Melanie, I know exactly how you feel. When I found out that there was no way for me to carry a child I had the same feeelings. Of course, that is when it seemed like all I saw were pregnant women and abandoned babies averywhere. We ended up adopting but I will never forget those feelings.

I would bet there is a support group for your situation. Have you tried googling one? I don't know about you, but when I'm miserable commiseration helps me quite a bit. Somehow this sounds a little flip but I don't mean it that way at all. I love kids so much that if I had been in your shoes I feel like I would have gone bonkers. After my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, I was so afraid I'd never have any kids because my mom had sooooo many miscarriages. I really hope you can find someone to talk to who understands.

My heartfelt sympathy, Melanie. I was never able to conceive due to a blocked tube on the side of my remaining functioning ovary. (One ovary removed during surgery to investigate a cyst.) Infertility is a terrible life blow.

Today, that chocolate cyst would not be cause for surgery. Today, I could become pregnant with in vitro. However, today I'm seventy, with a wonderful (adopted) DS and two grandchildren. Still, I will never forget how I felt when a gynecologist completed a salpingiogram, said, "You'll never have children," and walked out, leaving me on the examining table. That's not a day or a time in my life that I like to remember.

I haven't felt *jealousy*, just staggering grief for several years over the child that would never be. I mourned. It is still one of my life's sorrows, but there have been others, and I have survived.

RESOLVE is a self-help group that you might contact.

Although many of the group's members go on to adopt, it's wise to work on resolving the grief over the never-was child before moving on. Adoption isn't a 'cure' for infertility.

Melanie, I am so sorry. A sadness that deep touches one's soul. Bless your sweet heart.

Melanie, do a google search for PCOS and iodine. I've linked one website for you. You can go to Curezone too and read about successes with iodine treatment. Yes, most doctors won't recommend you take iodine in these doses .. but there are many who do!

Email me if you decide to try it, I've been doing some research and have been taking mg doses for a few weeks now (for other problems, not PCOS).

Here is a link that might be useful: PCOS and iodine

Melanie - I can relate to what you are going through. My husband and I were married nearly 10 years before I gave birth to our one and only son. Although my problems were different ( sepetate utuerus and problems ovulating), I felt the same way many times. I actually conceived 2 other times (I think 3) but miscarried. At one point my next door neighbor was very pregnant at the time I miscarried and she didn't want the pregnancy. She went with me to the doctor and the next week, I was with her when she gave birth. Go figure.

Do find yourself a good Reproductive Endocrinologist. Don't spend time on just a OB with fertility training. You need to get to someone who can take you through the tests quickly and work to solve the problems in a realistic manner. It wasn't until I found one that things started happening for us.

RESOLVE is a good organization to help you deal with the issues. I was active in helping a group get started in San Antonio, TX way back in the 80's.

Please find someone to talk with. Its hard cause others who have never been in the situation cannot relate to the feelings.

I consider my son (now nearly 31) a miracle. After he was born, I next conceived again.

Good luck!

I'm so sorry for your aching heart. Good luck on your RN boards.

Melanie - I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of these emotions. You know you can come here and get a sympathetic ear. I don't know any magic words to help but just know that I feel for you.

Honey, I am so sorry. I can understand the feelings. I only have one, and it's by choice, but when I see women having more I get those feelings too. I'd imagine for you they are much worse though, and I really have no complaints as I could have more but don't feel I have (time, energy, money, etc) to support more children.

Know you aren't alone and more women than you'd imagine have similar feelings. Hugs ((((Melanie)))))

Hugs for you, Melanie. My SIL went through this very thing. She had endometriosis, PCOS, did invitro to conceive both her kids, etc. Turns out it was her husband with the issue. She found this out after she got divorced, met someone else and got pregnant with her third the first time they had intercourse. She used no protection b/c she always thought she had to do invitro to conceive. What a surprise!

Blessings,
Haley

I can understand your frustration. We had several years of treatment(and finally success) but I'll never forget the agony of seing women getting preganant when they didn't want it and me wanting to with all my heart and not being able too. It's more painful than others know, like so many physical problems it finally leads to mental stress too. You can vent here, as you see your not alone. I hope you consider adoption, I have several good friends who have adopted children and they couldn't love them anymore than if they had given birth.
I agree, skip the ob doc and go straight to a specialist when you can. From my experience they cost the same and work faster to the goal.
(Melanie)

There is nothing I can say, I can imagine just how hard it is. ((((((((((Melanie))))))))))

There is nothing I can say to ease your pain.
I'm thinking of you also!

