Outsmarting the tree rats (squirrels) around my house is a full time job. This past spring I hit on a new idea. When I plant a container I invert an empty wire hanging basket over the container and the plant gets sun and can be watered but the squirrels can't dig in it. Another idea: I bring in a lot of plants to "over winter" under lights in my garage. I have so many that it is hard to reach my hand under the lights (4 shop lights) to the middle for watering. So I bought a pump sprayer with a long wand and it works great! In late winter I add a little liquid Dawn detergent, few drops, to each gallon of water and not only does the soil get wet easier but the worms that are waiting to hatch into distructive pets just don't hatch. Don't know what it costs me to run those four shop lights all winter but I don't care. It is a small price to pay to be able to "garden" every weekend in the garage. Many people have mentioned that they mark their outdoor plants with a "permanent Sharpie". In my experience there isn't a "permanent Sharpie", they all fade and quickly too. A grease pencil/china marker or expensive "no fade" garden center marker are the only markers I have found that won't disappoint you by fading. Eight years ago I decided to learn about gardening so I tapped into my local library. I checked out nearly every book they had on gardening and learned so much. The Gardenweb forums are also a wealth of information and entertainment. There is always something new to learn and I appreciate all of you who take the time to write in your ideas. One last idea from me...I keep a small notebook on my computer table and jot down any idea I find that's new and I will want to try. Little pieces of paper get lost but I always know where my notebook is and also use it when I order "on line" so I will remember the name of the company and the order date. Tina or Trowelgal

Heehee - hate to say this, but I remember what we referred to as the "Dewey Dirties"! You'll know what I mean, Ilene! Downtown for us was a drug store (old-fashioned with a soda fountain), a Dime Store (our favorite), Western Auto, a shoe store, and a couple of clothing stores. All have since gone out of business, but the drug store made THE best cherry cokes! You just can't beat fountain drinks. I don't think I could handle Alaska - 6 months of darkness and 6 months of daylight. A friend went to visit another friend there during the dark times. She was glad to get back to OKC. I would think people would suffer more SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in Alaska than anywhere else. But, boy would I love to see it. The polar bears, the grizzlies, wolves, seals, amazing how much wildlife it sustains. I hated it when folks were (and still are) killing those baby snow seals! And, I would only want to see the wildlife from a safe distance. Amazing how fast those bears can be! Our town is about 2000 population. We had a Dairy Queen, which seems to still be popular in the smaller communities. Now they have a Pizza Hut and a Sonic drive-in. The Greenlight Cafe used to be the only eatery in town back then. Gas was only 25 cents a gallon then. My sister and brother still live there. Only one grocer now, used to be two. Wal-mart is about 13 miles away and they go there a lot (Independence). I remember all the towns you mentioned. Caney, Kansas is another on Hwy 75 north. Between Independence and Neodesha they now have a 4-lane highway, have torn the old stone bridge down (OMG!). It was so beautiful rounding that curve into Neodesha right by the river dam and under the old stone bridge. Very scenic. Also had a drive-in theater, and on Wednesdays we could pile a whole bunch of people in the car and the trunk and get in for 75 Cents. One of the main reasons I moved away from there was the gossiping. Everyone knew everyone's business, and I just felt very strongly that it was wrong. When I go back and my siblings start talking about people they know, their bank accounts, their foibles, yada, yada, yado, I just quietly leave the room. I feel like it's none of my business. I love the old cemetary, though, and would like to be buried there (in an urn). It is beautiful, lots of trees, grounds well-kept, many old graves that are of interest. I used to wander thru there just to see the old headstones. My grandpa, grandma, father, and brother are there, and I'd like to be back among my family. Wonder if they gossip in the "other world"? We had chickens and lots of garden back then, too. My dad always wanted his garden. I think people gardened more then, too. Then there was a big gap in the number of folks who gardened and it has made a resurgence in the past few years. My sis and her husband don't garden anymore. Got to be too much of a burden for them. Her husband is in charge of cable television in the surrounding areas and has been with them for 40+ years. Sally works for a bank, but I think she'd rather be home. Now they have another mortgage payment to make due to the storms last year, so she is trying to get it paid off as soon as she can. She's the prettier of the two of us. Was a cheerleader, Basketball Queen, Football Princess, etc. I was the more studious type - Drama club, Speech Club, Student Paper editor, etc. You remember Tomato_Hornworm who used to be on the forum a few years back? She lives in Altoona, just a hop, skip, and a jump from Neodesha. She loves it there because she finds many more moths and butterflies than I do in the city. Sorry this was so long - just recalling all the memories of living in a small town. I always thought I was an alien cuz I always wanted to move to a bigger town. I was bullied a lot, so don't have ANY good memories of high school or grade school for that matter. Those kind of things will do that to a person. Susan

