Your "new" little place actually sounds perfect. Good luck to you. I'd have second thoughts on the standing water as well.

PHOGGIE...I wondered how you were doing. Would you maybe consider renting for awhile? Please think about it. I know you need to go 'home' but it is so very soon after your DH's passing. Maybe GOD is telling you to slow down also. I would run from that condo with standing water. Don't walk, RUN!
Rent an apartment or small house, and get your nerves settled. There will be time to purchase later. My DH and I have had to hurry and settle when buying our last three residences,...job moved out of state, etc etc.. And I have regretted every time we did it.
Please please.,... even though I understand that you just want it over with, rent a condo or something. AND take your time looking around. You may end up with a real mess that you cannot get rid of by being in a hurry.
Sorry I am rambling with my response, my heart just goes out to you.

I wouldn't believe what they tell you anyway. Standing water is bad. Unless they said the sump was bad and they can prove they replaced it and it's under warranty, I'd say no way to that deal. And I'd want to know how long it's been a pool and have a professional examine it for damage.

I agree about renting. Take your time and find a place you like. You're strong. An extra move isn't fun but you could put excess possessions that you want to keep in a storage place for a while. You might just find an apartment you like better than a house or condo.

Good luck and take care.

No advice except to RUN from the condo with standing water as said above. If you need to rent for a while to find THE place, do it.

Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way

Tami

Oh Phoggie, I know this is hard. I agree with others here. Run from the condo with standing water. And the house...do you want all the responsibility of owning a house? Would you consider renting an apt. for awhile? Please don't buy anything too quickly. Be sure to come back to tell us.

Im adding my two cents. The condo sounds like trouble. I agree with the others about renting if you can. I also lost my husband about 11 years ago and stayed in my too big house for almost 10 years because I still had a child at home and didn't want to change her school. I made the move last year and I couldn't be happier. But-I looked for a long time to find the perfect place and it was worth the effort. Take your time and find a place you love. Best of luck. Satine

I'm with everyone else on renting, unless that house you are going to look at turns into the perfect place for you. If it is, make your purchase contingent on a home inspection and be there when the inspector is. Whatever he finds wrong with the house should be fixed at the present owner's expense (unless it's a few $$ and you don't mind paying it).

Whatever you do, know we'll be thinking about you. And you know you just HAVE to come back here and tell us what you think about the house you're seeing this weekend.

Good luck, sweetie!

((((Mary)))))

I pray God will help you in what ever you do (((((Mary))))

Good Advice here. Slow down. Manny manny (((((HUGS))))) and know that we are thinking and sending good thoughts.

I can not imagine having to go through all this alone it is one of my nightmares, you have such strength to do what you are doing.

I echo the warning signs of the water at the condo, just consider what you can not see it you already have proof visually that there's a problem.
If you have never watched Holmes Inspection or Holmes on Homes shows try to see a few he uncovers the hidden problems in homes and he would say if you are seeing water you can bet that is not where it ends.
Be sure to check out inspectors very well and it is advised not to use one suggested by real estate agents, because they have a stake in making the sell.
It is a buyers market so take your time and make a wise decision.
Best of luck in your endeavor.

Mary,

Best of luck to you in your move. As you pack, consider what you might put in storage, and what you might keep with you for a year IF you decide to rent till you find the right place. That way you can put all the storage stuff together in the same boxes and be all set for renting and storing if you have to do so.

You are wise to sell your big house, and wise to get yourself close to your family. Life will be better with family around you. Things will calm down, and you will see what you want to do more clearly.

You have managed very well during your crisis. Life will be better this summer. Blessings to you as you transition to a new lifestyle.

Mary, please email me again - we can talk about what's happening in your world - I've been there and we need to chat. Hugs, Jo

You sure have had your challenges. In spite of it all, you have the strength to move forward. I hope going home means being closer to friends and family. The support of others is so crucial in stressful times. I agree that the condo sounds like trouble and you were lucky that the pump stopped working so the water problem became apparent.

I really believe in following your "gut" feeling. Sometimes you just know when something is wrong or when it's right. It just feels that way.

Best of luck to you and I hope your new home brings you much happiness.

Greetings again, phoggie Mary,

Many advisors recommend that newly bereaved folks take a while to settle down before making any major decisions - often a year is suggested. I also suggest that you take a while to decide what you want to do - renting sounds like a good idea.

