help me solve a mystery...dog miserable.
nibblin
14 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (11)
sammy zone 7 Tulsa
14 years agodabunch
14 years agoRelated Discussions
Help me with my dogs....
Comments (31)Clicker training has resumed. And the shih tzu is going to be added to the class (I know, one at a time to limit distraction). Do you mean you signed both dogs back into a formal clicker class and you are taking one while your DH takes the other? I have no problem with you taking both to the same class at the same time, at all. They need to learn to work with distractions. I didn't mean for you to take them back to class though. I meant for you and DH to work them around the house every day on your own. I think it's hands-on practice that is needed most. But you said DH took the pug, so if you haven't been to a clicker class it would be good for you to go and have an instructor observe your technique, timing, treat delivery, body positions and so on. The pug is quite smart and we are working on reviewing sit, down, and stay. But how do I teach "leave the shih tzu alone?" I'm sure both dogs are smart. Pug heads for tzu and you give the cue sit, or down, or come and have him stay. Reward him. It's called an "incompatible replacement behavior." IOW, laying down is incompatible with bugging the tzu. If your training is good you should always be able to head him off the tzu. Another thing you can do is c/t the dogs for backing away from each other and from the cats, and c/t the cats from backing away from the dogs. You can put all that on cue. If I were looking for a class for the pug I'd look for one that has off leash play in each session. You didn't answer my question but it sounds like your pug dearly needs an older gentle dog to put him in his place. Pug bugs old dog, old dog growls. Pug keeps bugging, older dog knocks him down, stands over him, and doesn't let him up till he settles. Pug gets up and he's a NEW dog! Note, older dog does NOT put holes in pug. You may have a friend with a fenced yard who has such a dog. Or you might call around to doggy daycares and tell them what you're looking for, then leave pug in daycare for a couple of days until older dog puts him in his place. Because a pup who thinks he can push around adult dogs sooner or later is looking to get into a serious dog fight. Dogs need to learn their manners around other dogs. I would set a schedule for what to work on around the house. I would phase out the clicker as soon as each behavior is on cue. I'll list some things I'd work on in the order I'd work on them (I want recall strongest, attention next strongest, and I don't want to start with sit or down as I don't want them as begging behaviors). I would start the first behavior. When it was about 90% solid, shaped just as you want it and with the cue added, I'd add another behavior and put the first one in review... and keep going that way. I don't know if a behavior will take you a few hours or a few days to get to the 90% so I can't say how long it will take to do this. I'd just get started. Please see: http://www.clickersolutions.com/articles/#behaviors Recalls Attention Targeting Leave It Retrieve Heel Loose leash walking Sit and sit-stay Stand and stand-stay Down and down-stay Go to his rug Then work on husbandry behaviors like getting in and out of crate, car, bathtub, good front door manners, grooming things like nail trims, and so on. Problem solution like c/t for not jumping on people. You can teach your dog to back up on cue and also use that when he's about to harrass dog or cats, or guests, or get into mischief. I'd get a good clicker trick teaching book or video and start teaching tricks... spin, roll over, bow, shut the door, and so on. Just keep teaching new things. I'd intersperse fun trick teaching with serious stuff teaching. Always keep training sessions brisk, loads of fun, and give out lots of treats. Be a scientist when planning out what you're going to do and be a valley girl cheerleader type while doing the training. You might check your library for clicker books and videos. Amazon.com often has used books and videos at very low prices too. You can always c/t a dog at any time for doing something that you like. You can set up 5-minute sessions every hour. You can do training setups and have friends help you....See MoreStep daughter problem close to xmas ...please help
