Wow, I'm feeling your pain! What a yucky situation.

All I've got to offer are a few suggestions:

1.) Ask your realtor to speak with "Nosey";
2.) Write "Nosey" a letter & send "signature required" (easier than calling & leaves a paper trail in case it turns ugly); and/or
3.) Make a trip back & have a little sit-down chat with "Nosey". Tell her in no uncertain terms what you've expressed above. Maybe, make a veiled threat of "attorney" if she doesn't mind her own business.

I'm thinking that you are probably spot on...she thinks she's doing a good thing. I've ran across this sort of person on occassion & they often just don't seem to get it. Unfortunately, you probably can't keep her from talking to people from public property or her own property. You can, of course, keep her off your property.

I wish you luck 'cause I really don't think my suggestions will produce effective results. Hopefully, somebody else will have a sharper brain than I've got this afternoon (just got home from the dentist!).

Good Luck
Tricia

Get a lawyer to write Nosy a letter (certified mail, return receipt requested) telling her to stop harassing and verbally assaulting your potential buyers and their realtors immediately, and that if any such behavior occurs after receipt of the letter, you'll be forced to get a restraining order against her.

You must take serious action because it's obvious that she is significantly damaging your chances of selling the house.

I wouldn't approach that conversation. I'd ask my realtor to do it--that's part of why you're paying the big bucks.

and the realtor can maybe make it be a "here are an insider's tips; it's very important that the buyers not be home, and in fact that NO ONE talk to the potential buyers until AFTER the sale is final! You're such a smart and good neighbor, I'm sure you'll want to help them."

If you feel you do need to make that phone call, that would be the line I would take. That you're asking her (not telling her) because she's such a helpful person, you can tell, etc. And that it would help your XP, who needs the house to sell.

Heck, since you're not local, you don't really care what she thinks of you, so maybe you can even say you're really concerned the house sell fast, as part of the way you can "make it up to" your XP, and would she help you, bcs that's what all the real-estate experts say, that contact w/ sellers AND with neighbors be nonexistent. CAPITALIZE ON the fact that she thinks you "done XP wrong," and that she wants to protect XP.

make it be, not that it's wrong (which she won't respond to), but that her not approaching potential buyers would be what the savvy person does (she'd want to be savvy, right?). And that it would be helping your XP, and helping you make amends to your XP, by making a sale go faster.

And maybe XP can, in her good friendship w/ Nosy's husband, ask the husband to make the same observations.

Maybe ask her to keep a WRITTEN log, so she's got something to DO when her curiosity is itching inside her to go out and say something?

Best of luck!

But you may also need to just cross your fingers and hope, because she sounds pathological, and people who are, just honestly can't control themselves. (does she need meds?)

I think a lawyer would just make her come outside and tell nasty stories to the approaching buyers, to warn them off of dealing with you, out of the goodness of her heart.

Because I don't think she CAN completely stop. She can maybe "sublimate" or "redirect" her helpful/overlyinvolved/nosy instincts into lurking inside, and making notes on a legal pad. But I don't think she can stop.

At the very least, I'd leave a lawyer until last.

Sadly, it sounds as though "Nosy" could very well be mentally ill, and in that case, you don't really know what kind of reaction any of the above would provoke. What a predicament! I do hope that you can come to some sort of resolution ... although I must say I feel sorry for whomever purchases your home! :-(

Nosey doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. She doesn't realize she may be impeding the sale of your property. She may not be impeding the sale of your home as much as you perceive however. It could come across to potential buyers that there's a very active neighborhood watch in your neighborhood. As a woman who's hubby travels a lot, I actually might welcome the fact that someone is looking out for me!! Nosey may be a nuisance but there are much worse things than a neighbor who knows everything that's going on in the neighborhood. I'm sorry but I keep getting a visual image of Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched (how's that for dating myself).

I would just ask her in a very nice polite way to refrain from asking questions of potential buyers, tell her you've had some complaints in that area and would appreciate it if she'd keep an eye on the house, but not approach any potential buyers.

