Talk to the teacher and talk to, and listen to your daughter. The important thing is not whether in an objective sense, it's a lot of responsibility so much as whether your daughter feels like it is a lot of responsibility or burdensome to her. One way people have had success with different 'buddying' systems for support has been to have alternating designated 'buddies.' The people defined as 'buddies' (your daughter's present duties and position) should have defined limited terms so that they can have breaks. The child who needs the support can gain experience interacting with others too. It can be a very positive experience for the whole class as well as an excellent way to build a sense of 'community' among people/students. It's true that in a literal sense, people can't 'be their brother's keeper' but it is also true that some people are just uncommonly gifted in different areas in ways that allow them to be able to help others. Helping others who require help basically helps out the whole group (in the smaller sense of the whole class, or even your daughter and the girl with the vision problems; or in the larger sense of all of humanity). People in your daughter's position might well be gifted enough to theoretically be able to perform naturally well as a 'buddy.' That shouldn't be allowed to cloud the fact of her age and developmental stage, and the fact that she has needs too. She should have a limited, defined role as a 'buddy' and it probably would be better for _everyone_ involved to have a system that allows for rotating 'buddies.' The problem for the teacher then is to figure out if they can, and how they can (all the rest of the class) be included. Some children may not be able to perform as well, or might need 'buddy training' or something to be able to do even minimally well. The teacher should be informed that your daughter sounds like she's feeling 'burnt out' over this chore. You can listen to your daughter. You can share your own experiences of when you had to perform something similar (caregiving?, aid?, and there was seemingly no end to this role). If you've had that kind of experience you can give her tips and encouragement. Does she think that there are other students in the class who could do a good job and work well with the girl who has vision problems? Would a rotation schedule where the different student 'buddies' had limited terms of duty help for her? (You can ask her those kinds of questions). it's really hard to maintain motivation and anything like a positive attitude when it feels like a 'duty' is only a chore and like one person has been singled out to bear the load so to speak (take time to say out loud how appreciative you are about how she does things, and how she's been able to work in a caregiving sort of capacity like that... some adults are more or less incapable of functioning in that capacity at all; she's probably an extraordinary first grader)

Your daughter is only five years old. I don't believe that she is able to the choice that she doesn't care about you. She doesn't know you!!. If you want to develop a relationship with her you need to stay and make that happen. You are responsible for whatever happens between you and your daughter. She is not old enough to understand. You can not rush this, it will take time for her to trust you and to get to know you. I have 3 step-children, they live with me and my husband full time. They do see their bio mom on alternating weekends and when it is convienenent for her to be a mom. This has caused them to have many differnt issues. The relationship that we have with our parents forms all future relationships. You just can't walk away from her ,expecting one day that it will all work out. It won't. You have to put your feelings aside, as painful as they maybe for you, and focus on your daughter's. Maybe you can spend time with her and her mother for short periods of time. It sounds like she needs to develop a level of comfort with you. That will only come through time and patience with her. She needs a strong relationship with you and it needs to be on solid ground. This will effect how she relates to men her entire life!

I can only imagine what you're feeling, but I'd urge you to think things through very carefully before taking any dramatic and rash steps. Imagine your husband consents and you win custody of your son. You already know your husband doesn't love him and doesn't want him in your lives. How will he treat your son? Will that really be better for your son? And at what cost to you? What will day-to-day life be like? And will you have to walk on eggshells to buffer your husband from your son? If your son doesn't really want to move, what will happen if he misbehaves on purpose? If your ex decides to cause turmoil for you all? If your ex starts with the mind games? Imagine your husband consents and the custody battle drags on for months and months (like most do), increasing the stress level in your home, draining "his money" (I put that in quotes because I imagine that's how he will see it) and taking your time and energy away from meeting his needs? Imagine his relief if you lose, and your resentment of his relief. Now imagine your husband refuses your request. You say you have packed, but are you really ready to walk out dramatically? You have money? A job? A place to live? What about your daughter? Will she be better off if you leave? How's your marriage otherwise? And will your son be any better off if you leave? How? Will you even be able to get custody of him without your husband's financial resources? A second divorce won't look very attractive to a family court judge. If he's still only visiting you, will he now be visiting you in a crappy apartment no better than his dad's? Have you taken a close look at your children's behaviors? Many stepparents on this forum report that one or all of the stepkids are spoiled brats, treat them with disrespect, ignore them, etc. How does your son behave? And is there anything in his behavior that could cause or contribute to your husband's indifference? And does your son want to live with you now? Enough to change some behaviors? I'm certainly not recommending you do nothing --- only that you do nothing in haste. Drama is good for daydreams, but for real life, it's traumatic and destructive. Walking out could mean ending your marriage, and it's unlikely to get you what you want --

