian life feed into the nation’s designs
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDESMy Houzz: Family Home Stays True to Style
A new mother creates a home that’s warm and welcoming for her daughter and yet still reflects her own taste
Full StorySponsored
asolo