As Talley_sue and Auntjen have pointed out, yes, I also believe that this woman has a mental problem. And thus, there's really no way to get her to stop her "nosy" behaviors completely. In many ways, I feel very sorry for her- there's obviously something wrong, because she has never seemed to connect her actions with other people's reactions, if that makes any sense.

I like the idea of approaching the conversation as "this is helpful to XP." That's really the only way I think I can get her to listen to me, although I fear that even in that case, her need to monitor and control things will override whatever friendship she feels for XP.

But at least I would have taken the step of personally asking her to stop before I did anything else.

Thanks for the ideas, everyone!

Argh, seems the forum ate my last response!

Cordovamom - several people on the other board also compared her to Mrs. Kravitz! :)

I'm not as concerned with the neighborhood watch aspect (she can *watch* all she wants) as much as the fact that she's asking these "can I help you with anything/ give you info?" type questions. No matter that she thinks she's helping, something as innocuous as "they had pets" or "they had trouble with one of the phone jacks" could make a difference to someone. I'm concerned that she's giving unnecessary or even incorrect information about my house.

Why be nice about it? Send her a letter telling her you are moving back into the home with your new P who is a serial killer biker and 5 of P's buddies if it doesnt sell soon. I don't know why people want to be nicy nicy with these kind of neighbors. The guy across the street from me was the same way. It became a joke with my wife and I that each time I would work outside getting the house ready for sale, he would be out there in about 30 seconds "are you selling your home? Need some advice?". He happens to be a suedo-real estate agent/reno guy. I finally told the guy to go to hell and he hasnt talked to us or anyone else about us since!

"I don't know why people want to be nicy nicy with these kind of neighbors."

I don't know either. My experience with pushy people like Nosy tells me they're so insensitive that only a slege-hammer approach will work. I wouldn't call it mental illness -- more like "I'll do what I feel like and I could care less what you think." It is literally almost impossible to hurt the feelings of people like that because they basically don't have any.

But they will turn tail when they're threatened. While I prefer a lawyer for that rather than a motorcycle gang, I recognize that it's strictly a matter of personal style.

Have your listing agent be present for ALL showings the next few weeks (5 showings?) until she gets the message. Your agent can approach the neighbor stating that the feedback from other agents has been that she interferes in the showing process and to please stop.
However, once a buyer has closed on the property, she can bring out the welcome wagon and be neighborly.

feedingfrenzy: Seriously huh? I learned this in the corporate world, why kiss someones a s s you dont have to? It's just wasted energy. How I actually did it was my wife and I did sort of a play outside. We both went out and I told my wife REALLY loud, "I'm tired of this idiot watching my every move!" Worked like a charm.

an assasin... with a nose like that she's bound to have a ton of enemies, they'd never trace it back to you.

just in case have the ex hire him/her....

(I AM joking)

wishing you the best of luck and a case of laryngitis for the neighbor.

I can see how this would be frustrating. It sounds to me as though Nosey thinks she is helping. I bet it is nothing like as much of a turn off as you think to prospective buyers.

However if you go in all guns blazing and upset her, she may well take it up a notch and there will be nothing you can do about it. She is on her own property and a restraining order against her won't stop her talking from her own home.

I would ask your agent for her advice and ask her to step in. As an agent myself this wouldn't be a job that I would relish, but I agree with the above poster - it's one of the things you are paying for. I would have her approach Nosey next time she comes out during a showing and tell that she has had a couple of buyers who have been put off by being approached by a neighbor before they have had a chance to look at the property and would she mind taking a little bit of a step back.

If Nosey decides to hate the realtor, it doesn't matter too much really unless they know each other on a personal level too.

Otherwise I agree with having the listing agent present for showings and have her ward off Nosey's verbal assults with pleasant converstaion while the buyers are being shown around by their own agent.

I certainly think being gentle is in your best interest when dealing with someone like this - you are not there and if she really wants to make your lives difficult with your home sale, she is in a position to do so.

