I've been thinking more of this, and I think I can get her DH to go along. Since we've not really ever done anything for mom on her birthday, she would easily buy it that he's taking her to the casino to celebrate. They go frequently, and he can say they're going to meet his brother & his wife. She'd totally buy this scenario. Then I can do an open house at the club house. I figured I can supply the main dish (something simple) and non-alcoholic beverages. Everyone else (family) can pitch in with food stuffs, too, and I know that the people in her park will be happy to pitch in with pot luck. If my mom doesn't know that family is going to be there (including me) she'll absolutely love it. Our family has a tendency to do surprises of unexpected family at events and it's well received. My primary concern now is trying to find lodging for everyone...since virtually all family will be from out of town. I think this could be a blast for mom, and she wouldn't mind people knowing her real age. It would tickle her because her peers are ancient (looks & energy wise) compared to her. She loves to be the center of attention, so I think she'd really like this.

We inherited three diamonds from my DHs family. One was from his great uncle's pinky ring. We had it made into a drop pendant of the diamond only in a thin rim of silver, and hung it on a slender chain. That was a gift from us to our only daughter to wear on her wedding day with the diamond studs her groom gave her. We have about a 1 carat diamond from his grandmother's ring, and that stone has been offered to our son to put in a setting for his fiance, whenever he finally decides to get engaged. DH also had a mother's ring made for me, with stones for our 3 children--two emeralds and one sapphire. But it looked too dark and needed sparkle with those dark stones, and so we put in the center of them a smaller diamond from his grandmother, which is the April birth stone, the month we got married. Those stones had sat in the safety deposit box for many years. One is still there. But we waited to use them when the occasion seemed to call for it. DD looked beautiful on her wedding day with her great, great uncle's diamond hanging from a slender chain around her neck to match the earrings her groom gave her.

Clare- I am so sorry that you are dealing with this especially since it's long distance. The POA and the DNR are important documents and I think all the siblings should have a copy. I'm responsible for my Father who moved in with us when my Mom died 3 years ago. He made out a new will and POA and DNR and I gave copies to both of my brothers. I didn't want any misunderstanding if something were to happen to Dad and I had to make important decisions. You mentioned surgery but you didn't say what the doctor's opinion was, what the risk factors are or how much improvement might be achieved. I think you need more information before you try to help your Mom. Exactly what surgery has been proposed? If your brother is withholding information maybe you or your sister could visit and take her on one of her appointments. Maybe you would feel better if you were able to spend some time with your Mom now. My Dad just had a pacemaker implanted. His heart was only pumping at 20% because the lower 2 chambers were not pumping in the proper rhythm. Plus his valves are worn out so half of the blood that was pumped out fell right back into the chamber. He has terrible circulation, can't walk without a walker, can only walk about 50 feet without resting, one carotid is completely blocked and the other only has 10% blood flow. He was so short of breath he couldn't dress himself. The pacemaker has made a huge difference - the shortness of breath is completely gone, his heart is in correct rhythm, his fingertips are no longer blue, he bathes and dresses himself, and his skin tone is pink again. He still can't walk far but that's because of peripheral artery disease. Mentally he is very alert, the procedure was short and fairly low risk. So it was an easy decision. However no one was in favor of more extensive surgery especially my Dad. And he is a 'ticking time bomb' but as he says 'who isn't at age 89?' I hope everything works out for you.

I remember when I became a new mom it was hard to keep up appearances with baby slobber and peanut butter in my hair. My sister gave me a gift certificate to a hair salon and offered to baby sit for me. It was wonderful. I didn't take her up on the babysitting but when I finally had time to go get it cut, I was able to wash away the grossness of being fat, bloated, sick, queasy from pregnancy. And said goodbye to the slobbery clothes and tangled long hair (my baby always pulled it.) I felt human. I got an easy to style, let it go hairdo. It was great.