Before we lost Candy we tried not to think about it too much. We did not want to be upset around our baby...we wanted her to feel happy not sad. Did not work so well. DH and I cried anytime we thought about the eventual departure of our love. There is no way to make it easy. It feels as if your heart has been ripped out. We were without Candy for about a day before we started looking for a new dog. Within the week we got Tootsie...she was the only one that made things better. I did not want to talk about it and everyone knew to not bring it up. My parents called and said they were sorry but nothing made it better or made the pain go away. The guilt for me was the worst. Putting Candy down was hard. About two years before she died she got Cancer...we thought we were losing her then.....she was an eight year old bulldog and their lives are about 8-10 years. Well I had the surgery. She gave us another two years. If the vet had told me that I could have done anything else to save her the last time she got sick I would have. And I would not have regretted it. If you trust your vet listen to them Thats the only things that has helped me to get over the guilt. The last time she got sick the vet said there was nothing we could do. If i had put her down when she had cancer I'm not sure I would have ever gotten over the guilt.

I am so sorry about your Candy. But thank you for sharing that with me. I know there is nothing that will replace the hole in my parents' lives once Petey (their dog) is gone. They already have three other dogs and another is 12 also and they will probably have to go through this again very soon (they were already expecting this with her) but what worries me is my mother told me she doesn't even want the other two dogs (younger ones) that she has now. Both were rescued from the Amish as puppies (they live in Amish country) and while my parents love them, they are not nearly as attached to those two as the older two. The older two they adopted from a shelter as a christmas present for my sister and I and the dogs stayed with my parents when we left for college. At the time they had two other dogs who have since passed away (one at only age 7 and it was very unexpected and the other at age 13 from cancer. Of course my parents were upset at the time but not as devastated as they are now.

I don't think my parents will give their younger two dogs away or anything (when they adopt a pet it is for life) but my mom just says she will be 70 by the time the younger two are elderly and she does not think she can handle going through this kind of grief at that age. So she doesn't want the younger two dogs anymore.

I don't know if this will help. First of all, I think that there are certain dogs that owners become more attached to than others. We had one of those. She lived to be 18. There is something "special" about them. We will never stop missing her. Putting her down was the hardest thing. Yes, the last couple of months before and after is just plain awful. The crying spells, the depression, all were there.

It helps a little when someone points to the GOOD times you've had, when they were alive and healthy, but not too much. Keep it simple, UNLESS tney want to talk.I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I lost 15 lbs....only TIME will help.

If it were me and the dog was in good shape otherwise, I would have the surgery. When the time comes, they'll feel guilty no matter what. However, when you know that you've done everything, you know that the dog sees it as an act if kindness, not letting it go before its time. That's how I eased my guilt/pain.You have to take everything into consideration-its age, its shape, quality of life and amount of time possibly left. If some of these things don't make sense, then leave the dog alone.

If they decide on the surgery, have them discuss with the vet the possibility of her not getting up. Usually vets can tell when they open them up as to what they're dealing with...

As to when the real time comes to let her go. They'll know, trust me.
I did. My baby looked at me and let me know.

I think your parents are going thru a lot right now and are dealing with it the best they can. Surviving a heart attack puts a lot of stress on a couple and the person who suffered it has to learn how to go on and live a normal life.

I'd suggest telling your parents not to focus on the loss of their dog but to enjoy the life the dogs have left. Either dog may live a lot longer than the vet expects and 'waiting' for one of them to die isn't going to help the dog. Be sure and tell them that the dog is very aware your parents are depressed so they need to live each day as if nothing is wrong with either dog.

My guess is your parents will turn their attention to the younger dogs eventually, but right now they're overwhelmed with the older dogs condition. Remind DM that they'll be missing a lot of love and companionship if they didn't have the younger dogs........and that you'll be around to help if needed.

The best way to help your parents is to not add to their burden of pain. If your mother wants to show you the blanket in which she intends to bury her boy, then don't fall apart at the seams. Find the strength to admire the blanket and the sentiment behind it. Tell her that the blanket is a beautiful, loving gesture.

If your father wants to show you the place he has chosen to bury his boy, let him. Tell him it will be a comfort to have him close, and perhaps even offer to help plant a special shrub or garden over the spot. You might even want to offer to buy a memorial stone.

If your parents want to talk about the dog's illness, let them. If they don't, don't. Just give them whatever they need, and do it with strength, understanding, and compassion.

As far as the young dogs are concerned, I think it will be very important for your parents to keep them after the passings of the older two. Your parents are already withdrawing from their social circle in anticipation of their losses.
This will likely only get worse for a while after the older dogs are gone. The younger dogs will then fill a critical hole in the daily routine of your parents. They will force your parents to remain functional and active enough to take care of them, and that will get your parents through their most acute period of pain and loss.

If you are prepared to make such a commitment, it might help your mother cope with the current situation if you consider offering to take the two younger dogs when they reach old age, if your mother still wants to give them up at that time. That way your parents will know that they won't necessarily have to experience this same sort of pain again if they don't feel prepared to do so later in life. Just don't make any promises you won't be able to keep if and when the time comes.