The feelings you have are what many mothers of sons feel after their marriage...if that encounter made you feel outside a circle..its because you are...I also have to wonder what mothers of daughters are telling and teaching them about in laws.... They are mothers to grown children as well and have to know how a mother to an only son must feel...its really not the same as having a daughter and no one can say it is....I have seen how my DIL's look out for their mothers best interest at the risk of breaking a MIL's heart....my oldest DIL will exchange these looks with her mother as if no one is watching...like they are collluding telepathically...it is so juvenile... They have done this around me many times in my own home...and I hate being around them....my husband berates me if I even mention this is taking place....I am planning my exit out of this marriage and feel my DIL has ruined my family....my husband has never stood by me or supported me emotionally...and having a person enter your family...a small family at that and seemingly treat you poorly will create major conflicts in a marriage if one spouse tries to ignore the others pain...just an acknowledgement is fine.. If truth be told my husband does not care for his DIL but fears speaking up about it to me....obviously we are not going to last to 40 yrs happily.... One thing that parents of a son will do is extend themselves for fear of losing him completely...you say you have heart to hearts with her...but this is probably not the best move....a DIL will use information you give them against you later...in arguments with your son...I was told this by many women in the past....and believe it...my sister created a lot of tension with my DIL based on things that she would tell her when I was not around... We also extended ourselves by buying vaca property with my son and his wife....big mistake 10 yrs later....my son is now behaving more like an unhappy bus. partner....sending emails telling my husband he has not contributed as much financially...wanting to sell which has been my view all along...but my husband did not take my advice and prediction and now sees but really doesn't see... My advice would be to accept the fact that your DIL is going to be a mamas girl....and you will likely feel the chill more than once...do not try to have something that may never be there...you have to remember..she came to your family as an adult...she has no back story with you...your son may not be willing to speak in your defense.... I wish I knew then what I know today...life for me would be so much easier...now I have the stress of having a son, but not really...and having the stress of a controlling husband who chastises me for being hurt...insisting I deal with issues like he does..which is to repress....2 GS's I only see when there is a free spot somewhere....a truly unhappy existence at the moment....I am in the process of letting go as well

MY thoughts on several of the subjects mentioned: Childproofing a home can be defined as a lot of things. To me doing it is mainly a safety and a convenience issue. Tot Loks on the cabinets means that my children couldn't reach chemicals and I didn't have the storage space to move them somewhere else. Chemicals, knives, sharp objects, special plugs in walls. Anything from the waist down was dealt with. Precious tchatkes were put up merely because they can walk before they can really understand 'no' consistantly. Not precious things can be killed in an instant with you standing right there. Did you know that a portable baby monitor can fit perfectly into a coffee cup? No? My son did that to my husband. My hand was inches away from it. He was mighty durn fast, that kid.Faster than me. Monitors don't like cream and sugar. ;) You're right about the exercise equipment. No toddler should ever be left alone with it. Kids have ripped off fingers, have fallen from them in a moment. Serious injuries have resulted. CP for your MIL would be about her saving her personal sanity. If SHE wants to work with her daughter about it, then that is on them to work it out. But if it's happened more than once, and the daughter is unresponsive, it seems silly to me to watch destruction happen and then tsk tsk about it. If you can see the train coming, do you get off of the tracks? I understand those mothers who don't CP. I understand the idea that some things shouldn't be touched. But I take exception with things that are dangerous, no matter who's home it is. Close that bathroom door, a kid can drown in a moment. Their center of gravity is high and if they fall forward, they cannot pull themselves back out. Chemicals under a sink. A tightly wrapped bungee cord around the handles will do it. Enough that you can hear the kid attempt it and stop them. My own mother used to keep one in an adjacent drawer for when the grandkids came to visit. Simple. On and off in a matter of seconds for an adult. Purses. Please put them up. Especially older women. Oftentimes people without children are giving prescription drugs that do not have childproof caps. I personally know of a family that lost a toddler one Easter. Grandma came to visit and the two year old found her blood pressure medication. Child died. If a particular room is really dangerous, just shut the door and don't allow the kid in there at all. As to