Hey Pecan, Thanks for jogging my memory on this type of situation !! I'm definitely going to make a copy of this . . We went through this last year after DS's surgery when we were trying to get our HMO to kick in surgery and medical expenses since we'd gone outside the system . .since they couldn't do the surgery, wouldn't do the surgery,etc. . . . . Remember those days????? Anyway, surgery was done 1 week before 18th birthday . . . I'd been the one to schedule it, sign for it, etc. etc. etc. etc. . . . . but the minute the 18th birthday rolled around . . . I suddenly became "not privy" to any of that info without DS's written consent !!!!!!!! Un-friggin'-believable !!!!!

Just a funny story about cell phones, that happened to me, last year. I was a supervisor in an examination at my DS school. It was a serious exam and about 100 students where in the school hall, nervous and anxious. They had all been told they must leave there cell phones (in Australia we call them mobile phones) on a table near the door. They where also told they must be turned off. Well half way through the exam one of the phones on the table starting playing a stupid song, ringing. I rushed over to the table and frantically looked through all the phones, trying to stop the noise. I finally did that, but students where restless. Then to my horror I realized about half the phones where switched on ! There must have been about 90 of them. So I spent ages, and ages, turning them off, all these different phones. Some I just could not work out how to do it, as I am technologically challenged to say the least. So next exam, I made sure, I stood near that table and said in a big lound voice "make sure they are turned off, please!". Phones, stressing me out ! Popi

Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I'm the parent of a teen son. ;o) My oldest turned 15 this month. It is taking me forever to post to this thread b/c I have so much to say I don't know where to start! And now I've got a lot on my mind, and I've had coffee too late at night, so you are in for it this time! LOL! This might be a book. It's not exactly fear that I feel about raising teens, but it is challenging. Makes me appreciate the simplicity of potty training! I'm just getting started, too, there are 3 more lined up behind him, every 3 years. So a year from now I'll have 2 teens, and soon enough they'll be 19, 16, and 13... and 10, so it looks like I'm here for a while! (That is what the PTAs see in me, "Oooo! She's gonna be here for years! Let's get her!") What have I done to myself!?! The food bill alone is giving me gray hairs, the boundaries navigation is going to make me insane. We don't parent with a Rule Book. But a set of standards and expectations guides us: respect, responsibility, honesty. DS is a sophomore, he has a girlfriend of, oh, about 4 months now. Started at school, classes together, phone calls, IM-ing. Once summer break started, they wanted to spend some fun time together. She comes here, they go to our neighborhood pool; he goes there and to her family's church for the weekly teen night. They are never alone, in private. (Ha, here they also have the company of not only me, but 3 younger siblings, who can be an excellent obstacle to privacy! LOL) A few times a parent has dropped them off for a move, ice rink, etc. for a couple hours. Public places of amusement, no "just hanging out," the mall is not OK with me, I think they need to have a plan for what they are going to do with their time. I limit it to twice/week, just b/c I don't think they need to spend all their free time with each other; they should have time to hang out with friends, family, and just by themself. DS also has summer reading requirements for his honors lit class, so he has school priorities even now. So I'm really good with how this is going for now. Tonight, my reason for being out so late.... he got a message from her that she and a friend, and her boyfriend, were going to the movie at 10:00. I agreed to drop him off and come back b/c the theatre is at the front of our subdivision (it's not even a bad walk in good weather) and I knew we'd be up anyway. As we pulled into the parking lot, she called to say she misunderstood, her friend's dad was taking them to a different theatre, 15 minutes away. So, figuring it was too late to catch them in time, we came home. Then she called again, said we can wait for next show at 10:45. Well, this is late, won't let out til after midnight. But I agreed as long as he didn't have a problem with me staying and watching the movie too - in a distant seat ;o) B/C it would be a waste of my time/gas to go back home when I needed to be back less than 90 minutes later, and it was just so late. That was my compromise, he took it. I agree with the idea of noticing opportunities to share our values and "wisdom" with our kids. The fancy word for that in my education classes was "teachable moments." Teachable moments are very important to me. There is a corrolary, sometimes we get opportunities to learn about our kids, and we need to watch and listen and learn who they are and where they are going. Tonight I felt like I had one of those. Ended up being out later than I wanted either of us out, further from home that I wanted to be, not reading a book and soaking in my tub like I planned to be. ;o) But I observed the teen social life and now know better what to teach my son (in the morning!). The friend his GF was with also met her boyfriend there. Turns out he was older, driving, and with 2 carloads of friends. Which means some of them had to be 18 to be driving at night with other teens, legally. I didn't know any of them, other than just recognizing faces from the neighborhood or subbing at the HS. They were well-mannered enough in the movie, I didn't observe any inappropriate behavior. But outside, one sat on the curb smoking. They all drove off leaving the younger girls standing there waiting for the dad to pick them up. If I had not been there w/DS, those 15 y/o girls would have been standing there for 20 mins alone, after midnight. Weekday night, there was no one else outside the theatre. So DS stood there w/the girls while I sat in the van at the curb. Once the ride was there, his girlfriend came to my window and thanked me profusely. The dad picking up late said nothing to me, didn't even look at me. As we drove away, I asked DS the obvious question, "So Kristy's boyfriend is older than her, huh? Did you know him before tonight? Did you know any of his friends with him?" He said, "No, but I can't believe he didn't wait for Kristy's dad to get here. That was weird, what a jerk." (Good boy! LOL.) Tomorrow I plan to have a conversation about knowing what is going on better before he agrees to go somewhere. It's not just cuz I'm nosey, but b/c he can't vouch for the behavior of people he doesn't know. He needs to make himself more informed, so he has all the information to make the best choices. We can just never have enough conversations with the kids, can we? That is one thing that boggles my mind. I feel like I have so much to tell him, to talk to him about, to ask him... so many conversations to have. Yet if we parents talk too much, they block it out anyway. I have to think hard, to choose the words carefully so I get in what I need him to hear before he stops listening. Make my point before he tunes me out. Make every word a valuable one, so he knows when I'm talking it's something he should listen to, not another Rant From Mom. I think I will be so much more confident and prepared when the rest are teens, but I bet they throw their own surprised in just to keep me on my toes. I am aware that they are watching their brother now, so what happens now sets the bar for the future. If it's true that we learn to parent from our parents, I had a good education. My parents were great. I was minimal trouble as a teen, good student, worked, volunteered, studied/practiced my music. I didn't even taste alcohol until I was 20, never tried a cigarette, much less any illegal substance. My friends were the same way. I was a questioning kid, would defy a rule I thought was without merit. But my parents didn't really make that kind. When I refused to attend church at 15, mom fussed a little, but they just went without me. My cousins caused a lot of trouble, from bad grades to teen pregnancy to arrests. They had a lot of priveleges, and distracted parents who made up for it with more priveleges. We're all adults now, and they have turned out fine, no one is still causing trouble. They just took the longer road to find their way. Now when we talk about growing up, they will say the always envied my brother and me because they wanted parents like ours. Even though there were more limits at our house, they loved to spend weeks with us in the summer b/c they knew the limits, they felt safe there, like someone was paying attention. One cousin told me that now that she is a parent, she looks to my mom as her example, not her own. As kids, I would never have guessed my cousins felt that way. I woudln't have thought it now, either, if they didn't say it. But since they have, I see it looking back. Even the one who caused the most trouble, never gave Aunt Susie trouble, he wouldn't have wanted to disappoint her, she believed in him. It is sweet to know now that my own mother was the stable factor in our whole family. So if I learned from that, that is a very good thing. I commented to them that my mom has always had higher expectations of my that she does of anyone else. It was a whine, sometimes that has gotten to me over the years. But my cousin responded that I was lucky, because it is so much harder when your mom doesn't have any expectations of you at all. Made me think about what expectations I put on my kids. She's right, it's better to have high, but reasonable, expectations for your kids to live up to than none at all. My expectations come right back to the standards I try to set: respect, responsibility, honesty. Among all my old and made up Mom-isms, I repeat to them often "Behave in a way that makes you proud of yourself." Oh, and this Friday I agreed to chaperone a small group of friends at the pool, pizza, b-day cake. I let DS to the inviting, but the parents who I do not know well called me so find out what was going on, if I would be there, what they should expect. I was happy about that. So I'm going to get another learning opportunity, but this time with kids my son does know well. I do like his choices in friends, and he is always comfortable with me meeting them and their parents. Maybe that's just b/c he knows he doesn't have a choice anyway. ;o)

