Oh Laura, how dreadful! I've been thinking this over and I don't think I would be there for him any longer! If it's your attention he is seeking maybe removing yourself from his life will give him a wake-up call,either way there are so many other kids and kitties who will appreciate your assistance without trying to find ways to hurt you. I think letting him see your anger and disappointment will only be giving him the attention he craves for all the wrong reasons ,if someone really desires death they will eventually succeed. My heart goes out to you! Martha

It's such a hard call to make:(
It seems that the young offenders today are getting worse and some of them are beyond help ..and some of them don't want any help...because they think they have all the answers and the rest of the world is nuts.
I blame most of it on the drugs and the blatant violence and sexuality that they are constantly bombarded with via TV...music and movies.
The moral code we lived by is non existant to some of these kids. They don't seem to have a moral compass at all...and anything goes.
I raised 3 on my own...and I'm verythankful that they turned out well.
It's a challenge for parents today to teach a child to love a healthy lifestyle and stay away from the drugs and other temptations.
I guess you have to use your own judgement and decide what is best for you and your young friend.
Good luck.

This kid is a product of his mother's inability to parent. His story is so long and so complex that it would be difficult to explain it. He is unable to bond with people .. when he begins to feel like he is doing well or developing a relationship he does EVERYTHING in his power to push you away or make things difficult for himself. As an infant he wasnt held, loved or coddled .. his basic needs were never met. Most of us would pick up a crying baby to comfort and care for it .. this didnt happen with this kid. This ability to bond with others is developed between birth and 11 months of age. So as you can see .. its not just his fault .. and I know that .. its almost impossible to change this type of disorder.

Just to update everyone .. he is awake and talking now .. they took him off his ventilator today and he immediately told them he didnt want the nurses to give me any info on how he was doing. Thats ok .. cuz as of 8pm he now wants to visit with me. I really hope he has no brain damage.

When he is ready to be released he will be arrested and then off to jail he will go :o) As for Young offenders .. he is an adult now .. and that system really sucks too .. but at least he will have to do his time. He will at least be held accountable for his actions.

I am going to go up to the hospital in the morning and then its off to court with one of my new foster kids :o) Like I said before its par for the course. Maybe the visit will be ok and maybe he may tell me to mind my own business next time he tries something stupid like this. Either way I will get to say my piece.

Laura

Oh dear. That's a no-win situation :-( I don't really think there's a lot you can do for him Laura - but I guess you know that. Some people are so pig-headed and stubborn about ruining their lives that the only thing you can do is to make sure they don't drag anyone else down with them. I knew too many people like this guy when I was a teenager - kids who had had nothing but neglect or abuse from the time they were babies. It wasn't their fault they were screwed up, but they couldn't/wouldn't accept the help they needed to clean up.

You can only help them for so long. Even though he was crippled by his parents, he's *got* to learn that he's now an adult and responsible for his own life now. If he was sufficiently scared by this episode then he may be more willing to accept or seek out help, but if he thinks this is just another example of "how the system has let him down, or screwed him", then you have no choice but to let find his own way - not everyone wants to be saved from themselves. There are other kids that can be helped and are willing to meet you halfway - kids who will grab the lifeline you throw to them.

BP

I agree with everyone .. it's a no win situation .. and short of moving and / or changing my phone number this young man will always know where to find me :o) Thats ok too cuz I keep him at arms length most of the time .. Im just always there when he messes up. I dont lecture him .. well maybe a little .. but his guilt seems to be getting the best of him. It's also kinda of comforting that I am able to keep tabs on him also .. that way I can run interferance. For instance, yesterday he was talking about taking off from the Hospital .. I called the cops to let them know of his plans. Now they have made it perfectly clear to him that he will be arrested the moment he is discharged. It's my opinion that my first priority is to the community .. not him. He must be held accountable for his criminal activities and like I said in the first post .. all of this suicide crap is a ploy to get out of being incarcerated. He actually suggested that he might be able to serve out his time in a Psyc. hospital. Wouldnt that be nice .. in comparison to a prison. Neither would be great and both have their pros and cons .. but he is just a con artist looking for an out. I have little sympathy for him .. he keeps telling me his plate is too full and I keep reminding him that he is the one that went up to the buffet of life and served it himself. Now he needs to deal with it.

Since I found out he will be ok I havent visited with him at all. He calls only when he wants something but I keep telling him I have a cold and the hospital doesnt want people who are ill to visit. I might go down tomorrow just to say hello .. but other than that .. I will store his belongings in my crawlspace. Plus .. if he takes off from the police he will show up here looking for his belongings .. and I will call the police again :o) He knows that. He asked me to post bail for him.. lol .. ya right.. Im not that stupid :o)and I told him that. Plus even if I did.. at the first sign he was messing up I would revoke it .. so he wouldnt have the freedom he wants. I have never visited with him in jail and have no plans on doing so .. I will accept calls from him but even then he only calls when he wants something. I avoid the visits just because I use to work in that system so it wouldnt be acceptable for a Correctional Officer to visit with an inmate :o) So for now .. he sits at the hospital .. waiting to get arrested .. he only has two days and then thats it .. he will be forced to face the music.

