Today's only the 24th.

My daughter got a card from us (DH and I) last week. But we didn't give her her presents then.

I would think (and hope) that this is a case of 'hollaring before you're hurt'. How do you know, at this time, that he hasn't sent a gift that just didn't arrive yet? First class mail almost always takes less time than packages, even if they're mailed the same day. Is't it possible that gifts are on the way, in transit? or that he's got a surprise planned (trip or other?) that he'll be calling about in the next few days? Or maybe he got them something that just wouldn't be arriving till later--magazine subscriptions come to mind.

I just think it's too early to assume that a card negates the possibility of gifts for this year. Now if your children haven't gotten
gifts by say--Jan. 2--maybe then, would be time to rake the guy over the coals.

Merry Christmas.

I hope your kids have a good Christmas. Try not to be too critical of their father, at least today. Let it be a day of peace in your home.

Momj47.....Merry Christmas to you also!!!! I have not mentioned their father today and neither have they. My DS16 and SD10 are in the living room playing with the "Wii" that we bought as our "family" present. I hear a lot of laughter coming from that room!!!....DD20 has gone back to bed. She has to work this afternoon until 12 midnight. She also worked last night until late and went to school as well. The kids are having a great Christmas and I think the time off from school will be fun for all of us. I won't ruin it by bringing up their father....why would I want to do that. They are used to being hurt by him anyway although this is the first time that he hasn't sent them a check ( $25.00 ) in the mail.

Azalea......Merry Christmas to you too!!!! No disrespect intended to you but please, give me a break..."hollering before you are hurt?" I haven't the space nor the time to fill you in on this man's disregard for his children. Believe me...there is no gift on the way for these kids...He has not shopped for them in many years and not called either. In fact I do not recall the last time he called. Even knowing that his daughter has been stalked lately by an ex boyfriend has not prompted a call or an email or a text from him to her. It is not to early to know that this is what they get this year and from now on.

I am not jumping to conclusions and I do know him better than you do. Since you are kind hearted and giving him the benefit of the doubt here you would be appalled at his behavior in the past. Trust me.....I know and so do my kids.

I do my best to make sure they have a good Christmas. I've been doing that on my own for years without help from their father. They don't hear from aunts and uncles on either side of the family. They have no Grandparents left living........with little to no family that acknowledge their existence it would be nice if dear old dad would put forth some effort....but like I said he never has, this year is just a message to let them know that what little thought he had put into the past is over. I would be happy to eat my words and be wrong about this but I would bet my life on it. I know this man. Unfortunately.

It makes me very sad but I certainly won't let it or use it to ruin our Christmas. I have watched my kids struggle to over come their father's behavior for 15 years. They have made progress, bless their hearts and I wouldn't dream of setting them back.

another "father of the year". shame. gifts might not be important but a phone call? no phone call? it is smart of you to not talk to your kids about him. he isn't worth it.

Had a wonderful conversation with SD33, ex's biodaughter. She and new hubby live in Az. I had such a good time getting her new SS4 1/2 presents this year. She said he liked them all....he sounds so cute!

SD33 said that she received an email from her dad, my children's father also, and he said that their Christmas presents were coming and to buy little "T" something nice from them. He also said that he and wife had gotten so much for themselves, their house and garden that you would think they had money!!!

Not even an email for my children, but gifts for a new son in law and step grandson. How lovely. Yep.....right now bitterness is my middle name.

My first thought was --- the 25th is only the "first day of Christmas". The holiday season is just beginning... he might come through yet.

But, since you wrote "Believe me...there is no gift on the way for these kids...He has not shopped for them in many years and not called either. In fact I do not recall the last time he called."
Why would you think this year would be different?
Why bring it up?

Sound like there is bitterness and resentment being harbored; Hope you have a Merry Christmas in spite of it....

Western....I admit that I have bitterness an resentment towards my ex where his treatment of these children are concerned. I would never deny that. I have been pretty successful in not letting it get the best of me on a day to day bases. It came up because he had sent a card to them for Christmas but this was the first time that he had not sent them each $25.00. It was common place for them to go the entire year and only hear from him on their birthdays and Christmas. We have always lived in the same town so distance isn't a factor. I was a little surprised that he did not include a gift this year. I expect that he won't from now on.

He has been a difficult father for them to come to terms with. For him to email his other daughter that she will be receiving gifts from him and wife and that she should buy something nice for his new step grandson along with him saying that they have gotten themselves so many things that you would think they had money isn't something that I will repeat to my kids.

