Sorry to break this to you, but your dog is right. Animals *know*. They really do. We humans are raised to suppress and ignore all of the subtle signals that say *danger*. Ask anyone that's been in a bad relationship or marriage, and if they are honest, they will admit that there were red flags that they ignored.

While on the surface it may sound ridiculous to end a relationship because your pet does not like them, is it really?

I would do two things. First, keep paying attention to the boyfriend, watch how he treats other people, listen to how he gripes about things, and pay attention to how you feel when you are around him. If he treats others well (especially strangers), he is not negative, and does not act like he thinks he is superior to other people - great! If you can relax around him and not feel like you have to be on your best behavior, that is good, too. If you have to be careful not to make him mad - that is bad, bad, bad. If he makes you laugh and feel cared for, great!

Next, keep an eye on your dog. He is used to having you all to himself. The time you give to your boyfriend, you are taking time away from him, so he is confused. You probably will want to give him a good walk or romp just before your boyfriend comes over, or with your boyfriend. A tired dog is a good dog.

Just in case your brother is right about your dog understanding that the boyfriend is not good for you, see if you can figure out what makes your dog grumpy about him. Is it just after the boyfriend talks in a mean or irritated tone of voice? Does the boyfriend just have a louder voice than the dog is used to? Is it connected to the boyfriend touching you and the dog is just jealous?

I would give it all some time, take it slowly, and trust your instincts. If the situation makes you uneasy, then something is wrong. You dog could just be sensing this, associates your uneasy vibes with the boyfriends, so just does not like him!

My cat LOVES my ex (when he comes over, Jasper acts like he just inhaled a bag of cat nip and will not leave him for one second) and hates any new guy I have over, go figure. Animals do know, and they are usually right. Many people who believe that animals are more than mindless instinctual beings who simply poop, eat, and sleep know that well. They believe that animals can tell a person's character and/or intentions... Good luck... I hope whatever is right works out for you. Honestly, when I have a guy over I do watch how he and Jasper interact with each other. I'm not saying I will never talk to him again they don't go crazy over each other, but I certainly take mental notes. If a guy calls Jasper a she after I've corrected him 2 times then I know he is an inconsiderate jerk. Animals can teach us so much about people!

> "but I do ask myself if what my brother says is true and my dog can see bad things in him."

Hey that's a riot. I think your dog has insecurity and your bro doesn't want his sister getting married off just yet. This is not an uncommon problem and can be cleared up with a behaviorist. (for the dog not your bro) I've had dogs do this stuff to me before and I'm not only a super nice guy, I'm a really cool dude. Not to toot my own horn or anything. :-)

Dogs are masters at reading body language. Could it be maybe the guy doesn't really like dogs that much and your pup is picking up on it? Does he have a dog of his own?

Lisa

I do believe that animals can sense a person's "aura" (whatever that is)�"body language, tone, intent�"so I do pay attention when my dogs take an immediate dislike to someone. Of course such negative reactions should be interpreted within the context of the animal's own history. A dog who has been abused by a short, thin man may very well mistrust and dislike all short, thin men by association. Also, a dog who has always had all of his owner's attention in the home may become resentful if someone new (like a boyfriend) comes into the home and starts taking the owner's attention away from the dog.

If I raised a dog from puppyhood so that I knew no abuse had occurred, and if the dog had always happily shared my attention with everybody else, I sure as HECK would pay attention if that dog suddenly disliked someone new.

You really should try to figure out why your dog is reacting negatively to your boyfriend. It might be simple jealousy, or he might be associating your BF with someone who abused him in the past, or he might be picking up subtle cues from your BF that make him uncomfortable.

I recently lost one of my old mares. Molly had her one and only foal about 20 yrs ago. She was a wonderful mother and was extremely tolerant of just about everybody who wanted to visit and admire her foal. In fact, the only time I ever saw Molly aggress toward a human being was when a local horseman stopped by to see the foal. As soon as he stepped into the stall, Molly charged him with teeth bared. Did she associate him with an abusive trainer from her past, or did she somehow sense that this man was also the local kill buyer? By whatever means, Molly knew this man was not someone she wanted anywhere near her son, and I knew she was right.

