Brush it off. I am a 74 year old MIL, and I do try to keep positive. When my daughter had her two babies, I was surprised at how often medical advice had changed in the past 30 years. My daughter is appalled when she hears me tell how I made myself have a wine cooler every evening when pregnant and nursing because it was the advice of the day. And I would have much preferred not having any wine at all.

Smile and be pleasant. Don't feel you need to visit these people when you see your mother, and wait for this training you are doing to be done before visiting again so that hearing the baby cry won't bother them. A crying baby tears at your heart, and I can see it could be difficult for the grandparents to listen to it.

I remind myself all the time that DH and I set out on our own when we were 24, and that the way we did things is not the only way to do things.

Thank you SheilaJoyce,

I really do appreciate your input.

I am fine with the comments from my in laws. I brush them off and pretty much everything they say. My response to everything at this point is "really? That sound interesting, I'll look into it" haha like a robot.

My only concern at this point and I'm hoping you can assist me is the part where the family is asking for photos of my son and have personally requested that I not be in these photos.

As if it wasn't bad enough, my husband obeyed the request and printed numerous photos of my son alone, some of him and my son and a few with my FIL, son and husband.

To me that's crossing the line. .

I don't think it's crossing the line. But I guess I have always liked close-ups, and just the one subject. Anyway, it's a lot easier to get a good picture when there is only one face to get right.

Regarding the sleep training, personally I think 3.5 months is too young for sleep training. But it's not my baby. And I was a breast-feeding addict so I guess I won't be of much help.

'My only concern at this point and I'm hoping you can assist me is the part where the family is asking for photos of my son and have personally requested that I not be in these photos.'

Put yourself in your husband's position. He was in a no-win situation with his aunt wanting one thing and you wanting another.

Just remember that you're inexperienced and your inlaws are experienced .... yes, their "advice" may be outdated and yes, times have changed but yes ... they'll have changed again by the time your son has kids. So - determine what you can learn from your inlaws, what you will discard from them, and do the best you can. Because there are no perfect parents and certainly no perfect, final answers about child rearing.

I guess my request wasn't very clear since nobody is really answering my question.

I tried to give a bit of background on the people which in this case was a situation where someone was giving me parenting advice, but I really couldn't care less about that.

My concern is that my husbands aunt (the one giving me the parenting advice and hates me) asked my husband for a picture of my son and him and specifically requested that I not be in these pictures.

I found that hurtful and I was ashamed that my husband obeyed her request instead of standing up for us as a family.

I would never tolerate this from someone on my side so I would expect him to stand up and say something.

I also understand my husbands side where he cannot reason with a woman dying of dementia, but I still can't help but feel betrayed by the whole thing.

I think I understand it better now.

There have been times when I wanted my husband to stand up for me. In the end, I (finally!!!) realised that he wasn't capable of doing it.

Stop interacting with his family as much as possible. They have major boundary issues. Your voluntarily going to visit when they tell you what a bad mother you are....why? Let your husband take your child to visit his parents and don't personally host any dinners. They can go out to a restaurant.

I agree,sleep training that young might not be productive, but it is your child and I am sure you have discussed with your pediatrician.

Basically, if your husband is okay with being constantly criticized and won't establish boundaries, then let it be his problem. Do the obligatory stuff, but other than that, have your husband represent the family.

And, I agree - asking right in front of your face for pictures specifically not containing you is unspeakably rude. Just distance yourself and your child from that negativity (believe me, the child will pick up on it).

Your H could/should have done nothing at about the pictures. Period.

"I am busy" or "will get to it".

Of course you are hurt. His loyalty should be to you first.

I am a therapist and these "events" in our early marriages are often too long with us.

The most important thing now is that he understands what you expect from him (as in "ask me") and he sincerely apologizes.

Also, whatever you want--flowers, breakfast in bed.

Admit, apologize and make redemption. It is the last that all of us ignore and therefore the incident is not truly over...

I can understand your feeling betrayed b/c DH agreed re: solo pics but if lady doesn't have long To live, This whole issue is so irrelevant on ALL accounts, her asking, your being upset, hubby acquiescing, etc. When she passes the pics will likely end in the trash so.....

as to parenting, it is an eternal conflict. Experienced parents (grands) want to help and some are more gracious than others. Regardless of which you have, avoid the eye rolling and mouth twisting. Act like you are listening and redirect the discussion from criticizing you to reminiscing about how it was when she was a young mom and what she liked best, that will put her in a more pleasant mood...good luck