Probably a good idea to take a while to check out the housing market in the area to which you plan to move. You may find that some people familiar with the situation feel that the worst part of the housing market in the area to which you are moving has not been seen, yet. A number of people in many areas have found that they can't afford the increased payments on the houses that they bought a few years ago so are selling their houses, themselves. And a number have suffered foreclosure, resulting in their houses being offered for sale, as well - but, with so many layoffs, there's developed a shortage of buyers, resulting in prices dropping - sometimes substantially.

Take a while to catch your breath and get your feet back under yourself.

And - to grieve. That's hard work; demanding.

(((((Mary)))))

ole joyful

Ditto ole joyful
Good luck in what ever you decide to do Mary

Mary, you are in my prayers. Are you moving back near your family or staying in the town you are now in. I hope it is near your family. Take everyone's advice and think about renting for at least 1 year. You should always have your own home inspection when buying a home weather it is old or new. It is good you have sold your home but please don't rush into anything, take your time & don't settle for something that you like but don't love. I hope you have help with this move.

Phoggie - I haven't posted, but have been following your posts and hope for you a smooth closing on your sale.

As for renting to get your bearings and to look around, I think you should definitely give it serious thought. It just occurred to me that in our local Craig's List is a section under Real Estate called "Sublet/Temporary" where there are rentals of apartments and homes listed, some completely furnished right down to the kitchen. Most seem to be rented by the month or season, if you are in a vacation area. Sure might be worth looking into without making any lengthy commitment.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

See, I knew you would get yourself together to move on.
I commend you for moving along inspite of the terrible pain in you heart. You sound like you are in good enough shape to think things through. I have been rooting for you since the first time you wrote. Are you amazing?!!

Mary....ditto to all of the above great advice.
Take your time, do not rush into anything .
Your family and friends at home will be a great source of comfort for you I hope. They may offer advice, good, bad or indifferent..but you have the final say.
I have been through this myself and time is what will lead you to make the right decision.
Thanks for keeping us updated.

june

Oh you all are so very kind~~~

Yes, it is very hard...and I am physically and emotionally drained.

I know the majority of you think I need to rent....but where I want to go is "back home" and there are no places to rent, unless I would qualify for "low income housing" and when I sell this house, I will have too many assets to qualify (thank heavens!)...but glad there are places for those who do...they are badly needed.

Friends, I do not feel this is a fast decision....as I said many times, DH and I planned to move back for about 5 years...we bought a 28,000 SF plot of ground there and "intended" to build....which I still could do, but my heart is not in it now...that lot needs a big house...and building again (done it several times because DH was an architect/contractor), isn't something I want to do.

The houses in this little town are not too available...and they hold their value because of the nuclear plant that is located near there.

So, in the last year, DH and I had rather decided that it "might" be best for us to buy, sell our lot, and travel with the left over money......so we have looked about all of the homes for sale there.

The one I am looking at Saturday, is one we had driven by before when it was on the market before they leased it out, and he liked it from the outside...the pics on the net were good...so IF it is constructed well and the floorplan is suitable, then I feel it is meant to be.

My DH's son is going down with me.....he was in the construction business with DH for many years, so he can give me some good direction on the house. He also was a bit worried about the "possibility" of water under the condo....and it is a premium price because they are so much in demand for the location on the lake. My son (who lives in this town) is going to look at the house also....he and his wife have been looking at houses also for me to save me driving 4 hours to look...and if they think I would be interested, then I go down myself.

One day at a time....one step at a time!!! I have been getting ready for a garage sale...will do that after the 1st or 15th...pay day for the military in this town~~

Thanks for all of your kind words and good thoughts....and I need prayers for guidance, strength, and courage to keep going and take a huge step into going back to where my heart, family and friends live~~

Hugs to you all~~

Do you have friends in the area to which you plan to move who are familiar with the housing market in that area?

Check around among your friends: maybe some of them will know of a person with both skill and integrity who may be able to help you find the ideal place ... and at an advantageous price.

It is at such times that it pays to have a large number of friends and acquaintances.

Don't forget that much of the time, knowledge is power: the more that you know about something (or have a friend in your corner who does) the better result that you'll likely be able to develop.

If you're looking for a temporary roost ...