yes, the oldest has add... which I work with to upteenth degree. We actually already have the homework rule... ours is more like even if you dont have homework you have homework... you have to review what you did in school that day to make sure that you understand everything. Which, is why I find it so frustrating that he or rather they lie about having homework. It is not like they get out of doing work, they just end up in trouble for lieing and not doing their homework. It is ridiculous in a lot of ways ... why spend an hour reviewing everything from the day when you could have spent 15 minutes doing the assignment the teacher gave you. They are just playing every angle that they can and unfortunately it's working on a lot of fronts and I am exhausted. For example: the kids were at their moms house this weekend. The oldest had a report to do. I meet BM at 6 monday morning to take kids to school and oldest didnt do his report. I asked if BM knew and he said "well I asked her if I should finish at your house and she said I guess so" Ofcourse I am highly irritated because we had a very specific conversation on satureday about what he needed to do. And, ofcourse, I make him sit there and do his report. But, to top off the entire deal I show DH what he didnt do... he gets onto oldest ss about it makes a big deal. But then I have to go to school that same evening (report did not get finished before school which I made sure DH knew) and I dont get home until after 9 and he didnt do the first thing on the report and DH says that he didnt realize what he needed to do. So, I end up staying up with ss until late late to make sure the report got done. And then, the next morning DH gives the grounded boys doughnuts even though it is his own rule that when grounded you dont get treats. I don't know... I feel like they are doing it to test me sometimes. It's not like anyone else is holding them to right and wrong and doing what they are supposed to do. (well I suppose that is unfair DH does back me up but i feel like if I didn't say this is the problem it wouldnt be brought up) Really, I honestly feel like they are testing how far they can push and I will still stand strong... but then I feel like maybe they are starting to have an attitude of you arent my parent that has never really been an issue before because they weren't teenagers. i tried to disengage tonight and just let DH handle everything but that sooo didnt work... it is not in my nature. I tired to busy myself in my room organizing... I didnt ignore them, I helped them with homework and answered questions but my goal was to make sure that DH made sure they got their homework done and made sure they werent just wandering around doing nothing... but i couldnt help it... I couldnt just watch oldest ss playing with the girls knowing that he had a stack of homework on his bed... ugggghhh it pretty much boils down to I am frustrated!!