I have a comedy of errors on my hands and could use some immediate advice before my meeting with the carpet people management on Tues morning. I'd like to make this short, but there are so many screwups that it's hard to explain. If you can manage to read thru this and advise me, I would appreciate it immensely. Problem 1---I have an older home (1929) which has a later add-on master bedrooom. We have radiator heat, so in the master bdrm there is a long baseboard heater along the whole front wall, full width of bedroom, about 22 feet long. This is tied into the boiler/heating system. It sticks out 2 inches from the wall and is about 2.5"-3" off the floor. What the installer did is cut the pad short, so it ends about an inch before the beginning of the front of the radiator, then the carpet dips down because there is no pad there or continuing under the radiator to the wall. Even with the full pad and carpet, there would still have been a good inch from the top of the carpet to the underside of the radiator, so for convection purposes I can't see why the pad was cut short. The dip is very noticeable to me. Oh I should add that perhaps the installer just choose to use the 12 foot pad width which would come slightly short, and save some pad and maybe I wouldn't notice. That's my best guess at this point. To make matters worse, they did not use tack strip under the radiator so the carpet just lays there almost to the edge of the wall, maybe 1/2" short of the wall, loose under the radiator. Loose. No turn under or anything. No stretching. I see that it would be difficult to pound a tack strip down under the radiator, but I assume there is a tool for that. Worse again, they started to glue the raw edge down for about 6-8 feet along the 22 foot run of raw edge under the radiator but then for some reason stopped gluing. So now in some places the raw edge is starting to roll back on itself a little and the whole line under the radiator seems to wave a little and is not level, so to speak. Because you look directly at this as go down the stairs from the second floor where this bedroom is, when you get around eye level , it jumps right out. A great deal of the 22' of wiggly, dippy edge is right there visible at eye level and is also visible when in the bedroom altho the dips and wiggles are a bit less noticeable when in the room. Either way, you see it coming and going and it's just irritating and half-assed looking. Worse again, somehow a little slit got cut from the wall out about 3 inches----as if to accommodate the little radiator feet that are about 6 feet apart, only they did it where there is no foot and didn't even bother to glue or repair it however it should be done. It's just there...a little slit coming out at 90 degrees from the wall and radiator, in the nonglued area coming out from under the radiator. So my question is what is the standard installation technique for this kind of situation under a raised up baseboard radiator? And also what is the standard deal with the pad in this situation? What is the standard fix for the erroneous slit? Sheesh. If I compromise, is it reasonable to put a long skinny piece of pad in under the radiator and glue that and the carpet down or am I asking for trouble? 2. Ok Problem 2...pls stay with me. The room is 11'11" wide along the wall adjacent to the baseboard wall... with about 4 more inches at the doorway only. Because of the 12' carpet width, they calculated it to run the other direction so that they had the extra for the doorway. (I only know this now after spending hours with their teeny-print measuring plan they gave me.) I also contracted to have the adjoining hallway done in the same carpet. Because they ran it the "other way", now I've paid for a ton of waste. I see now that if they had recommended to put the seam at the doorway back into the bedroom by 4 inches or so, like flush where the baseboard trim is along the rest of that wall, and not at the standard place right at the door stop, I could have run the carpet the other direction and saved a boatload of money. It's the same carpet in the bedroom and hallway and either way there is going to be a seam in that neighborhood, so given that this would have saved me over a $grand and would have eliminated all the other seams in the bedroom (which is now in 5 pieces!) I can't imagine why they didn't put that out as an option. Nobody gave me this option. When I looked at the measurements they gave me, they included a couple extra inches presummably for installation ease, so it wasn't totally obvious to me until now that I've spent so much time agonizing over their teeny tiny measurements and measuring everything myself. So my question is, isn't there some obligation or standards whereby these guys are supposed to show you options that actually reduce seaming and reduce your cost? I'm dealing with a major retailer here, so it's either that they are looking to sock it to me or they genuinely made this mistake. They are totally screwed up and unorganized, so I could see this happening without bad intentions and just thru bad practice or something. But what's the industry standard, if there is one, on this kind of bad planning or not showing me the options? 3. Please stay with me, it gets worse. So when they came to install the other day, I started talking about how I wanted them to finish the hallway at the top step of the stairs where they were supposed to come the next day to install a very expensive wool oriental runner .... and the guy says oh no we can't do the hallway today, part of the carpet came in defective. I wasn't happy but ok, stuff happens and we moved on to the bedroom, As it turns out, now that I've looked thru all of my papers, I see that they mistakenly used a cutting plan that was for another option when I was considering using a different carpet in the hallway and steps. So by using the wrong bedroom cutting plan, they shorted themselves on the hallway. They had to cut into the hallway yardage in order to get enough carpet to do the bedroom. It's not defective at all....they just screwed up and aren't fessing up. Also now I have an extra seam in the bedroom that wasn't agreed on, no one told me...they just tried to sneak it by and hoped I wouldn't notice... and they'll have to reorder more hallway carpet and hope the dye lots match. They have not been honest with me about this. They actually said they would come out and look and "if they agreed, they would order more carpet." I'm like "hello...what do you mean "if".....are you not aware that the hallwall yardage was defective and you have to reorder that portion anyhow?". No, they were thinking I'm just unhappy with the installation. Wow....they really don't have their acts together. 4. It gets worse!!!!! The bedroom section that they had to steal from the hallway yardage is a smallish piece but they accidentally reversed it 180 degrees so it reads as a lighter color and less texture. In the heat of the screwup everyone must have been losing their minds. This is a cream colored carpet with a woven high low pattern. Karastan Oatlands. They can't just pull it up and turn it 180 because there is a small cutout for the endcap of the radiator at one end of the section which screws that idea up. 5. Please stay with me. Where the seam is where that little section which is accidentally reversed meets the bigger part of the carpet, there is what almost looks like a faint light brown burn, about 4" wide running the full length of the seam. To a certain extent, the color differences because of the 180 problem, maybe is making this more noticeable, but I could swear the guy burned the seam with the iron or maybe the glue is showing through? Any ideas on that? Everyone I ask to look at it sees it immediately although they can't say what it is they are seeing either. And I'm not even pointing the area out, just asking if they see anything odd. 6. So they are coming Tues to discuss. Anything you could advise is hugely appreciated. I was thinking maybe I would allow them to piece in some additional pad along the radiator and glue the whole business down. Any comments on that? Also to replace the small section that they turned 180 by mistake and perhaps moving the seam a little to correct the mysterious burn or whatever it is that everyone zeros in on. We know they have the rest of my hallway carpet at the shop. (They don't know I know. They're still pretending it's defective and that's why the hallway isn't done. Except for the management who think it's all done and I'm just griping about nits. Jeez.) Then I was thinking I might negotiate to only pay for the actual installed area of the carpet, not the yardage which included a ton of waste and maybe with the savings of about $1500 I could live with all this stupid stuff and someday will be able to look at it without my blood pressure going up. I might have to live with some additional seams in the hallway in order to reduce their need for full reorder of the total hallway yardage depending on where they cut out the "missing piece" for the bedroom. But I'm also happy to just say "take your carpet out and go away. I'm worn out and will find some real carpet professionals to work with." The whole world carries Karastan, so I could start over someplace else. 7. Oh I almost forgot. On the beautiful carpet runner on the stairs and lower landing which got installed the next day and which I totally love, they overestimated by 7 feet. At about $40/running foot for the 2.5' wide runner and installation, I'm really not amused. If the installer was telling me the truth, there is only one way to handle the miter and there is no pattern matching that can be done this way.....so why they included extra yardage for pattern matching etc is beyond me. If what the installer told me is true... it's straight arithmetic after that and no reason for me to eat 7 running feet. A happy note---the miter looks good and that part of the job is great. The poor guy was practically peeing his pants the whole time though. I guess they are trying to sell the idea that I'm unreasonable or something. What a joke. I haven't even raised my voice or gotten angry. I'm just saying that the job is unacceptable. I'm not the problem. What a comedy of errors. Any thoughts on any of this would be really really appreciated. Thanks.