... I have a spare bedroom - and I think that there's a bed in there, somewhere. In case there isn't, I have another that we could put in there - so you wouldn't have to worry about being reduced to sleeping on the floor.

Within more or less spitting distance of four of the Great Lakes - jasdip lives not too far away, as does lucky gardnr ... and I go to the same church as Iva Mae.

ole joyful

Mary, now that you have explained further, I really understand your decision. And agree that it sounds like you are making a well informed decision and not rushing into anything. It also seems like you have support of your family and the knowledge of your DH's son to help you make decisions.
Wishing you the best, and an easy transition. I hope the house you will view Saturday will be 'the one'.

About the condo with standing water: Don't touch it. If the owner or association were going to fix that, it would have been fixed by now. Its got a problem just waiting for someone to pay to have it fixed, and it may not be easily fixed - it may be a 'built in' problem. You may find that the owner is all of the present owners and hte responsobility lies with the owner's association. If so, it becomes the responsibility of the assocaition to address the problem, and guess what, if you buy a unit, one of those owner's is you. If the problem is confined to your unit and no one else', a large chunk of fhe cost may fall in your lap.

On the other hand, mowing and general upkeep such as roofing and siding is shared by all in the association. This may work well for a year or two until a few richer folks move in. They can afford more expensive things and association fees, and soon you will find that you have only one small vote in how the association fee is spent. Yet, there are other examples where association fees are held in check. The point here is that you will have lost control of the cost and purchse of upkeep fees. That my work out and then again, it may not.

On the other side of the coin, owning a private house by yourself is not a bed of roses either. You will be totally responsible for its upkeep. Although, my mother continued to live in her little house alone to age 96 and she was happy doing it. The key in living alone in old age is location, location, location. Its best to live near necesssary conveninces and services. Living alone in a little cabin parked up on the side of a mountain sounds idyllic until one gets sick or injuried, and then suddently, having nearby friends and necessities trump all. (I have given thought to this subject concerning myself; I know where I'd like to retire to, but my practical side keeps telling me what I should choose. All one has to do is to look at older aquaintences and what happened to them as they aged.)

Well, marching along to the next saga.

Yesterday, I went down to Burlington and looked at what I had hoped would be "the house" for me...built in 2003, 1500 SF, loved the lay-out...but thankfully my DH's son, who has been a contractor for a long time, went with me and he walked out to the street and could see a "sway" in the roof line....also a door would not open because of the settling...he went down into the crawl space and there was no bracing....so he said absolutely "No" to that house.

We did go back to the condo and the person who lived there was not home, so we took the liberty to walk around back to where the water was standing and son opened the crawl space door...it was dry, no musty smell or visible mold...but the old rusty sump pump, was sitting on the patio and a new one was still in the box....proof that the sump pump was NOT working, as I had wondered about. So son said that once the new sump pump was put in, there should not be any problems.

I don't know where I am with the owner of the condo....I might have ticked her off bringing up a possible mold problem...because she has had others going ahead and looking at the condo and became so offensive with me when I mentioned "mold". I have tried to call her but she is not answering my phone calls.

I came home so disappointed and upset....THEN, I got a phone call from an old high school classmate, who has also lost two husbands (one recently also, who never even lived long enough to live in their "new" house) and she lives in Burington and thought of going back to live with one of her sons, because she was so lonely...we visited for awhile consoling each other and she said, "Why don't you just come and live with me until you find a suitable house?" How great was that! If I get the condo, that is fine, but if not, it wasn't meant to be, and something else will come along. It was just that it is is built very well and in the best location in town....and my son and wife would be close enough to check on me if needed. Burlington only has about 3,000 people, so houses there are a premium and don't come on the market very often....and if they do, it seems the W/D is in the basement or steps to climb, or sells before it gets posted on the market.

You all are so kind to think about me and offer your wonderful suggestions and comments....you truly are my great internet friends~~~

Sounds good, but just be careful. Have you been in contact with your friend recently? Talk it over with your son and family. How is she financially? Yes I know, I am bringing up something I have no business with, but I have seen people start to live together, then one or the other either starts loosing things, or starts loaning money etc. Please, just be careful.

Marie - Excellent point. Phoggie, not to be a complete wet blanket, but if I were you and had no recent experience with or knowledege of this person, I would have a background check done. No paranoia here, just unfortunately how things are today.

Greetings again, phoggie/Mary.

