When he gave me a heavy duty weed eater, and for Christmas!
Now my EX!!

Well, I can top that one. Just this past Christmas he gave me a nice shiny new riding mower! Just what every 74 year old woman wants. I don't mind mowing, but I already have a riding mower. I haven't even see this one yet, it is still in his warehouse. I didn't let on. Dec. 4, we will be married 57 years. I have a lot of stories to tell.

Sue

The day that I changed the bedroom around.

Always did that in the spring and fall.

Just this one particular nite,the Old Lad must have been more tired than usual.

He got up to pee-I never did-but that nite,I kinda came to...he couldnt find his way out,and was tapping the walls calling my name..."Help me,help me,I can't find my way out"....there I was,1/2 asleep,couldnt speak for laughing,but yet,not out loud...just kinda in a dream state(believe it or not).....I still LMAO thinking of that one..you had to be there to appreciate the humor in it.....LOL

So Funny ont gal!

Sue

About 12 years ago, when we were only 50, he drops me off at WalMart and forgets me. Goes to have work done on the truck, goes home, sees me amd my purse are missing, asks the neighbors if I'm there, calls the hospitals, calls the police, finally remembers where I am. Now, whenever he drops me off I tell him "remember where you left me", so far he has.

OHHHH, so bad.

Sue

Help me I'm laughing so hard I can't get up!
Kathy G in MI

The one I still tease DH about happened before we were even married. We were recent college grads living in Columbus, Ohio, and frequently made the drive back to our parents' homes in northwest Ohio. We would take the Columbus outerbelt to state route 33 west. On one such trip, him driving, he took the wrong exit. He took 33 east instead, which led us back into the city instead of out. I pointed this out to him, telling him he was going the wrong way. He insisted he was not, that was impossible because "33 only goes one way." I snickered and said "Really? A one-way 4-lane state highway? Do you see the cars coming toward us? Which way do you think they're going?" He was quiet for a minute then asked "Where do you want me to turn around?" It was even funnier when we made it to the family dinner and I could retell it! "Sorry we're late... you won't believe what he did." ;o)

Then...(it's always on the road)... A couple years ago we made a rare trip back to Ohio during Thanksgiving. I-75 all the way, and it was constant, heavy traffic. I drove going up, and he criticized my driving. The biggest complaint was that I didn't "push the car out of my way" when in the left/passing lane. He thought I was not aggressive enough, I guess. He wanted me to tailgate until the car in front of me moved. I refused, saying it's not worth it, and I'm the one the driver's seat, I drive my way.

So... on the way back down he drove. Halfway through Kentucky he was frustrated with the traffic and lack of consistent speed. So he actually says to me "Watch this, I'll show you how it's done." And he moved over to the left lane, accelerated and moved up too close behind another car. Within seconds the other driver was intimidated (or just smart) enough to move to the right to let DH pass. When it did so, DH accelerated even more quickly, well above the speed limit. That moment we passed a highway patrol in the median, hidden behind a clump of trees. And the lights and siren went on immediately. He got a ticket. And the whole time the HP was at the window talking to DH I was looking out the other window biting my lip. Of course, as soon as he rolled the window up I let it out... "Way to show me how it's done, dear." The rest of the drive was really quiet. ;o)

I usually drive on long trips. That way we actually get there, and don't get speeding tickets.

17 years later, when he does something dumb, I grin and ask him "Does 33 still only go one way?"

you did mean what was your husband's dumbest moment didn't you? I hope so

No, I meant Dumb Husband moment. It seems to be all the time.

Sue

lol...and then there were the times,that a 3 hour trip from home took *7* hours...lol..and we went around & around the same block of about 25 acres,right passed the turn we were to make to get to the destination...lol...no way would he stop and ask for directions.

Just recently, daughters and I stopped in at his place of business. I seldom go there. I am just sitting in a chair and look up at him and he is chatting away with the girls. I said, why are you wearing your pajama top to work! Oh, I thought it was a shirt. No, you can tell by the sleeves and the large buttons. Not only did he not change it for the next day, I think he wore it for 3 more days! They live among us!

Sue

Thought of another one. Some years back we were going to have a family dinner. At that time I put my kitchen trash in a large crock with a bag inside of it. I asked my husband if he couldn't empty the trash for me as I was busy cooking. I can still picture him now, lifting that heavy crock and trying to carry it and wobbling with it between his legs. Of course I had to tell him you just lift the bag out of the crock. They live among us!

