There are a lot of good books available to share with your child. I suggest you get one and read it together. Nine is not too early. We have cultures in the US today where children as young as 10 have become pregnant.

She probably has already heard more than she shares with you. You might be surprised at what she knows or at least "thinks" she knows. After all if you don't open the lines of communication now she never will.

We never had the problem. I always gave a bit more info to the questions my children asked than they really wanted. They simply tuned out the information they weren't ready for. Body parts and their uses were discussed matter of factly since toddlerhood.

I do recall having to explain what a BJ was when my DS was 8. Older neighborhood girl had it in one of those fold-up flippy game things kids make up. Sort of ticked me off as I didn't think he needed to know the intricacies at that age. I said something about adults who loved each other liking to kiss each everywhere including there.

9 is definitely quite timely for the talk. I sat down with DD about then and the book All About Me, if I recall the title correctly. Several of her classmates were already having their periods, and you certainly want the talks to be happening before she has her first period so that she will not be frightened.

You can read the book (any book) together and handle questions as they arise. You definitely want to be her teacher, and not her classmates.

I arranged for DH to take the younger kids out on a long errand or whatever to allow plenty of time for our chat.

My aunt was a Girl Scout executive, and she ended up at summer camp quite a few times with girls who had their first periods there and were so frightened thinking they were dying because no one had had the talk with them.

Thanks so much to both of you for your thoughts - I especially appreciate the points about opening up lines of commmunication now - and talking about menstruation far enough in advance that it isn't scary when it does eventually happen. As it is, my daughter is pretty tall for her age - wearing a size 12 already, so I won't be very surprised if she ends up with her period closer to age 11 than 12, when I started my own.

Eesh, wildchild, I think you handled the description of a BJ with a lot of grace! I would have completely lost it, I think. Thanks so much for your advice!

Welcome to the forum. Come back and post.

I just remembered the book "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" by Judy Blume. An oldie but goodie for young girls coming of age.

You've had great advice so I'll just welcome you to the table. Come sit with all of us when you can. You won't find nicer people anywhere.

Teach -
Welcome.
I just wish this post would have been named "Talking iwth a child about Sex". I don't want to think about the internet searchers that will pull this post in.

Teachbls, It is good that you are realizing that it is time to address this. There are tons of great books, like "Where did I come from?".
Best of luck & Welcome!!

My DD is 8. She does not know about intercourse yet, she hasn't asked those questions yet. She does know about menstruation, she did ask that one. She was taking a bath in my big tub and saw feminine products in my bathroom and asked what they were, so I told her. We had a long chat right then, explained what happens to all girls by the time they are teenagers, but it's different for everyone, used the words period, menstruation, etc. It was our first serious conversation about the birds and the bees. She asked questions, how old I was, if periods hurts, if it ever stops. So I did answer that one, that it stops when a woman is pregnant and starts again, and stops for good when you're "grandma's age" LOL. I told her how/what/why.

My mom tossed me a box of pads when I was 12 and said "you're probably going to need these soon" and that was it. Not what I wanted to happen w/DD. So actually when she asked, I thought it was an excellent "teachable moment" and went with it, her brothers were not around, and we just kept talking until she was done. Then I said "Are you done talking about this, or do you have anymore questions?" She said "I'm done for now." I was very happy, felt off to a good start.

Now my biggest concern is that she'll see me slip some products into my purse and share with a group "mom is having her period." LOL.

DS#1 learned "where babies come from" when he was 6 because he asked a lot of questions, I was prego w/DD at the time. He had a book about the life cycle of frogs, which told about mother frogs and eggs, and father frogs and fertilization. I had already told him "babies grow from an egg in the mom's uterus." So he put the whole thing together and asked me after reading the book this exact question: "How did daddy fertilize you?" Well, didn't see that coming, but probably should have. LOL. I answered what he asked. He also was in the delivery room when DD was born.

Whether they ask about god, sex, drugs or politics, I just think it's best to be honest and calm. I answer what they ask and wait for the next question to come into their minds on their own. I curious/nosy kids, they always ask (when I least expect it). My kids have asked "What is rape" after hearing a news story, I told them in so many words "One person hurting the private parts of another person without permission, in this case a man hurt a woman." They've asked about abortion when they read it on a bumper sticker, I explained, they asked more questions like why/how. I have a relative who is gay, and DS understood that there was a relationship but didn't quite "get it." He actually asked the relative "is she like your wife, where does she sleep?" Luckily, the relative was OK with answering what he asked and only what he asked and said to me "it's OK, he just asked a simple question." I am their teacher in these things, so I have to answer what they ask with correct, non-threatening information. I remember looking up "rape" in the dictionary after hearing it, yet sensing it was something I shouldn't talk about. I didn't like that feeling of "don't talk about it," so I want to have open communication w/my kids.

But if I had to bring it up, I might start with a book and/or with "You've never asked me about what happens to your body when you grow up, and I thought you might be wondering. So this is what happens to all girls..." I'd start with what will happen in puberty, and then get into reproduction after that has time to settle in her brain and start more questions. I am waiting now for the next questions to come from my DD.

ummmm I think I need the talk because I've no idea what a BJ is.