Comments (8)I see things differently than others here First I don't this you are a native English speaker. You may not have put things the way a person who has English as a first language, so I won't take any of the words to heart just the gist of what you are saying. I can't see any mother keeping a room for her older daughter to visit occasionally while her younger daughter does not have a bedroom. This 19 year old is a spoiled brat and her mother made her that way.It seems to me you are part of the problem. Did you try to make friends with this girl when you and her mother got together. Have you ever once stood up to your wife when she's being unreasonable. It seems to me when things get tough you walk away. That is no way to iron out differences. So your wife yells then yell right back at her. Don't use the excuse of the younger children. Living the way they are now is worse than a little yelling. If you want peace you have to stand up to both your wife and this girl. I recognise that you are worried about losing your kids if you do initiate a divorce. A divorce may be in the offing if you do what I'm advising but it won't be initiated by you. I strongly suggest you document everything that goes on once you start standing up to them. Pictures and video don't lie. First clear out all this girls things, don't throw them out or anything. Box them up for storage, or give them to her. Then move your younger daughter in and don't stand any nonsense about it. If your wife leaves then don't allow her back in. If you want to work things out then have her agree to have some counsilling and if you do this then you must go too. Things are never one sided and you share the blame for letting things get to this point....See MoreAfraid issues with stepchild/ex will force me to cut & run...help
Comments (57)Dear lovehadley, I've never posted to this board before but I felt compelled to send a message to you. I'm an experienced stepmom of three. My stepkids have two different mothers. One BM is reasonable and helpful. The other is unstable and narcissistic. We have had to work very hard to keep this brood together - and I've learned a lot. I can tell you from experience that unless you set some boundaries and take control of your life, you are in for rocky ride that will definitely include an unwanted divorce. You are correct that most courts now favour 50/50. It's fashionable and it doesn't require anyone to make a real decision. However, it doesn't work for all children or all families. It won't work in your case. The BM is set on making trouble and the child is out of control. The current situation is bad. Moving to 50/50 would be better, but you'd still have an obsessive BM harassing you and a child in your house that you can't manage. Just imagine this child in 5 years, when he's almost as big as you are. Furthermore, your quality of life is just not good enough. You are very young, obviously articulate and you clearly have a compassionate nature. Yet your day to day life is all about your stepson and this crisis. You are going to wake up very soon and find that you're 40 years old and have wasted your young years fighting a battle that you can't win. You need to take control of your situation. It's not working and your fiance's proposed solutions aren't going to make life any better for you. He can fight for sole custody of this child, but he most likely will lose. Even if by some miracle he wins, the child will be opposed to it and he'll be unmanageable. Furthermore, the BM will get very liberal access which will be just the ticket she needs to harass you every minute of your life. It won't be much of a victory and it won't last long. I can pretty much guarantee that this child will end up living fulltime with the BM. Either he will demand it, or you will demand it, or you will leave and your fiance will have no choice but to relinquish custody. How you get to this place is up to you. You can continue to live in this nightmare until you walk out, or you and your fiance can figure out a reasonable schedule whereby this child can live with his mother, and spend ENJOYABLE, nonthreatening visits with you. Believe me, once the BM has this kid on her hands fulltime, she'll be VERY EXCITED about these access visits and she'll make sure that the child is as good as gold every minute. And, best of all, once she's dependant on you for the occasional break, her behaviour will improve dramatically. It's too bad that this child has a lousy mother and behavioural problems. But you can't solve this problem and ruining your life won't make it any better. All you can do is set boundaries for you own life, and then enforce them. It's tough, I know. But, trust me, it works and you will be much happier. The child will be happier too. It's bad to have an unstable mother. But it's much worse to be caught in the middle of a war and be swatted back and forth between two different worlds twice a week. Let your fiance read this email. Good luck....See MoreHelp me love my small house again!
