Joanie given your original suggested phrasing: "Im sure it was an oversight, but I was not included in the group gift for Hank and it was embarrassing for me and others who also were not included when the gift was presented in public. In the future, please make sure you include everyone but with the understanding that not everyone is financially capable of contributing every time. In this regard, I also think a card from the whole group is more appropriate than individual signatures so no one is singled out for not contributing." I do think that sending a note with what you wrote above to a higher level employee is courting some very bad reactions. Telling someone who is above you on the org chart to "In the future please make sure....etc" is not only harsh but strikes a tone of directing a subordinate who has done something wrong. I can't honestly think what positive result will come out of that and it does come across like a complainer to me. Especially coming from someone who doesn't always contribute anyway; if the OP had diligently chipped in every time and been excluded, that's one thing. But such is admittedly not the case here. Maybe this is acceptable in your work environment Joanie . But to reprimand a superior after not being a 'team player' (and I'll bet that is what some people, fairly or not, already think of the OP) is just not a good idea in my opinion. I still say let it go. Ann

I came here to find info and boy oh boy did I! I found that some of the info here is REALLY biased in favor of the new wife. Before I continue, I want you to know that I'm on both sides of the fence. I'm an ex w/child & I'm think'n of marry'n a man with an ex w/child who manipulates & controls as well. So, I can see both sides. To organic_maria; when I read parts of your post, my blood boiled. How do you think that you and your husband can go and take away from another child because you now have one of your own. Ya can't do that! If he could not afford 2 children then he should not have had another baby! But you CAN NOT rob Peter to pay Paul! You can not take from one household to put into yours. I don't care what "SHE" has. That baby is "HIS" responsiblity as well. Unfortunately, you won't get this (foolish lady) until after he breaks his vows & divorces YOU, leaves YOU w/children, remarry's & has children by his new wife & then takes food out of YOUR child's mouth to be able to feed his new family at the command of his NEW WIFE. Therefore, a reduction in CS is not go'n to happen. Allow that man to pay what it is he's supposed to pay for his child. That's the right of the child...to be supported by both parents. You(foolish lady) are ask'n for conflict w/his ex when you do silly things as such. Do NOT help him to runaway from his financial responsibilites in order to make you happy. It's bad enough that the child has lost it's full time father. In these situations, you can't have it all. Don't put him in that position of taking away from one child to give to another. You'll stress out your marriage...even more. Next, the ex probably has a good reason as to why she's so nasty towards him. I'm not say'n that being vendictive is right but maybe he did somethings to hurt her deeply during their marriage; you don't know, you were not there. You just know what he's told you & choose to believe him because you love him and of course he would NEVER lie! And, that may be true, maybe he doesn't lie to you. Maybe he's a "good man" NOW, but what was he like years ago before you met him? What was he like during his first marriage before all of the lessons he's learned at her expense? Again, I'm not say'n that she should be an evil **** but karma is a MF! If ya don't want it to grow, then don't sow the seed. I can't mistreat a dog & not expect to get bitten at some point. I just think that MAYBE....just MAYBE he should go to his ex & try to make things right. I'm not say'n get back together w/her because what's done is done, but if there's still bitterness there then there's some unfinished business. And with many of YOU being WOMEN, I would think that YOU would encourge that! All of these excuses as to why your ex stayed with such a "witch" is nonsense, he stayed because he wanted to stay. He married her because he wanted to marry her...unless she was into some kind of spiritual voo-doo & put a hex on him? There's always 2 sides to a story and all of you are all hyped up on what "he" said. Yeah, he's tell'n you about all of her skeletons but he's not say'n much about his is he? He was an angel! And, I betcha on her side, she's tell'n her new guy about all of his skeletons and how he was so aweful to her w/o tell'n how she pulled a knife on him in his sleep & set the bed on fire! My point here is don't be so dang on biased. I know you're angry...I get that but you don't know her so why are you angry at "HER"? Because she get's a certain % of his income in which she's entitled too? Because "HE", your husband is weak and easily controlled. Because "HE" your husband feels guilt? Hmmmmm, and why is that? Why does he feel guility if he did noth'n wrong? Your husband needs to man up & accept responsiblity for his part in their failed marriage & try to make things right. Again, not say'n allow her to manipulate, but he needs to put all of his cards on the table & apologize for "HIS" part...because dispite what "HE" say's. He had a part! This way maybe some of her bitterness will fade unless she's really just a certified mental case. And, even if she is maybe he can assist w/that. Maybe the both of you can assist with that. Divorce is hard on EVERYBODY. You as a woman should feel some empathy...her marriage failed & him as the father of his child/ren should care just a bit because let's face it. She is the mother of his child/ren & her child/ren LOVES HER & HE loves his children. NOTH'N you do or say will EVER change that. Do something as his current wife to try and encourage peace & get off of your "what about me" soap boxes. In reality, he should have never moved on to a YOU until he was done with HER. And, I mean completely done and I'm not talk'n about a certain time span. You can be divorces from your spouse for 20yrs and still have unfinished business. I came here to try & find some good information and sadly to say, there wasn't much maturity here. Being someone who's been on both sides of the fence, I encourage my guy to do the right things by his children and even his ex. I'm not into sowing seeds of hatred, bitterness and anger. If an "I'm sorry" on his part can help that woman to heal then by all means, apologize & then maybe she can find some happiness and we can go on with our lives!

