I'm not in that position yet, but, those alert- alarm things that are advertised on TV, are something I would look into. They show elderly people wearing them around their neck. I wouldn't go that far, but I would take it with me in the car, or put it in a location where I could get to it. Such as a low table, etc.
Come to think of it, all the phones in the house are up on the wall in cradles. There would be no way of reaching a phone if I couldn't get up.
Thanks for the thought. I'm going to remedy that.

We should all make some sort of arrangements to be looked in on occasionally, and neighbors should have the phone number of someone to contact in our behalf, in an emergency.
Thanks for bringing this up.

Susan, I live alone and sometimes think of those things. I have good friends, but I don't "check in" with anyone regularly either. I am in a job (college professor) where the days are each very different and I can come and go at will. No one "supervises" me. So if I don't show up one day at work no one will notice for a few days--unless I miss a meeting or a class period. I do live close to work in an urban area, so there's little chance of me driving off the road into a lake or anything. But I could easily drop dead in the house and no one would find me for awhile. Well. . .onto more pleasant thoughts like what is for lunch!!

I have a DD living in the same town, but we don't live in each other's pockets. I got the first alert thing and wear it all the time, just in case......"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up."

I talk with my sister Marjorie when she is in town every day and my friend Donna also calls every night. When I take my dog for a walk at night - usually after 11pm I call someone to tell them I am going and call when I come home. I am never worried but it relieves their minds.

I kind of keep tabs on an elderly neighbour. I watch to see if her lights go off and on and if I notice her living room lights don't go off after 1 am I will go over.

While in the house I carry my cordless phone everywhere I go because I worry too about falling down the basement stairs.

My sister has her friend call her numerous times of day - they both live alone but the friend lives out of town. If Ruthann can't get hold of my sister she calls me to see if I have talked to my sister. Now my sister is unreachable sometimes because she takes the phone off the hook when she has a headache and then forgets to hang it back up. After a day of no contact I have my brother take me to her apartment building. Even then sometimes she doesn't answer her buzzer but I can easily get in to her buiding and go up to her apartment and knock on the door. My sister is prone to bad bouts of depression so we do worry when we don't hear from her.

I worry about my brother. He is a big man, and is diabetic. He never answers his phone. So the only way I know he is okay is to see if he has been on Facebook and when I see he has been on I am relieved.

My family has a code. If we need to get in touch with someone whether long distance or late at night we let the phone ring twice and hang up. We check our call display to see who has used the code. If my brother hears the 2 rings most of the time he will get in touch. I use it to let my sister know I am home late at night and to contact Ruthanne and my cousin who live out of town. Since I don't have long distance and they do they will call me back when they see my number. It works for us.

I am sure if my neighbours didn't see my dog outside or papers on my porch they would be concerned.

Good question Susan.

Anne

I'm in my seventies and normally don't live alone, but a couple of times a year, my husband may be away for a week or so and we don't have any relatives nearby. I make it a point to let my neighbors know that I will be alone and since I get dizzy sometimes, from meds, I also call my nearest neighbor and tell her when I am ready to take my evening shower. Then, I call again to let her know that everything went okay. If not, she would be over here to check within a few minutes. I also take the cordless phone with me when I go outside or to the bathroom. Maybe I'm taking too many precautions, but it works for me. I worked in the health care field for many years, and I've seen too many things happen. My mother-in-law had one of the devices that she wore around neck when she lived alone. She did fall a couple of times and could have been badly hurt. You are right to be concerned. Bettye/AZ

There are a lot of seniors who live in our building.
A few of them have a "daisy chain". One will call another and they call another, etc every morning. I think this is a great idea.

My mom and I talk daily. Seldom a day goes by where we don't.
I think if I didn't have laundry out on the balcony for very long, my neighbour would notice and might call! She always comments on the amount of laundry I do. LOL

I think of that. Nobody would know until I didn't show up at work, and even they wouldn't think much for awhile because I go from location to location a lot. I have lots of friends, but we don't talk on a daily basis.

It could be days before anyone would know I had a problem. Pretty pathetic, I guess.

Interesting question - and one that should concern those of us who live alone, especialy as we get elderly and perhaps more prone to sudden major illness, etc.

I often hear that someone, " ... fell and broke (usually "her") hip ...." In a number of cases, though, the weak hip bone let go ... and then s/he fell.

With regard to carrying that thingy around your neck (or on your arm like a wristwatch), please check with local people who are knowledgeable, but I think that they are like a cordless phone and connect through your house phone, thus do not operate if you are more than a few hundred feet, perhaps at most a quarter of mile, from your house phone.