Good luck.

No matter what you say or do it will be wrong. There are several good ideas in these forums. Myself, I would insist that your realtor talk to her and tell her she is not allowed to release any information about the house. And your realtor should tell the other realtors if she approches them while they are showing the house, they should tell her (nicely) it is none of her business and write down/document anything she says, time of day and date and if she wants to know why?? tell her a attorney has requested the informaion--that is all she can be told at this time.

"She is on her own property and a restraining order against her won't stop her talking from her own home."

She can be restrained from harassing and interferring with the OP's customers, whether on her own property or not. It's the harmful effect of her speech on the OP's efforts to sell, not where she happens to be standing, that matters.

jeff147 wrote: "Send her a letter telling her you are moving back into the home with your new P who is a serial killer biker and 5 of P's buddies if it doesnt sell soon. "

LOL!

Seriously, even though she is behaving like a PIA, I'd be careful about aggravating her unless you want the house to stay on the market that much longer. I've read stories about spiteful neighbors choosing to work on cars in the drive, etc, when buyer's come to look just to keep the house from selling.

Since she really seems to want to be part of the selling process, I wonder if it would help to offer her a small commission if she sends a buyer your way. At least she might be less inclined to say negative things to those who are looking.

I may be naive, but I think a nice conversation thanking her for trying to be helpful to people, but that it really isn't necessary and telling her that to make sure people get the right information, that she let your realtor handle any potential buyers. I am sure she does feel she is helping and she does not seem "mentally ill" but perhaps eccentric. Being nice but firm I'm sure is the first thing to try.

I live next to nosy neighbors, so I know what its like. Its always best to try the nice approach first. I will say one thing..I don't have to worry a bit about my house while I'm on vacation because I know my nosy neighbors will be on the lookout!!

Good luck!

XP needs to talk to the husband. ASAP.

Also, make a plan with your realtor. Get Nosy involved, let her know you want her to be your special spy and to nod and be nice to all people who come by. She can keep a journal and report back to your realtor what she thinks. Now, i know you don't care, and I'd want to kill her, but it might be easier if you bring her on board. Kinda the keep your enemies close philosophy. GOod luck!

I think you need to call Nosy's husband and have him figure out a solution. If he is friends with XP, won't he want to help get the house sold?

Does she come out at night? Could you show the house at night? Could the realtor bring another realtor (or friend, or someone Nosy doesn't know to pose as a potential buyer? who will chat quietly out front while the other realtor shows the house? You'll have to get clever.

Why be nice about it? What else can you do? Threatening or involving an attorney would probably backfire and make matters worse. Like others that said earlier, I don't think anyone can make her completely stop. Politely asking is probably the best thing OP can do, through her agent of course.

The goal here is to get the house sold. I believe Talley's suggestion will manipulate her without creating additional tension. Being "in her face" will be counterproductive. By making her feel like she is part of the process and solution, you'll get what you want with the least amount of pain, which is getting the house sold without scaring potential buyers. I can think of worse neighbors to end up with (like those with tons of trash, loud motorcycle repair shops, and barking dogs.)

Gloria

The other posters all have excellent advice.

I just wanted to chime in and say that several years ago I was interested in buying a house.

It was vacant, and my Realtor gave me the address so I could drive by and see if I wanted to schedule an appointment to see it. (This was before the days of the Internet where you could preview things online.)

I parked my car in front of it and got out on the sidewalk and was looking at it from the outside.

The nosy neighbor next door ran over and started interrogating me about what I did for a living, did I have kids, was I married, etc. Where am I moving from.. Why do I want to move there...blah..blah..blah...

It was a man and he kind of frightened me.

Needless to say, I got back in my car immediately and drove off. I never gave that property a second thought until today when I read your post.

I wouldn't have considered moving there under any circumstances. I figured the sellers were moving because of neighbor problems, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

This situation needs to be handled if you want to sell your house. She will definitely frighten prospective buyers away.