Mommy, my understanding is this is what you want help with: 1. Do you "parent" these children because BF wants you involved 2. Do you leave the "parenting" up to him I say, BF wants you involved, that's great. Hopefully you have a strong commitment to one another so that he doesn't bring too many people into the lives of these children and then give them authority over the kids. That would be harmful to the children, IMO. So, he wants you involved. What that means to me is he makes the rules, you both enforce them. HOUSE RULES say: 1. No hitting, pushing, spitting, abusing one another (etc) 2. Failure to abide by these HOUSE RULES will have these results ____________________ (to be determined by you and BF, or BF, and clearly outlined BY BF to the children and then ENFORCED) Stepping completely out of the parenting picture doesn't work because you a parent "in situ". Taking the lead in punishment doesn't work because he should be the primary authoritarian. Being a team, and not showing the whites of your eyes is the only solution, IMO. These kids need to know you will NOT leave them, even if they are at their worst behavior. They've already been left once. They want to know where they stand, and if they are safe. My hunch is that they don't dislike you, it's that they are mistrustful of adults and don't think you'll stick around/want to have you prove you love/care for them. Best wishes, Silver

You're in a situation that could turn very dangerous, very quickly, and for the safety of the children and yourself I would suggest you enlist in any help available to you. It doesn't matter that you do not have time- MAKE TIME. Poor decisions are being made here. The environment is toxic- children at home you feel out of control of, then bringing another child into such an environment, and you stated the father already had no interest in raising a child, was disappearing and drinking PRIOR to getting pregnant the first time, let alone the second time. Feeling trapped at home and having nobody to reach out to is a bad situation- find someone, or at least find a hotline to call. They're very available. As for the three-year old, developmentally he is not CAPABLE of doing all of the things you've listed out of sheer refusal, spite, or disrespect. Please check to be sure you're not taking a certain behavior he is exhibiting, and then assuming malicious intent. He is the biological son of a drug addict. No stable family life, has had people coming and going for three years. Now, if all he has is you, I am going to use my expertise to say he definitely picks up on your disapproval of him, your angst, and impatience. His anxiety is likely through the roof, which increases behavior like bedwetting. Finally, please take him to a physician. The biological son of a drug addict means he may face some developmental delays that haven't been recognized yet, but need to be. Also, at 3 years of age, not doing ABC's/123's, while you didn't go into detail about his "refusal" to learn them, might be a result of anything from the anxiety mentioned above, a hearing disorder, a sensory processing disorder, or even Asperger's/Autism. You need to either advocate for these children, or else consider the adoption route, because they deserve a chance.

I am excited for you. In my garden flower bed (s) I have close to the same things popping up. I did not put in the refrigerator so I am excited when you will be able to post photos. I have many irises that have been getting thick stocks. I still have more irises that I purchased from Facebook that I was not able to plant into my yard before the weather changed but they are in the coolness of my shed. I also have to purchase more metal stakes as this is the year I decided to mark all the irises with their proper plant names. Good Luck to you. Gretchen