FYI. Neil has worked at this Walmart for almost 5 years. This past spring they built a "Super Walmart" to replace the regular one. Neil was instrumental in making it a more handicap accessible place. For example: Neil was involved with decisions regarding aisle width, doors, extra handicap carts, floor textures, and 'family restrooms' (where a parent may take a child of the opposite sex in, regardless of age) in addition to "men's" and "women's". These changes are evident in public spaces as well as behind the scenes in the back rooms. I don't even want to get into Walmart's abominable reputation, but maybe this once they did OK. We may look at this as using the token handicapped kid, but Neil and his mom Lori are outspoken advocates for equal access! Lori told me one of her biggest peeves is people that park so close to handicap slots that you can't operate the wheel chair lift out the side of the van. She usually waits a few minutes, then calls the local police, has the people paged if possible, and (ya gotta know her, she's one caring mother. And while she doesn't WANT to make trouble for anyone...) in no uncertain terms explains the complications their inconsiderate behavior is causing. :) I think I saw it best when Neil, Merlin and I visited his Walmart for the first time during training. We manuvered around the store and bought a few things, and then went into the back to see if his boss was around...within 2 minutes we were surrounded by 15 of his co-workers, all congratulating him, wishing him luck and bombarding him with questions! No offense, but god I love small town living! PS: Neil and Merlin made the front page of the Starbuck Times this week! and PSS: Next time you're walking through the clothes racks at Herbergers or JC Pennys, or K-Mart or whatever, try to imagine yourself in a wheel chair with a service dog beside you...wanna knock some clothes on the floor? I truely have a whole new appreciation for my ability to walk on my own 2 feet. Sarah -- And now I really will quit the sermon :) Here is a link that might be useful: Starbuck Times

Rob, I've always admired your stamina and 'get-up-and-do' attitude; good thing you had both of them in abundant supply on Saturday. Your patience and forbearance in dealing with 'the public' was a big help, too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts; I enjoyed reading them.

I know there is a lot more to the story than you could possibly ever tell us and that sometimes you have to be there to actually understand. I just tried to look at what you were saying and tried to offer help. When I said about them going to court and taking the kids~I meant to also add that they could also just come and get them. Going to court was of course the extreme. It does make the situation a little different when I know they had you take them so they wouldn't totally loose them. Most people in they're situation would be in denial of a problem and keep the kids until the state did step in and even then they're in denial. It is good that they realize to some extent that there is a problem. What happened with your DIL that she is the way she is? Did her mother do the same as she's doing with her kids and that's why she never learned things? Or is it that she had a problem that they didn't accept was there and this is the end result? Most of the examples of things that she couldn't do are simple things that can very easily be learned, as you said. I guess it makes you realize just how lucky we are. We take advantage of being able to every day little tasks that are VERY hard for others. After reading your last reply I have a different out look with your situation. I can see that your son isn't really trying to be selfish. He made a few mistakes (like getting her pregnant this time) but he has to really love her to deal with all of this. I guess from what I read previously I just thought he thought it was easier this way and didn't care if he had the kids or not. Does he call and come see them and does your DIL also? I would think this has to be hard on them, too. Has anyone tried to contact your DIL's parents? Maybe just to ask them what her history was and so on. I thought it sounded like she just disowned them but why? Like if the sexual abuse story was all made up, what was the reasoning behind that? (Just went back and reread and I saw about her mother calling SS when the daughter got outside while the mother was asleep. I can understand why she called SS~the child was in danger. I wish my MIL had the guts to do that to SIL and BIL. The kids about 2 years ago~they were 4 and 2~packed a bag and decided, well Eric decided, to go get Mommy at work. They were outside in t-shirts and diapers and/or underwear in the middle of winter! Meanwhile they're father was in the house sleeping away. They were too cheap to send the kids to a sitter so BIL worked 11-7 and then had to stay up with the kids until his wife got home around 3pm. The kids were forced to nap or stay in they're rooms most of the day while he would sleep! They got out twice! They happened to live across from the school and one of the teachers saw these two and took them inside and called the police. BIL just happened to think he better call the police and report them missing. Later that day they were laughing about the whole thing!!!) Her past may be of great help for you guys now to deal with all this. Did she come from a very loving home? Would all the attention and love and support be something that could help her greatly? I know you said she would make things hard if she came to live with you but would the outcome be better for her and your son and their kids? Would it be any harder than it could be to care for 3 kids until they are adults? I don't know if I am any help. I guess talking about it and getting this out helps a little more than anything. Taking it one day at a time will help also. You can't really worry about what will happen when the baby comes until that day comes. I'm sure you'll do alright no matter what happens. It truly does sound like your grandson is doing much better with you and you're teaching him so much. I hope you're enjoying this time. It also is great to know you took in Caroline because she's not really your biological grandchild and many people are different with step grands. Maybe you can help her out before it's too late, also. Many of the "problems" that you have with her may just be because of her age. It's that pre-teen age and you think you know it all. Also I don't know if you had daughters but some people will say they are harder at this age and if your other children were boys, that will make it harder for you. It's certainly going to be different. Also, she's older and had more influence from her mother and others in her life. It also sounded like she had to take care of herself a lot of the time and maybe she thinks she doesn't need help now? Plus she probably wasn't used to having rules or someone at least making sure she stuck by them. Zachery was pretty small and young when you got him so he's learning most of his stuff from you. YOu and your husband will be in most of his memories as a child and you'll have a great effect on who he becomes. I just greatly admire you for what you have taken on. Good luck with the future!

I spoke of "dirtying the nest" in another thread--there's a good reason for that phenomena! As I said, my first two were pretty easy but they got a little snotty and tiresome in the summer between graduation and starting college; in retrospect, that's a good thing. My last was quite a pain and I'm grateful to God for that, or else I would have been a blubbering mess. I love her dearly, but it was not so hard to take her to school across the country. :) But the most important thing I want to say to you is that at this stage of the game that you are in, I could not fathom sending my babies off to live on their own and worried how I would ever do so. Even when they began high school it did not seem possible. But every so gradually, you see them growing up and there is almost an ancient instinct that allows you at the right time to let go--I don't know how else to explain it. I remember talking to someone on the same subject when my oldest was beginning middle school, and here I am with my youngest beginning her senior year in college, in August. What's she going to do with an Art History degree?? But the girl is really wanting to stay in nyc to she'll have to figure something out. The other two are currently middle school teachers and loving it. Yes, I feel melancholy when any/all of them have been at home for a day or so, but then the feeling of Ahhhhhhh!! comes over me as I start to clean the house in peace. You'll be ok, rob, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.