Most importantly, don't second guess your parents decisions about the old boy. Let them know that you are certain they will do what their hearts tell them is best for their dog. No one, including a vet, will ever know their dog as well as they do. Help them trust their instincts. If they seem to be struggling with a decision, talk it through with them, but don't try to sway them. Just ask them why they feel the way they do. That may be all it takes to help them clarify their own thoughts.

Be their emotional support system, not another emotional burden.

This is never an easy time for animal caretakers. It's never easy to lose family ... nor is it supposed to be.

Laurie

People grieve in all different ways, it's so hard to know how someone is going to react. The best advice is to just be there for them and let them work through it in their own way. You may find that when the dog passes away, your parents experience a sense of relief that it's over (and the dog went peacefully), which may be followed for guilt- at least I've felt that way with a few deaths, both animal and human.

When my dog died (two years ago tomorrow) I described it as pain so big and great that I couldn't find an edge to it. I'm not sure that even makes sense, but that's the feeling I remember. I actively grieved her for about a year and a half. I still miss her terribly, but I don't break down into tears too often. Generally I preferred being the one who brought her up as a subject, and appreciated others just listening to whatever it was that was on my mind.

In January I lost my boy kitty. He was my baby, even after I had a human baby. Between his littermate sister with health problems, and our 3 y.o. DD, I was more concerned with how they would react than with my own grief. I wanted to protect and support them through the loss, which sort of trumped my own ability to grieve for a few weeks. Perhaps your parents are showing you their preparations because they are still your parents and are trying to convince you (as well as themselves) that everything will be okay? Sorry if I'm reaching a little there.

It's tough to have a convalescing pet in the house. Life kind of stops in some ways so you can focus on them and their new needs. Just be there and listen. Try not to think too far ahead to weddings or family trips, this diagnosis is new and your parents are still getting use to the idea I'd guess. I can tell you that I was in utter shock when my boy kitty went from seeming perfectly healthy to passing away from cancer within 2 weeks. We had always expected his sister to go first; we had expected her to go before the dog even, but she's still here. Life is strange that way.

Not sure I've helped any, but just by being there, you are doing the right thing.

I don't think there's a 'one size fits all' on what will make your parents feel better. We lost our precious 10 year old poodle almost 3 months ago and it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I'm 66. He had not been well for 4 years but I'm an optimist and chose to believe he had more time left. DH is a pessimist and thought he was going long before he did. We both thought it best to make arrangements before hand and I'm glad we did. I ordered him a beautiful casket, almost like a human one, and we had our SIL prepare his burial spot and put a plastic container large enough for the casket to go in. Once that was done I felt no need to discuss it but DH would talk about it when any of our kids were here. I think it made them uncomfortable and I would ask him not to bring it up. Jett suddenly got worse @ 4:00 on a Friday. After getting his usual treats and meds he shortly got behind a chair where he had never gotten before and we knew something was wrong. We rushed him to the vet, he checked him and told us what had happened was actually a blessing. I secretly questioned his sanity but he meant that Jett was going quickly instead of long and drawn out. His lungs had filled with fluid and he had a tumor in his abdomen that DH had just discovered that day and he knew every bump on him since he held him pretty much the entire time he was home. The vet said we needed to let him go and I first told him I simply couldn't. He was concerned that Jett would get in trouble afterhours and he wasn't on call. I held Jett while he went to check who would be on call and to get him an injection for pain. When I realized it was better to let him go I made the decision right then to make it easier for him. I stayed with him to the end but DH couldn't. I'm saying all this to tell you that each person has to do things their own way. There's no way I would have left him though it was hard to see him take his last breath. I had always said I didn't think I would survive losing either of my 'babies' but somehow you go on. It was a horrible week, then the tears got farther apart. Now I tear up thinking about him but I know he's at peace and waiting for us. As for your parents not wanting to go anywhere, I totally understand. We didn't both leave ours for anything. Jett has a 'sister' 6 months younger and we don't leave her even though she isn't sick. While she hasn't verbally grieved (like our neighbor's dog still does after losing her partner 3 months ago) she just doesn't seem happy now. I don't know how to help her. I expected her to totally freak out when Jett left and had the vet give her a sedation injection. He also gave us meds to give her but she didn't visually get upset so I haven't given them. She has a cat to play with and doesn't seem to look for Jett but just seems sad. We also have her arrangements made, hopefully way in advance.

I hope your parents have a lot of time left with him and that they can cope when the time comes. I would just suggest you listen if they want to talk about it and try to comfort them when it's his time. I have never let myself question if I did the right thing. We have to make decisions based on what we think is best and it doesn't help to torture ourselves with the 'what if's'. My thoughts are with you and your sister too.

One or both of the rescues may have just what it takes to help your parents get through this. They took the positions in your parents home as #3 & 4 at the time and I am sure love your parents for rescuing them. They may surprise you and your parents.

Well their boy died Saturday night. My mom told me that he climbed on the couch next to my dad (something he hasn't done in awhile and then a little later came over to her and sat next to her on the bed. She said he seemed restless and then went and laid down at the foot of the bed. She said he passed very quietly and they didn't even realize it until she went to tell him goodnight and he was no longer breathing. So at least he went peacefully. My parents are taking it very hard though.

I am so sorry for them....but at least they were spared the pain of making the decision to put him to sleep.