i read every word here because i am having the same problem with my son. again this is an old thread but im hoping it stirs up more attention. i tried to read calmly and not take anything personal because i truly want the situation to improve. and if i look at it honestly, well even tho my son has been kind of difficult i can totally understand feeling this way. when i had him i felt the same way. i didnt even want him to bond with strangers like at the grocery store. it must be a parental thing, you may have even felt it years ago about someone else and just forgot the feeling. hormones i think when it comes to these things should also be taken into account. i dont know about you but im headed for menopause. got all the signs anyway. also your daughters hormones can be off after pregnancy. personally, ive decided to back off and try to encourage their time together rather focusing on the time i want. thats another thing. how much is the baby being attached to you vs you being attached to the baby. i know because again when i look at it honestly i feel a very strong attachment to this child. and like someone said above i believe it could be unhealthy. i have always love babies and worked in a nursery at my church so that i could be around them more. maybe that is something to consider doing again. that way you get your baby fix and your daughter has the time to build the confidence she needs in attaining a strong bond with the baby. i am so fortunate to have stumbled across this site. it really opened my eyes. thanks to everyone for their honesty. it definitely opened my eyes to some things i needed to hear. and i bet once you back off a bit you will have the opportunity to share beautiful bonding experiences with both of them at the same time. peace love and happiness gezzi girl Here is a link that might be useful: my blog

i am so very sorry for your loss. i know exactly what you are going through. i see where you posted on thunder's thread about her losing her husband. i'm glad you saw that thread. i also posted there so i won't repeat what i said. the only difference now is that i did go back to my doctor and we are trying a different anti-depressant. it is helping, taking the edge off. i wish i had done this sooner. it's something you might give some thought to. i know, believe me, that at this point you don't think a little pill can help but it might be worth a try. except for the fact that i did not have to deal with young children at the time of gary's death, everything else you express are feelings i went through and to some extent, still do after just over 2 years. all i can tell you is that, believe it or not, time is what you need. your loss is so fresh, you are very likely still in a state of shock. next will come denial, some anger. they tell me that eventually i will get to the point of acceptance but i don't see that happening. i will never accept the fact that the love of my life is gone forever but i am learning to live with it. perhaps dreams of your husband will come to you some day. don't rush it, your mind just isn't ready yet. when it is, it will happen. when the shock wears off, you will find strength you never knew you had. just remember this...death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. God bless.

Hello alices, I, too, recently lost my Dad. Please accept my condolences. I stopped in to visit your blog. Read about your visit home and felt for you as you dealt with the emotions conjured up there. From what I could gather your Dad was in his 70's when he passed. Mine was a bit older (86). Although my Dad had no vices, he came from a very tough generation having gone thru the Great Depression and been a veteran of WWII as well as the first generation born in the USA. His Dad (my grandfather) was a drinker, gambler, fighter etc. However, my father was not although he was somewhat dogmatic and authoritative. It made it difficult for us (his children) to get very close to him. I often felt he talked at you and not to you. Even so, I was not very conscious of it when I was growing up. He had so many very good qualities that it balanced out. Actually, he was too good. He would often talk about how awful his own father was and I think, perhaps, in a way he tried to fix it in himself by being overly generous to us...with his time and patience. Although money was often tight for us growing up, he gave us the best he could. The generation of my father obeyed or got a licking. I would like to note that my father's brother is a carbon copy of my grandfather. Perhaps, he did not realize that he had a choice. I have a sibling (mental case) who constantly battled my father. This overtly rebellious and destructive individual took pleasure in engaging him in battle. Not even Mother Theresa could rein herself in with regard to this person. Unfortunately, my father felt that if he kept after him, one day he might change. Perhaps, stubborness was one of my Dad's shortcomings as this situation was his and my mother's undoing. I think I can understand why your father may have evolved as he did. I'm glad that you have found a medium for your expression and have been able to draw good for yourself out of it. I think that if you might be able to imagine him growing up as he did you might feel some empathy for him. Forgiving does not necessarily make us forget but releases the power that the hurt holds over us and sets the prisoners free. I have encountered some difficult people with "issues" of dependency and the unfortunate aftermath of it. These circumstances lead me down a path of considerable personal discomfort. I wanted to "fix" them and couldn't. I wound up at Alanon which helped me to understand that I cannot fix anyone but myself. I was shocked! The realization that I had to change myself blew me away but set me Free. There is nothing and no one to blame as you are responsible for yourself and your own reactions. Obviously accepting means letting go and that can be very hard to do. It hurts to let go of a dream. Although some people may have experienced a gentler life, does not mean we are entitled to the same. We cannot measure our lives aganst anyone else's life. There is no right way and no one to blame. I am also glad to have learned this concept which was new to me. It has helped but I am also aware that there are many miles to go before I rest. Wishing much Love Peace Joy and Hope to you in your Journey. Best Regard, P.S. Am a great fan of Lewis Carroll. I often thought of myself as Aice......

good post nocargirl. About the picture...I so know how you feel. We took a picture of DD and us together this past summer 2008 (we got divorced in 1991). It is a very happy picture. All three of us laugh about somehting and DD stands in the middle and we hug her from both sides. Not only she looks happy but I and X look very happy too (happy to share DD). We stand on the sea shore actually standing up to our knees in the water, but it is very windy and cold but we try to push each other in the water. Yes picture was taken by SM as well. What is special about this picture that normally DD looks nothing like me and very little like her father but on that picture it was shocking how she looks like two of us combined. Everyone notices. Your post actually brought bitter sweet tears to my eyes because I felt for my daughter- she definitelly does not consider us getting back together but she was beyond happy being wiht mom and dad TOGETHER. it does not happen too often, we all live too far from each other.