Laurie

My husband has a friend that I don't really care for,I am not rude to this person and treat him as I do our other friends.Well our cocker that is now gone did not like this person at all.She would growl and bark at him the whole time he was over except if he sat on the landing to the stairs going upstairs.He dare not move or she would show her teeth,mind you this is the only person she ever did this to.
We now have 2 new babies and our female does the exact same thing.She will bark until he goes back outside.Both of our males tolerate this person but you can so tell their guard is up.This person does not have many friends because of his actions and the way he talks to people,my DH feels like he has to put up with him because no one else will.He does have a good heart it's just all the bs you have to go through to find it.
So yes I do believe dogs have a way of knowing things about people that we don't or choose not to see.

I watch how my dogs and horse react toward people they react to emotion and body language. Now my cats they like nothing more than to bother a cat hater. If someone says "I'm allergic to cats" there is a kitty contest to see who can get the most fur in that person's face. lol If someone says "I love cats" they play hard to get, go figure.

Not only dogs, but men can tell things about other men that we women can't.

I bet every one of us women has had an experience where some guy pal/brother/whoever was completely fooled by a woman, & we mentally shook our heads & thought "What's *wrong* with him? Can't he *see* what's going on?"

Well, the answer is...

no.

We see things in other women that men can't.

& men see things in other men that we can't.

(& dogs outdo us all!)

Your brother may be picking up some, as Laurie says, aura from this guy.

The only time my brother dared to offer me his negative opinion on a guy, I flew all over him, screaming & hollering & throwing a fit & saying "You just don't want me to be happy!"

turned out....my brother was right.

........
........

I used to live in a neighborhood where one couple brought their little Schnauzer to all the get-togethers.

Schatzi loved everybody except one guy.

She hated him, her hackles rose every time she saw him, & they had to put her on her leash to keep her from biting him.

found out he was not only a hunter-
he organized hunts,
he stuffed & mounted "trophies",
he really liked to kill things.
His belt & hatband were made from the skins of snakes he'd killed.

How bad was he?

At one of the get-togethers, I was talking about a butterfly exhibit, & this guy said, "Hmmm. Sounds like somebody needed to get in there with a flyswatter."

Schatzi was right.

Could you be inadvertently rewarding the dog for his bad behavior and therefore encouraging him to repeat it? If he behaves aggressively towards the boyfriend and the guy hands him a treat, that's a reward in the dog's eyes and not the peace offering it's intended to be.

Also, he probably is a little jealous of the new person taking up your time. If you jump to comfort him and reassure him whenever he behaves badly he's getting the attention he's craving and it will encourage him to do it more.

I'm not saying you are doing these things, only that you should take a hard look at how you and the friend are reacting to the dog and make sure you aren't reinforcing the very behavior you want to stop. If you are, then I would suggest you simply tell the dog no in a sharp, firm voice and then ignore him for a while.

I believe a dog can certainly sense the bad intentions of an intruder or mugger, for example, but personally I don't buy that a dog can see through a person who acts nice on the surface but doesn't have the best character traits.

I think because we live so closely with our dogs and love them so much, we have a tendency to attribute way too many human emotions, thought processes, and values to them.

I am always amused by the way so many humans seem to believe that just because they experience certain emotions, thought processes, and values, that those same emotions, thought processes, and values are exclusive to the human species.

Vanity, thy name is human.

I think because we live so closely with our dogs and love them so much, we have a tendency to attribute way too many human emotions, thought processes, and values to them.

I wouldn't insult my dogs by attributing human emotions, thought processes and values to them!

