raek, Good question. In fact, there is so much animosity on my part towards this SD that I really don't know if there is anything she can do other than continue to ignore me as she has been doing for 18 years. The difference now is that I too chose to ignore her where as even as little as six months ago I still was worried about her, her decisions, her marriage, I still wanted the best for her.etc. What I don't appreciate about her is this sense of ''entitlement'' she thinks she has over her father. I must admit her father kind of contributed to her having this attitude and lack of respect towards me cuz everytime she did show a lack of respect towards me and I would tell him about it, he chose to ignore me and not to talk to her about it out of fear of being totally ignored by his daughter. There was a point where she was so mad/jealous of me that she would not talk to her father for months. During those times, he was the one who did everything to keep in contact with her. She would never call him and it hurt my DH and so he figures it was just better not to rock the boat with her and just do and be there for her every single time she called or wanted something from him - even if it would cause an argument between him and I. If you really want to get things moving in the right direction with your stepmom, I do suggest you do one very, very, very important point. Respect her! I will give you an example. I contributed to my SD's wedding gift. She has never personnally thanked me. She thanked her father, but not me. Nope! She has never, never given me a birthday card for the last 18 years and yet I've given her a birthday gift every year for the last 17 years. I stopped one year ago. Enough was enough. She had not given me a Christmas gift for the last three years. She gave me one three years ago but that's because she went shopping with her husband and they found something for me and her father - a hamac to install at the lake. Whenever she needs money, she calls her father and cries she needs money. DH sends her money. Stepdaughter thanks her father, but never never has thanked me. She just thinks this money comes from daddy and yet she knows darn well her father doesn't make enough money to be sending her some. Two xmas ago, we gave her a 400 dollar digital camera. The deal was that the three kids were going to get together that year to buy us a xmas gift. Xmas came and went and we never had a christmas gift, not even a christmas card explaining why we didn't get a gift. She told her FATHER she was too broke to buy us a gift, but she never told me , n ever even said she was sorry but yet she knew that camera came from ME and her father. When she got married, she gave everybody and anybody a corsage to wear. I was the only one in her family that didn't get one. Three people came up to me at her wedding telling me how mean that was of her. After all, I had been in her life for 14 years and already knew I was contributing to her wedding gift. During the wedding reception, she thanked everybody and their dog for showing up at the wedding etc. etc. etc. but never once thanked her father ...or me. Oh well! I could go on and on. I would send her care packages and not once did she call me to say thank you. Once I waited three weeks before she talked to me something I had sent her and the only reason she did talk to me about it then, is because I was the one who asked her if she liked what I had sent her. I wisk she would have called my when she got the gift and thanked me for it. That is the way I was raised but I guess she just didn't see the importance of calling me and thanking me for what I had given her. That was the last time I sent her something. Ignorant! I could go on and on raek but I'm starting to feel anxious and stressed just thinking about her. I'm getting even more anxious lately because I heard she wanted to divorce her husband and move back near us!NOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I told my husband that would be the beginning of the end between us! I c

myfampg, How horrible! My DS21 finally met his bio donor when he was 18. When he was 16, the dentist found a tumor in his jaw & he needed surgery ~ we thought he was going to lose that part of his jaw & maybe deform his face. I contacted his father & at first he agreed to do a DNA test because he wanted to make sure this was his kid before he got concerned or involved. He scheduled the test but cancelled the day before & hired an attorney. I took him to court & got the court to order the DNA test. The results came back the day after my son was 18. He tried to get the case dropped because my son was no longer a minor but the Judge gave me back support anyways because I filed the case when he was 16. (actually, I filed a case when he was 2 and merged them so it would have been a lot of back support owed.) The stupid thing is that I was not after money... I wanted him to care. I wanted him to come to the hospital & be involved with his son. In the end, the only thing I could force was proving he was the father and making him pay back support. My son attended the hearings after he turned 18, so he knew what his bio donor was saying to the court. A few months after court, he sent my son a few expensive gadgets & met for lunch a couple of times... but he couldn't help himself from telling my son that the reason he wasn't involved in his life was because I kept him away... it was all MY fault. It really makes me sad & sick when parents rewrite history. I mean, we all probably remember things in our own light... but to completely rewrite what never happened is horrible. It's even worse when a child that grew up with a parent that sacrificed and did so much for the child because the other parent was a deadbeat, and that child is so desperate to have a relationship with the deadbeat that they throw the sacrificial parent under the bus. In my opinion, it doesn't matter why he left. It doesn't matter if your mom did this or that.... she did what was important & that is, she raised her kids. He didn't. End of story. He left two families, she didn't leave any. She could be the town tramp... but she stuck around and maintained her responsibility to her children & that's more than he did. (and no, I do not believe she did any of what he said... and I can only imagine how painful it is that your brother would entertain the thought) But, that's his problem, not yours.

