My cat is Depressed? Angry? Sad?

15 years ago

When I got married 8 years ago, I adopted DH's 2 cats. Four months ago, after a brief illness, Milo died at the age of 12. It was heartbreaking and we all grieved, including Toby, our 10 year old cat.

A month ago, DH convinced me to bring home 2 strays from his parents' house. I wasn't sure if we were ready, but I gave in.

I'm really enjoying the new kittens, but I am regretting the decision to bring them home. Poor Toby is so angry (sad? depressed?). He has been annoyed with the kittens from day one, which was expected. But instead of getting better with time, itÂs getting worse.

I went on a trip for a week and DH said he growled the whole time. A week after I got home, he stopped growling, but he is still spending 95% of his time under my bed. I've started bringing his food upstairs to him and just recently he decided not to come out to eat. He used to sleep at my feet and now he won't even come out from under the bed at night.

I thought he'd react differently to the knew kittens because Toby has always been playful. I've been told to give him a place of his own, but how do you do that? Any place that he can go, the kittens can also go. DH and I have tried to give him extra loving, but it's kind of hard when he won't even come out from under the bed.

It's so sad to see my (first) baby having such a hard time. I'm not sure what to do.

Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.

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Comments (8)

livvysmom
15 years ago
I frankly never understand when people want to subject an older cat to kittens. They always say they are doing it for the cat but rarely does the older cat appreciate it!

Perhaps you can find the kittens another loving home and let your kitty live out his days in peace.
cat_mom
15 years ago
It could also be that it will take more time.

We had a bad time of it about 5 years ago, losing our two older cats and then a kitten within a short period of time, leaving us with our other kitten and many months to go before kitten season rolled around again (so we could get our remaining kitten a companion).

Finally, 5 months later, when our kitten was almost 9 months old, we were able to bring home a 7 week old bundle of trouble! Our 9 mo old took to her right away, although having been a shy rescue kitten herself, she did sit back and stopped playing with the toys, allowing the frenetic little (more dominant personality) newcomer to take over.

They played together and groomed each other from the start, though our older kitten did not like it when the recently weaned baby tried to nurse on her, and let her know it!

We brought home the younger kitten the beginning of May that year, and our older kitten's mood and behavior with us and just in general, definitely changed and we qualified it as depression as well. Again, she was fine with her new sibling, but just acted differently (seemed sad, didn't play with her toys, didn't crawl under the covers at night....) and it killed us (especially after all we'd gone through the previous year).

This went on through the summer. The two kittens played with each other, chasing, wrestling, etc. The new kitten had to be wherever the other one was, but would lie down nicely for about 5 minutes and then start tussling and "biting" and our older kitten would get up and leave. Other than that, our older kitten seemed happy to have a playmate, but continued to act differently with us. Finally, in September, we saw glimmers of our cat's "old" personality and I'm happy to say that she seemed more and more like herself again as time went on.

It's only been a month in your case, that's not very long, so perhaps waiting it out isn't such a bad idea. Don't forget, he's also still grieving for/missing his longtime companion. I'd continue to give him extra attention when and however you can (lock the little ones out of the bedroom and coax your boy out from under the bed with some treats?).

I wish you luck and I do hope it works out for you as it did for us.
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Rudebekia
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irishdancersgram
15 years ago
Our older cats, Simba 12 yr. old Persian and Clancy 3 yr. old tabby got along fine. I was volunteering for a local rescue organization and brought in 3 3month old feral kittens..I kept them separated, kittens lived in the laundry room until they graduated to the upstairs spare bedroom...1 of the kittens got adopted and I just couldn't give up the other 2 girls, which by this time pretty much had the run of the house...It seemed, Simba just enjoyed watching them do their antics but Clancy really had a problem with 1 (Kaley)...We have had them for 2 years and still Clancy has a problem with Kaley but gets along fine with Kelly...Kaley wants so bad to be friends, follows him and does every thing he does but he just won't make up with her..Clancy has always been my baby and sleeps in my arms at night. I've made sure he still gets alot of the attention but there's something in his head about Kaley...But, each cat is different...There's no telling if time will change Toby..It's so heart breaking when you know they are sad....If only they could talk! Good luck
joepyeweed
15 years ago
Cats are so terroritorial... pack animals are better ;-)
gardenburgher
Original Author
15 years ago
Thank you all for your hopeful responses. I'm happy to report that Toby came out from under the bed and slept at my feet last night. And this morning, I gave him some loving and he actually acted like he enjoyed it. :-)
biwako_of_abi
15 years ago
I'm so glad Toby seems to be feeling better. The female cat I took my GW forum name from was 16&1/2 when I found a kitten with its eyes just opened trying to cross a street. It had been abandoned, as many kittens are in Japan, and I took it home and raised it on a medicine dropper.

Until I found the kitten--now a beautiful 16-year-old himself--I fully intended not to bring in a kitten until my old girl had passed away, but it worked out all right. True, his playful antics often did annoy her, but she seemed as happy as ever apart from that.

Sometimes they were like this:
{{!gwi}}
And other times they were like this:
{{!gwi}}

Poor Biwako only had one tooth left at this stage, but it didn't hinder her eating soft food.
lbr333
15 years ago
Great pics "biwako of abi"!! I always find the love/hate feline relationships interesting. If not noisy!

It looks like Toby is figuring it out and so are you. He may very well have been depressed at the thought of being replaced and usurped by younger things in his home. Maybe keeping them seperated for the first full month would have helped, but it looks like he's going to forgive the little ones for moving in. Keep giving him all the love and attention he needs/desires/and feels he deserves (LOL!) and I'm sure it'll work out. These beasties are much like us after all......if you brought two little babies into my home right now without my expressed, written permission, I might hide under the bed for a while too!! :)

Good luck!!
Lisa

My cat is Depressed? Angry? Sad?

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