I'm still here and appreciate all of your comments. Jemdandy, I do those things. I offer to help regularly, but she is unhappy with the quality of my cleaning, so she prefers to do it herself (which creates more stress on her). Yes, there is definitely a lot of stress due to my father and the remodeling. Then, pile on the stress from my wife's job and it becomes very very stressful. We are hoping the stress level will drop when the remodeling is finished. I am not completely clueless. On Tuesday, my wife was under a lot of stress and I seemed to deal with it farily well. At least, she was not upset at me and I think she actually felt better after talking to me. However, yesterday was worse, and she felt worse after talking to me. I listened, I care, I felt for her, but I did not give her the empathy in terms of verbal feedback she is looking for. I thought I was, but in fact I did not. Generally, the problems start after work when either I walk in the door (if she is home first), or when she walks in the door (if I am home first). If she says, "I am on overload" this is my clue to watch out, that there are problems, it will be a rough evening, and I need to do my very best to try to empathize with her. She wants me to demonstrably say things which exhibit empathy, like, "no wonder you are overwhelemed, anyone would be with what you are going through." Or, "It is amazing what you have to deal with. I am really impressed with how well you handled that situation." Sometimes I say these things and sometimes I don't. Also, I need to communicate absolutely everything, which I still have not gotten used to. For example, last night, after our blow-up, we went to bed. She seemed to be calming down. It was late, I had just gone to bed and she was in the master bathroom getting ready to come to bed. There was a loud noise. She came out and asked me if I heard a loud noise coming from the guest bathroom. She was concerned that my father was in there and perhaps had fallen down. I said I didn't hear any noise. (In retrospect I did hear a noise but I thought it was coming from the master bath, not the guest bath). I get up, take a quick look in the guest bath, realize my father wasn't in there, and came back to bed. This morning she told me she was very unhappy with me about this behavior. Do you know why? I do in retrospect. I didn't communicate! Before I got out of bed, I should have said to her, "I'll go check it out." Then, when I came back to bed, I should have said, "I took a quick look but my dad wasn't in there." I was tired and I just wasn't thinking. Her response to this is that I obviously think so little of her that I can't even be bothered with telling her what I am doing or what I find out. As though it isn't important for her to know. No, I did not, do not, think along the lines she alledges. I was trying to respond to her concerns as best I could. Mostly, I just didn't think at all. It must have been around 11:30 p.m. and my brain was shutting down for the night. While I should have been a better communicator, I did the best I could do. That was a good example as to how I get in trouble and why my wife is unhappy with me and may just leave me.

Happy, happy belated birthday and many, many more....Welcome to the "70s"...I go along with Wildchild, being the new 50s...I also have a had time believing I've reached and passed that age..... Make it a happy week!

As they say now: the back story. Birthdays had always been celebrated in our family. My DH passed away in December, 1982. Life was just a blur for months after that. On my Birthday in 1983, my DD and my DGS and I went out to eat. That was it. June 21st, 1984 was my 60th birthday. I had heard nothing about any birthday plans. My DGD was spending the day with me, but that wasn't unusual. I spent the afternoon sewing, as my cat sat in the window and watched. After a while I noticed the cat getting down from the window and heard a thud. A few minutes pass and I noticed the paper boy looking at something on the sidewalk. I went to see what he was looking at and there was my cat. Poor Fluffy was dead! On my birthday! She was 17 years old, but had no signs of being unhealthy.I called to my DGD and she and I went to the back of the area where we had a garden and we buried her. By now I was sad, dirty and sweaty and it was about 6 o'clock. I was wearing some old shorts and a shirt with the hem coming out! I sat on the swing on the patio to rest a minute and then I heard voices and saw people coming down the driveway carrying food and packages! We had always had parties, cookouts, etc. in that backyard, but without my DH, I had done nothing like that. I just didn't have what it takes to do that without him. The yard was his favorite place. My DD had planned this Surprise Birthday Party for me. Now today, how could I not be happy, surrounded by the love that brought these people here to break down the wall of gloom? My DD knew what I needed. June 21st., 1984, and I was 60 years old. That was the day I took a new look at Life! Sue

Many times I don't come up with the right tone in voice/writing to express myself, and I can be easily misunderstood. I always need an editor, and I have lots here! Thank you all so much for "editing" the wording/potential interpretation. It helped enormously! DH was estranged from his kids for quite a few years, and all three of them suddenly mellowed a couple of years ago. They established a good, stable relationship and I want to continue that. Especially after the kids lost both their parents in 14 months, so I'm kinda sorta all they have left - scary thought :-) So, if they want to camp out, fine. They now know the rules (they absolutely, positively know what behavior their father would accept and what he would go ballistic about). They agreed that they are responsible for "their" guests. If it turns into mayhem and chaos, I have a stash of wine in the basement, I will sit with a glass in my hand, eat popcorn, and watch them clean it up, fix it up, or pay for it. I'm really looking forward to this celebration, and I'm not stressing at all anymore. Probably because I am the best (or is it the worst?) procrastinator in the ENTIRE universe, and I've started working on this early enough to think through the process. I can't tell you how much help you all have been!