How about saying "Why don't you meet us at Mackinack. That way you can do your thing, and we can do ours. That way we will both be happy."" And leave it at that.

I like georgysmom's suggestion or We've settled the plans already and you are invited to come and have fun with us as is.

One man's budget accomadations may be too much for another. I'm guessing maybe your hotel is too much for her. Could this be the case?

"Mackinac Island" or "Mackinaw City". Sorry, but
spelling it "Mackinack" makes my teeth hurt.

A special place for me. Sorry...

But...I think you should stick to your original plans..
it is for you and DH, you were just being kind to include
her, it sounds to me. Not very grateful, though was
she?

You definitely should stick to your original plans!! Tell her you and your husband have already made your plans, and they are not subject to change--period. If she is truly a friend, she will understand; if she doesn't understand, then her friendship shouldn't be too valuable.

Thanks for the kind responses. Sorry about the spelling! This dilema has nothing to do with money - she's just very into camping and hiking; the motel is quite cheap and the gas will be around $200. I was only going to ask her to fill the tank one time. I don't need her portion to be able to take the trip, I really extended the invitation because both hubby and I like her company. I also don't want to end a friendship over something as silly as this. But yes, it does seem ungrateful to me. What's that saying, no good deed goes unpunnished?

I, too, would plan the vacation I wanted, and tell her, this is what we're doing--you're welcome to come if you like (and spell out clearly what her financial and other responsibilities are).

I've done joint vacations with others, and have never had this sort of problem. In my experience, those in the group were gracious and bent over backwards to accommodate others. It's a shame she's being so difficult, and I fear she's going to ruin your trip. Whether or not she comes along, I'd make up my mind TODAY, to have a fantastic trip and not let her nag me into having a bad one. Have a GREAT time!

I would say these are the plans we have set up and we are very happy with them but thank you for your suggestions, we have everything we need set up for our trip, perhaps if you wanted to do other accommodations we could just meet up for dinner or some fun once there.I am sure there are cars for rent there so she could do her own thing.

I would not change my plans unless they were to my liking.

Yes, tell her what your plans are and that she is welcome to join you. If she wants to plan her own trip tell you are sorry you cannot join her and maybe your paths will cross in Macinac (whatever) Island. You are kind and thoughtful to invite her.

All things considered, I think Georgysmom's idea is the best. Word for word.

Even if she chooses to agree to the original plan, I think the trip (the time on the road) itself would not be very pleasant.

If she chooses not to go, you can handle the consequences later.

Go, have a great time, and don't feel guilty. You didn't cause the problem

Sue

I agree with everyone else -- you've already planned your vacation, so stick with what you want. It would be different if you said "we're just beginning to plan and are open to suggestions" but it wasn't like that at all. You can soften the blow by saying something like "sorry we're so set in our ways, but DH has his heart set on the motel after such an incredibly long day of driving!" and maybe she'll get the hint that it's YOUR trip that she's been invited to join and that she's free to back out if she wants.

Can I ask what motel you found on Lake Huron that's got excellent reviews for cleanliness? If you like pizza, BC Pizza was awesome last summer and it's right on the main route through St. Ignace.

Neesie, you did spell it correctly. Macinac Island (pronounced Mackinaw). I've never gone, but have wanted to. It's very quaint and picturesque.

Yep, tell her to meet you there and you can sight-see and day-trip together, and then sleep in your chosen abodes!

You nailed it, put your foot down and just tell her, these are the plans we have made and we don't really want to change them. Let me know if you want to go.......

She was invited as a guest - so she should act like one, and, if her suggestions don't find favour with those who invited her - drop them ... or decide on her own to do her own trip in her own way.

Since when does the spare tire on a car ...

... tell the car where to go?

(The car'd probably tell the spare tire where to go).

ole joyful

depending when you go, you're probably lucky to get the motel you want, let alone a state campground...count me in on keeping your plans "as is"...

if she needs further info just tell her this is an escape from the wedding madness later on, and you and dh need to be refreshed before...

I totally feel your frustration and understand where you are coming from but I would bet that maybe she thinks she should have a say.

I have friend who calls me to go to movies. She always already has the movie and theater picked out. Granted, she is inviting me, but I pay mine own way and after a few times of having no say in the movie, I started throwing out my ideas on what movies and theaters I'd prefer and changing her plans. She is very busy/babies, etc and can't really go to the movies when I invite her. My friend shouldn't get the control of every movie just because she has control of the inviting.

Do you/would you go on her trips if she invited you? I know it's kind of a different way to look at things and you've only travel with her probably that once but the people that I know that travel together do generally alternate choices. Do you control other outing/choices of things you do with this friend or is it more back and forth picking?

