Nothing goes like you plan. Had everything ready. I forgot to ask George how he moistens the peat/vermiculite mixture so I used the garden hose sray in the cups before I stuck the cuttings in. It got too soggy. I tried to drain and squeeze out as much as I could. Then I look at the cuttings and don't know how to prepare them right, made another slanted cut under water as best I could, cut the flower heads off as best I could (some of these had three flower heads), some were very healthy but some had some brown stuff on them (none had mold) so I pulled those leaves off but not all of them, shook the water off, dredged in powdered hormone, stuck a pen in the mix, felt I had to pull some of the bottom leaves off or I couldn't poke them deep enough, stuck the cutting in that, pressed as snugly as I could, then buried them as deep as I could in the ground. I figured burying the cups in the ground might keep them cooler if it gets hot again, but then it was frustrating trying to get the pepsi bottles over them without touching the leaves and disburbing the cuttings more and getting the leaves tucked up in there. Some of the leaves are touching the sides, I guess that can't be helped. Finally I put up an old window screen to filter out some of the sun that will get through on the east side, most is blocked now by trees, but a little gets through in the morning. The north side would get some of the morning sun anyway and is not a good place right now, ground packed from cement work that was done, too hard to dig for me. I toyed with the idea of stapling translucent plastic to the screen but just ran out of patience. Once the sun hits the south, they should be ok in the natural light that is left. I was afraid the plastic would block too much light and I would have to move the screen every noon. I put the seventh one, the only one that didn't have a spent flower head, looks very healthy, in the cup, in a gallon baggie, blew some air in, sealed it, and set it on the table by my north window, put curtains to block the sun from the east window very close by. It made me nervous, and all I can do is hope for the best. You look at those cuttings and must have to have some special knowhow to know what to do with each one because each one is different. Then what to do with the rooting hormone with all the warnings about not getting it on your skin, wear rubber gloves, I didn't, so I sealed that up in a plastic container and will use it again because I don't like to waste it. I was thinking as I was struggling with all this and back was hurting, legs stiff, why am I doing this? Why not just buy my roses? Two more sets to go, one tomorrow and one the next day, I hope. Have to go to the grocery store and buy back some bottles. Maybe in time I'll gain confidence and more of a knack with it. It is not easy for me, and it is messy.

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Is there any reason you can't go back to school now...the SS is in school fulltime (except summer). Why sit home in an empty house? Finish your schooling, work, get into a social setting (office, hospital, clinic) where you'll meet friends and do lunches with co-workers. Not to be mean, but Lady you worked far too long and hard to be sitting home miserable. Sign up for exercise classes if you'd like to meet people who might be walking/running buddies. Share recipes with and start feeling good about yourself. You are special, you count and you sound quite capable of being a every social good friend. Don't waste yourself staring at walls all day. You sound so very depressed. None of my business but if you are taking something for depression that can sometimes snag your sexual interest away (as can just plain a sense of low self esteem and feeling of total despair). While you've done the counseling route, have you had a good physical (blood work, checked for diabetes, blah blah)? It is possible that you are having the hard time 'loving' the SS because of the way your new marriage started out. Kinda placing the blame of your unhappiness on the child? You didn't say you dislike him or that he's a brat child or anything...that's a postive. How do the other children feel about SS and do they all get along? While you may never 'love' the child as you do your own children, I'm not so sure that is really something to feel guilty about. You're good to him, care for his needs...maybe if you get yourself up and out of the house and find some happiness and enjoyment in life you'll find the little guy is kinda likeable. You got smacked from being an active working woman with friends and comfortable surroundings to being the outcast and living in the shadow of a deceased first wife. You felt lost, alone and having serious second thoughts and on top of it all got handed an instant 'son' and told 'here, love him'. How is your anxiety levels. You mentioned several things that could point to problems there. Actually not knowing where a store is located should not be reason enough to not go...perhaps if you really wanted to go you'd figure it out fast enough. Are you using not knowing as an excuse for hiding. Again, none of my business and you certainly do not need to clarify for us, but sometimes depression meds (if you take any) do little for anxiety. It's really all up to you. You can stay and be miserable just as things are. You can explain to husband that you no longer see a need to 'babysit' a school age child (put him in daycare during the summers)and go out and meet the world again, or you can pack up and go back to where you came from and hope you can pick your old life back up again. Your posting was one of the most honest and saddest posting I've read here in quite a while, you poured it out from your heart and I'm not sure anyone here can actually advise you...only you know what you must do and only you can find the strength to do whatever that is. I wish you all the best and hope you can somehow find yourself again.

I don't care for any of the paint samples on the walls. They only highlight the pink tones in the paneling by being so gold or brown/gold. I also wouldn't do burgundy, as you have so much of it already in the room. I would first consider finding a color that is the same as the background color in the paneling - a soft creamy ivory tone, and just use that. The entry area feels kind of dark and closed, so a light color there would work. I would then take the same paint and paint all the ceilings, both in the entry and the living room. The white ceiling only works to make the walls look even more pinky-peach in contrast. By painting out the ceiling in the paneling background color, you will lessen that considerably. I would get a larger area rug for the entry, something with a creamy field and burgundy accents, which again will tie into the LR but keep the entry lighter in feel. I believe I see a cabinet of some kind in the entry area where the coats are? Be sure you have a lamp there for some warm lighting for the entry. I would take the four small flower pix on the paneled wall in the LR and hang them in the entry in a grouping. I would change out the mats to a neutral, to show off the flowers themselves - you don't even see them in the burgundy matting. The frames are fine. By bringing some of the burgundy onto that entry wall, you will introduce the burgundy color in the entry that will then lead the eye into the LR. I would take the larger piece in burgundy matting and use that over the fireplace - having two pieces of art on that fireplace wall that are matted in green kind of makes it feel like you were trying to match the art, but they are not hanging together so it feels disconnected. I would take all those balls out of the tall vases on the fireplace and puit them in a bowl somewhere - they are lost in those vases. Then find some tall, fountain-like grasses and greens to put in the vases for softness. It seems like you have so many great family photos. I would have them all framed in complimentary frames and use the large paneled sections behind the couch to hang them in a striking grouping. By using those instead of the burgundy matted collection, you will stop highlighting the color of the paneling, and instead will have a varied grouping of photos that will become the focal point. I would also move the photo screen and tuck it in a corner or near something so it doesn't feel like it is just floating in the room by itself. I love the little chest you have by the entry, but I don't like it there. It is heavy and dark, and feels like a barricade to the front door area. I would remove that and leave that entry open. Maybe you could move it over to the other side to where the little green bench is now? Try to get some pillows for the couches that are creamier in their background color, to lighten the feel of those pieces. They could still have a print or a stripe, but should have a lighter overall background that brings in the wall color. Something like this, tho this particular pillow may not be right, but the idea of a lighter background is the key. crewel pillows I don't see much ambient lighting in the room - at least in the views we have, only one lamp on an end table, and that is too small. Put that lamp on the little chest that I had you move over to the other side of the room. Get a bigger lamp for that table, perhaps another lamp to sit on the sewing machine (I think) that is behind the couch acting as a console table. More lighting located lower and that is warmer will also affect how the paneling is perceived, and will keep the eye more focused into the center of the room and away from the walls. I think your room has lots of wonderful things going for it. Settling the entry will help, and then tweaking the LR space and its accessories will make it all feel finished and cohesive.