I read the story late last night when I was tired and vulnerable...and I admit I was moved by it and saddened. But I did not post at that time, because tugging at the corner of my mind, my sceptical side was trying to get my attention. So I waited and read it again this morning. And I agree with Sharon... it does seem contrived. For someone with no money to spend - not even $10 - the author seems to attend a lot of auctions. Even gas these days is expensive. Why does she go, when she so clearly hates the whole process? And lo and behold, every time Elmer winds up at the auction, there she is to note his condition and comment on the folks who bought him. I write fiction. I know the process of weaving a fragment into a story. Maybe the author attended the one sale where her neighbour was selling Elmer the first time and while there saw another billygoat in very poor condition and thought: "That will happen to Elmer too." And went home and wrote the story as a cautionary tale. It doesn't matter. The message is just as valid regardless of the veracity of the story. We all need to take responsibility for the animals in our care -- AND their offspring. I'll get off my soap box now!

Went with (almost!) twelve year old DGD on a field trip to Dauphin Island, AL with her sixth grade class. The kids spent two days at the Sea Lab and the other "grownups" and I cooked breakfast every morning and did endless loads of laundry! LOL I also walked on the beach BY MYSELF for an hour and a half on Wednesday and two hours on Thursday and it was WONDERFUL!! Cold and windy, but wonderful! We went to the mall the first night and did a little shopping. The second night we ate seafood at a place called Barnacle Bills and the third night we ate grilled burgers and dogs and let the kids swim in the indoor pool. Of course, some of the crazier kids (mine included...) had to go take a dip in the outdoor pool. I told her that if I brought her home sick she was on her own! LOL Looong bus trip there and back but we had a Coach and I had a restroom! LOL Thanks for gettin' me up to speed, mscsippy. That's just about what I figured. (counting big bucks that Linda gave me as bribe $$ to believe her....)

Lonepiper, Although I had a very difficult experience with my skids and DH, I have seen enough blended and second family situations to know that not only can they work, the players can actually be happy with each other and love one another. One of the keys (in my opinion) is not to force a family bonding. This was one of my big mistakes. I have a cousin with two kids, now grown but around 5-6 when she married a man with two kids around 7-9 at the time. They never, ever all lived together. This was a deliberate, strategic decision on the part of my cousin and her 2nd husband. Her kids lived with her, his kids lived with his ex-wife out of state. Not far, but still not in the same town. He saw his kids often since the out-of-state location was right down I-95 and not far. They merged the families slowly, trips to Disneyworld and so on, never trying to be parent to the other's kids and not forcing the clan together. 20 years later the kids refer to each other as brother and sister and the parents, really step parents, stay in more of a friendship mode with their respective stepkids vs parent. I know others with similar situations, just not on this board! Yes, I do envision a life with a better partner some day, why not? That doesn't mean that I haven't learned the hard way to not try to force some new "dad" down my son's throat if that ever comes to pass. Or to try to be someone else's "2nd" mom. Uggg. The walls will be pretty thick between any new person and my son for a long while. That's what I've seen works with divorced people and their kids. But going it alone, and of course, who knows if there is a 2nd act for me, is not what I want at all. I hope I can learn from my mistakes as well as what I have read and learned on this board.

Answering three at once here... We also thought that 100 reasons was too long, but we weren't about to go against BM's instructions for this. If she had made him come up with 100 reasons to finish his lunch, then we probably would have shortened it, but fighting is a big deal. Since you all think that his negative/defeatist/self-loathing reasons are a part of being 9 and knowing he did something bad, I'll try to not be too concerned. And we'll just try to emphasize the individual behaviors as single incidents. We often bring up a past good incident as an example of what he should be doing, and to remind him of that has made good decisions in the past, so we know he can do it in the future. Once in awhile we bring up a past bad incident as an example of what not to do, but that's rare. He's generally pretty confident and proud of his academic and sports achievements. Once in awhile he'll say "I only got 24/25 my math facts because I'm pretty dumb." We reply something like "24/25 is not the grade of dumb person! You did great on it! Nobody knows everything all the time, and everyone is allowed to make mistakes. You're smart and don't you forget it!" I don't know if keeping consequences non-personal would work... I've mentioned before that I suspect he has some ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) on top of his ADHD. Well, he REALLY blames others for his own mistakes and problems. For example, there was a recent battle to get him to admit that HE left his bike on the driveway (he insisted that Papa moved it, the neighbour moved it, a thief came to steal it but then changed his mind halfway down the driveway, etc) even though Papa and FDH saw him leave it there. We're trying to get him to take responsibility for his own actions at this point. My 4yo niece is that same as JNM's DS though. If she thinks that anyone is disappointed in her, the waterworks begin and she is apologizing left and right. She's also VERY well behaved, but she feels absolutely awful when she does something wrong. I like the idea of writing some of the scenarios we talk about. I'll suggest it to FDH and maybe next time we have something we have to do hypothetical situations for, I will write them too and he can write down what he will do in each case. This idea just keeps getting better - it could be photocopied so BM knows EXACTLY what we've talked about at our house. I think this could work well. I'll also talk to FDH about the diary of how A__ should behave at GM's house. Since it's her mom's house, she obviously gets to make the decision. I think it probably would be helpful to have a list to refer back to of what he needs to do. We wrote down his grounding rules this time and that made it easier for him to remember/understand when he was restricted from something he wanted. Rewards for checks hasn't worked in the past for him (he cheated on his star chart), but the last attempt was a few years ago, so maybe he's old enough now to handle it. Thanks for the help and encouragement!