STOP your reno! most important layout tip ever!

14 years ago

This is the most important piece of layout advice you will ever read on this forum. This takes top priority over everything else!

If your plans donÂt already include this feature, STOP what you are doing and take care of this first. If you are in the middle of a reno, call your GC or your architect. Already finished your reno? Get out the sledgehammer and demo the new kit*chen right now. ItÂs that important.

No matter what else you have in your kit*chen, you MUSTÂat all costsÂhave this one feature: a place to store those little round ceramic pie weights somewhere other than an upper shelf where, for INSTANCE, they could fall out right in the middle of while you are pouring your Guinness Stout Chocolate Cake batter into your cake pans, for EXAMPLE, tumbling down into the middle of your kitch*en floor, popping open the package, bouncing bouncing bouncing behind the refridge/under the sink/under the range/behind the vacuum, and then start rolling rolling rolling all over the floor like a pinball game on the Titan*ic, which, theoretically, could cause problems when your attempt to walk to the oven while carrying your cake batter turns into a Lucy skit.

So, IÂm just saying, make sure you have somewhere else to put them.

ThatÂs all. Carry on.

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Comments (38)

doonie
14 years ago
LOL!! What a vision you've given us in that Lucy reference! Duly noted, marcolo. Thanks for laugh!
zeebee
14 years ago
(*snort*)
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sabjimata
14 years ago
You mean, you don't use beans?
rjr220
14 years ago
Yikes! I have a STAT call into my cabinet maker right now!

How was that cake, or did you just abandon the cake idea and go straight for the Guiness Stout?
marcolo
Original Author
14 years ago
Two-thirds of the cake looks perfect. The reviews on Epicurious say it's too big, anyway.

Having some stout already open was a particularly happy coincidence, I must say.
bibliomom
14 years ago
Wah! Back to the drawing board immediately - I'm planning a Guiness Stout stew for dinner tonight and obviously need to take emergency measures.
shelayne
14 years ago
Theoretically, of course. ;^)

(Thanks for the giggle!)
donka
14 years ago
Lol!! You're hilarious Marcolo :) I will forever remember this should I decide to one day start baking in earnest and purchase some of those little ceramic bally thingies. Hope you came out unscathed!

And thanks for the dinner inspiration bibliomom, I'm off to start some of that yumminess toute de suite!
angela12345
14 years ago
I don't even know what those little round ceramic pie weights are ???
marcolo
Original Author
14 years ago
I'm hoping johnliu will be along shortly with a 3-D rendering of a 3-foot deep soapstone pie weight safe embedded in the floor.

I wonder how many inches I should leave between my pie weights and the nearest sharp corner on my countertop. Buehl?
plllog
14 years ago
ROTFL!! Good thing I have them in a jar in a drawer.

Sabjimata, I've had funky outcomes with beans. I think they weren't dry enough and some burst. Put me off using beans. Brown rice works well. But I got tired of having a jar of dried out rice for soup separate from the rest of the rice, so I got the ceramic balls. And was given a second jar. So now I just have to find time to make pies...
chris45ny
14 years ago
Thanks for the education and smile. Had never heard of these before. How did I ever bake any pies??!!! Guess I'll have to run out and get some and store them in a little container in my pantry. You have brightened my day just picturing what your words described. I love lucy!! How about that bread baking episode!
marcolo
Original Author
14 years ago
Pie weights:

Also see:
{{!gwi}}

Hmm. I wonder if bill vincent could tell us how to tile pie-weight runnels into the floor, to direct the stream of pie weights back into the pie-weight safe?
marthavila
14 years ago
Good timing, Marcolo. It's been a bit heavy around here of late. This one reminds us that it's really okay to laugh! Thanks for that!
marcolo
Original Author
14 years ago
Hmm, I just discovered that pie weights etch. Your floors. And other things, too.
cat_mom
14 years ago
hee-hee!
warmfridge
14 years ago
ROFL, and not from slipping on pie weights.

For the lazy among us, there exists a pie chain, which has the little weights strung on (what else) a chain, so it's much less work to retrieve them after mishaps. Highly recommend.
doonie
14 years ago
Wow! Who knew! Pie chains. I am in the dark ages with my sad little sack of old beans:)!
warmfridge
14 years ago
Actually, pie chain sounds a little dark age-ish, like a medieval torture device for bakers.
John Liu
14 years ago
Ha, that's great, marcolo.

The answer, I think, is cubical weights.

I would 3D it, but I'm in a hotel on the third straight week of biz trips. Sigh. Happy cooking. I haven't so much as boiled water for, well, three weeks.
marcolo
Original Author
14 years ago
Hmm, metal pie weights. I wonder if you used those with an induction cooktop, would they just magnetize to the top of the o*ven while the current is on? Could this be a solution for corralling out-of-control pie weights, or just another Lucy episode in the making?