Hi, wow, thanks everyone for taking the time to read my post and respond to it. I came here for advice and other opinions on my situation and I sure got what I came for. One thing that keeps being asked is why she moved out. Everyone wants a clear cut explanation but teenagers are never that simple. The most obvious and probably the main reason is not hard to figure out. Tell me truthfully why do you think an 18 year girl old would want to live in her boyfriends house, hmmm... can't figure it out, could it be SEX. No couldn't be, she must've left because the evil stepdad makes her live under his awesome CONTROL. Please people, some of you have really hurt my feelings, do you really think I would be at a site like this, asking for help, if I was like that. Is that how you were taught to treat people who come to you for help and open their hearts for all to see? But what does that matter I'm just the evil stepdad, I deserve to be treated like dirt, right? But I do realize that none of you could possibly know all the details of my situation and you might fill in the gaps with things from your own experiences. Another reason she left is probably the same reason many young adults leave, they want their independance and freedom to do as they please whenever they please. No surprises there, just a typical teen. The last reason is probably me, I do take responsability for being part of the reason she left, however this takes some explaining and sets some of the blame back in hers and my wifes laps. But this also leads me to something else many have wondered about and that's why we don't get along so good. To explain this requires some background and explaining and a little bit of speculating. My wife was in an abusive relationship with her ex husband, he was a part of their lives until about 6 months before I came into the picture (kids were 14 (yes there's a brother, they are twins and I get along just fine with him)). The ex husband attacked her one time in front of the daughter, the daughter attacked the father and soon after my now wife obtained a restraining order against the father. That should not be taken lightly, I will say again, the kids have seen their real father abuse their mother. I should also explain that both my wife and stepdaughter suffer from depression and they both take antidepressants, nothing wrong with that just that they are known to have some extreme moods. My stepdaughter was also known for her temper tantrums, one example is, at a birthday party she spread her body over the candy that spilled out of a pinyatta (I don't know how to spell) so that none of the other kids could get HER candy. Picture this, a single mom raising two kids that she does not want to have a good relationship with their abusive father. He would give them anything they wanted to keep them in his life and then mom would do the same. To a teenager this must have seemed like she could run them both, anything she wanted she would get it from one or the other, she learned this early. Then comes the attack and the restraining order, she is cut off from her father. She started slipping away, I don't know why, I am no psychologist, she refused to go to school, withdrew from activities and friends, and worst she became aggresive towards her mother. Then I appeared, about 6 months after the attack, I met my wife on the internet in a chat room, we chatted, then phone calls till all hours of the night, we didn't know where the time went, until finally we met face to face and we knew we were in love. The daughter was not too happy about this, now she had to share the only parent she had left. The first words I ever heard from the girl was a very long email about how terrible her mother was and the awful things her mother had done to her (all lies or greatly exaggerated truths) and what a terrible person I was for even thinking about having a relationship with her mother. Her mother tried family counseling with no affect, until finally the daughter became violent with her mother and brother. I remember my wife telling me that she had to put a lock on her bedroom door because she was afraid to go to sleep at night. Soon she had her daughter enrolled and staying at, a school for troubled teens, all this done with the guidance and advice of trained professional counselors. She was not sent away and forgotten, my wife was a big part of her life, there several times a week and to take her out almost every week. While she was there she seemed to mature a little, but she also learned some wonderful things from the other girls, like self mutilation (yeah cutting herself to feel she was in control of something). My wife and I continued to date, long distance, two states away, for about two years. Then we got married and they moved to my state where we bought a house big enough for the four of us. (I should also mention that my wife is not so good with finances, we could not get a loan if her name was anywhere on the documents). I brought the family back together and made it clear from the start that violence would not be tolerated. Well, the daughter started right in trying to do whatever she wanted without regard for anyone else, she was not easy to be around. I really did try to have a good relationship with her but she would ocassionally express her disrespect (aggressively) and it would all fall apart. I know I am partly to blame here I am sure I could have reacted differently, any parent knows children can try you patience and being an inexperienced parent I guess I let her get me riled up. She had been used to telling her mother what to do and she would do it, now her mother would stop and say she needs to see if thats ok with her husband (some of you will try to twist that into controlling, give me a break, some decisions husbands and wives need to check with each other on). This new stepdad was getting in her way, now she really needed to get rid of me. My stepdaughter was in our house for about two years and that brings us to when she moved out. Not very eventful, she started dating this guy he was 25 years old and had his own house, she was 18 so she would stay with him most nights for about two months until she moved in with him. She knew exactly what she was doing and decided to give up living with us so she could be with him, she knew she was welcome to stay and she knows she is welcome to come back. But she also knows if she comes back she will have to follow a few rules and help out around the house. The way she has it now, she can come over and do whatever she wants when we are not home, not contribute anything to the household, then leave the mess and go sleep with her boyfriend. She gets the best of everything and none of the work or responsabilities. As for helping her with college, she does her homework at school, they have wireless at the library, and I should mention that my parents (her step grandparents) are helping to pay for her tuition. We do not provide her with food she works in a restaurant and her boyfriend is so cheap they don't have a full kitchen yet. Where all their money goes is a mystery, they both work, they heat with wood (in other words free) his mother bought the house they live in (no mortgage), no tv, no phone, I am surprised they have electricity. And guess what, drum roll please, she's pregnant. All the more reason I will not try to get in the way of her and her mother having a relationship, I guess I really don't mind her coming over when we are not home as long as she is respectful, the problem is that she is not. We do not even know she is coming and the only way we know she has been there is that things have been moved around, messes have been made and food is missing (yes she eats alot, she weighs about 250lbs). The time my wife told her not to come over when we were not there was when we both came home late from food shopping or something and we wanted to relax a few minutes and watch tv but the remote had disappeared. I know that I am welcome to go to my parents house anytime but I wouldn't dream of being disrespectful about it because I know they would tell me to not come over anymore. That's what my post is all about, my stepdaughter does not seem to understand that she has made choices and with every choice there are consequences. I was taught that parents are supposed to teach their children how to get through this world and be responsable, respectable adults. That's my real question is it better to let her do as she pleases or help her learn an important life lesson. It is not a matter of control it is a matter of an adult trying to help a child understand this world. Listening to some of your posts, I think it is way too late, and I need to let it go, so my wife can get to know her grandchild and try to be happy. Thanks again for all your posts, take care and god bless you all.