I didn't read all the responses but want to say the likelihood is if she is asking questions, she knows more or has at least heard her friends talk more extensively than she lets on to you. She has only revealed as much as discomfort will allow. At nine, she isn't incredibly brave talking to mom about it, but she's curious and wants her questions answered. I imagine the biggest thing for her right now is having a mom who doesn't seem to know as much as her classmates. Get my point?

Welcome to the Table, Teachbls. Hope you'll join us often.

Check out the Care and Keeping of You, its a great book (puberty, periods, sex). I bought it at Target. I read my daughter a chapter or two a night, then left it in her room so she can go back and reread at her own pace.

Talking about sex with a child?

Wow! That's some dangling participle!

Mallory -- you're joking, right?

Nope, not kidding

Teachbls, please don't think we're always so grammar critical. LOL

errr I googled it.
Stupid me!
No wonder I've done so badly at online Scrabble today.

There are books at the library,I got them for my kids,good luck, my daughter just laughed she said they already had all that in school....

I bought a lot of books for my daughter and when she was just a tiny thing, I found one that slightly covered the subject. It was read to her along with her other books. I think I told her about sex before she could hardly talk. I don't think there was ever a time that she didn't know. I didn't want her to get the message from someone else or have wrong info. It never bothered me to discuss things with her.

Well Mallory. I just couldn't think of another way to post it without getting bumped off the forum. LOL

But it did happen and I was really mad about it at the time. The girl who wrote the things on the paper was one of those kids who had parents who were the "no sex ed for my kids" type and the little angel could do no wrong. I knocked on the door and her father answered. When I told him I wasn't too happy he responded that his DD wouldn't do such a thing. I showed him the paper with her writing on it. He turned red and responded that perhaps it should be my DH who spoke with him and not me. I looked him straight in the eye and said DH is less comfortable about this stuff than I am. "I have no problem discussing BJs with you." He got really red then. Said he'd talk to his kid. LOL

Watch for physical signs of maturation. Use those changes in her body to initiate a conversation. Use the right words when describing body parts, that is important. I agree with everyone that you must be her teacher in this matter. Dont put it off.

and welcome

anette

so glad I don't have kids!! LOL!!!

I bought a book for DS when he was about 3 or 4. I worked in a health center and the doctors and nurses who worked with me talked with their children at an early age about sex. I was always very matter of fact. We used all the correct names for male and female anatomy.

"I have no problem discussing BJs with you."

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! I would love to have seen the look on that moron's face!

Rock on, wildchild ;-)

ritamay, me too!!!

There is a book put out by the American Girl company that is very good for this kind of discussion. Plus it has very good info about a variety of "girl things" from relationships to leg and underarm shaving to sex. My dd will be turning 11 this summer and will be getting it as a BD present. We live on a small ranch and she has a practical knowledge of the "birds and bees" just from observing the animals. She has seen calves being born and knows why we have to have a bull to have calves. When she has questions I answer them honestly. Funny story. One of the kitties we have adopted came into heat before we could get her spayed. Kitty was "singing" for a mate as cats do and was pretty annoying. DD looked at yowling kitty and told her, "Zoie, there is only one male cat in here and he's neutered, so shut up!"

My son was always curious and asked a lot of questions since a very young age, especially when he saw things on TV or a movie. I have always been open, honest and matter of fact with him. He is 23 and we still have a very open communication about things.
Clare

I'm rolling at WildChild, too!

OMG, how did I miss the awkwardness of my subject heading? Good call on the dangling participle thing. I'm a high school teacher, actually, and normally a crazy person about conventions in syntax and grammar...

Anyway - thanks to everybody for the warm welcome and the wonderful advice. I've actually been reading your posts for at least 3 or 4 months now. I think I stumbled over here once we were done with our kitchen renovation and the kitchen forum no longer held the same interest.

I will definitely look for a couple of the book suggestions that have been recommended...my daughter is a big American Girl nut, so I will look for the one that is offered there.

Actually, "Where Did I Come From?" is the one my own parents gave me in the 70s - I'll never forget that the pleasure of sex is described there as something like you might feel when you sneeze! And for another flashback, my daughter actually has my old copy of "Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret?" --I keep hoping she'll pass it over for another title - at least until I've actually had "the talk" with her... maybe this weekend, in honor of her b-day.

Thanks so much...

Hi Robin!
Glad to meet you!
Welcome to the KT.

I don't envy you at all.
I was raised on a ranch and so were my children. Reproduction and sex is around us constantly so I didn't have to give my kids the 'talk'. Conception, birth, death....they observed and learned at an early age the process was natural and necessary in the circle of life.

LOL

When Digger was three or four, a bull was breeding a cow and her cousin (who was eleven) gasped and said 'WHAT are those cows doing?" to which Digger replied "Dhey awe Bweeding. Evwee one Bweeds."

Custer roared with laughter when it happened.
I merely grinned (I understood the family dynamics very VERY well....)
However, my husband's sister was not quite so amused.
LOL

I'm sure you will find an appropriate way to teach your daughter.

Good luck!

Lori