Thanks everyone. I feel exactly as you do ibensg, that inside I'm just a little girl that still needs my mom's reassurance. I feel badly too though because so many of my mom's last birthdays we spent apart because I moved far away with my family. Besides losing her and Dad, that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. We were always close though, we talked on the phone every day and I was able to move just a few hours away 2 years ago. I can honestly say she is the best friend I ever had. I miss her terribly. I always will I just know it. On her birthday, my husband and I went out to dinner without kids. He's leaving on another business trip soon and we needed some time together. We toasted my mom and I cried in the restaurant, but it was good to speak of her outloud. Later that night we went through her old high school year book. She was the prettiest one in her whole class. Joanie

Julie, like Susan said, don't worry about "normal".There is no "normal". Each one of us grieves as differently as each of our personalities and experiences with our loved ones who have left us. Being that we all have different experiences with our loves, we have different hurts, issues to deal with, circumstances to straighten out in our heads and the list goes on and on. We all have that basic grief, but there is no time table or rules when it comes to what we are feeling inside and when it surfaces. Birthdays are hard for me. Harder than the "Heaven Day" as I call it. I try not to think too much about the fact that I won't ever see Chris again in this life. I try to remember that this life is VERY short compared to the eternity of pure happiness that I will spend with her after my time here is up. That is a happy thought. Try to replace your bad/sad thoughts with happy ones. It will help you survive this. I too, can honestly finally see a significant difference in my emotional state since Chris left. It has been 6 years and 5 months. My heart is finally feeling lighter and I am more ready to do fun things. Chris knows I love her and always will. She loved life and was ALWAYS ready for a great time, so I want to let that part of her that is in me shine. Julie, you will feel better in time. Lu

It never occurred to me that there were people who had never heard of banana pudding. I'm shocked!!! LOL! I make mine from scratch. About 20 or so years ago someone brought some to a Christmas party at work and it was called Easy Banana Pudding. It was made with French Vanilla instant pudding and called for Eagle Brand milk. It was definitely different from the other pudding, but it was mighty tasty. I have made it a few times, but haven't done so in a long time. I still prefer the original recipe pudding. Here's my recipes: Banana Pudding ¾ c sugar 3Tbsp. all purpose flour dash of salt 4 eggs 2c milk ½ tsp. vanilla extract 5 to 6 ripe bananas, sliced Vanilla Wafers Combine ½ c sugar, flour and salt in top of a double boiler. Mix in 1 whole egg and 3 egg yolks; stir in milk. Cook, uncovered, over boiling water, stirring constantly until thickened. Remove from heat; add vanilla. Spread small amount on bottom of 1½ qt. casserole. Cover with a layer of vanilla wafers. Top with a layer of sliced bananas. Pour about 1/3 of custard over bananas. Continue to layer wafers, bananas and custard to make three layers of each, ending with custard. Beat remaining 3 egg whites til stiff, but not dry. Gradually add remaining ¼c. sugar and beat til mixture forms stiff peaks. Pile on top of pudding covering entire surface. Bake in preheated 425°F oven for 5 minutes or until lightly browned. Serve warm or chilled. ** note** Sometimes I don't put the meringue on; I just crumble a few vanilla wafers to make crumbs and put across the top. **another note** I almost always double the recipe because it doesn't last long either around the house or any pot luck I take it to. Here's the recipe I have that uses sweetened condensed milk: 1 lg. box French Vanilla instant pudding 1 can Eagle Brand milk 1 (9oz) carton Cool Whip 1 box Nabisco vanilla wafers 6 large bananas, sliced Mix pudding according to pkg. directions and let stand for a few minutes to set. Add Eagle Brand milk and Cool Whip. Mix well and pour half of mixture over a layer of vanilla wafers and bananas. Make another layer of vanilla wafers and bananas and pour remaining pudding mixture over this. Crumble wafers on top or top with additional Cool Whip. **note** On this pudding I put both Cool Whip and crumbled vanilla wafers on top. **another note** I don't necessarily use the brands mentioned in the above recipes. They were just the ones mentioned when I got the recipes.

I think I see a working layout and in my mind I do not see the picture you posted at all. It is so much about colors and trim etc. that makes a difference and I don't see why an older house can't have a functional kitchen even though she tends to lean toward the fancy stuff in general. Lots of way to fancy it up with trim. I mean if it was period appropriate my guess is the kitchen would be in the basement where nobody could see it. I think open shelves and kitchens is from a much later time period so I see no reason for having to follow that. Personally with cats in the house I wouldn't want open shelves. I'd be lucky it wasn't all broken on the floor after just a few days.