Some time ago I had a phone service which allowed me an 800-series number, so when I was travelling, I'd phone that every few hours until my arrival at a destination, and my son knew the code to access it, so I could let him know where I was and how things were going. I don't have it any more, unfortunately.

I said a while ago that many of us who live alone should have at least one phone moveable, on a table, etc., for if we broke a leg and were lying on the floor but able to crawl, a phone on the wall might about as well be on another planet.

My son and a friend have arranged a cell phone for me, and I am to carry it with me, not only when travelloing near home, but when in my home or near it.

I've said for a while that it would be useful for a group of friends to pre-arrange a call list of three or four, to call in a pre-arranged sequence, which changed according to a list, that they should call each morning ... and if the last person on the list doesn't get a call by, say, 10 a.m., s/he starts calling back along the list as pre-arranged for that week, to see where the break happened.

By the way - if you have an arrangment where you are to call someone, or have your emergency system's operator call three or four friends in sequence ... better arrange to have a house key either hidden near you in an unusual place (not under the doormat) or for each of them to have a key ...

... if you don't want to have a door or window broken in case they get a call from the lifeline operator.

Some years ago I suggested to some friends who'd moved into a seniors' apt bldg., who said that if their neighbour tapped on the wall that they could hear it, that the first person to go to bed at night should tap on the wall, and they tap back, and that arrangement with the neighbour on the other side, as well ... then in the morning, that the last person to get up should tap again, with the person on the other side to tap back, which would allow them a check on one another twice a day.

I don't know whether any of them followed that suggestion.

Good wishes for continued good health ... well, as good as may be possible, under the circumstances.

ole joyful

After my dd grew up and left home my bff and I agreed to stay in touch morning and night just for that reason and we did every single day. We worked together so we saw each other every night on midnight shift, but we checked in twice daily when we weren't working. Also, when my grandmother was alive I stopped by to see her almost every morning after leaving work and called her when I didn't go see her. I called again in the afternoons. I worry about people living alone.

I don't live alone, but I am alone all day. My girls all call me everyday, starting in the morning. So if they don't reach me by 9 or 9:30 they would be looking me up. That reminds me I just got home and the Sheriff's car was across the road at my 95 year old neighbor's home. So he came to my door and told me who he was and he said he was officer so and so and he checks on my elderly neighbor quite often and she was afraid I would think something was wrong with him being there. Now wasn't that nice of him to check on her and then drive over to my home and tell me.

Sue

It certainly does happen. I used to call my mom twice a day to check on her and remind her to take her meds. A few years ago I couldn't reach her for the first call but figured she had gone to lunch with her friend. I called repeatedly all afternoon, by suppertime got worried. I called her friend; she had not taken Mom to lunch. I called my brother and my sons; they hadn't, either. Since I live more than an hour away, I called my son again and told him to check on Grandma while I drove quickly to meet them. He found her sitting on her dining room floor, wearing only soiled panties. She was completely disoriented, didn't even recognize my son. He called 911.

Mom had apparently fallen the evening before, just after my call; she said she was going to shower. She spent the whole night until 7 PM the next day on the floor. She never could explain why she was in the DR and was never able to return home. She has no recollection of the event, drs think she simply lost her balance, couldn't get up, and became dehydrated.

So, yes, make those phone calls! I feel very guilty about not following up earlier that day.

I don't live alone, so I know my husband would be alarmed if I didn't show up pretty regularly. But I have a single friend with lupus who has a fear of falling in her apartment. She keeps her cell phone in a pocket at all times. She has taken a couple of falls and has had to phone 911 for help. can't think of any other method.

Quite a few years ago, I thought of starting a business where I would call seniors whose families didn't live near to check that they were all right. I still think it would have been a good thing. I used to call my father twice a day, after my mother passed away, for that same reason and this was long distance, but well worth it to me and to him, also, Of course this was before we got cell phones and the alert things.

After I developed atrial fibrilation ,and it always comes with no warning, I got a cell phone and I have it pinned on my clothes all the time. So wherever I go, it goes as well.

I have had to use it a few times to call to my son,who was out of hearing distance but in the same house.

I don't think it is foolish or strange to think of these things. I think it is common sense.

I often think about this for my mom who's 74 today. She's close enough for me, but not around the corner (40 mins away) should anything happen. My mom doesn't go out much since she's basically a loaner, so if something happened to her, no one around her would really know even though she lives in a row home but keeps her car in the garage. She does forward emailed jokes on an almost daily basis so when I don't get one for two days, it's a red flag. That's why I don't complain at all about the endless bad joke emails she sends.

I call her twice a week to see how she is, but I don't visit often for numerous reasons that I won't go into.

