I have been trying as hard as I can to change the way I feel about my DH and his "laziness". The reason I am having trouble is, he was forced into retirement in October, and I still work full time. I thought that after the inital shock of his being home wore off, he might be a big help to me.
While I am at work, I thought that maybe he could do some things around the house that we never had time for before.
Instead, here we are, 7 months later, and I go to work every day and come home every day to find that he has done nothing.
Now, I don't expect him to just do things on his own (God forbid)....we have made a list and he even agreed that things need to get done, but he never does them.
I love the man, but I am feeling more and more resentful every day.
So....I am trying to change my thought pattern about him and realize that he will never be handy.

Clubm, what is yours???

Mine, is trying to set a schedule for chores and stick to it, rather than getting distracted by more "fun" things around the house.

At the present time I try to remember to hold my left shoulder back. It is still in the protective mode and it is waaaayyy to up front and a bit higher than my right.

Other than that I try to think positive.

Let's see....I stopped smoking after many years so that's
not a habit any longer. I'm trying to eat a bit healtier
so that'a another thing a trying to change at this point.
Trying to stop saying the F word when something goes wrong.
Getting things done around here between working and wanting
play time when I'm off is tough. I could probably think of more things give me a little more time.lol

I am trying to get my nails in good shape. Both fingernails and toenails. Both are disgraceful.....

One week of emery boards, a nail buffer, and cuticle pushing has made a bit of a difference...it's WORKING!

I repeat myself too much. I had a friend for many years that has OCD. She repeated everything over and over and I picked up the habit. It's very embarrasing when someone says, "you said that 4 times".
dilly-dally,
Don't change that habit. You'll never be sorry you chose fun over chores.
Donna

Oh, Donna, that is the same problem I have - repeating myself. My mother did it and it drove me crazy but I think I inherited from her. It's so very embarrassing when someone says "you've already said that before." I've gotten in to the habit of when talking to someone I ask "remind me if I'm repeating myself." It tends to take away some of the sting when someone says yes, you've already said that."

sephia,
Sometimes I've said it 4 times before someone calls me on it. I wish I could stop repeating. I must sound like a parrot. LOL
Donna

I don't pay attention when my husband is talking. He'll tell me something and ten minutes later I forget what he said.

I'm hoping that one of these days I can do something to cut down on my habit of procrastinating.

Hi declansmom,

Was your husband deeply resentful about being forcibly retired? Is it continuing in active mode?

Is he feeling that he should be looking for work, as either he is too young to be content to be retired ... or feels that he needs to earn more in order to be financially comfortable in retirement?

If so, has he been/is he looking for work?

How long do you expect to continue working before you will be/can choose to retire?

How does he feel about the list of things that he should be doing around the home ... did he have some input into its manufacture ... does he feel that it was imposed on him, without much input on his part?

Does he feel that they're more than he knows how to do ... is interested in doing?

Can you discuss the situation without one or the other getting emotionally wrought up? Or should that be, " ... one ... then the other ... getting emotionally wrought up?"?

What does he say when you ask him, in a non-confrontational way, about what things on the list have been dealt with?

Does he feel that he can make some comments without being under pressure ... is Mom/teacher getting after him for not getting his work done?

Does he ever have supper ready when you get home from work? Laundry? Cleaning?

Years ago, when my ex- was taking a rather tough course (interning in a hospital food service program, which included some compensation) and I was half-time employed, she complained that she felt that I wasn't doing enough around the home, but (in my eyes) I was doing quite a few of the chores.

I thought later that, had I asked her in the morning what she had in mind for supper, I'd have known whether she had a plan, or whether I could make whatever I felt like ...

... but when the question was asked on her return home at the end of a busy day, she was frustrated, thinking that she'd been busy all day and wanted some down time, not to have to put her mind to what we might be planning for supper!

I'm not asking that you reply to these questions in public, as it's none of our business ... I checked your profile to see whether I could send this message privately.

Good wishes for finding a resolution in this situation that leaves you both feeling satisfied.

ole joyful

I'm 8 weeks in to NOT Smoking...yes I've cheated a couple of times but not gonna beat myself up over it and think I failed...I put down our 10 year old collie...that deserved a cig...so everyday it's just one foot in front of the other and now that I've blown up bigger then I already was...it's time to head to the workout world and hit the streets with my new walkin shoes!!

I'm also having to do TOUGH LOVE on my 17 year old...that is breaking my heart...but it's before he breaks mine or breaks my marriage...

Hi olejoyful.....always nice to hear from you!
You can e-mail me at tbnctoneil@yahoo.com
You are always very insightful, and I would love to discuss this with you.
Thanks for replying!
Barbara

I agree with olejoyful. Some people men or women just cannot make the adjustment to not working, Maybe start out with one thing, even if is something as simple as picking up papers, magazines or one load of laundry, or even shoping, a simple list. Then too does he have any hobbies, or could/would do volunteer work? Many Seniors and others find that are "doing" something for someone else and then they feel needed and will help out at home. Volunteer can be with the public or not--just answering phones at a center, sorting out things, helping with record keeping, etc. Good luck and talk it out.

Like asking the same question 10 different ways until I get the answer I want? Or talking over people so they will do what I want them to do? Lost too many friends that way, and the true friends I have here are the ones who have quietly told me what I have said wrong without condeming me.
Oh, if I could only go back!!!