Those Annoying Chistmas Brag Letters!!! ugh..
23 years ago
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- 23 years ago
- 23 years ago
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Refusing to communicate...UGH!
Comments (15)I had misunderstood your post--I didn't realize you were talking about what the children themselves would think. And I hope it didn't seem like I was suggesting that OP and her husband discuss their strategy in front of the kids! No way. The goal would be for the children to witness everyone being very civil, so, no speakerphone in front of the kids, of course, if BM is going to be verbally abusive. OP and her DH should model civility and not respond to or be reactive to rudeness. Our counselor emphasized over and over that children are NOT served by thinking their parents might reunite when there is no chance that they will. Instead, the new couple should present a good role model of a good marriage. And in a good marriage, it is a no brainer that one does not permit belittling or insulting of one's spouse. And that includes someone who treats one like a romantic partner, regardless of the past. The counselor said that children in a blended family feel the most secure with two conditions: the new couple is stable and loving; and, the new couple and their other bioparent have a good working relationship. It's important for the married couple to work together on a system where all the parents cooperate. Otherwise the kids sense a polygamy kind of arrangement....See MoreOkay, WHY do you hate/love a trend?
Comments (107)Didn't someone (Pal?) have a post a few years back about why we hated some trends, and that one reason revolved around what we grew up with? Because I honestly don't care for MCM - at least the stuff that I grew up with -- the starburst wood clock, formica countertops, the hanging chained light fixtures, the gold carpeting, specific colors such as harvest gold, avocado green, some tones of rust/orange, etc. Meanwhile, a friend of mine who is 12 years younger loves MCM. And, it's that I don't want to live with those things (and they don't fit into the style of my house) but I don't mind seeing them in other people's houses as long as those things "fit" the style and are well-done. Then, I can appreciate the style... but I still don't want to "live" in the house with the style. Also, now that I'm older and have traveled, I don't like things that just purchased to "pull the design together" - like when stagers are trying to neutralize a room with objects that pull the colors together but don't have any real "worth." Stuff that doesn't really have any meaning or purpose. I like to decorate with things that remind me of places that I've been or that are made by artists/craftsmen (doesn't have to be expensive) rather than mass-produced. When I was just out of college, I had more of those decorating pieces from Target, etc. because I hadn't traveled and lived enough (plus, no money) to have accumulated many items that had personal meaning, yet....See MoreChild Support????
Comments (100)Praising someone , and acknowledging their accomplishment, isnt quite the same as offering a monetary reward in advance, for every "a" they bring home. I think its very important to encourage people of all ages by commenting on the good things that they do. I Think that way too often we focus on the bad things and ignore the good things. Psychologists recommend a five to one ration...five positive notices for one negative. Most parents fail to do that. THe reason I do not give monetary things for a good report card is simple. I cant set the standard in advance without humiliating the child who doesnt get grades at the same level. Its not about the A, or B, or D. Its about whether or not the kid tried, whether or not they put their own effort into it, and whether they stuck to it. REwarding for an A means nothing. When I was a student, I dont think I ever got less than an A in anything, except perhaps art. I was an exceptional student. My brother was lucky to scrape by with a C. My grandparents rewarded by purchasing things for me when I would get my report, and then admonishing my brother, see, Kathline got a new tape player because she did great on her report card. My brother resented the hell out of that, because firstly, I didnt have to work for those "a" grades; they came naturally, and b) he had to sweat just to get a c grade. My accomplishments were bragging material, his were an embarassment. IT was unfair,and damaging to my brother in the long run. Heck, it was even damaging to me, since I got rewarded for something that cost me very little work. Which is why I dont reward for report cards in my home, although no one could ever accuse me of not being positive with my kids. THe negatives in our household are extremely rare....See MoreLittle annoyances
Comments (9)Shannon, "I know when my DH's kids are with us,like out to dinner, or over here for a visit, he finds it very difficult because he feels like we can't really "talk" openly, we have to keep it to ourselves because he KNOWS that everything we say will go home to BM and there will be hell to pay....arrgghh!!" EXACTLY!!!! The only difference is that SD lives WITH us... it's not just a visit. ARRGGHH!!!!!! For Christmas she asked for a cell phone, camera & laptop.... common things kids today ask for. Our thoughts... oh hell no! she wants the cell phone to call her mom & keep her updated minute by minute. she wants the camera to take pictures she can upload to the laptop & email to her mom. like I said, it's the lack of trust that is going to doom her... those are things it would be nice to get for her. Sadly we can't trust her to use them responsibly or appropriately... we would expect her to try to use them against us and we've done nothing wrong. I hate feeling that way! The only problem I see in making up some good stories for her to repeat... she ALREADY makes up crap that isn't true and we don't want the phone calls or emails that eventually follow when her mom gets all worked up. We sure don't want her filing to go back to court because she thinks we are moving.. lol She spent all last summer telling us that she was going to Hawaii with her mom & grandma. When her grandma came to pick her up from the house, DH asked her if she's excited about their trip? She said there's no trip, they have no money for a trip to Hawaii and had no idea what SD was talking about. Yeah, I think SD likes to stir it up... the difference is we don't react in an angry way to whatever BM is doing. (remember BM has been planning her wedding to BF for over two years, but she's still married to older DD's father. Now, BM is supposedly pregnant and due next month. She stays on her porch during exchanges so we can't really tell if she's showing... to me she still looks the same but I guess next month we shall find out. lol) I guess I can't really blame SD for lying so much, it's been modeled to her since she was little... her mom is a pathological liar. I am just finding it impossible to have a relationship with her when the knife is still in my back from the last attack. The whole thing makes me sad but I guess the only answer is: "It's not MY problem"...See More- 23 years ago
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