Ah yes...Chelone, as I have said before..I realize the burden you are bearing, but when I see your age I think of how many 'good' years you can still have ...if your health remains good. I am 26 years older than you, and have done all the elimimating of 'my' things as you have.( I started at least 12 years ago, after Nolon had the pneumonia, and was diagnosed with emphysema. Two years later he had the heart surgery following a ( second) heart attack.) With me it was first the trips back to Idaho to see my relatives, then trips to Little Rock to see the kids,then it was the afternoon visits with a friend after the Golden Year's class, then it is feelings of guilt if I remain in town too long when I do go. ( Have never had evening movies ( except at home), have never ever been to a theatre, and 'dinner out' always consisted of a noon meal with a friend if there was no Golden Year's class.)( I started going to that class whan I was 50. I think I was 'born old'.) I do not have to 'care' for Nolon ...yet. He is quite efficient at doing that...yet. He may even be more capable mentally than I, at this point...:-( . But I have ALL the responsibilities ...the housework ( what little gets done) , the yard work, the paper work ( i.e. finances, insurances,etc.), the driving, (he quit driving on the highway about 10-12 years ago), and all decisions are left up to me. If I should outlive him I will sure not be one of those helpless widows ( unless my mind goes completely). He is not to the place where he needs to be put in a 'home'. I am thinking I will reach that point before he does!Seriously! My primary problem is that I am totally wore out from this accursed fibromyalgia, with it's unrelenting pain and fatigue, plus arthritis. This year my back has deteriorated, with collapsing disks. I am just tired , tired , tired, and no relief in sight. And I am sooo impatient with all his idiosycrasies. I am too old to be a 'mother' to an 80 year old man! Thank you ( and others) for this place to vent my feelings. I need that, and it 'does' make me feel better.

The weather was indeed perfect, albeit hot and humid for such a meeting. Saratoga is a lovely, small and old city with lovely architecture. I was right at home with the horse statues that lined the lovely main boulevard called Broadway! Saratoga as you may know is home to some very elite horse racing, amoung other things. Raeanne and I met early and perused the shops before meeting DeeMarie. I spotted Raeanne immediately at our meeting place. Her hair is done in a modern cut that kicks out in a playful way! I love the color and style Raeanne, it's so you! Her eyes are still a beautiful and brillant blue! After shopping we went to the meeting place for Dee but she wasn't there so we proceeded to the restaurant meeting place. As we were crossing the street I could see a woman waving in our general direction and I knew at once it was DeeMarie!! How wonderful that she spotted us and I felt so special that as I waved, she waved back. It was a fun exchange. So it was there at the restaurant that I meet our wonderful DeeMarie. She has the most wonderful and expressive big brown eyes and I knew at once that I had a wonderful and caring friend for life! It's amazing at how we women, and man, communicate and have become such fast friends! We shared a wonderful lunch. Okay, Dee and Raeanne did. I had the luck to order one of the worst things I have ever had and it was ironic a because everyone else had a wonderful meal before them...........figures. We shared a bottle of lovely white wine alfresco which was really good against the heat of the day! After lunch we went to our card reading................boy was that enlightening!! This woman had a great deal to tell me that was very accurate!! She is a gifted woman and I think we all came away with some new info!! Then we toured the shops of Broadway, Saragoga Springs, NY. It was fun, fun, fun but way too short a time. I had to depart by 3:30-4:00 to be back in time to feed my steeds.................I could have stayed and talked all night! I had a lovely ride home full of fond memories of my time with my sisters. Ladies and gent, we must find a way for more of us to have this meeting and connection! BJ, I am sure that Las Vegas is too far for some but we sure should try to all connect.............it's so much fun. Thank you DeeMarie and Raeanne for a very special day.