I have to agree with those that say she is probably mentally challenged; and has no clue that she's not being helpful. If confronted, she'll deny everything, because it's not the way she sees it, or remembers it. She probably has no clue what she's saying, and her recollection of it, won't be what everyone else sees / hears. I like the idea of paying her to help sell the house, altho if she does have real problems, it won't get her to stop.

The thing that gets me, her telling people no one is home, depending on the neighborhood, she may be inviting someone to break in or possibly squat.

I feel the husband needs to deal with this. He's probably aware that she does this, and should be asked if she's always been like this or if it's getting worst. Who knows, she can have some sort of metal / mercury poisoning that is screwing with her ability to think straight. How old is she?

Is it possible to have the house shown when she goes out? Someone can coordinate with the husband. He can set something up, like a shopping trip to the mall with one of her friends if he knows the house is being shown. This is probably the only way your going to sell it, unless of course someone else looking at the house is exactly like her; or isn't turned off by her. I'm on the fence here, it would turn me off some, but if I really liked the house I might think that she was coming out to see who her potential neighbors were & that this is how she makes conversation; depending on her age. If she was older I'd blow it off more.

I agree with those suggesting to make her part of the process. Obviously she's going to participate whether you want her to or not. I would recommend that you have the agent contact the neighbor and let her know *in advance* that someone is coming to look at the house. Hopefully that might forestall some of the more aggressive posturing by the neighbor.

Take advantage of her nosiness. Have XP talk to her and ask her not to approach the potential buyers, but do keep track of how many people come by and how long they stay. That might help feed her need to be involved and gives you some information about the level of interest your house is generating.

if XP is friendly with "nosey" would there be any way for her to go over when there is a showing and "pretend" she wants to watch the showing from "noseys" livingroom
that way she could make sure that nosey stayed in the house
or at least call nosey to "chat" during showing time.

if not I echo everyone else with let the Realtor handle it

I hope you sell soon :)

I've had 2 different "Nosey" neighbors. The first one we all just called Gladys (as in Kravitz) for so long that we sometimes forgot her real name. She had been in the neighborhood since the beginning of time and wanted everyone to know that she was an authority on everything that had ever taken place. Neither of my neighbors were mentally ill but they were both complete control freaks who seemed to be missing something critical when it came to social skills.

Your Nosey seems very familiar and my guess is that she isn't doing this to help so much as that it just makes herself feel important and in charge. If she is anything like my own nosey neighbors, she is also very territorial. Her attempts to become involved are probably the highlights of her day.

I think your best bet is to redirect her like the above posters have suggested. Hopefully the agent can do this by explaining to Nosey how keeping a log and making notes can be useful but stressing as the above poster mentioned that direct contact with potential buyers can be problematic. It's also dangerous for her to do this since she has no idea who she's approaching. I agree that being made to feel savvy and important would be a great way to deal with her...if she will go along with this approach. She needs to understand that if buyers are asked not to be around durig showings, this certainly extends to neighbors as well. If you don't feel this tactic will work, I would tell her (or have the agent tell her) that the feedback from potential buyers is that they felt uncomfortable being approached by a neighbor and that her efforts are seriously hurting your chances of selling the house. If she persisted, she should hear it again from a lawyer.

I can't help but think this would be the perfect time for a threatening looking actor friend to pose as a buyer to help discourage her from any future contact with potential buyers. I guess I have lots of lingering resentment towards my own Nosey neighbors!

I think letters from lawyers, asking her to stop is totally the wrong approach and it has nothing to do with "trying to be nice".

She sounds like she is probably very lonely and does have a mental problem AND has self-appointed herself as guardian of the sale of your house. So why not give her something to do?

Maybe ask her to hand out a flyer to potential buyers and have her point out a couple of nice things(stores, schools, parks) about the neighborhood. Make her feel important and as though she is assisting you and the realtor.

I think if you anger her with a lawyer letter, you are going to have all hell break loose.

Of course a letter from a lawyer has nothing to do with "trying to be nice." That's why you do it. The OP never said that "being nice" was high on her list. She just wants an effective way to stop what's going on.

