i sooo hate this situation! got a grad notice from a family friend's son's dd..never have seen this girl in my life..she lives in ca, we in mi..now because of the psst friendship, and the fact we did attend the ds' wedding some 25 years ago (lol) i did send a $25...did i feel like a fool? yes..and knowing that my $25 was going to a family that sure didn't need it was hard (i have 8 grands)

your relationshp is hugely less than mine..i'd send a card...that's enough...

I would send the same as you sent the brother. I know alot of kids are just looking for money with the graduation announcements, but I know when I graduated from high school, my parents wanted some sent out to some of their friends, even though I didn't really know them. So, my guess, the mother either sent them herself or had the daughter send it to you, because you used to be close. It's probably more about the mom being proud of her daughter than about the daughter looking for money.

This is one reason I didn't bother buying any for Alex. He didn't really want them, couldn't have cared less. They are expensive and I couldn't just buy enough to send to my dad, brothers and a handful of friends who know Alex. So, we didn't buy them. I recall the lowest amount was something like 100!

I agree with Jennmonkey. I'd go ahead and send whatever you sent the brother when he graduated.

Ann Landers or Emily Post or Miss Manners (one of them) said "A gift is never mandatory even if attending the wedding" I cannot imagine attending a wedding or party and not bringing a gift, but it is not an obligation. A gift is something you wish to give. If you do not wish to give one, a card is sufficient. In this case, I would just send a card of congratulations.

Actually, the gift sent to the son was actually because of the friendship with the mother. You may have been exposed to him more than his sister because of the closer working relationship with the mom at the time. The mother is still the same. So, I think the decision to not send a gift should have been made for the son and now that you did send one, not sending to the daughter will be noticed. It all depends on if you care or not. It certainly isn't obligatory.

As the mother of a graduating daughter..
I have told her to send them to family and friends but not to expect anything in return..We are sharing this accomplishment in her life..We aren't looking for a gift or anything else in return..

I think a nice card would be nice.

My kids didn't pay a whole lot of attention to what gifts they "didn't" get, just the ones they did. No hard feelings for what they didn't get. You're not obligated, and it seems like you don't "want" to, so don't. What will happen, the once or twice a year friendship will vanquish, so are you really out a lot? Sorry to sound snide, but come on...it's true isn't it.

Vickey-MN

My son is graduating from college next month and we have sent announcements to my family and friends. They were sent because we are beeming with pride at his accomplishments, not because we are looking for gifts.

I agree with Pris!

Send a congratulatory card. After all, the saying is: It's not the gift that counts. No need to feel guilty because you ARE acknowledging the girl with a nice card!

I'd send a card and a note with best wishes to the whole family.

I have never sent a graduation announcement nor received one. I have heard from distant friends that Susie or Johnny is graduating, but never a formal announcement. It seems to me that people who know one another KNOW when someone is graduating and send cards or gifts as they wish. If you don't know them or they don't know you well enough to KNOW these things...

It just seems odd to me. Would you expect to send or recieve an announcement that someone has been hired for a job or is promoted? (Today, that might be worth announcing! LOL)

We get invitations to weddings, confirmations, bar/bas mitzvah's, showers, etc. If I'm invited to *attend* an event concerning someone I KNOW I send a gift whether I attend or not -- because the invitations come from close friends.

Thanks Pris for pointing out that this is more to do with my friendship with the mother. Yes Vickey you're right, I don't "want" to but sometimes what I want to do or don't want to do isn't always the proper or best thing so I guess I needed a little input from the KT people.

My husband and I are both from big big families and there is hardly a month that goes by without an invitation of some kind. There was a wedding last November, April and three more before fall and his niece just got engaged, don't know when that wedding will be. Only three babies that I know of this year. Only one HS graduation, some years we have three or four. Two deaths in the last six months with cash memorials. I think that has something to do with my not wanting to write another check.

Thanks for all your thoughts.

Judy

I am invited to 2 graduation parties for 3 high school grads (one set of twins). I am friends with both moms and know all 3 kids so I don't mind getting presents for them. Now I saw in the church bulletin that the whole congregation is invited to 2 students' graduation parties. One I will not attend and the other I am thinking of just bringing a card. This is the first year I have been invited to more than one party.

Things sure have changed. Why would anyone announce a high school graduation, let alone expect a present. It's not like it's a special accomplishment. I won't even get into grammar school "graduations". I don't like the "any excuse to look for a present" trend.

Since you've never met this girl, it would me nice to send a Congratulations card but no money. At least that's what I'd do.

lindakathy -- I almost said what you posted. However, for some, high school is the end of formal education. It is also an occassion of transition, a life 'marker' similar to a bar mitzvah or confirmation. It may signify the young person's first step out into the adult world.

In my little part of the world graduation from high school and college is as expected and non-extraordinary as advancement from kindergarten or junior high. (I'm not saying say these milestones are not important to the individual and his immediate family!)