Though she does have some health problems that are controlled and a bad back, my biggest fear is her cat getting under foot and her falling especially while going up or down the stairs. It's happened before.

I will, more than likely, have to talk with a neighbor (though I don't know them) to keep an eye on her or notice if her mailbox gets full if she's not seen for 2-3 days.

Two or three days is a long time to sit on the floor, perhaps with a broken leg, debi. Even though I called twice a day, my mom sat for about 24 hours because she fell shortly after my last call. Had I been diligent about the morning call, at least it would have been only 10 or 12 miserable hours, not 24.

My mom's cell phone and land-line were both out of reach because she was preparing to shower. I don't think there is a fool-proof solution.

I don't live alone and I think of those 'what if's' all the time. My kids just think I'm a worrier. I think it's kind of natural and if I lived alone it would bother me more.

I'm not sure though what you can do about it since you don't have cell reception at home. My only suggestion is to email whichever kids stays up the latest at night to let them know you're home safe and tucked in for the night.

Of course then they'll call you a worrier too.

Hi Debi,

I'm not quite sure what to make of your Mom, as being a "loaner" ...

... as I understood that to be the kind of designation that one makes for the car they lend you from the dealership while fixing yours.

Don't know how it works with people, though.

A "loner", however ...

... is a different kettle of fish: one of those people who sort of keeps to themselves.

ole joyful

I don't live alone, but I'm sure at some point in my life I probably will. You have reason to be concerned. My MIL (age 85) does live alone and I make it my business to stay in touch with her, plus she has several brothers/sisters that stay in touch. Her son lives in GA and bless his heart (yeah right!!)..he calls her EVERY Sunday night. She seldom hears from him during the week. Guess he's busy being retired and all!:( His wifes brother died a year or so ago. He was dead over a week before anyone found him..and she got upset because no one called to check on him! I guess her dialing finger was broke!:)

There is a solution if you have nice neighbors.

My grandmother, who passed away about four years ago, lived alone, but was quite active into her late 80s. She had a nice neighbor who would call to check on her if she hadn't spotted Grandma out in the yard earlier in the day, or saw that the mail/paper hadn't been picked up. She would also occasionally bring the mail to my Grandma's front door and do a glance around the inside of the house. This neighbor had my phone #s and would call me if anything looked amiss, even if Grandma told her everything was okay.

I realize not everyone has good neighbors like this, but IMHO, this is the best solution, if you can get it.

I hope that the neighbors would notice if my mom didn't open or close her curtains at the appropriate time, or didn't pick up her paper. (I live in another state.) Between the three of us siblings, I hope one of us talks to every day, which is almost always the case. I call almost every day and worry when I don't get to the phone on some days.

Cherryfizz--when I take the phone off the hook for a nap I place it on the corner of the kitchen table, almost ready to fall. That way my eye is caught when I next walk past. Your sister might try this.

My son and I usually email every day, or close to it, and if we skip a few days he'll call to make sure I'm okay. He lives only four miles away, and is planning to build a house a few hundred feet down the road from me.

It doesn't take much to make my daughter think of me as a worrier, but I think when I'm older (I'm 67) they'll both be happy to touch base with me regularly. Maybe by then our schedules won't be so different, too. Right now they both leave for work very early in the morning, and go to bed much earlier than I do at night.

A friend's older brother died alone in his apartment, 100 miles from the nearest relative. His family called him all weekend, and finally asked the police to break in. He had tons of health issues, and didn't take care of himself at all. So his siblings were always worried about him.

Sometimes I forget that I'm alone at home and I'm alone at work. I have co-workers for the first hour after I arrive, but for the next four hours I'm the only employee here. In summer, I'm usually the only person here. (Being an only child provided valuable practice, but thank heavens for the Internet.) :-)

I see the spelling police are out. Gee whiz, probably my first mistake ever on this board in term of using the wrong spelling of a word. Thanks for pointing that out!

Loner....yes, loaner, no.

Sorry if you felt that I was being a bit heavy handed, Debi.

I try to be rather light-hearted about life, much of the time (as well as having some serious concerns).

I try not to take myself too seriously.

ole joyful

I'm 73 and live alone. I e-mail my DD right before I go to bed and e-mail her when I get up in the morning. She sleeps better knowing I made it to bed and back up the next day.

I used to think about that when I lived alone. I still carry my cell phone everywhere - including leaving it right next to the shower - just in case I fall or have another sort of emergency. And I'm only 52 and not much of a worrier at all. It just seems sensible to me.

It's tough if you don't have cell phone service at home, though. Would you consider carrying a cordless phone?