Mona and Deborah nailed it. You still haven't told your husband about her behavior with boys, have you? I don't know what the "sensitivity" is about not telling him, but your daughter's behavior trumps that. I cannot stress enough that he MUST know now. I don't care if he screams at the top of his lungs, hits his fist through a wall or throws something, he'll calm down and think rationally once he gets over the shock. lol If she were my daughter, she'd be grounded for the summer. I too had raging hormones at 12, and they were totally out of control. Thankfully I didn't have sex but I sure did like to kiss boys! All it took was for my dad finding me and a boy together at 12 years old kissing him. It scared the pee out of me! lol. Oh, he was mad alright but I changed right then and there. Shannon, you're trying too hard to make your daughter happy right now. Nix all suggestive clothing. It's time she dressed and behave like a young LADY. Tell her she will be greatly respected behaving like a lady instead of an "easy" girl. I think it would be fine if GIRLfriends came over to visit, chaperoned, and if she goes to a GIRLfriends house chaperoned with parents you approve of. I wouldn't allow her to walk anywhere. Or go shopping alone either. Someone needs to have the "Come to Jesus" talk with her ASAP or it will be way too late.

If you go through the list of ADHD diagnostic criteria ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adhd has it) A__ has ALL of them to the point of "disruptive and inappropriate for developmental level" He really has made HUGE progress in the last year or so, but his ADHD causes health, home and social problems for him. "Health" because he often is too wound up to sleep and is exhausted the next day, he can't identify hungry/full or other body signals because he can't pay attention to his body, he may or may not remember to wash/wipe/groom himself properly (or possibly HOW to do it properly), and he often gets injured from things that are truly terrible ideas but he's too impulsive to identify it. "Home" because he is often in trouble with his caregivers for things like picking on the pets, wrecking things by climbing on them, not listening, or bad attitude. "Social" because he has problems at school with his classwork and his behavior, in situations like birthday parties, when he grabs things or runs around at stores, that other kids don't like him because he is "too weird", those sorts of things. I know that being active and not having good judgment are part of being a kid... But he goes WELL beyond that. I have a nephew the same age as A__, and I do science outreach with kids, often with the 8-10yo set, and often see the "norm" for boys that age. A__ definitely does not behave like his peers do. When he takes his Ritalin, he is a little surly and hard to engage, but he can follow a simple instruction, remember to wash his hands after using the bathroom, he says please and thank you, he can sit in a chair, recall where he left his pencil, play a game of cards. Without his pills, these everyday things are a STRUGGLE for him. We've been doing little things on days where he doesn't take a pill (BM prefers that he doesn't on weekends or in summer if there isn't a specific reason for him to, and I'm on the fence about how I feel about that - I see ups and downs to both sides - but it's not my decision, so I can respect her preference) like making a QUICK trip to the store for less than five minutes. That way, he can gradually learn how to manage when he has not taken a pill. He also goes through the morning routine before he takes his pill when he is with us, so he can learn to go through day-to-day living without. When we introduce a game/chore/activity/route for the first time, we make sure it's WITH a pill, so he can listen and remember. After that, with guidance, he can often do it without a pill. If we try to introduce something new without a pill, he's so wound up about that this chore/game/route is new that he can't pay attention well enough to actually do it. (I think this is quite ironic) A__ going to school without his pills is simply out of the question at this point. When we were talking about that Ritalin is to help him learn to manage his feelings and everyday life, he asked if he would be off it when he was ten. I said I thought it would be longer, maybe in high school, or maybe after he is all done all his school, that it's hard to tell now. I'll be telling BM how I answered that one, so that she's prepped for if something comes out of left field on that. He switched prescriptions last winter, to a slower release dose, and it's a great improvement. He still gets the benefits of being able to listen and think and so on, but he doesn't have the huge emotional ups and down that he did on his old dose. It might be good to try a Ritalin alternative, that might not have the side effects (loss of appetite, surliness, etc) but that's not up to me. I can suggest to FDH, and he can suggest to BM, but I have to work with what I've got here. What I have here: a little boy with a big heart, who wants desperately to be "good", but has a lot of trouble with it on his own. I love A__ very much, and I want him to be able to cope with everyday life... And that's why I appreciate advice from all of you - because I don't have all the answers, but you ladies are able to help me.