At first my dog liked my bf and thought him his best friend or something. I do not know what happened but my bf has never stepped on him hurt him or hit him or anything. I will say that the first few weeks we started dating several times a week that I spent less time with my dog and his walks were shorter ones cuz I was all caught up in the dating thing. Soon as my dog started acting like that I got guilty and back into our routine and keep doing our routine everyday.
What I like about my bf is he is a soft talker so it is not a loud voice and he is not superior acting. He is kind and sweet and does things like paint my apartment and fix stuff. He put a baby bird in a hanging basket in the tree when it fell out of the nest. I can not think of any reason that my dog is acting like this unless it is jealousy which when he is jealous of like children or something he tries to get between us which is not what he is doing with my bf.
It really hurts my heart cuz two nites now I have lied and stayed home telling him I am sick when I am really not and one of the things my bf said he likes about me is being honest which I am not. It just sounds stupid to say my dog does not like you so I do not know what to do.
I hope that deb18 is right and I am accidentally rewarding my dogs bad behavior but I really do not think so but still it is depressing cuz I might never have another boyfriend again. I do want to know the truth of this cuz I do not want any man to harm me in any way.
Quirkyquecus I will not be able to get married now or ever but what do you think about a dog behavorist? Are you a man and would you do something like that for a girls dog or is it too much trouble when you are only dating someone?
I have had my dog since he was 8 weeks old so he has never been abused by anyone and if anyone ever hurt my dog I would call the police on them no matter who it was.

Alright I will just say it. I have a form of autism and this can make it hard to understand things that are of emotion. I can not pick up on if someone is mad at me unless they come right out and say it unless they are having a fit or cussing and screaming. Mebbe I do not pick up on things that my dog does or my brother does but I really want things to be alright with my bf. I have problmes sometimes with social situations but I feel more comfortable with my bf than I ever have any other male that I have met and had a crush on. The first time I went out with him and my friends I went in the bathroom and threw up and then he made me feel ok about it. I really want to keep my boyfriend but I want my dog to be happy too.

Animals definitely have that instinct & ability to weave out the baddies from the alright people. There was only one person my dog absolutely hated. He always stood between me & him & never let him get any closer. He hated my neighbour. Anyone else could do anything & he wouldn't care.

I never trusted my neighbour after this, moved on since, but you should always trust your dogs instinct.

Your bf may have done something to upset or hurt your dog & will not tell you. A dog doesn't go on from liking someone to disliking the same person without reason. Personally I would watch them together at all times!!

> "Quirkyquecus I will not be able to get married now or ever but what do you think about a dog behavorist? Are you a man and would you do something like that for a girls dog or is it too much trouble when you are only dating someone?
I have had my dog since he was 8 weeks old so he has never been abused by anyone and if anyone ever hurt my dog I would call the police on them no matter who it was."

To elaborate a little more, I take my dogs to a lot of places outside the home. Mainly outdoor shopping centers, parks and busy city streets. Also some indoor stores. I've got some plans to possibly make them certified therapy dogs. They've been exposed to countless situations and they have yet to growl at anyone, read body language or any of that in public.

On the other hand when I go into public where there are dogs such as parks or to people's homes, or to animal shelters... dogs growl at me. Are they reading body language? Maybe. Are they telepathic? Obviously not.

When people come to my home, I suppose that's different, they have treated every visitor as though they will be distributing treats and affection. I haven't been in this position before but if I was dating someone and one of the dogs started doing this, first I would call in a behaviorist or consult with one for advice. I would not ask the person I was dating to take them to a behaviorist, I would do it myself. Knowing I've done all that I can to persuade them that all people are friendly treat machines I would be concerned also! Yes I am a man.

How much excercise is your dog getting before your BF comes over? Perhaps try wearing your dog out to the point all they want to do is lay there then have BF come over and see what happens. I'm not an expert so don't sue me if this goes wrong but I'm thinking this may be a better time to introduce BF to your dog. Then reward only for good behavior with treats.

lablover said: "At first my dog liked my bf and thought him his best friend or something. I do not know what happened but my bf has never stepped on him hurt him or hit him or anything"

kasem said: "Your bf may have done something to upset or hurt your dog & will not tell you. A dog doesn't go on from liking someone to disliking the same person without reason. Personally I would watch them together at all times!!"

Ditto.

I can understand your brother being overprotective, but dogs don't do things without a good reason. You have had your dog since he was 8 weeks old. Has he ever betrayed you? I would heed his instincts until your boyfriend has proven himself over a longer period of time. Please don't leave the two of them together alone.

Your brother might be overprotective, but he has your best interests at heart. Your dog honestly is the same as your brother, you're his "master" and he looks out for you.

I agree with whoever said, dogs don't like someone one day and hate them the next. Your boyfriend did something to the dog.

First loves are always the toughest, but you learn that life goes on and that there is someone better out there for you.