Sue

All righty then. I've about peed my pants from laughing. Admit it; I'm not the only one!

This is going to be one of those "Going down in KT History" threads.

This is one my daughter tells me her husband did. He wanted to use the weed eater but did not have safety goggles. He takes clear packing tape and wraps it around his head over his eyes, with his eyes wide open! Oh, do they ever live among us!

Sue

Dh HATES my windchimes. Once when he came back from a long day of skiing, it was snowing, the wind was blowing hard late at night and the chimes were bonging away keeping him awake. Soooo, about 3am he's had it and goes outside to take down the chimes. He turns around and the side door has closed and locked behind him. Did I mention that he likes to sleep in the "altogether"? He knows he has a key in his truck, parked out in the street. (Good thing it's a small, sleepy town and it's 3am) He finally crawls back in bed and I notice he's been gone a long time and he's radiating cold. When I finally wake up the next morning, he tells me the story and I asked him why he didn't just come thru the patio door, it's always unlocked.

Oh, sooo funny!

Sue

Years back we were having a problem with our pump sticking on our well. My husband had me to whack it with a piece of wood and it would take off and work for a bit. Well, doing laundry with each cycle needing more water and the pump not coming on it became rather tiring running from the utility room back into the garage to give the pump a whack. Finally the pump would no longer respond to my whacks so I told my husband. His response was, get a bigger piece of wood. It is a wonder he lived to be among us.

Sue

Years ago, I had recently had knee surgery and wasn't doing too well, so he helped with the laundry. Hanging up shirts out of the dryer and he only ever wears button-up shirts, but I have a number of knit cotton turtleneck pullovers. He tells me that there is no way that the turtlenecks can go on the hanger.... until I demonstrate it for him.

Women! Talkative!

Three hours, two minutes ... 19 messages!

There's a statute of limitations on these stories, you know - after 7 ears ... they disappear. [That's "years"!]

ole joyful

Well, who got me woke up from my sleep in the first place? Someone who decided that nine thirty at night was the time to take the trash cans out to the road! Some times after seven years the husband disappears! :)

Sue

Why do I get the feeling that Sue's husband really ticked her off tonight? :-)

Rolled over and woke me from a sound sleep to tell me the phone was ringing!
Amazingly, he still lives among us!

What makes you think it was just tonight! :)

Sue

Say, Mush, maybe it was the fellow that called me late last night looking for Sabrina! :)

Sue

I am always on my hubby's a&& for reckless driving. He is getting a little slower with age, thank goodness, but is still scary at times. Recently he and the dogs went in the little car to VA. The next trip I was along and on a stretch of highway he asked the dogs if he should tell me what he did. He was in a crowd and couldn't get around so he swooped in behind a boat trailer - into a tiny space. A lady officer (haha) pulled him over and told him he was driving too recklessly.
Wish I could've shaken her hand.

He was going on his first big horse trail ride. Belle the horse was excited and I told him to ride her around to calm her down. He took her far away from the other horses, she balked and backed up. He tried to do a one rein stop which pulled her off balance and so she layed down. He hopped off and did not hold her reins (!!!) so next thing I see is a loose horse ripping through the field. My horse.
That was bad enough, but another lady did not hold onto her horse and she ran after Belle. It didn't take long for it to all settle down. I am glad they were not close to the road.

Oh and there was the time he decided he could get a saddled horse through a gate that wasn't wide enough. I have lovely scratches on the good saddle to prove it.

And the time he went bicycling in 90 degree weather and started having chest pains 2 miles from home and rode his bike home only to get an expensive (not accepting what the insurance company would pay) ride in the ambulance. he was admitted for a few days until tests could be done but the only thing wrong was between his ears.

Sue - I wouldn't trade. Sounds like you have your hands full...

You know you need to have fun with life and have some laughs.

