Heartache. Changes.

15 years ago

Haven't been around much, sometimes I lurk, but I've had a lot going on, been babysitting for a friend this spring etc. Now I'm coming to you all to vent and ask for many many good thoughts. After a really rough marriage, Larry and I are getting a divorce. We will attempt mediation at the end of this month, but I'm afraid we'll end up going through with lawyers in order to get all the truth out. I am very sad for my son, I never wanted this for him. I know we'll all be fine eventually but right now it really sucks. I have been out of the workforce for almost 3 years now and am terrified that I won't be able to find a job that will be flexible enough/pay enough so that we won't be struggling and never spending any time together. We've been so lucky to spend so much time together up until now, I am thankful for that.

I am looking at Pharmaceutical Sales as my first choice, but am told it's very hard to get into, especially if you don't know someone. I am going to St. Louis next Wednesday for an open interview w/ a drug co. so please, think of me between 9 and 2 on the 21st. The reason it would be such a great job for me is the flexibility and salary/benefits. Plus it would be closer to my family, I have a sister just outside of St. Louis, and I'd be only 3 hrs from my parents and other sisters. And Lydia I'd be close to you too! However, since I feel that's probably a long shot, I am also applying to a radiology program that would start in October. And I have a degree in Arch. Drafting/Design, that I'm sending out resumes for as well. I know I will find something, but this is really heartwrenching. I can't stand it.

I am really going to need a miracle next Wednesday, please send all the positive energy you can muster my way. Thanks KT.

ginger

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Comments (39)

nodakgal
15 years ago
Oh Ginger. ((((Ginger))))

I am sorry you are going through this. I know it hurts badly.

Please know you are in my thoughts always!!
Jamie_MS
15 years ago
(((Ginger)))

A big hug for you Ginger. I know you need it right now. I too am going through a divorce and I can relate to every emotion you expressed in your post.

I will keep you in my prayers.
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ritamay91710
15 years ago
So sorry to hear about your marriage. That is really hard.
But you know, as long as your son knows you love him (of course!!), he will be just fine.
As far as your job prospects, it sounds like you have a lot going for you. I am sure that you will find something in no time. Best of luck in getting the one you really want!
Toni S
15 years ago
((((Ginger))))

:( I'm so sorry your going through this. Change is scary.

Positive thoughts are going your way. Positive thoughts especially for a good job, where you would like it. You've been strong before, you can do it again. We'll have all the cyber hugs you'll need for inbetween. Good luck in your search.
margad
15 years ago
Hope that you get a wonderful job and can spend lots of time with your son.
paula_pa
15 years ago
I'm sorry Ginger. You've had a lot to deal with during your marriage.

I know how difficult it is to work and raise a child in a marriage, being a single mom these days has got to be even tougher than it's always been. I hope you find the perfect job.
pattico_gw
15 years ago
Ginger is there any hope for the marriage....

Could we send up prayers that it could be mended...For you , for him and for your son...

I hate to see a marriage fall apart.

You all have been through a lot...

patti
lindyluwho
15 years ago
Ginger, this just breaks my heart after all you have been through. I will put in some good thoughts that you get your dream job. It looks like with your background you should have lots of choices.

Linda
bunny_lover
15 years ago
What a big change for you all. You have been through so much and come out on the other side. I pray all of your family.
linda_in_iowa
15 years ago
(((Ginger)))
angela_nor_calif
15 years ago
I'm so sorry Ginger. Divorce is always a tough thing. Is it possible for you to do daycare from your home. You can make pretty decent money doing that and you'd be able to stay home with your son. Just a thought.
glenda_al
15 years ago
Been there!

You have my sincerest thoughts!

There will be a light at the end of the tunnel!
Hang in there!
gadgets
15 years ago
The only way I know you, Ginger, is through postings here at the KT, but I feel a part of my heart just broke as I read your post. I hate to see any family split up, but especially when kids are involved. I pray that God sends all 3 of you just the right kind of help needed.

Shirley
des_arc_ya_ya
15 years ago
((Ginger and family)) Good wishes coming to you for Wednesday. Go get'em, girl!!!
gingertn
Original Author
15 years ago
Thank you all. I don't think there's any way to repair this marriage. He says he will reconcile, but I do not trust him, I don't believe much of what he says. He has been dishonest with me since before we were married (he openly admitted that he's been lying, hiding money etc). He is an abusive person. I have forgiven him many times and I'm just at the end of my rope, I may be wrong, but I just don't want to keep going through the motions only to end up in the same spot again. I just need to let it go, he is not going to change. I'm sure I haven't been the ideal wife, I am not saying it's all one sided. I'm just done. Thanks again, I appreciate your support very much.

ginger
donna_oh
15 years ago
(((Ginger)))

Donna (^_^)
gwanny2three
15 years ago
Well it sounds like you know what's best for you and your family at this point. As sad as it is, the best thing would be to move on. These things will never go away. I feel so sad for you. I know 3 others going through this right now....it's a sad thing to face. You sound pretty done with it and I think that may be helpful in your moving on. It won't be easy but you sound stong enough to get through it!My best to you and your son....you have been through so much with him, I know he's your main concern right now. Good luck with the job you want...I hope you get it!
lydia1959
15 years ago
I'm sorry to hear about you and Larry, Ginger. Abusive relationships aren't good though, my first husband was abusive.

It sounds like you have lots of good options for jobs. I always thought pharm sales would be good to get into. Sending good thoughts your way that things will work out.

It'd be great having you in the area! Maybe we could finally get together for that BBQ we promised you?

Hugs to you and Bradley!! Hope to see more of you at the KT.
okwriter
15 years ago
I'm just done.