Laurie said, "I am always amused by the way so many humans seem to believe that just because they experience certain emotions, thought processes, and values, that those same emotions, thought processes, and values are exclusive to the human species.
Vanity, thy name is human."

Funny, it seems more vain to me to assume animals do think like us.

Well, we all know whatever goes on inside their heads and hearts isn't identical to what goes on inside ours. However, to say that they aren't capable of some of the certain emotions (love for example) as people is perhaps vain.

I never said or even suggested that dogs think like us, and I am thankful every day that they do not. I do know beyond any shadow of a personal doubt, however, that emotions are not exclusive to the human species. I also know that humans are not the only species capable of complex thought processes. Values? The social values of a dog pack are well documented by those who have studied canine behavior.

No, dogs don't think like us, but they do experience many of the same emotions, thought processes, and values as the human species.

Laurie

I kind of thought that deb18 may have accidentally misinterpreted what you said in the post the quoted.

I have given this much thought and I have a boyfriend no longer but I have not told him yet cuz I have not seen him. Everybody here has said that some thing is wrong so I think this must be true. I will not let anybody hurt my dog or be mean to him in some way and not even know about it and make my dog act badly. If I know for sure that he did something to my dog then I will call the police. I will have my dog his whole life but my bf will be gone with the army in September. I feel really bad and hurt and lonly but I will protect my dog from harm.

Of course, I never said dogs were incapable of emotions, thoughts, or values. I simply said I think we have a tendency to project our own onto them. They experience these things in their own way, and they don't necessarily mirror our own.

I find it hard to believe the OP's dog is sitting around contemplating whether her bf is right for her anymore than he would wonder if the neighbor's female that's in heat was right for him before jumping the fence. And I think it's very sad that she's giving up an important relationship because of comments in this forum and her dog's behavior which no one here can know the reason for.

If I had listened to the Lhaso Apso I had when I was dating my husband, twenty eight years of marriage and three great kids would have never happened. Turns out the spoiled little thing just didn't like to share and resented his presence, so he growled a lot and even snapped
at him at times.

In all these years, none of our other dogs have had a problem with him and I certainly haven't regretted my decision.

Lablover, people, too, have amazing perceptions and insights and if the relationship feels right to you, I say go for it!

I think there is a BIG difference in a dog that doesn't trust someone from the get go VS. a dog that was originally friendly and now no longer trusts the person.

Personally, I think pets can just have personality issues as well as humans. One of my dogs HATES one of the vets at the clinic. Other animals don't seem to have the issue, certainly my other dog seems fine with the vet. Maybe just something silly happened that makes a dog dislike someone. My husband likes dogs well enough. Our friend used to have a dog, we were around the dog fairly often, it was always friendly. We were there with a group of friends, one of the friends sitting near my husband "barked" at the dog. Dog thought it was my husband & never liked him after that, always barked & acted nervous around him :) I do believe it is possible that dogs have a 6th sense about people, but I am positive that it is not a definite thing either.

I wouldn't be so quick to say that the boyfriend has done anything wrong to the dog. She's only been dating this guy for 2 months, and in 2 months things tend to go from friendly-casual to a lot more intimate as people get comfortable. Perhaps the dog liked the guy, until the guy started being more touchy feely, and lablover started being more engrossed in the guy, than the dog.

You know, guy comes over, plays with dog, sits on other side of the couch from girl. Next week, guy sits a little closer, ignores the dog a little more...eventually he's there more often, and they're both paying less attention to the dog.

Lablover, I wouldn't neccesarily assume something is wrong. It's possible your dog just hasn't adjusted to this new guy being in his territory and his increasing fondness towards his owner who he's always had to himself. Try getting out with your dog and boyfriend, and playing at a park with him or something. Take him out of his house, and see if he acts the same.

My big guy gets just like your dog if we have lots of people over for too long. He gets mopey, and acts like someone has been yelling at him, because he's not getting the attention he wants. It doesn't matter who is here, he just starts to act like a spoiled little baby.