For those who must know, I just finished frosting the Stout cake, which, for reasons I have explained, is a little stouter than normal. I can tell you that cutting the amount of frosting in half because you have lost a third of the cake indicates a very long time has passed since your last math class. However, instead of putting the ganache on the whole thing, I covered the top with cream cheese Baileys frosting. This should distract from the rather rustic character of the finished piece, if only by focusing your mind on the imminent threat of myocardial infarction.
desertsteph
14 years ago
"I don't even know what those little round ceramic pie weights are ???"

I have no idea either.

and I'm still alive after all these years...
rjr220
14 years ago
I started having chest pain just reading about the icing.
Between laughing my tookus off.
warmfridge
14 years ago
To avoid undue concern in those who have nothing better to do than contemplate pie weight-related disasters, I tested the stainless steel pie weight chain with a magnet and found very minimal attraction, much less than the attraction held for me by a chocolate cake drowning in Bailey's frosting. I would conclude that the chain can be successfully used in an induction range without fear of generating a new sitcom plot.
marcolo
Original Author
14 years ago
a-HA! Hard data! Exactly what we need! The miracle of science! Excelsior!

I'm also intrigued by johnliu's cubical weights. Anybody got a belt sander I can borrow, so I can try to make some? I'm sure a power tool, spherical pie weights that I'm trying to sand down, and me, are a winning combination.

In other news, tomorrow I shall endeavor to spice up my usual boiled corned beef with a whisky marmalade glaze. Given my current streak, my challenge will be to avoid drinking the one last tablespoon of whisky that the recipe calls for.
Gena Hooper
14 years ago
Hilarious! Thread's better than any ole sitcom! I'm also lovin' all the food ideas utilizing booze. After the Pie Weights Incident, I think I would have abandoned the old cake batter and gone straight for the Guinness. The fact that you persevered shows true culinary dedication.
John Liu
14 years ago
You're killing me. Tommorrow I shall eat in an airport. Again.

To make my happiness complete, upon my return home, SWMBO has announced, I will commence a salt water colon cleanse followed by 5 days of liquid diet - lemon juice and maple syrup.

I'm not sure what message she is sending me, but it seems equivocal at best.

By the way, everyone knows that you turn spheres into cubes by holding them just-so and chopping with a heavy axe. Don't worry. God gave us ten fingers, and we only need one.
remodelfla
14 years ago
Why do I feel like I'm on a different planet? I never knew pie weights/chains even existed and needed the pics to have this make any sense.
chicagoans
14 years ago
Ha! Funny! I've only seen the weights in chains and can only imagine what a mess those balls would make!

My kids still laugh about one time when spice bottle from a high shelf fell PLOP! into a big bowl of egg mixture I was whipping up. Thought I was done after cleaning the cabinets, counter, and myself... until a big splatter that had hit and stuck to the ceiling dropped on my head! That's a good look...
pinch_me
14 years ago
I throw some peaches or apples or cherries in my pie crust. Don't need no stupid pie weights!
plllog
14 years ago
Chicagoans, your egg story is as funny as Marcolo's pie weights! (My own ketchup story is just sad, not funny.)

For those who've never heard of them, pie weights (which have been around in one form or another for at least a hundred years), beans, rice, or a second pie tin, are put in a pie shell that one is pre-baking to keep it from bubbling. There are some kinds of pie that you make in the raw dough, and some for which you bake the (bottom) crust before filling.

From Chef's Catalog:
lascatx
14 years ago
I am happy to report that my spices are in a drawer below my counter where they cannot fall into my bowls and the pie weights are in a drawer below that. But I enjoyed the story and the laugh. I was actually expecting the story to end in a Gotcha! declaring that only a board of TKO's would follow the story this long with such interest and devotion only to find out that the answer changes frequently. :-D
dawn_t
14 years ago
Well, for Pete's sake, here I was always smooshin' the big bubble of dough down about every 2 minutes in the oven and then trying to hide the crumbly mess under a heap of banana cream....

The darndest things you learn here! :)

(I hope my cats never find these spherical wonders once I find and purchase them)
weedmeister
14 years ago
Pie chain = chain of pies. I would like to start with Apple, then Cherry, then Chocolate Pecan, then Coconut Cream, then Lemon, then Chocolat Silk, then Raspberry, then...
budge1
14 years ago
What? no pictures?
User
14 years ago
I agree, I think we need to see highlights before we decide on making such an important change. I hope everyone is all right and the cake was worth it!
autumngal
14 years ago
Was about to commence demolition, but instead have decided to fit the whole family and guests with helmets. I'm also fashioning metal umbrellas to fit on said helmets for mixing batters. Cannot imagine that this has not been brought to our attention before! Marcolo, if you do nothing else on this forum, this is your shining (or maybe funniest?) moment.
marcolo
Original Author
14 years ago
Actually, if you're going to walk around on spherical ceramic pie weights like I did, you're also going to need one of these:

STOP your reno! most important layout tip ever!

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