In my opinion, trying to involve her, deeply in the sales efforts, as many people have suggested, would be a disaster. You think that she has mental problems and yet you want to let her pass out flyers! Who knows what she, mental problems and all, might do or say to prospective customers? The plain fact is that she's clueless on how to deal with other people and that's the source of the whole problem.

She would be angry to receive a lawyer's letter, but the chances are very good that she would be too intimidated to retaliate. People like her are actually not that hard to back down once you get tough with them. That's about the only thing they do understand.

and since the OP has left town, if they decide that getting tough IS the thing to do, then the OP is the perfect person to be the bad guy. The XP won't have to live with the fallout.

(I don't want her to pass out flyers; my suggestion to ask her to keep a log in her own house from behind her windows, was about redirecting her with "busy work" without ACTUALLY involving her)

I guess the reason I would say to start with that would be that it leaves you room to get tough, etc., if it doesn't work.

If you start w/ the lawyer, you have nowhere to go if it doesn't work. You can't suddenly "make nice."

But you *can* start w/ a "nice" request, and then get flat-out mean.

Here's an idea:

Send her a gift basket and inside a note to the tune of "Thank you for helping give out information about the house and keep an eye on things. It's been very helpful and the house has sold."

If she thinks it has sold she may not bother to sit on the porch.

talley -- I was really responding to minibin's suggestion.

I don't think any of the "nice" suggestions on here will work, but I could be wrong. Trying one first might make the OP feel she's made a reasonable effort. But the problem is that all that takes time, and meanwhile the house sits on the market.

I hope edallia keeps us apprised of future developments.

If you cant keep her from approaching prospective buyers, perhaps you can control the communication. Give her a pile of flyers and ask her to hand those out. This should give her the feeling sheÂs helping, since that seems to be important to her.

The nice approaches may not always work but it usually does and eliminates the need for a lawyer and certified letters, something that's a lot like kicking an ant pile.

As my dad once said... You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Forget attorneys and gift baskets. Have your realtor talk to the neighbor and tell her, nicely but firmly, that is is a rule that no one except the realtors may talk to potential buyers about a house for sale. Have the realtor explain that it is a legal issue and that it could cause legal problems for herself and the sellers if she does. Then the realtor should tell her that if she has any concerns about the house she should call him/her (the realtor), NOT talk to the buyers, the sellers, or anyone else.

"XP has bowed out of doing anything about it, although she recognizes that it's a problem, because she is still good friends with Nosy's husbabd and doesn't want to cause tension."

It seems that XP is being let off the hook a little too easily. Does XP care if the house sells? Since she is a co-owner and is on good terms with the husband (and still lives in the area), it only seems fair that she be involved in helping to solve this problem. Why should you take all the heat?

Nosey's husband needs to be made aware of what his wife is doing. I'd ask XP to talk to the husband and realtor and let them know that if Nosey doesn't stop interfering, you will set up a motion activated camera that takes a pic of everyone who comes into the yard, and get a restraining order against her.

I'd hand out flyers to the other neighbors. Offer them a commission if they can steer a buyer your way. I'll bet they aren't crazy about Nosey either. See if any of them would be willing let your realtor know when they see Nosey trespassing or bothering any other potential buyers. They should be able to do this anonymously so Nosey doesn't start pestering them too.

I’ve skimmed through the responses but have not seen a LEGAL response. I’m not an attorney, but I have had to deal with something similar and get a real estate attorney to send a “cease and desist” letter In our case. ItIS ILLEGAL for anyone to interfere with the attempts to sell your home. The legal term is “Nuisance“. Nuisance is when a neighbor (Or other person) unreasonably interferes with your usage of your property Or the sale of your property.

Please see: https://www.simeonemiller.com/blog/2014/august/neighbors-who-sabotage-a-home-sale/. for more details about the legal aspects of this.

i hope this helps! Best of luck!

You provided bogus info to a 13 year old thread?

I just flagged it too