They would have liked a father that took an interest in them and their lives. He just expected them to be interested in him.

He does not determine whether or not we have a merry Christmas. I do not think that it is unreasonable for the kids to have hurt feelings over their father's actions whether it is during the Holidays or any other time of year.

Have you spoke to him and told what a rotten dad he is? I would..

gardenandcats.....many years ago, after he changed his visitation, I tried numerous times to get him to understand how important it was for him to meet the kids on their level. He refused to do so. He had the decree amended to state that his visitation would be from noon on Saturday until 6 pm the same day. No holidays, no summer vacation time. I tried to get him involved with DS's school issues, he has dyslexia, but ex said DS would out grow it. ??????? He has a very weird way of seeing things.

I would call him to let him know the kid's report card grades and such and was told that he was talking to me too much and didn't want to do that. It was like 4 times during a school year.

I warned him of the repercussions that his type of fathering skills would have on the kids and their relationship with him. He told me that if they couldn't accept him the way he was that was their problem. DS hasn't seen him in about 3 years and EX said that that was ok, he might not like him now anyway. Meaning that EX might not like his son......He is an alcoholic and that mixed with his weird way of looking at things is really difficult to understand.

My point though with the Christmas card is that if he is only going to contact them by mail twice a year then it would better if he didn't do it at all. It is difficult for them to accept him not wanting to try and make a relationship with them but it was nice when he would send them a little something on birthdays and Christmas. To stop doing that is just another jab at them, IMO, letting them know that he is removing them from his life. Plus the facts with his older daughter and her new step son. For him to reach out to this child while cutting off his own children is cruel. I won't tell the kids about it.

So yes, I have told him, long ago, what a rotten dad he is. He thinks he is just fine and it is the kids that have the problem.

I swear I think we were married to the same guy Believer!
He disgusts me, and for my children I hurt. How could I have picked such an A-hole to be the father of my kids?
My kids don't hear a word unless they contact him. And then all he does is talk about himself. Sickening.
And even though the kids are grown, it doesn't ever stop hurting.
To think of the ways that they've been emotionally damaged, well, I don't want to.
My curiosity would be how does a person justify that behavior? I don't get it.

My former BIL was a doozy at Christmas. Several times he told my nephew "I gave your mother money for your gift". Ah, CHILD SUPPORT! (if he even paid that) He also was fond of gifts from drug stores (socks, Chia Pets, etc.). One year he told him that if his mother bought him a new snow mobile he'd buy the helmet. My nephew thought his father could do no wrong. Classic "side with the non custodial parent" thing. Then when he was 18 he went to live with him and realized his mother was pretty great after all, and came home.

sue36

My EX once told the kids that the gifts under the tree were partly from him because he paid child support. He paid child support so he would stay our of jail.

He once told the kids that he could have been the best dad in world to them but I took that way from him when I divorced him.

He took the kids shopping one time and when they had gone though the register he told my dd that she would have to pay him back for the CD that she got. That was all she got and she had to bring him the money the next time that they visited.....Oh I could go on and on!

Believer your ex husband is point blank A LOSER!!! I feel awful for your children & how this must make them feel.
I Left my ex husband when our son was 1 years old and he is now 15. My ex didnt see our son from the time he was 1 1/2 til he was 6 then he decided he wanted to see my son cuz a woman he was dating wanted a playmate for her son,long story short it took me 2 weeks to get my son back and when i did he said he never wanted to go back and had to see a therapist. At 13 my son decided he wanted to see his dad so i let him go,the result of that is now my son is messed up from the visit and did i mention his dad beat the crap out of him while he was there for a visit for over feeding the dog?. my ex has never paid a dime of child support but every now and then he will send him a birthday or christmas card and signs his name to it,not dad. ive decided my ex is not good enough for my son and does not deserve to have him in his life. sometimes its just best to leave it alone and explain to your kids they are perfect and truly loved and wanted by you. my son knows he is my life and a true blessing,all my kids know this. :)

Sexywife....

I'm sorry that your son has had to endure such treatment. My heart goes out to you and to him. It is beyond comprehension to me.

I have to say that my ex has always paid his child support. I feel he did so because he knew that I would have him put in jail if he didn't. I don't think for a second that he paid it out of the goodness of his heart. He has told my kids that the Christmas presents under my tree were from him too because he does pay the CS. What ever!

They never did hear from him again this Christmas.

He has told me that he thinks he is a good dad and that he is fine with all of his choices. There is no talking reason to an alcoholic who is always drinking. It is a shame that our kids don't come first with the other parent but they don't. That is just the way it is.