I have found mothballs in the pockets works very well:D

I've never heard of mothballs in the pockets but will try it. Thanx!!!

works like a charm misti;)

Hey Misti!!! I know a couple just like what you described..Mom goes off for groceries, and kid ends up, bumped, bruised, fell off the porch when Dad wasnt looking...I dont know what you can do , some guys just arent as conscientius....They do say angels watch out for fools and children....Keep bangin on him(verbally I mean LOL)Good luck....Dotz

Make your first blow count.

I'm always amazed at how far we women, me included, will go to make excuses for guys.

& then we weep & moan & *blame ourselves* when "something bad" happens.

This isn't just a "ha-ha, dad's clueless, how funny, kid's got lipstick on his head" kind of thing;
it's inexcusable negligence at the least & it sounds like abuse.

If you don't end up braining him, make him go to counselling;
there's some anger & hostility inside him that's coming out in aggression, & little ones are no match for the aggressiveness of any adult.

I know this sounds blunt, but think about it.

Has he ever inhaled bleach or ammonia fumes himself?
Has he ever left a knife where he was likely to stab himself with it?

& "I'm on the pot" is just too gross & callous to be believed.

*Everybody* has to go to "the pot";
having to go is no excuse for endangering your children.

Please don't leave your precious children alone with him.

Even if you choose to believe that he's benignly, if incredibly, absent-minded, the peril is the same.

Be careful.

My DH is a lot like this. He is not as clumsy but very close. It isn't so much that my Dh doesnt watch the 1 y/o its that he has a higher tollerance for 'annoyance' I think. The 1 y/o can fuss and fuss and fuss and DH ignores it because he knows that nothing is really wrong he is just fussing. With me, the baby fusses and I need to do something to make him stop because it bothers me that much. Im not sure if that is just a mom thing or if that is just me.

It bothers me when DH lets the baby get into things because he isnt looking. We live in a small 2br apartment and there isnt very much room for a lot of the things we have. DH has a side computer business so we have a LOT Of computers and computer parts all over the house. So far we have gotten by with out fully baby proofing the place by watching the baby very closely but sometimes DH just gets off in la la land and the baby gets hurt. He falls, hits his head or whatever and it makes me so mad that he couldnt just watch him.

I think some guys are just like that. They subscribe to the jeff foxworthy method of parenting... "he will only pull the tv onto his head once" (this is a figure of speech)

Depending on how big you are. lol Can you lift his head to celling fan??? What I am saying is give him a taste of his own medicen when he does something stupid. Like once I saw this woman pick her very small child up and shake him. The father picked her up and shook the wiss out of this woman. She didnt do it no more. If that dont work I have a huge iron skillet I'll let ya borrow. Good luck!

I can understand a more casual attitude to some degree -- but given the tragedy in your past, it seems your DH is grossly insensitive to your feelings and that his behavior may very well cross over into the passive-aggressive.

Does he accuse you of being over-protective? (It would certainly be understandable, but is something you should guard against.) Do you hover and correct him to the point where he could reasonably feel inadequate and resentful of being supervised? (Misti - I'm truly not trying to blame you - just seeking to understand.)

I'm thinking this might be a good topic to explore with a therapist, 'cause I suspect there's more to it than simple bone-headedness.

He has said I was over-protective but that was when Brittani was here. He told me I needed to let her spend the night with her friend. Well, you know how that ended up. That was the second time I let Brittani stay with her friend & then that happened. So I have never trusted Travis' judgement since then. I don't hover over him because I'm too tired much of the time & wanting a break from the boys. That sounds bad, but it's the truth. As soon as he tells me "I'll stay with the boys while you grocery shop" I'm out the door. Or if he starts playing w/ them I look at that as my chance to do the dishes without interuptions.
I wouldn't have even known he left the boys out in the store if he didn't tell me when he returned. He tells on himself because he doesn't realize the things that he does are dangerous. He's very smart about somethings & totally dumb about others.
There's one area that he thinks about constantly...the bedroom. I told him I wouldn't have sexual relations w/ him until he saw a counselor. He looked up a phone number yesterday. It's been a few days & he'll be desparate by next week. I know this isn't healthy for a marriage but I'm not into him at all when he is so careless with my life. Those boys are my life.

Good for you Misti -- I'm sure that counselling will be helpful.

A few things concern me though, and one is that you are connecting letting Brittani stay with her friend to the terrible accident that took her from you. Unless the accident occured because the friend's mother wasn't watchful, there doesn't really appear to be a real connection. The accident could have happened to anyone at all in almost any circumstance. It was the driver who was at fault, not you, and not your husband for persuading you to allow her to go.

The other worrisome thing you wrote is that you have never trusted your husband's judgement since then. I'm not going to argue that his judgement isn't flawed -- Just that not trusting it is devastating to your marriage. HE knows you don't trust his judgement, and that may well be the underlying reason behind his behavior. It's twisted, but because he knows you think he's careless with the children he feels somehow compelled to do careless things.

Please explore these ideas in counselling, and I'll be hoping for you --

see what I mean about somehow making it our (the woman's) fault?

His behavior is his responsibility, not yours.

What he does is his fault, not yours.

If not trusting his judgment is devastating for your marriage but it keeps your sons healthy, then let the marriage be devastated.

& let the blame fall where it belongs.

Sylvia & Misti - I do hope it doesn't sound like I'm blaming Misti for her fears or for her husband's lousy decisions. I don't blame Misti at all, and her husband's decisions ARE lousy! I'm just offering what I sincerely believe is my best advice for improving her marriage.

Sometimes people do 'stupid' things for reasons that are more complex than simple stupidity, and I just get the vibe that this may be one of those times.