That says it all, Ginger. I'm so sorry that you've hit this rough patch. I've been there, and it is dreadful to go through...just know that there are brighter days ahead and better things to come. I also hate to see families torn apart, but sometimes it is inevitible, and I sooooo admire you for having the strength to say "I'm worth more!" and to seek a better life for you and Bradley.

Prayers to you from Oklahoma ~
jennmonkey
15 years ago
(((Ginger)))

I'm so sorry. Will be sending good thoughts!
Jodi_SoCal
15 years ago
Oh, (((Ginger))), I am so sorry life is testing you again. Move out. Move on. Life is too short.

Why not continue on with your drafting and design and once you get settled in a new job and place, think about other goals like pharmaceuticals or radiology?

Whatever you decide, be good to yourself and stay positive.

Jodi-
OklaMoni
15 years ago
Ginger sweetie, that's to bad. But, sunshine and happiness can still be ahead for you.

Do what you feel is BEST, and know, there are the bestest wishes for you next week, coming from Oklahoma.

Love and hugs

Moni
Mickey15
15 years ago
((((Ginger)))))
I'm sorry.
Tammy
dirt_yfingernails
15 years ago
You poor sweet thing. It sure sounds like it is time to move on. Don't do like I did and hang on for 20 years believing you can do just something more to make him happy. It doesn't work, I know first hand. Hugs to you and Bradley.
susanjf_gw
15 years ago
your child will survive and thrive despite your job prospects, knowing you are safe and free from fear and abuse. having family close by is a boon!

i only hope that his dad someday gets the help he needs and can bond again with his son...

kudos for taking control and making a workable plan...
grammahony
15 years ago
It's a hard decision to have to make. But living with abuse and dishonesty is harder. At least you won't have to walk on egg shells, and you'll know where your going to be best off. Divorce is never easy, but I think it's easier than living in turmoil, with fighting etc. That isn't good for the children either.
(((Ginger))) Stick up for yourself through this for you sons sake, as well as your own.
Leslie
Cherryfizz
15 years ago
(((Ginger and Bradley)))

Keeping you in my thoughts.

Anne
liz
15 years ago
(((Ginger))) good thoughts...good wishes going out for you!! Keep us posted...
hale_bopp
15 years ago
Ginger! I'm so sorry! My SIL is in the same boat...

If you remember, Anthony (my DH) is a drug rep. EXCELLENT job, but lots of traveling unless you're near a city. If so, then that's your hub. If not, you travel around to all the surrounding communities. It's not bad if Larry is willing to take your DS at those times.

Also, there is a book calle "3 Days to a Pharmaceutical Sales Job Interview" by Lisa Lane. If you can't find it, I'll mail it to you. It got my DH his job and everyone we let borrow it has gotten hired on with a pharma company. It's a VERY good book. If you have ANY sales experience, that's what they want to see. Even if it's retail, or selling your drafting plans. If you need help with your resume, my DH is an EXCELLENT resume writer. He even writes them for our doctor friends. :)

Hugs to you, hon'. We're praying for you.

Blessings,
Haley
jaybird
15 years ago
(((((( Ginger))))))
Blessings to you dearie....
FlamingO in AR
15 years ago
I am so sorry, Ginger. Best of luck to you in your job search and with the next chapter of your lives.

(((((Ginger)))))
bigfoot_liz
15 years ago
i'm so sorry to hear that, i'm sure after everything you've been thru things seem bleek but you are doing what is best for you and bradley...(((ginger & bradley)))

haley has great advice on the pharm job. i have about 10 relatives that work in the pharm industry and my BIL is a head biomedical researcher w/ roche. they all reside around the indy area and work for eli lilly, roche and merck. 2 of my cousins quit working recently (regional sales managers) when they decided to start families because they travel outside of the state more than 3 days a week. my BIL spends more time traveling than the sales reps and he needs a housekeeper and nanny to help my sis w/ their 3 yr old twins. two other cousins don't fly as much for travel but they do drive more than 4-5 hrs each way to cover their territories. there are also evening meetings, dinners and social things. definitely get the schedule expectations during the interview, it may not fit w/ your life. BTW if you can find a european owned company like roche to work for they offer KILLER benefits not offered by U.S. owned companies. BIL has 12 wks vacation after 17 yrs (plus they are closed the last 2 wks of the yr for holidays), they paid for his MBA, M.S. and both Ph'D's and my sis used to travel w/ him internationally for free.

good luck w/ your interview and if you get it i hope it's everything you want it to be! ~ liz
Happy_Go_Lucky_Gayle
15 years ago
What hurts for a little while....brings a great new future. You've got the whole world at your feet and you don't have to answer to anyone other than the Man above.

New Beginnings are a great adventure. Put your best foot forward and take one step at a time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Gayle
danihoney
15 years ago
You've already been put through the ultimate test. You CAN handle this. You are a strong person. Keep your chin up, keep looking forward, and we'll send you all our posative thoughts.

(((((Ginger)))))
donna37
15 years ago
kacram
15 years ago
Ginger, I'm sorry. But I'm glad you've been able to see the "real" husband....

check out this site, it has a lot of good information.

accept all help!

Here is a link that might be useful: divorce 360
patti43
15 years ago
Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven. Divorce is scary but with your background, you'll be just fine. Whenever you need a confidence boost, just come here--we're good for shoulders to cry on and giving (((cyber-hugs))).
Kathsgrdn
15 years ago
I think you're going to be just fine, whatever you decide to do.
grinch_gut
15 years ago
Hugs to you~ YOu have been through so much.........Stacy

Heartache. Changes.

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