Well, why on EARTH would 2 sons (ages 22 and 23) who are being treated like 6 year olds--being completely taken care of, getting everything done for them, paid for for them, etc, even consider acting like adults? Sorry--I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but the situation screamed for the question to be reversed. Give them adult responsibilities--expect them to pay board (even if it's $25/week, if that's all they can afford). DO NOT cook for them--they're old enough to take food from the fridge/freezer and prepare it. STOP paying their bills--if they want a car, they need to be able to afford one. If they want a cell phone--ditto. As long as they are treated as children, they are going to continue to act like them. I'm not being harsh, just realistic--in this case, the first step has to be taken by the parent. The parent needs to decide to treat their child like an adult, and LET them grow up to be responsible and caring.

Hi I am a 58 yr old husband married for more than 30 yrs. My wife is a RN now for @ 5 yrs. We do not get along at all. We don't speak to each other unless we are in a verbal fight. We have been living in this house like this for more than 10 yrs. I have a beautiful daughter 22 yrs old. Finished college and has a great career in behavioral health. I also have a 30 yr old son with 2 children supposedly sharing half-half custody with their (moms). They are here more with us than they are with their (moms). I don't work and permanently disabled since since my back surgery in 1997. I still love my wife even though she does not anymore, but I'm ok with that because I am just built like that. This is a volatile relationship 24/7. We no longer communicate on anything unless we're in each other's face. I do not put any hands on her or my children ever. We may have our disagreements but no hands and I like it that way. That is only half of the issue. The other half is my 30 yr old son son who does not plan anytime soon to grow up and support his children. Mamma takes care of everything, and I do mean everything. She earns a very good living with her career, not to mention she is a very intelligent woman about to get her masters degree real soon. But I believe that she is the one who does not want to let go of the 30 yr old and his kids. I don't have a problem with him staying here, but I do have a problem with his attitude, disrespect and his sense of entitlement to how and when he needs things. Oh, did I mention he does not work, nor is looking for work. He don't need to because mamma takes care of all his needs no matter what it is. My 30 yr old does not contribute and can't contribute to this household except for being a referee with me and my wife. Which I must admit is a good thing believe it or not. But like his mother he to is a very hot head waiting under the surface of calm. On January 7th 2018 @ 6:pm my wife goes to work as usual, and I normally prepare her lunch so she doesn't have to while she gets ready. I totally forgot to put these drinks that she takes to work in the refrigerator so to be cold when she drinks them. She took it as an ultimate personal disrespect and all out verbal assault ensued. I was totally caught off guard with this. And as she relentlessly continued with this tongue lashing, I did the worse thing buy saying to her. "why are you being such an ass about it it was an accident, I didn't do it on purpose. When I said that, it was no longer about the starbucks refreshers. She said some very nasty things on her way out the house, and it angered me, and said to her well bye or good-nite and that's what send her over the edge. Now it wasn't about going to work, now the gloves came off. The last thing I said after a brutal tongue lashing from her, I said " I promised myself the very next time she goes of like this was going to put a stop payments from my disability direct deposit benefits to her bank acct. There was no turning back for her a that point. As my son tried desperately to keep her from getting to me, she managed to break his half hearted attempt to hold her back. She ran right up to me and gave me serious beat down to my face. While both of my hands were in my pockets holding on to my cell phone. Now my son said that I stuck my neck out at her while she was in my face and that gave her cause to physically assault me. Me personally I don't recall doing that but my daughter said the same thing so it must be true. After the beating that I took, she began screaming for the whole world to hear. " I want him out of here screaming at me telling me to get the f%#@k out! I never once removed my hands from my pockets at all. Eventually she went to work and we haven't spoke about since. I normally stay as far as I can from her because I fear that things like can happen so quickly, that there's is no time to think. I realize my actions in this already hot relationship. I do hold myself accountable for my actions and my responses that night. I just wished it never happened period, I wish I never forgot to put those refreshers in the fridge for her. I wish I never said what I said to insult her that way. Because I was being mean when I said those things. And I didn't have to do that. I should've just kept my mouth shut, and let her go on her way and none of this would not happen. God forgive me. But I know the damage is done. I don't know my tomorrows anymore and I don't know my family anymore. The energy in this house is very toxic, and I pray each and every day for some miracle but I can't see anything, or any hope insight. I give up.