I don't really know how to handle. I mean do you want the specific trip or to travel with her more? I would guess for this time, you want the specific trip. You probably shouldn't have invited her as your title suggests.

I agree with several. IF she really is a friend, she should graciously accept the motel you picked out etc. Or pick another near you. I agree, after so many hours of driving, a bed is so much better than camping out, unless it is a BIG RV. We have done all. and I agree, her suggestions is NOT for me. Nice beds, clean bathroom, etc is good. You will not end the friendship, unless she chooses to do so. Maybe she is a bit more controlling that you thought she was. I know one of our vacations was completely ruined by DH's best friend because he had everything arranged ahead of time and just would not change anything. I did not realize how controlling he was and when we got back told DH I would never travel with him and wife again and we didn't .

folkvictorian, it is the Bay View Motel that got good reveiws for cleanliness. Thanks for the pizza suggestion.

I really appreciate the words of support you all have given me. I am going to move ahead with the plans and hope that she'll not be offended. I just hope the Bay View Motel isn't booked up now!

Here is a link that might be useful: Bay View Motel in St. Ignace, MI

Jasdip....yes that time it was right....'Mackinack' (you
should read the whole post) is not.

Sure hate to belittle a point... yes, it is a "Quaint
and Picturesque", and the name is important.

Sorry again...but not going to accept the gentle slap
from you.

Thank you for the apology Neesie...I wish you well
on your trip. I can't believe it will be anything
but wonderful. :)

I wasn't slapping at you at all Caran.
I don't see at all where Neesie misspelled Macinac so I don't feel she needs to apolgise, and yes I read the whole post.

I know it's quaint and picturesque, and she spelled the name right. If you're not "going to accept the gentle slap from me" knock yourself out.

I re-read my orignal post and yes, I spelled it right and then wrong. It is a hard name for a very beautiful place. I'm excited to be going back after too many years.

Neesie, did you and your husband decide to take a trip and then make your plans and then decided to invite her along, or did you and your husband decide to take a trip and ask her to go on the trip and THEN make the plans? I think the answer matters.

If you already had your plans and then decided it'd be nice to have her along, I agree that she should respect that she was invited on YOUR trip (yours and your husbands), and not to take a to-be-planned trip.

Neesie it is evident through the quasi hijack here that you are a classy woman who knows how to avoid drama and handle interesting situations appropriately. I have full confidence that whatever you decide to do will be the right thing.

Put your foot down. Tell her these are our plans and we are not changing those. You have been invitied to come along with us, but if you prefer alternate arrangements (for yourself), you are most certainly free to do so. You will then be responsible for transporting yourself to our departure point when we leave.

Come to think of it, she sounds too controlling. I think you should "dis-invite" her. I would tell her, our plans have already been made. Is too bad these plans do not mesh with yours. I wish you an enjoyable trip. Good day.

I think some folk here might be overreacting. I don't know the situation but it sounds to me like you're close friends with this person and she feels close enough to you to make suggestions. I don't see that as being all bad. Does she know how important this is to you the way it's planned? When I invite people, I usually am open to suggestions. However if I am set on how I want to do it then I just say that's how I want to do it. Kind of like when we'd go out to get pizza in a group and one wanted a certain topping on everything, while others didn't want it on there. I just started ordering our own and not put it in the "buffet" and just told others to order what they want. Same thing here. I highly doubt you'd lose a friend over this if you're forthright and I don't think you have to "put your foot down". If you're open and forthright with your friend, if the friendship does break up it doesn't matter that much since if it wouldn't have broken up over this, it'd break up over something equally petty.

Suggest you get together somewhere on the trip and go from there. And have a good time.

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this post. I have been doing lots of research in hopes of coming to a happy conclusion for both me and my friend. After all, I invited her because I really do enjoy her company (and so does my husband). While we don't want to rough it I have been finding some little cabins in the area that have two queen beds and "indoor plumbing". The other night we shared a bottle of wine and I told her I didn't want to discuss the accomodations at that time but I would agree to extend the trip after the initial day of going to the island so we could do something more her style the next day (like hiking in a state park). After all, my husband and I won't be working and nature is fairly inexpensive and I'm sure we will end up enjoying the hike or whatever.

And as much as she is a camping nut I am a vacation planner! I am going to take this as a personal challenge and yes, I do plan on having a good time.

Nice to hear that things are working out to everyone's (pretty well) satisfaction.

Sometimes a small, non-pressured but frank discussion helps a lot.

o j

A bottle of wine helps, too. ;-)