I'm coming into this late, but in your original post, you said, "My brother hates my boyfriend too but thats just cuz he hates all guys I hang around with cuz he thinks they do not have my best interest. " It sounds, first of all that you have a very good, very sweet brother that probably drives you crazy, but you're lucky to have, and secondly, your brother is right about men in one respect...there's only one thing on their mind. Your brother is a man, and knows this. I don't blame your brother for being protective of you. Maybe your dog is picking up on your brother's feelings. Who knows. The way you describe your bf, he sounds like a good guy. Just be aware, no matter how good they guy is, he's always got that one thing on his mind. You seem young, so make sure you talk to your brother, your parents, (and your dog) about where this relationship is going, and be prepared for anything. Definately talk to your boyfriend about your concerns regards your dog before you blow your boyfriend off. Communication is always important. I hope all the best for you, your dog, and your bf as he joins the service.

Sally

In the dog pack, who gets to sleep next to the leader of the pack or at the same level as the leader is a very big deal. If your lab used to sleep on the bed and now is forced to sleep on the floor, he's going to resent it. Or if he usually got to sit on the sofa next to you or lay up against your feet while you watched tv. If your boyfriend now gets those choice spots, then the message to the dog is that he is lower in the pack than the boyfriend. Not an easy thing for a dog to take! He won't blame you for it (you are the leader so you can't do anything wrong), but he will blame the boyfriend and may challenge him for higher status.

I will not have to worry about talking to my boyfriend before tomorrow nite so I will keep thinking on it and decide what to do. I am just worried cuz so many people think my dog would not be acting like this unless my bf did some thing to him. My dog is my most responsibility and I take it very serious and want to do the right thing. Deb18 I am glad you did not listen to your dog and fell in love and got married. Munkos I did give my dog less attention for a while but I am back to his routine. We walk 3 times a day and my landlord walks him too. We have a very long walk in the evening and if my boyfriend is here he goes too so it is not like my dog is getting forgotten. I take my dog every place besides work but on Saturday nites I do go off without him but I always have. I take my dog shopping to the park to friends house. I live in a small town and everybody knows my dog and he can go almost every place except for like the doctor office. I am not going to talk to my brother about it cuz if he seems happy I would dump my boyfriend it will hurt me and I might not forgive him just yet. Munkos I did talk to my boyfriend about my dog not liking him and he does not know why and has tried to make friends with him again and I am hoping that he really did not do something to my dog and is not telling me.
Yes I am young but not that young. I am 23 but have a developmental disorder and I hate that you can see it in my writing which I do really well at but I know what guys want. And if I am leader of the pack my dog will always be beside me. He is my life but I do have fun having a boyfriend.

Okay, here is the deal. Anytime we spoil a pet and then suddenly take some time away from that pet, especially if their is only one pet and they are sensitive, you can have a problem. My recommendation in this situation would be to have the boyfriend take the dog for walks. At first have the two of you together, walk your dog on a leash, you start out with the walk holing the leash, then give the leash to your bf. Have this be a good long walk. Give the leash to your bf after the first couple of minutes. See how the dog reacts. Do this a couple of times, next when the dog starts getting comfortable with your bf, have him take the dog out for a walk without you. See how that goes. I bet your dog will come around after the first couple of walks. Remember when your bf comes into the house, make a big deal over him being there, and dont touch your dog until after a few minutes have passed. I think your dog is seeing itself as the alpha, and you need to curb this type of behavior. When you go out for a walk, have the dog sit and stay and follow you out the door, not you follow it out the door. Same thing with your bf. Your dog WILL be resisitant to you bf going out solo on the walk the first time, but dont give in - teaching the dog some stupid pet tricks will help as well. Good luck

Lablover4ever, I like your writing because of its honesty and the feelings you share, and because of the interesting details. There's no problem at all with your writing.

You've had some very good advice here about helping your dog and your boyfriend learn to get along together, and it just might work. Mazer gave you some fun things to try. Dogs may be very intuitive about people, but I've seen some pretty bad people who also have dogs who love them. So dogs aren't always right!

Besides your brother, what do your friends think of your boyfriend? Do they like him and trust him? How do others in your small town feel about him? Does he have a good reputation around town?

It sounds like you have already learned a lot about identifying emotions but you still don't trust yourself to do it perfectly. It must be very powerful when your brother tells you that he sees bad things in your boyfriend that you do not see, because you believe that you aren't good at seeing those things.