Amber im not to good at writting or even trying to explain myself. please bare with me. this is my first time being on this site. I guess i came on here looking for advice. and how to fix the problems.When i was going to put flowers at her grave it was out of respect for her and my husband. But on the inside of my heart It hurts for her and her husband. I guess maybe i expected to much from his kids to say thank you. I realize that everyone has a different way of being. I guess im not sure what i was looking for from them. maybe i wanted to show them that i am a nice person and to just give me a chance is all. I am not here to try and take my husbands wifes place.. all i did was fall in love with someone my husband. I love him very much and there are times i can see him looking very sad and my heart hurts for him because he has lost his life partner. I know he loves me or he wouldnt have married me.. but it was neither of there choices for this to happen.I have been told things from his kids like why dont i go rent the place across the street or like the new pots and pans i got never used yet but i did wash them and his daughter smelled them and said they smelled like fish. or how she went through the freezer and chekced dates of meat in it and said it needed to be cleaned out.. i had only been here in this house 2 weeks. but im also not use to having a freezer the big ones. i was lucky to have a pound of hamambuger in mine. so i did clean it out. then she went through the cuboards and looked at the dates threr were some that were a year old so i got that cleaned out.. then went around saying there is cob webs. she then asked me when my birthday was i told her and she said i will never remember that. each time things are said and done i am not mean to them or rude why because i love my husband im not going to make waves . he loves his kids so i will do what ever i have to so that things will run smooth. his son is addicited to drugs bad i have spent hours with him on the phone telling me he is going to take his life .for 4 years i have been having to put up with this. but i do it.even through it stress me out. he has stole from us alot and im not talking chump change. when his daughter come here the first thing they want to know is what there name is on in case anything happens to there dad. for 4 years i have been telling them they need to talk to him. they talk bad about my husband to me bad things and when they are done they tell me if i say anything to my husband they will deny it. if thats the case why do they need to keep saying things. he is my husband and i love him. they say if you want anything from him just be nice..the only thing i want from my husband is for us to have a good marriage. All the things i do for them i do it because my husband asks me to.. but i am almost at the point where i dont want to.

Lots of great advice above. I especially like the emphasis on supporting individual artisans. That's how I justify my ginormous library fines: I am supporting the local library. For me, I often will have an amount in my head, beyond which an object just seems unreasonable to me, regardless of whether or not I can actually afford it. Currently, my own dilemma concerns a 4,000 range hood. For me, this is just not a reasonable amount to spend on a hood, no matter how much I love it. So, is there any conflict in your mind about spending for a faucet what you would spend for an excellent quality dishwasher? If not, then it will probably thrill you every time you turn it on. And who doesn't need a good thrill several times a day! If you go for it, check out Home and Stone. They seem to carry some versions of it for a teeny, weeny bit less. The only thing I wonder about is whether this faucet style goes with the mission style you described above (e.g. the oil rubbed bronze light fixure from Rejuvenation). Now, I'll be the first to admit that my design style is seriously lacking, so I could be totally wrong on this! But when I saw the rough hammered faucet, it made me think of my sister-in-law's upscale western style, "chic cowgirl" bathroom in Colorado. It doesn't read "Greene and Greene" to me. But as I said, I could be totally wrong about that! :-) francy