Argus, it's good to see that you are starting to appreciate some of the "common" vines that grow all around you there in sunny California. Thing about those commoners that appeal to folks over such a large part of America is that they are tough and can provide viewing pleasure in climates where the whimpy fancy exotics can be grown only in greenhouses. Have you checked out some of the beautiful Japanese Morning Glories now being grown. Beautiful blooms in the 5 to 7 inch range, many with really attractive leaves. You are blessed with a great environment for gardening. To really appreciate it, you need to spend a year in a hot, windy area or where the temperature gets below zero with 3 feet of snow------then you will really appreciate the "weedy vines" so abundant in your neighborhood.I'll take 'em all if I can get them to grow in this alkali soil around here!!!

I heard this quote recently: " The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children." I suppose you could add, by our "lover's children." IF you LOVE HIM, REALLY LOVE HIM... like you think he and you have a long future together... Try to LOVE your boyfriend and enjoy every moment you two have together. BE "in the moment" with your boyfriend. CREATE a world where the two of you exist only to love and support each other. DO NOT let the residue of "the kids"-yours or his-pollute that world. Why should you sacrifice your relationship on the altar of the "spoiled 19yr old" ??? DO YOU really want THAT??!! The ancient meaning of "spoiled" really has to do with victory. "Spoiling" the enemy or "spoils" of war means TAKING everything of value that once belonged to your now defeated and humiliated enemy. So will you let the "spoiled 19yr old" SPOIL your relationship or will you have the victory by keeping your relationship? ...just a thought

Well I may have not have explain the whole story quiet correctly, in terms of what I was trying to say. I did write this right after I had mention that she has no respect for her mom and then she stormed out of the house and stayed with her grandma for 2 days. Well needless to say, she wanted an apology from me, but I couldn't apologize for something that was real, regardless if the true light of the matter came from me rather then the mom or the immediate family. And by the way I do have strong feelings for her mom and the thought of leaving made no sense after reading it again... above. Well she did come back regardless and we talk to each other like nothing ever happen. I support her and what she does in her everyday life, which unfortunately her mom doesnÂt maybe thatÂs why I do. She really hasnÂt had a real father that I can call a real father figure, so I may as well step up and show her that some men out there do give a hoot. Besides what I have been told here that there isnÂt very many men by the way that the women talk around here that are like me. Hell I cook, clean, fix stuff around the house, bring home the bacon and modestly rock the bedroom. The men here are stagnant as my girlfriend and here sister calls them. But the daughter I feel, just needs to know that people do give a hoot even if it is from someone that just moved in. I feel for the kid and I just donÂt want her to fall on her face without knowing why right after the fact. ItÂs ok to test the waters in life, but to walk life without a clue just makes things more unbearable to handle and sort out. My focus is to listen to what she has to say and if I can give any input that makes any sense or whirl of a difference I will. That will be my only addition from my corner at this point and hopefully all will be well in her life. O by the way she has a date this weekend and I asked a few fatherly type questions about the fella and she took it with stride without feeling that I was imposing on her life. Good thing to, because I felt dumb asking them questions about the guy after the fact, like it wasnÂt my place. But heck no other man is around to ask them type of questions. So be itÂ.. And far as the men here I think women look to hard for a fairy tale, so they may not see the men that are around here quiet clearlyÂlol

i'm glad there wasn't a scene for you to deal with on christmas eve! i have a few thoughts for you... christmas is the day we celebrate the birth of a certain baby, who was sent to give the world a second chance. why? love. so christmas is really about love, whether or not you believe in that baby that was born in bethlehem. that's why we give presents to people we love--to show them that we love them. sure, it's a consumer thing nowadays. but say you'd lived back on the american frontier and had NOTHING to spare but a few scraps of fabric, think of all the time you'd have spent secretly sewing that fabric into dolls or whatever for your children. THAT is the true spirit of christmas, which is why i say you shouldn't cave today or tomorrow, and get her something for christmas anyway. give her a hug, and tell her you want to bake some cookies--or do any activity you can with her where you have time to talk to her. (if you're doing something, she'll be less likely to leave, but it'll also take some of the direct focus off the difficult things you need to say.) tell her you love her, but that her behavior was unacceptable. set a ground rule now and KEEP IT. tell her that christmas is about love, not about manipulating her birth mother into getting her what she wanted AND doing it in such a way that she just knew her mom would come over and throw it in your face. i bet you made her birth mom mad when you mentioned money because she didn't think about whether she could afford the stereo--she was probably told a version of the story calculated to make her so mad at how her daughter is being "mistreated" that she would act before thinking everything through. i don't think this means your daughter is particularly "bad" or anything, but i do think such behavior is likely to continue now that she's seen that it works. that is why you need to stick to what she said and not get her anything. teach her that she cannot issue ultimatums because SHE is NOT the one in charge here. she is still legally a child, and, well, she's behaving like one. i think it's very important that you connect these things verbally for her. tell her straight out--but try to do it gently so that she'll listen--that her behavior caused this whole situation, and her behavior is the reason she is not getting anything from you for christmas. she might not care much for the example, but tell her about one of the origins of the myth of santa claus, about the orphanage children in germany (?--i think) who were so happy to find oranges and nuts in their stockings on christmas morning because they were so poor that fresh fruit was a luxury. you need to teach her that kindness and love are the reasons we give presents at christmas, NOT to pacify a selfish little girl who knows how to make trouble. and when she says "well, if you loved me, then you'd give me something," then you say, "it's because i love you that i'm making sure you learn this lesson. you will not be able to get along with others throughout your life until you learn what sorts of behavior are acceptable." the goal is to make her understand that she caused a lot of bad feelings in your family just to get a stupid little stereo. if you do it right, that stereo will give her a sinking feeling every time she looks at it for a long time. you have to make her see that manipulation is not acceptable, nor are ultimatums. it's a hard lesson to teach her, but if you succeed, you'll be very thankful when she's older that she isn't the legendary witch of the family! also, i think you need to get with birth mother and talk about this if it's at all possible. tell her that you don't like the way the girl manipulated everyone, and that you want to get together and set some ground rules for behavior. she probably won't like hearing you say that her daughter manipulated her, so if you can say it kindly the first time, that would help. but make sure she knows that the girl DID manipulate her. this is not about finances, though it's a good time for both of you to talk to your daughter about that, too. if she's old enough to play you all off against each other, then she's old enough to understand "we can't afford it." you three parents are all going to have to be mature enough to block her when she tries to play you off against one another, and that means making sure that birth mom checks out the stories she hears before she goes out in a rage and does exactly what princess wants. in order to do that, you three will have to be on good speaking terms. it might help to say that you want to do what's best for the daughter in the long run, though it might mean being deprived of a monster stereo in the meantime. she'd have survived a lesser model just fine, and if her attitude had been better, you could have suggested that she could upgrade to a better stereo in a few years. one last thing--if her behavior improves, you should reward her somehow, but try to do it in a way that doesn't directly involve money. instead of taking her to the mall for a new outfit, tell her she can invite a few friends over for a slumber party--or "movie night" if she's too cool for slumber parties. ;) you'll spot them for movies, brownies and popcorn, and let them have fun. sure, you'll have to flash some cash to pull that off, but in the end, it's more about the activity with the other girls then about what they got. after all, the movie goes back (don't buy her a movie for this!), and they ate the food. oh, and she also gets to help clean up afterward, but try to minimize that, though don't let her get out of it. sorry this was so long--i'm up with a sore throat and can't sleep! i hope something in there is helpful to you. :)