If you pay attention to the whole combination of your own feelings and insights, your brother's, your friends', and your dog's, you're probably doing pretty well.

If you decide to keep your boyfriend, just be sure that he always treats you and your dog with kindness and respect. I'm sure that you already know this.

mazer, I wonder how the bf is going to like having to sit and stay while lablover goes out the door first! ;-)

Lablover, I think it is just going to take more time for you to know how it is with your BF. You have gotten a lot of good advice here, and I think you will do well. It is hard to know if your BF did something to scare your dog. Unless the dog slinks away in fear of your BF, it could just be that the dog does not like having your BF getting closer to you.

By the way, have you ever heard of Temple Grandin? She has Autism and understands animals better than she does people. She has written books about animals and I loved the one I read - Animals in Translation. I recommend this book to anyone who loves animals. She really helped me to see animals from a different point of view. The things that make her different than the average person are the things that give her insight, and she is a great teacher for the rest of us. All of us have skills in some area that make us special, whether we are DD or not. The nice thing about being in your twenties now is that over time, your DD will matter less and less. Don't feel bad about telling us that you are DD, it just helps us to understand your situation.

Don't worry about sounding young - at 23 you ARE young to some of us!

Here is a link that might be useful: Animals in Translation

Thanx so much Nancy in Mich! That is going to be a good book for me to read and it got me to thinking about other books I have read about animal therapy and sometimes people with disabilities and their dogs form very close bonds so mebbe my dog does not like me having a close relationship like that. My dog does not slink away in fear of my boyfriend and that is why I thought he did not hurt or scare him.
Woodlander thanx so much that you like my writing just do not ask me to do math!! All my girl friends like my boyfriend but the wierd thing is my guy friends do not like him and my brother does not either. That makes all males even my dog. Do you think guys always talk bad about each other? They call him an a hole but I do not know why cuz he has not ever done anything to them that I know of. They say things like here comes the cavalry and GI Joe. My girl friends tell me not to pay any attention to that. He has no reputation in my town other than being Juli's new boyfriend cuz he is new here. Oh yeah he is already in the army. Some body thought he was going in September but he is going to Aghanistan in September. And my mother likes him or at least she said she did and also my landlord said he thinks my boyfriend is nice. He helped him put up a new gate and also cut back a bush by my steps. So I think I will give it another chance and mebbe with work it will be ok. Thanx for being so nice everyone!

lablover - I remember from when you were having allergy issues with your dog. Is that all squared away now?

Hope you will give your BF another chance with the dog. The only reason to give up on this relationship is if he is a danger and you have given no indication of this. You should be having the time of your life... and if it's away from home, and away from the dog, so be it.

Of course your bro doesn't like him... he isn't suppose to. There is some unwritten rule about brothers and boyfriends disliking each other. And you're right... guys do talk down on each other, but at least your mom and girlfriends like him.

Just go have some fun! :)

I think your writing is just fine. You are a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for.
I know, for a fact that really nice guys don't grow on trees. Your bf sounds like a very nice caring individual who respects you & others. Sometimes family members are over-protective & never accept a bf/gf for no good reason. Usually, they just don't take the time to know the person before making a decision.
What counts is your happiness. I have a dear friend that had dated a fellow & his family was very nice...until he announced they were getting engaged. Everything changed & they disowned him, don't know why. His family doesn't bother with them, unless there's a crisis, but they are the nicest, happiest couple who will celebrate 20 yrs. together this year.
Perhaps your dog, that was spoiled with attention, is feeling a little threatened by your bf. I'm glad to hear you are not giving up on this relationship at this time.
You say you can't ever get married. I don't understand. Good luck in whatever you decide.

when ur dog keeps barking make a chhh noise to get his attion and have a spray bottle and if he barks after u make that noise spray the dog about 2x then if he barks agian make ths sound agian if he's quite good if not give another squirt till he learns that he better nock off what every he is doing or he ll get a squirt agian... work for my dog just with the barking out the window and at licking me all over

I know a lot of people through out my life that I could certainly do without, but I've never met a dog I didn't like. Yet people get out of jail but most dogs get 3 days and it's over. Don't seem right to me! Trust a dog...honest love!