In my earlier post I appeared to be unaware of some info that you appeared to have posted a couple of hours earlier, so much of what I said was not useful.

If you want to take a good portion of the things from your current home to furnish the one where you will live in future, I have a suggestion that might be relevant.

Son's sister/my daughter moved from near Toronto, on the north side of Lake Ontario, to Phoenix a few years ago, and son and I were discussing yesterday the cost of moving her goods: I'd thought that it was something over a dollar a pound, and he said he thought closer to a dollar and a half ...

... so I suggested that we should have bought her an old school bus, then we could have packed it for her, she could have driven it down there, and sold it after getting her things moved into her new place. Or, if the rules governing licensing required really different criteria, buying one there and driving it up, loading it and driving it back.

Perhaps you might be interested in buying an old school bus, packing your goods into it and driving it to Burlington. Then check with (former)/friends to try to find some farm or rural person nearby who'd rent you some space at nominal fee to park it for a time, until you have found a place to live on a permanent basis.

When one considers the monthly/quarterly cost of renting a storage space (or annual - and which period does one choose, up-front?), using the school bus idea might not be such a bad idea. There'd be an additional benefit of handling all of the stuff twice instead of four times: saved effort (says a guy with a streak of laziness) and less possibility of damage/breakage.

I'd thought of suggesting that, should the contract for sale of your current house fall through, that it might be a good idea to do some checking as to whether that arrangement had been satisfactory.

But when I heard that your former husband's son was in a related business, I was fairly sure that he'd have been aware enough of the local housing market to have ensured that you weren't being taken.

With regard to the lady who has the house that she's talking of sharing ... how about finding a reason, whether real or imagined/manufactured, to visit there for a few days, or, probably better, a week or so, so that you could stay at her place and get an idea of her lfestyle, including an idea, even if vague, of the financial end, and whether you might feel comfortable with it.

ole joyfuelled ... who doesn't have to buy gas for a school bus

P.s. I've been saying for some time that it makes sense for several singles, especially senior ones, to live together.

Advantages:
-intellectual stimulation helps keep Alzheimer's at bay,
-shared chores would enable one to continue to live independently longer,
-each person would eat better than tea and toast for some meals if living alone,
-increased safety: if someone has immediate trauma, as long as one can call, there's someone there to help, plus
-they could triage: decide whether we can handle this situation in-house; or we call this person's caregiver to handle the situation; or call 9-1-1- ... right now!,
-there's be a major cost saving over buying a smaller home/condo, renting one's own apt., etc. ... and a major one over entering a residential home and certainly over a nursing home. That cost saving would enable them to afford to have someone come in to take care of much of the cleaning and housekeeping.

o j ... who lives alone

OJ, you have made some very good points on the advantages~
This classmate is no stranger, we were from a class of only 24 students, so we got to know each other very well...as I said, she and her first DH introduced my first DH on a blind date, so her judgement was good!....we have always been good friends. You are so right...I am not eating properly anymore...cottage cheese & peaches or PBJ's are getting very tiresome~~ It is no fun to cook for one person and sit across to see DH's empty chair.

This person is very reliable, trustworthy, honest, and she does have the funds to live by herself, but just is so lonesome doing so.

We both have had joint replacements and if one of us needs one again, we can be there to help each other....or call 911 in case of an emergency. I have offered to pay rent (and will do something in some way to help pay expenses), but she insists that companionship is all she wants.

Her mind is still sharp...in fact, she is working a nuclear outage right now in another state....and just finished one in our state.

She sent me a message this morning and said that perhaps this might be a great permanent solution to our loneliness. Who knows? My kids think that since DH and I loved our lake lot, I should keep it and make plans to build a modest home there....one daughter said that perhaps she and her DH would like to retire there, after I am done with it.

So I do have options.... Still have not heard back from the owner of the condo...left three messages, but no answer. Maybe she has already sold it for all I know. I didn't find her to be a person of her word anyway and I find it hard to deal with dishonest people~~

Thanks friends~~ You are the best!

Even though you do know her, maybe a month visit or so would be good. Sad to say, people do change and yes I agree with you, maybe paying rent/help on utilities would be very good because you would not feel obligated. I could not live with someone else, but that is me. I love my space and privacy, but here in ND we do have many excellent assisted living homes with all sorts of stuff to do.