On the flip side, my aunt stopped talking to her son, my cousin, because he tried to check on her. All my family attended my brother's wedding, but my aunt never made it to the reception, which was only a 10-minute drive from the church. My cousin called and called her house and she didn't answer the phone, so he called the police to ask them to check on her. She was so upset and embarrassed that she stopped speaking to him for years. No one - even my mother - could persuade her that he'd done the right thing. She was an odd woman.:)

Many years ago, my maternal grandmother (who did not work) was at home and my grandfather had left for work. Shortly after he left the house, the doorbell rang, and my grandmother walked towards the front door to see who was there (she thought that perhaps my grandfather had forgotten something, although he had a key to the door). A small area rug was on the hardwood floor, and as my grandmother stepped onto it, the rug slipped, my grandmother lost her balance and fell - hard - to the floor. She broke her hip, was in horrible pain, but could not get up or move at all. She ended up staying there, in a heap on the floor, until my grandfather returned home from work at the end of the day.

So, it's not just folks who live alone who should think about these things...

One month from tomorrow I will be 86 and I live alone, and have for 27 years since my DH died.

I don't have a cell phone, or that MedAlert thing, because except for that one happenstance that I might need it, I consider they are a waste of money.

My DD lives about 5 miles away; we email and talk on the phone occasionally, and she comes out every Sunday "just because." I have given a couple neighbors her phone numbers in case of an emergency. In the Winter I don't venture out a lot so my neighbors wouldn't notice much different around my house.

I am not a worrier, don't even understand that concept. Calling at a regular time to check doesn't mean that five minutes after that I might fall or some other problem could happen.

I take whatever precautions I think are worthwhile; I don't like the idea but I make my self use a cane when I am out (bad back, both knees replaced, arthritis, sciatica, etc.)

There is no way we can cover all bases. I prefer to keep on keeping on, and whatever happens, happens. Most of the time it won't be something so awful.

Relax, really.

Sue

I'm 42 and live alone. This subject just came up last week when I nearly electrocuted myself in the basement.

I was installing a new dryer & cord and accidentally forgot to turn the power off at the breaker. I got a big shock which hurt like hell and burned my finger.

Long story short, when I told my parents (who live 2,000 miles away) about this, they asked if anyone checks on me.

Honestly no. When I'm at home, my car is in the garage so no one knows if I'm here or not. I currently work from home, so there isn't an office of people who would miss me.

What scares me is that I have 2 dogs. I've read horrible stories about an owner dying and the animal had to eat the owner or starve to death. I keep a loaf of bread on the kitchen counter, which under normal circumstances my German Shepherd won't touch. But maybe in a crisis he would and not starve!

Long story short, Mom asked for my neighbors phone number and my best friends phone number. Mom & I send text messages to each other every-day. I told her if she goes 24 hours without a text to call my neighbor. They have the code to my garage door and my house keys for emergencies.

But like a lot of people said above, our society and communication has changed. Because of garages, air conditioning, TV and computers, we really don't know if anyone is inside their house or not, unless we case the house. Someone mentioned newspapers. People in my neighborhood don't get a real newspaper, they read news online. People don't sit on their porches here either.

One good thing about snow in the winter is you can tell if someone has fresh tire tracks leading from their garage, meaning they must have left the house recently.

You're not alone, I think of this too!

My husband and I both had aunts who fell and both were not discovered for two days. They were in their late 70's , I think and both had broken bones. It's a scary situation.

Pawprint mentioned something that I've felt bad about, for a long time.

Ever since 9-11 I've felt horrible for the animals that the owners left behind. Anything can happen in a split second and it breaks my heart thinking of their pets being left alone and helpless.

No worries, ole joyful. Guess I was in a mood when I typed that. I know you to be light-hearted. I quietly pick up on such errors when others make them too.

I don't think I have ever posted here but enjoy reading your many topics. When my sweet mother started being very frail and couldn't always get to her phone, I encouraged her to get the medic-alert system for my own piece of mind. Even though I called her several times a day as I worked 8-5 M-F, I was continually worried about her. She wore a little necklace everywhere: in the shower, while she slept, etc. On a few occasions she accidentally pressed the alert in the middle of the night or when she napped on the couch. The company was always right on and talked with her over the intercom asking her if she was alright. I was always amazed as this intercom was in the opposite part of her house as her bedroom and she could easily hear them and they could easily hear her. Additionally, it never seemed to scare or upset her when she did this. And, I think she was more comfortable knowing this was available. We kept it available for her ($30 a month) till she passed away in the hospital. Keep in mind, there is no number to dial or having to turn it on. I would recommend it to anyone. Also, they were to contact me first if no response and they had all my phone numbers. Then, they would contact my brother. My mother could have never used a cell phone yet she wanted to live at home. It took a lot of team work with my brother and our families, but we made it work. There's no place like home!