breastfeeding? I breastfed two children, three years each. My best advice to you is to read up on the subject, take at least one class if there is one in your area (demonstration is very helpful) and learn about the physiology of the process. (Not just you, but any woman interested in actually doing this.) Breastmilk is digested in approximately one and a half hours. Much faster than formula. That is one of the reasons why you see BF babies being fed much more often. Breastmilk production is a neurological feedback loop. Supply is based upon 'demand'. The more the mother nurses, the more milk is supplied and vice versa. The less that she nurses, the lesser her milk supply. This is an important point because often a new mother who BFs frequently has a lot of milk, and then the body slows down and basically makes what is demanded. For SOME women, skipping a feeding means a bit less milk later and a baby who is not satisfied. This means that giving a bottle isn't necessarily a simple thing. Breasts are not faucets. Some women don't experience a dip. No way to know what your breasts will do until you literally do it. Some babies also experience nipple confusion, especially the very young ones. The mechanical action of sucking on a human nipple is different than a synthetic one. Some kids can easily flip back and forth. Some will give up BF entirely and stick with the bottle becuase the milk flows faster. Some will never ever take a bottle, no matter how and when it's offerred. My first child was like that. She would NOT do it. When babies go through normal growth spurts (which is frequent during the first year), nursing increases. Baby nurses more to stimulate the breast to make more milk. Another reason not to give a bottle during that time. Without the stimulation, milk supply may not keep up with the demand. So it's really not as simple as "I'm tired, give him the bottle". I seriously advise new mothers (especially first time nursers) not to give a bottle or anything else like a pacifier AT LEAST until the kid is four weeks old and then occasionally here and there. For most of us, nursing is established by then, so is supply, and the baby is still young that they MIGHT go for the rubber nipple. But never during a growth spurt so as not to mess with supply nor the baby. (You know when that is, you nurse constnatly for three or four days.) There are many ifs ands buts and ors in this process, specific for different unique situations. In no way does this tiny post address everything that a mom needs to know. I just wanted to add this because there is a lot more going on than just hooking a child up. Breastfeeding is a particular kind of commitment. It does mean that you are the one that is feeding that child, morning noon and night. It comes iwth the territory. And yes, sometimes those BF babies can look chubby. My son had three rolls on his thighs and two on his butt at six months. He's now four years old and is in the 50/50 club for height and weight. Right dab smack in the middle. If the baby isn't walking or grotesquely misshapen, I would wait to see what the kid looks like about two or three months after he/she starts walking. They start to shoot up and slim out. And then somewhere in their second year they can really start getting to be a picky eater and it's about trying to get them to EAT at all...and so on and so on... I would also add that 'fatigue' also comes with the territory of motherhood. Especially sleep deprivation in the early years. It's part of the package. And even if a child is bottlefed and Daddy takes over here and there, I just don't see that making a darn bit of difference in the overall scheme of 'tired'. Being tired is what happens. But no one ever died of sleep deprivation. There are merely some days that you don't drive or play with sharp objects. ;) Finally I wanted to comment on the person who mentioned eating their words. That made me smile. I was an aunt to nine before I had my own. I had many opinions and made many statements... And when someone asked me what I had learned after being a mother for about a month, I said "the first lesson of motherhood is humility. My only regret is that I have so many words to eat". Or as I said to my best friend "How many words did you say or think?" and she moaned and said "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of them! sob!" (oh hugs to her!) I told her "well, then break out a spoon, you've got a long road ahead of you". :D I say this for entertainment purposes, but I do want to kindly say that you will certainly find something in your passel of opinions to 'eat'. We all do it. It's a rite of passage. Kindness and compassion in your words and thoughts will come back to you. Btw, I told my own sister while pregnant with my first "I just HAVE to find a way to get EIGHT hours of sleep. I can do anything if I have sleep. Somehow, I'll figure this out!!" (One of those Gone with the Wind, 'as God is my witness' moments...) I said this to my sister, a mother of three (who also had four stepkids). Years later I said to her "My God, why didn't you say anything?" and she dryly said "I figured that you would figure it out soon enough". It's GOOD to have answers to theoretical questions. I means that you care about the subject matter. It's good to think about these things, but it's also good to know that you will change something in your thinking. You won't know what that is until it happens. And a lot of mothering is punting. Because there are definitely days when you say "my kid is not in those books and neither am I!"