Dear ellasmomma, I am so sorry that you are going through this heartbreaking experience with your daughter. Is she your only child? I am also writing a book right now about my youngest child, a daughter, who is a drug addict and has been back and forth from the streets to our house. She almost died in the fall of 2011 from septicemia and now has Hep C with an enlarged liver, Lupus, damaged heart, damaged veins, damaged lungs. The bacteria went through her body like a speeding train. She is lucky it didn't go to her brain or she would have died. God spared her for a reason, yet this past Mothers Day, she suddendly left again after 9 1/2 months of sobriety. Gone. We don't know where she is. Stoled money from her grandmother, $688 from various ATM machines before we discovered what was happening, and haven't seen her since. She suffers from depression, severe anxiety and bipolar disorder. No excuse I guess, but it doesn't help. She has two precious daughters that are in the custody of her ex husband and his parents that we are not permitted to see and haven't seen in 2 years. If not for my husband and I, those little girls might be dead now. Both my daughter and son in law were IV drug users and drug sellers. They had people in and out of their house constantly. They had people living there, felons. They had guns in the house, syringes laying around. My daughter shot up Oxycodone during her pregnancy and when the baby was 2 months old, I had enough. The husband's parents are rich and supplied them with the drug money, the house, their truck and the utilities. Their son was on probation, so I called the probation officer and had him arrested and the children removed. Somehow his mother and father got temporary custody. My daughter was thrilled because she was mad at me. Until she realized how tightly they had their hands on her girls. Now it's not so funny. Her now ex husband lives with is mommy and daddy, all his bills are paid, the girls are taken care of and that part is great, but they do not let my daughter see the girls but once in a great while. Even when she was sober. And they didn't let her see them on Mothers Day. We believe that was the trigger. But, she is also nasty to me and her dad. Ungrateful for all that we have done for her. The several times she lived with us over the last 2 years, she was very disrespectful. She spent 3 months in the hospital, and was very demanding when she started getting better. Her dad visited her every day, but I got tired of it. I got tired of her sarcastic and arrogant attitude. Bottom line: She is angry at me still for calling the probation officer that caused her daughters being taken away from her. She is holding a grudge. So, now that she is gone again just like before she doesn't call us and let us know if she is ok. And in the last 2 years, we have never heard her say thank you for all we did for her. Just comments about how nice it was to have a bed to sleep in as opposed to sleeping on a bench. Our son? Told us that he doesn't want to hang around us, that the only "stable person in the family is him". So we can only go to his house to visit on the other side of the state when he invites us. He is married and we have a grandson. He just got out of the Navy, has a great job and goes to college. His wife is very educated also. Very sweet girl. I have no idea what she must think. We are terribly hurt. This just started. And our oldest daughter with the masters degree? She just got back from the Peace Corp in Africa. Oh, when she needed all the stuff sent to her, including money, we sent it. When she got back, she stayed with her grandmother instead of us because she said she was going to be too busy preparing resumes and sending them out to be visiting with us. So, we hardly saw her! Then, she left for the Appalachian Trail with a good friend for a 6 month hike. Oh, she was able to stay in touch with friends and job prospects and her boyfriend in New Zealand via Skype while on the trail, but she never called or skyped us! Then, she got back, stayed about two weeks, met up with her boyfriend, was very aloof with me so I had a talk with her. It ended up in an arguement at which she cried so I shut up. She left in June of last year for Seattle where she got her new job and now lives and she has called us twice since then. She has called us twice. I got a Mothers Day card that simply said "I hope you have the Mothers Day you deserve". Hallmark card at least. I don't know how to interpret that. My son sent me a card, but you can bet his wife sent it. My husband didn't get a Fathers Day card from our son and the card he got from our daughter was a silly one, not her usual type. They used to call us. They don't anymore. So here is the point to my long story, ellasmomma. I have cried so many tears in the last 3 years I can't tell you. I haven't spent the amount of money you have, but I can tell you that the horror stories are about the same when it comes to the youngest daughter. Suffice to say, all we can do is pray to God for peace in OUR hearts first. Pray that He removes the anger, the anxiety, the worry, the frustration, the loss, the grief ,,,,,all those feelings that a mother feels in a situation like this. And believe me, I know how you feel. Its like someone reached down in your chest and ripped your heart right out while it was still beating. How could the child you gave life to treat you like this, right? Well, there is no way to know that answer. So, find peace in yourself first. However you do that. If you know God, then I suggest you pray. If God is not your higher being, then find the peace in the way you know how. Then, hand the situation over to God. Just give it to Him. He says we are to cast our cares to Him. He wants our cares! We are to trust Him! You can fall back with your eyes closed and He will catch you. So give your daughter over to Him. Then, you will have to do the hardest part ever. Pray for your son in law to be. Pray for blessings on them both. Pray for blessings on their family and pray for all three of them every day. You can't change them. You can only change you. So pray for YOUR peace first, then pray for them. Once you have given that family and yourself over to the higher power, you will be amazed at the changes in your life. But, you have to stay true and obedient to your prayers and try not to get frustrated and angry and caught up in the drama. If your daughter calls with drama, put it back on her. Don't accept it. She is an adult. She has made her decisions. If you want to go to the wedding, go. If you don't, then don't. Do what your heart tells you is best. But do not accept any negative drama into your life. You don't deserve it. Remember, you cannot change her, only YOU. I will be praying for you also. God bless you. And, peace be with you, ellasmomma.

i just had to respond to this because there are 2 sides too every situation. im 41 i semi live with my parents, i have on and off for years, i do have my own trailer, but my dad was so busy it will not be completed until spring. no i do not pay rent, but in my family its like one hand is there for the other. i do all the logging taxes, road taxes, book taxes..taxes taxes taxes ( WERE ALL GETTING TAXED TO DEATH) oops sorry about the caps, when it gets col d i have my own room, but i also cut firewood, still work in the log woods, do whatever my brother wont do, i clean up, sometimes i make dinner..depending on my moms mood long story there, i shovel in winter, i do everything that will help them out because theyve always been there for me. so its only right i do the same, and im happy to do it even if its just for something to do. i try to stay out of their way as much as possible because i feel like im intruding, but that just makes them mad lol this should be their time but noooo...they are stubborn lol maybe it has something to do with i was 15 when i moved out on my own went to school and held down a job and had my own place... they stuck by me then....and we will always stick by each other no matter what!! oh and a ps..i am totally sure i drive them up a tree every now and then lol after all what are kids for!! so yes i do semi live with my parents