Oh dear..This story line reminds me of what happened with a friend of my sisters father. He lived in AZ (most of family in MN)in one a communities with mobile homes and came a went all the time so it wasn't unusual for him to be gone and out of touch with friends and family. After 3 weeks of no one hearing from him they sent police to his home. He had been dead from a heart attack all that time. Everything had to thrown out, including his mobile home.

I once had a neighbor who was in his 90s. He was a grouchy old guy who did not try to be friends with anyone. His DDs told me he had been saying for 30 plus years that he was going to kill himself by carbon monoxide poisoning. It was a hot August time and I hadn't seen him around for several days. I got a call at work from police who told me he was dead. He had shot himself several days before. A company that specializes in that kind of cleaning spent a couple of days getting the bacteria off all his furnishings and possessions so his DDs could remove his belongings from the rental. The cleaning people removed some carpeting and padding, etc. After the apartment was painted and had new carpet and padding it was as good as new. It is the bacteria that causes the horrible smell of a rotting corpse.

In good health or poor, its a good idea to wear a med-alert pendant if you live alone. A second best would to be a phone call on a daily basis to a close friend or confidant. Either person may initiate the call.

Our Aunt Marian lives in a retirement community and she has an agreement with her neighbor that the first thing they do in the morning is to open the blinds in the kitchen window and close them in the evening...that way they each know the other is OK....

Easy to do and doesn't cause any kind of burden on either one of them. I know some of the AARP groups have phone groups who call a few people each day. They have enough volunteers that anyone only has to call two or three people.

Medic alert is nice but I think there are probably people who can't afford the service.

i was so grateful when my mother had the flu so bad she couldn't take care of herself, she had a neighbor i could call. (and did)i was about to call 911, long distance, but thanks be found her telephone #..it was pretty scary...

i would hope everyone would have some sort of buddy system, even if it was as crazy as the two cyber pals who met playing one of the on-line games...the one gal was in distress and the other saved her, by calling for help...

independence is wonderful, but being taken care of in that fleeting second is better...

remember if you do have a cell phone, to list one of the names with i.c.e. (in case of emergency)

I live alone for two or three weeks out of the month, since my husband's work necessitates him being away that long. He calls me several times a day and my friend who I rehab with calls me every day...but my phone doesn't pick up very good out here in the boondocks, and so I usually just leave it in my truck. I could die and be eaten by the wild hogs, alligator and possums, and no one would know for at least a couple of days before they got concerned and came looking for me.

I live alone and it might be a couple days till someone would get worried. I have had medical problems and for a while I had an arrangement with my sister that if I didn't call her by a certain time every day, she was to call me and if I didn't answer she'd come over and check on me. I wouldn't have been able to push a button or use the phone to get help. My schedule isn't regular enough for neighbors to notice a change, plus I'm in my 20's and they probably wouldn't assume the worst.

I have been alone for three years now. My daughter calls every day, sometimes three or four times, but she lives in NYC so it would be difficult for her to check up on me physically. My next door neighbor lost her husband recently and she and I watch out for each other.

Remember this post?

Jonathan Metz tried to saw his arm off to free himself from being stuck in his boiler in basement.

Didn't have a phone near him when he got stuck. WOW.

And we just talked about this!!!!!!!!!

Here is a link that might be useful: Jonathan Metz's Arm Was Stuck In Boiler For Days

I saw that on tv. I don't think I would have been able to do that. Wow. Makes you think, doesn't it?

This sure makes me think I should tie my cellphone around my neck. It's funny, no matter how prepared I always try to be, sometimes I'm not. Who prepares to get their arm stuck? I know I haven't - even though I do odd jobs around my house.

I do prepare for the big projects and have a phone close by, but not everything I do.

I got scared when I heard about that guy who got his arm stuck in his furnace and then nearly amputated it. I would have waited a few days, hoping someone would miss me. Just Sunday I reached under the front seat of my car to retrieve my cell phone and found my arm stuck. I had enough presence of mind to push the car seat bar and free myself. Though my husband was just a few feet away and I could have hollered. Yes, my voice works fine.

OK, I guess this is not the thread to read over lunch.
I know someone who worked in geriatric medicine and used to accompany the police on welfare checks. She's in a large metro area, but she told me that it is extremely common for several days to pass and for the postal carrier to report concern. "Once you see the flies on the inside of the windows, you know."
It is definitely the being alive, but incapacitated and in pain part that is worrisome - other than concern for pets, of course.