I rather feel a bit sorry for the boy. Not saying his behavior is correct or should be acceptable, but trying to look at this from a kids point of view, it's gotta be tough for this boy only seeing his father once a year (for 7 weeks) and being expected to suddenly adjust for those weeks into a completely different role. It sounds like the father is at work at least a good share of the 7 weeks the child does 'visit'. Is it possible for dad to arrangement a good stretch of vacation time during this 7 weeks? Dad needs to be the one spending the majority of the time with the child. I think it's a big order to automatically expect the child to react and behavior exactly as his stepsiblings do. He's not been raised in the same manner, and your husband is leaving it to you to do the adjusting situation. Totally unfair to you, the child and your children. Perhaps two or three visits a year would work better...no clue as to what kind of earned time off your husband gets or what kind of flexible postion he works...but several smaller visits maybe arranged around the child's school holidays would give the father and child more father/son/family time and experiences. The child sounds terribly jealous and resentful. Yet it's you left dealing with it. I doubt things will get better or much if anything can be worked out concerning interrelationships the way things stand on. I think counseling for the child might be a good idea, but if he truly is a well behaved, mannered, basically trouble/problem free child 10 months of the year while at mom's, the child is not going to readily see himself as the 'bad guy'. I also think that joint counseling between you and the father is a good suggestion. While you may have no problems/issues raising your household 10 months a year while it is just your kids , you and the stepdad/husband, there appears to be a total fallout when it comes to the other 7 weeks a year. Dad and you need to learn how to work together for this 7 weeks or dad needs to be the one home with the child doing the day in day out stuff. Until that happens you're going to be viewed (to the child) as just the 'evil stepmom' who means squat to him and he can and does dismiss at will.

Firstly, about that episode where your bio father suggested sex: you had no way to know to anticipate it, & you had no way to control or stop it. Although it *is* obnoxious, offensive, & disgusting to you & to me, it sometimes happens when bio family members meet for the first time as adults, so much so that counsellors now warn adult children who are meeting their birth parent(s) for the first time to be prepared. & your bio father's family troubles belong to him & to them, not to you. If anything, it sounds like your father brought you into the family to be used as leverage. Dispicable, but the responsibility & the shame belong to your bio father & not to you. Cut yourself free from that particular chain & don't look back. Today is what matters, & you & your children are living under unbearable stress, in a hostile environment, & you're all paying a terrible price. "He thinks I'm evil" is *not* the description of someone you can afford to turn your back on, let alone trust, let alone spend your life with. (note: He doesn't think you're "evil"; he knows that saying that will shatter you, & that's why he does it.) He's been lying to you & manipulating you since before you were married, his family sounds like a co-dependent, disfunctional mess, & sending copies of the facebook pages to all of them sounds like that you've been caught in the same web, going to everybody else for vindication or action instead of dealing with the one person who's actually accountable. If your husband doesn't have any consequences for continuing to behave as he always has behaved, *nothing will change*. He's entirely comfortable, even happy, with his life, he doesn't care that you're unhappy, & he controls you by striking at your most vulnerable points; why would he change anything? It's like raising a child; if you say, "do that one more time & you're losing computer priveleges for a week", & the child does it again, you *have* to take away computer priveleges for a week, or you're just teaching the child that (s)he doesn't have to pay attention to anything you say/threaten, that you're powerless, that (s)he can do *anything* & the worst that will happen is that you'll yell. If you tell your husband that he has to treat you with the respect to which anyone is entitled or you & the children are leaving, & then he says something obnoxious or betrays you by talking to his family about you or does any single obnoxious thing, you *have* to take those kids & leave. (In fact, at this point, I think you have to take the kids & leave anyway; your life & their lives are being corroded every day that you spend in the environment controlled by your husband & his family.) Although it isn't your fault, although you've been manipulated to think you "can't" do anything because you somehow bear the responsibility for his behavior, so far, you've been like the parent who threatens but does not act. Even if your husband never hits you, he's abusing you: A person who controls another person by manipulation, who calls her "evil", who blames her for his own behavior...is an abuser. Get some professional legal help, get some psychological help (abusers *never* go to counselling; they don't want any interference), investigate what kind of help is available for abused wives, & get your kids & get out of there. I wish you the very best.