Sue

Once, driving down I95 going about 75mph, he decides his coffee tastes terrible. Most people would wait till you stop to throw away, but no...he must rid the offending object immediately. He starts to roll down his window to dump it out.(not littering, just pouring it out.) "NO"! I say "it will blow back in". He ponders for a moment and rolls the window back up about 3/4. "Don't it will STILL blow back in." (remember we are driving 75mph) He, very confidently and grouchily states "No. It won't"
I quietly and politey turn around and tell my then 13 yr old to duck.
We ALL got a coffee bath and after a long silence a good laugh.
He cleaned coffee splatter for weeks - maybe years afterwards!

another one:
One time I was laid up with a back injury and he was being a sweetheart and cleaning for me. He was done in the bathroom and came to check what else needed done. I asked if he did the toilet - (very proudly) Yep! Did he scrub the tub/shower?
Long pause, puzzled look...
Then he asks me why on earth you would need to clean the tub/shower - it get rinsed several times a day????
(he was probably 45 years old at the time)

Years ago when my mother was bed fast their electricity went out and it was the middle of summer. I told DH I had to go down there and see what I could do to help. DH said, "why don't you take this electric fan?" HELLO!!!

Do they just lack horse sense? I know my husband is intelligent about a lot of things and then he does things that make you wonder! Recently he came home from work and was messing with the front door trying to get it unlocked. I opened the door and asked him what was the matter. He swore up and down some one had stolen the front door key off his key ring. I asked him which one he thought it was and he handed it to me. You guessed it, I opened it right up.

Sue

A few years ago dh wanted to go to a computer big box store and look around. I had no interest in computer shopping so I dropped him off at the front door and told him I was going across the street to a book store. We had our cell phones and both looked at our watches to make sure they were together. We decided he would be at the door of the store where he was in one hour. I would just pull up and he woul get in and we would be on our way. He rarely drives. I drive more than 99% of the time.

I got there to pick him up at the predetermined time and he wasn't there. I waited a few minutes, still no dh. I called him on his cell phone and he answered by saying where are you? I told him I was at the entrance to the store where I dropped him off. He was silent for a few seconds, then he said he forgot I drove him. He was only in the store for a few minutes when he decided to leave. He couldn't find the truck in the parking lot and thought it was stolen. He called the police then called his son who lives near where we were. After filling out the report his son brought him home instead of calling me to come get him. He had to call the police again to take our truck off the stolen vehicle list so I could drive home without going to jail.

Linda

I've had two dumb husbands. LOL

What was the question? ;)

We had been painting a room in the basement and were almost finished with the first coat. We bought all the paint we needed the first time at the paint store.
Next day, I go to work and DH calls to tell me that he finished the second coat but he had to go back to the paint store for more paint. When I questioned why we needed more paint, he said that we had run out of wall paint. He bought a gallon of FLOOR paint because that was the lid he brought to the store to show them what he needed. I got home and walked directly to the STACK of paint cans we had bought to show him that we still had 1-1/2 gallons left of WALL paint!

We bought a low entertainment center that had to be put together. DH was so proud that he accomplished this and wanted to show off. When I went to look at it, he put the shelves with the unfinished sides in the front and was wondering why the drawers would not slide in easily.

I have always been the one to care for the outside of the house. We had someone to cut our lawn, but I did all the planting and cleaning up, etc. Well, now that my DH is home everyday, he decided that he was going to help me do Spring cleanup. After about 1/2 hour of turning over the soil in the beds, he says, "I think these may be something".
I walked over to see that he dug up every one of my hosta plants that had taken me forever to form in a perfect circle around the tree.

Shall I continue, or have you had enough for today?
Gotta love em, but why again?????????

I have fortunately forgotten most of the dumb things the EX did. The one I will never forget was when he cleaned the leather seats of his car with ArmorAll. The seats were then very slippery. When we traveled I usually did the driving because he was a terrible driver. This particular trip I was sleepy and laid down in the back seat for a nap. I was sound asleep when he had to hit the brakes because he wasn't paying attention to traffic. Hitting the brakes sent me off that d@#$ slippery backseat and onto the floor. I was madder than a wet hen. We weren't even in much traffic we were on I5 in the middle of nowhere in Central CA! Another time I let him drive on that same stretch of road and DS and I both saw a car engulfed in flames on the shoulder of the road up ahead and we both shouted "Change lanes, change lanes!" He couldn't figure out what we were shouting about and we drove right by, so close to that burning car that we could feel the heat through the windows. I am so glad he is the EX!!!

We were in the car and he was eating chocolate covered peanuts, really crunching away when I said something smart to him about it. I NEVER EVER get smart with people ( well maybe one time on the net). Later I went to visit the pharmacist to ask him what was in the last prescription I had filled. My doctor had slipped in some hormones against my wishes. I told the pharmacist they were driving me up the wall. He said, "then you don't need them, they are suppose to calm you." I guess that was my dumb moment instead of my husbands.