Laura

Maybe he'll straighten himself out - I hope he does. He's still young enough to change, if he can. Some people are slow learners when it comes to accepting that they're responsible for their actions and the results.

The really sad part is that even if he does see the light and pull himself together, it'll be years (if ever) before you or anyone else will trust him again.

I guess he's not in any kind of locked room or wing? What's to keep him from bolting now - or is that just tough guy talk? I guess it's just as well that you've got a valid reason not to visit him. It doesn't sound like he deserves a lot of sympathy right now.

BP

Well he was on a locked unit for a little while .. until his form 1 ended .. he bolted last night. It wont be long before he turns up. What a fool.

Now its my turn to sit and wait for him to show up for his stuff .. its all tucked away deep in my crawl space .. so even if I played stupid it will give me tons of time to call the police :o) Its like a cat and mouse game .. Im the cat .. lol.

Laura

Oh man! What an idiot! That's going to look so good when they finally find him (not!). Too bad he's not ready to grow up and learn yet.

I guess when you're young and invincible the prospect of even a few months in custody seems like forever :-(

Do you think he'll actually show up for his stuff? That seems like a really dumb thing to do, but it sounds like this guy isn't thinking things through very well. That would be more than akward with a new kid in the house.

BTW, did you get the new kid yet?

BP

LOL .. ya Bonnie he will show up .. he is that stupid :o) He isnt looking at a few months in custody he is looking at maybe 5 - 7 years + +. I have yet to hear for the fool .. but its only a matter of time cuz he doesnt even have any clean underwear .. yuck.

I got my new kid on the 5th. So far he isnt any problem at all. But he isnt in school yet so the expectations are pretty minimal. Tomorrow I am going to start tightening the screws :o) We are going to go the Humane Society in the morning (7:30 am) to volunteer. He needs to be doing something so why not work on his 40 community hours that he will need to graduate. I would have to say that the other foster parents in our program are a bit jelouse as my kids are hand picked just for me :o) My old social worker deals with all of the kids in the group homes so she knows me well and what type of kid would do well here. It works out great for me as they are usually an excellent fit so we have little issues :o) This kid is pretty explosive (so they tell me) but I have yet to see any behaviours .. you have to love the honeymoon period :o) He really likes all of the animals in our home which is a plus as the pets tend to defuse alot of the emotions a kid feels.

Laura

Good grief Laura! Is this young person dangerous? Martha

Martha he isnt dangerous just really stupid :o) The more crimes you commit the longer the sentance. He has been getting into trouble for a long time now. But when you dont show up for your court appearances and continue getting into trouble it all adds up.

Laura

Good luck with the new guy Laura :)
Maybe his luck has changed now that he is in a good place...and I agree that being around animals could only be a good thing :),
I think that some young people are "too far gone" to change and it hurts me to have to say that...but I believe it to be true. If they can be placed in the proper enviroment when they are young enough...there is a chance...but the older kids don't want to change...and some of them think they know it all. They just have to learn as they go and hopefully...they will find a good path..down the road.

Well, the little bogger called today .. he wants to go back to the hospital :o) SURPRIZE!!!! I wouldnt & couldnt drive him there as I told him I would be compelled to take him to the police station :o) Plus he was about 2 hours away from here. I told him to give me a call when and if he was admitted. I really cant believe this ..

Laura

Oh man! Will the hospital call the cops? Is he still sick - physically I mean? Obviously he's got a missing circut in his head, but that's something that age can cure :-)

I feel like you should be saying "tune in next week..." :-)

BP

I informed the police of his intentions but they wont touch him while he is in the hospitals care. Im not even sure if he made it down here to admit himself as he has yet to call me.

He isnt physically sick .. just messed up .. he is saying he is going to kill himself again.

Tune in next week for the continuing drama of "As the stomach turns" LOL

Laura

Well, I recieved a call from the police last night to verify some information on this young man .. he actually turned himself in. The police felt he was being a bit dishonest about his personal info but it turns out he was being truthful. So now he is in custody and will await his upcoming trials for all of his charges. I certainly hope he uses his time to his advantage .. obviously his life of crime isnt working out for him. I really do hope he will take advantage of the various programs that he can access while incarcerated. There really isnt alot but there is AA and schooling. Both of which he really needs.

Take care everyone and thanks for listening to my rant.

Laura

We could all take a lesson about caring for our fellow man and distraught furbabies from you Laura , keep sharing please M