Can't say I know exactly how you feel, but when I was told I had to have a hysterectomy at age 47, I suddenly had this awful feeling of loss. I had one daughter who was a teenager at the time, and the idea was totally stupid at my age. But I really grieved (and cried) about it.

I hope you can find it in your heart to be happy for your pregnant friends/family. We're all hoping your day will come and then they will be happy for you, too.

glad you took the courage to post and share. do so anytime you feel the need...we will read...(((melanie sc))))

Thank you all. My cousin had a beautiful baby girl named Gracelynn Marie today at 3 09 pm. I am very happy for her because I know she is a good mom (and her dh will be good dad) and I Love her(cousin by marriage). My friend is being induced tomorrow and I am happy for her to because I know they are good parents as well. I am doing better tonight, I just have my days when I am sad and everyone is around me pregnant or have new babies. I am going to research for a support group I think that might be a good idea.

I think I have been down more in the last couple months because there are other issues here. My sil and her brat lazy ADHD bipolar 13 year old son have been living with us since Jan....and I am waiting sooooo patiently lol for them to move and get outta my house......anyways thats another story lol...

Hugs and ty you all for the ear or eyes rather. I feel better that I could actually write my problem out. It really is theraputic to do so..

At this point, concentrate on passing your RN boards. That's very important and can help you for the rest of your life.

Should you find that pregnancy is out of the question (Heaven forbid) have you considered adoption? I know this may not satisfy your maternal instincts that is driving you up the wall, but give it some thought. Having RN after your name makes you more marketable and puts you in a better position to consider a child, be it a natural birth or adopted.

It sounds like you're really struggling. I think your feelings of jealousy are normal. And good for you for understanding and being able to speak to what you are going through.

I know what you are going through. I tried 7 years for a baby. Finally went to a doctor who found I had two problems- anemia and trichomoniasis (an STD with sometimes few symptoms). Both were treated and within 7 months I did find myself pregnant. Please get to a gynecologist. I'm not saying a fertility specialist, a plain old OBGYN. Good luck, there are so many like you.

Jemdandy, Yes right now my main focus is studying for my boards, even though thoughts of a pregnancy pop up. Luckily I am mature enough to know that I do need to pass my boards before I do become pregnant, even though it would be a blessing if I did. I know that I need to have an established career and be able to take care of a child properly. Believe it or not. I am generally happy, I have a wonderful wonderful loving caring husband who supports me no matter what and wonderful parents. I do struggle through thoughts of not getting pregnant and my age bothers me but I am dealing. I allow myself times when I can cry and then I have to pull up my big girl panties and move on. I try not to let this control my life, I have other things that need to be done and accoplished (rn). There are just days that I do get down, but I don't let myself get so down that I can't snap out of it. If I got to that point I would be going to a Dr for emotional help but I am not there.
I have started working out. I have cut out all soda, which is a BIG thing to me cause thats all I drank was coke zero was going through a 24 case in 2 days, now I drink ONE soda in the morning and water the rest of the day. So I am proud of myself for that. I am also proud that I am dieting and making myself work out. I have talked to myself( yes I lecture and talk to myself lol) that I need to be healthy, because I do not want to be fat and pregnant, I want to be healthy and pregnant. So I also pray. I pray alot and ask God for a baby in any fashion (adoption, pregnancy whatevery) but to allow it to happen when its my time. Its not my time, and I know this, I know God has plans for me, even though that doesn't lessen the pain, I know that there is a plan for me and I just have to live day to day finding out what it is. It has taken me many years to understand that the world was not going to stop cause I was upset or mourning the thought that I couldnt have a baby. I finally realize that only I can let myself get depressed and only I can pull myself out of it and live my life to the best of my ability. I am generally healthy besides PCOS and occasional asthma I have no other health problems.

Thanks everyone for letting me vent, It really did help and I am sure I will have more occasions when I am down about it.

When I was married for 3 years in 77 and still wasnt pregnant I went to my doctor who I had been going to since I had been about 13. I was 25 and I wanted a baby. I had never had a regular period. He put me on Provera, to regulate my period. I only used it one time, 5 or 10 pills amd I got pregnant. I also had cysts on my ovaries. Then a few years later I tried again and it didnt work. I had told my son he would never have a brother or sister. In 85 I got pregnant again without any help from the doctor and had a girl. Good Luck to you and I will pray for you. Good Luck on your boards too.