Comments (32)How nice to have an introvert thread. My husband and I are both introverts, and it often seems as if the whole world wants open layouts where you cannot do your own thing without being interrupted by others. Meanwhile, we are all about walls and soundproofing. As others have also stated, my first thought was also that you want SO much to be different that it sounds as if all signs are pointing to just moving. But I understand that is not an option. Given all that you are doing and wanting, it sounds to me as if what would make more sense for you is building a second story. That'll cost more up front but usually adds A LOT to the value of a home. Run this idea by a realtor and see how much value that would add to the home in your areal Might be worth it? This is why, in terms of your goals, it makes sense: -- If the goal is a higher ceiling in the living areas, you can vault the ceiling as you are proposing. Or you can just make the ceiling higher (say, like, 10'-11') while you're adding a second story. Either way, the roof comes off. -- I don't think you will enjoy an open layout at all. It may make the house feel more spacious, but it's a terrible layout for introverts. And basically miserable if you have no other living areas. My husband and I have and that now (an open layout with no secondary living area) in our one-bedroom condo, and it's one of the main things we are going to avoid our future home at all costs. You just CANNOT get away from your family in that situation. You mentioned that you want your home to feel "restful," and this definitely does not. The normal noise/smells/activity of life in your home are all jumbled together in the same environment, and the result is unpleasant and chaotic and something you can't escape from unless you go lock yourself in your bedroom. We actually set up our bedroom to be a secondary TV room so we could actually escape each other, but it's really not the same thing as a second, separate living space and never will be. -- "I thought I would use the basement space for our family room but I am finding the basement not as comfortable as well. Too cold and too far removed from the kitchen." If you add a second floor, the bedrooms will be upstairs, and then you can use the current bedrooms for a family room. They, presumably, are not cold like the basement. And they're much closer to the kitchen. -- I have thought about adding on to the house but it will mean $$$ and less yard on our narrow property. A second floor doesn't save money, but it take NO extra space on your property. -- "We will move the washer and dryer to the basement (it was already upstairs when we moved in. I love this convenience and will be sad having to go to the basement to wash clothes but we do need the space!)." With a second story, the laundry can go on that second story along with all the bedrooms. It'll be just as convenient, but also not taking up the space you need on the ground floor. Do you have a floor plan of the entire first floor as it currently is, including all the bedrooms? Could you post that?...See MoreTally
14 years agomazer415
14 years agotodancewithwolves
14 years agopjb999
14 years agotodancewithwolves
14 years agodabunch
14 years agonibblin
14 years agoAdry
8 years ago
Related Stories
HOUSEKEEPINGDishwasher vs. Hand-Washing Debate Finally Solved — Sort Of
Readers in 8 countries weigh in on whether an appliance saves time, water and sanity or if washing by hand is the only saving grace
Full StoryPETS6 Ways to Help Your Dog and Landscape Play Nicely Together
Keep your prized plantings intact and your dog happy too, with this wisdom from an expert gardener and dog guardian
Full StoryPETSHow to Help Your Dog Be a Good Neighbor
Good fences certainly help, but be sure to introduce your pup to the neighbors and check in from time to time
Full StoryGARDENING GUIDESSolve 3 Common Landscape Problems — With More Plants
Sometimes the best defense is a good offense
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDES5 Pet Problems Solved by Design
Design-Friendly Ideas for Pet Beds, Bowls, Doors — and yes, the Litter Box
Full StoryECLECTIC HOMESHouzz Tour: Problem Solving on a Sloped Lot in Austin
A tricky lot and a big oak tree make building a family’s new home a Texas-size adventure
Full StoryROOM OF THE DAYRoom of the Day: Great Room Solves an Awkward Interior
The walls come down in a chopped-up Eichler interior, and a family gains space and light
Full StoryLANDSCAPE DESIGNProblem Solving With the Pros: An Abundant Garden Stretches Its Means
Swaths of resilient, eye-catching plants thrive with little care or resources in the landscape of a Pennsylvania farmhouse
Full StoryLANDSCAPE DESIGNTo Make Your Garden Memorable, Add a Hint of Mystery
An element of mystique — intriguing gates, an interplay of light and shadow, hidden views — can take your garden to the next level
Full StoryLIFEDecluttering — How to Get the Help You Need
Don't worry if you can't shed stuff and organize alone; help is at your disposal
Full Story
Meghane