Need help with in laws
I'm seeking advice from you all in hopes that you can assist me with my in laws.
I've had a great relationship with both my MIL and FIL from the very beginning. My FIL can be very dry, but I accept him for who he is and move on. My MIL in very loving and nurturing and 80 years old so she doesn't pick fights or demand the alpha role like most MIL's.
After we delivered our first son in May, my in laws began the cliche overbearing of opinions that all new parents complain about. Given their age, their opinions were not only outdated, but a big fat no-no in the world of raising babies today. EX: putting sugar in his rice cereal so it's not bland.
My MIL has made a few comments about how my son is overweight and looks like he has Cerebral Palsy when he was 3.5 months old and wobbled his head a bit when held.....
My in laws did not agree with sleep training my son and shamed me for doing anything other then rocking him to sleep for every nap and bedtime...bc this is how they did it for my husband.
They told me "Parenting is an 18+ hour job a day" meaning, I'm not putting in the hours and looking for short cuts by not rocking him to sleep.
They told me I was neglecting my sons needs....????
Don't you mean recognizing his need to sleep???
Half of the things they say I brush off as sheer ignorance, but on many occasions my FIL has told me that he can do a better job than me by saying " I will do just as much for that boy as you would and much more". This is after they told me I was neglecting my son for sleep training him.
SO...my FIL has hurt my feelings more times then I can count and my husband has tried to tell him that he shouldn't speak to me like this.
Needless to say we don't have the best of relationships at the moment.
I go out of town to visit my parents almost every other weekend alone with my son and I always make time (regardless of the drama with my in laws) to stop by their house and sometimes stay the night or 2 so they can see their grandson.
I do this out of the kindness of my heart and the importance of my son knowing who his grandparents are. Point blank..I don't need to do this if they continue to burn this bridge.
So my husband has an aunt (my FIL sister) who has early stages of dementia and said some pretty off the wall/disrespectful comments to me while she was visiting our son in our home. It was 3 weeks after delivery so I didn't have as much patience so I was very dry with her in one of my responses. It bothered me and the following day I called her to apologize and she continued to criticize me via phone on my parenting skills etc.
Months later (present day) I was told that my in laws are coming into town and I said we should invite the aunt and them from dinner at our house. Everyone avoided answering me and always changed the subject.
It turns out the aunt is still holding something against me from that day.
Not only is she holding something against me, but she requested pictures of my son and made it VERY clear that she did not want these pictures to have me in them.
I AM THE MOTHER!
I was disgusted, appalled and the worst part about it is my husband obeyed her request.
Sure enough, he went to walgreens and printed over 8 pictures of my son and him and my FIL and none with me in them.
I asked him if she specifically requested for me to not be in these pictures and he said " My aunt is a very intricate woman" and "my aunt just wants to deal with family." He finally admits that "its not worth arguing with a woman who has less then a year to live".
The more I think about this, the more it boils my blood.
Do you think I have the right to be angry or should I just brush it off? I never expect something from someone that I wouldn't do myself and I would NEVER obey a request like this from my family if the roles were reversed.
I pick and choose my battles like every good wife should. I just feel this one is worth the battle.