Thank you, Don---you are great and of course, you're even cuter than the darlin' dancer I mentioned earlier!!!!! :o) I think that video just takes all the sadness, worry, pain and greyness of so much of this world and puts everything into perspective for a few minutes! I come away feeling young again! Maybe some of you would like to share what it is that makes you feel young at heart or just plain HAPPY?! (I know what makes Jan happy-----WING-WALKING!!!!!!!)

forgive me for being a realist, but, when a woman gets married, it isn't asking too much that her husband consider her feelings, lifts a finger in regards to her security and the stability that everyone, male or female, needs when they realize that they are aging. I mean, a couple in their 40's! Who wants to continue growing old with someone who wouldn't even assist in the basic aspiration of owning a home? I guess he wants them to live in an old age home or be at the mercy of landlords who could decide to do anything with the property they are currently living on. Coming to think of it, I am sure this guy is expecting their daughter to take care of them in old age. He sounds selfish enough to naturally expect that, making no effort to secure himself and then burdening her, really shouldn't be considered a burden for her. There are billions of men on this earth, alot of them are capable of much better. At the end of the day, this woman needs to ask herself (considering that she could simply get another man), if there is anything sooo noble and great about this guy, that paying with her lifetime of happiness, peace and security is worth it in the end. There is no punishment as horrible as laying at the end of your days regretting that you didn't live a happy life, and for nothing. He is choosing to be selfish, he has no disorder, but laziness, selfishness and a strong controlling nature to prevent him being questioned. He is literally making her pay with her life for having fallen in love with him, and marrying him 10 yrs ago. No man is worth a lifetime of sacrifice to end up with nothing at all. And further she isn't his mother, he isn't a little boy, he has reached his 40's with this attitude. He is unyealding when questioned, I just think that beating the therapy horse will just encourage him to exhibit his usual 'yes man' strategy to get her off his back, like when she gave him the unlimatum, there will be no positive actions following his "apparent" agreeable reaponse. I think that distance, and time to find herself after being buried for so long is not too much to ask, as a matter of act it is in full order.

Brutuses...love your colors! Thanks for the picture...will go to the BM store and check it out...will keep you posted. KSWL, would love to hire a decorator....beleive me the thought has crossed my mind. The problem is I can't afford one...this is our first home and unfortunately, every nickle and dime is going into our new home. In fact I would love to purchase new furniture for our new home...just can't do it. That's why I'm obsessing w/ paint color....this is the least expensive decorating touch that I can do. Graywings....I know the BM stores offer consultaion, been there many times. The problems is I have a toddler and an infant w/ me at all times. With the relocation don't have any babysitters. So, you can see why I was asking for some help.....Thanks again.

Dear all, Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I know I wrote a long post, but mkroopy, I do not expect everyone would understand my position in a short post. Thank you Sylviatexas, Readinglady and Justmetoo. You have been very understanding. In explanation to my position : 1. Before I got married, my parents had warned me that is anything were to happen (Inter-racial marriages in my country had boast issues like this before) I am not to return home crying when my marriage fail. I know my parents loved me and meant well, they only warned me of what would happen and they were absolutely right. but they are now retired, I cannot bear to burden them with my issues. If I am to find money, it will be on my own responsibility. 2. Like I mentioned above, by Muslim law, a wife can only divorce her husband for several reasons. You can refer to this : "Men have the right to divorce. If a man dislikes keeping his marriage for any reason, he divorces his wife and compensates her financially by paying her what is termed mut'a payment. This is in addition to the regular financial sustenance for her living, in case she has the custody of their children. Divorce becomes in effect once the husband utters or writes down any of the legal formulae of divorce such as: �I divorce you� or �you are divorced��etc. The husband can do these either by himself or through a messenger. In case it is the woman's desire to end the marriage, the situation becomes different. Her reasons might be that she has received ill treatment, the husband is unable to sustain her financially or he is sexually impotent. She can prove these defects in front of the judge, then the judge grants her divorce with a full access to all her financial rights. Also, if the husband was good to her but she does not want to keep on for an emotional reason, then she asks for what is termed khul'. This means to be granted divorce but without any access for financial rights, plus paying back the husband the dowry that he already paid on marrying her." I have made it clear to my husband that I don't want anything from him if he divorces me, but it seems like he is smart, he knows I won't be able to find a reason to divorce but for emotional reasons. I'm sure do hope that I'm wrong; I hope he doesn't want my money, after all his late wife did leave some for him. I am just like a pawn, I am only to suffer in a position where there is nothing I can do. 3. To Justmetoo, the solution you proposed was exactly what I did. Like I mentioned above, after my parents told me to ignore her coz eventually she will leave, I did exactly that. I ignored her. I stopped whatever I did before ie.plates to the dishes, pick up your mess, ask for permission first, spend your money wisely, you don't need another concert etc, MY HUSBAND DEEMED ME UNCARING. And again I say, I had established an understanding that I am not going to do anything anymore to make it better with her, unless she starts to do so herself. This are how things are now, she doesn't need my permission for anything, and in fact even if she does ask me, it is because she was told to by her father. And even if she did, it was, "I'm going out now, Ok Annie?" or "I'm going to borrow the bathtub, OK?" or "Can you send me to my friend's house later?" I know because her father asks her to do so, she knows I was the one who made the changes in the first place, so she behaves worst. 4. About her mother's things, you are terribly right. It was definitely my fault for clearing up the things. I just couldn't bear to live in the bedroom, which is the house under he name willed to the daughter (we are moving out sometime in 2013, AT LAST =( ) with no where to put my things. I felt really not at peace living here, everywhere I look it was just her possessions and reminders of her. Like I said, my Husband seemed very ignorant about how I felt. He had in fact mentioned I didn't know her and had no rights to hate her. She cheated on him and I didn't, I still don't understand why I get treated as if I was the one who did him wrong. I hate her terribly, It was because of what she did, that my husband is bitter and refused to clear up the mess. It was his responsibility and he dutifully neglected it and left me with the bitter consequences. I was told that the daughter was not very close to the parents. In fact, with both working adults and one spending too much time with someone else, a lot of things were left to other people to be responsible for. The maid handles a lot of things and she was given all she wanted so she wouldn't whine and cause troubles to her parents. Most definitely, I read her blog and she wrote that "my mum bullies me and don't support me" and "I didn't cry when mummy died." In fact, there wasn't an issue at all, until I came in the house. God knows what did she realize, but I doubt she appreciated her mother much until she realized someone else became the new woman in the house. The only thing I can think of now, is to live like nothing happened. Ignorance is not my forte, my blood boils to see her mess and her unthoughtful attitude about eating her share of food at home. It's makes me terribly sad that my husband says I don't care for either of them. I would have to save up my money wisely, study hard and start building a better life for myself in the future. Meanwhile, I would just have to take everything thrown at me. PS : My husband has mentioned in the past the one thing he wont tolerate is cheating and that consents a divorce. I can't do that, and even if I faked it, the bad would just be reflected on me. My husband is very smart of pretending like everything is beautiful and on cloud 9 in front of people. No one would believe of his character or assume something is wrong with our marriage.