Don't sweat the small losses, and most of it is small losses! Don't try to figure out the rules, because just as you DO, the rules will change!

Thank you for sharing your story, Gayle. You were very brave to get out of that relationship. It must not have been easy. What you are saying makes sense to me. Stuff has a way of exerting control; of owning its owner, if we let it. I have sometimes used the idea of the Amish as an ideal. Some of the things they do don't make sense to me, but the general idea is that they live without many of the things that we take for granted, such as telephones in the home, electric devices, and other trappings of civilization. So I have distilled down their idea. If a technology stands in the way of happiness, then I can live without it. (Your short essay has helped me to see how I have expanded the idea of "do without' to include the layer of unneeded stuff that seems to coat many people's lives in an obscure grunge.) I make little efforts to simplify my life, even if it means a bit of inconvenience. I'd rather have a little inconvenience than be at the beck and call of a technology or possession or any other inanimate object that has the potential to rule my life. My happiness is so much more important then the illusion of security created by an insulating blanket of stuff. I hope that you are able to find a new balance in your life. Like you said, you'd rather fill your mind with happy things. That is a good goal for any of us.

lonepiper its fine... its just that when KKNY and TOS get involved in a post it always goes back to children of divorce should be coddled for the rest of their lives and they are not held accountable for any of their actions its always the adult's fault never the child's fault. officer pulls you over ... You get out of the car "playfully swat" him on the shoulder and say hey buddy F U ... what is that officer going to do? Is he going to perceive it as "friendly behavior" or his he going to place you under arrest for assault? and disorderly conduct? Child forgets homework... teacher says you are going to stay after school for not doing your homework... child says "you can't tell me what to do ... you're not my mother!!" then "playfully swats" teacher on the shoulder what happens to that child? Children should be treated like children and taught be respectful of all adults within reason... they should be told that you can tell a stranger to go pound tar. Anyone who touches them in bathing suit area needs to be disrespected and they need to tell an adult. They need to be taught to be afraid of strangers and be on the look out for molesters ... they should be taught how to become decent adults... they cannot swear at you hit you or other wise disrepect you Yes respect is fear ... fear of the unknown... Everyone one has said ... I would never do "that" my mother would kill me!!! would your mom really kill you NO but you were never really sure. Babies momma = saint hood. Babies daddy = trust fund.

I wrote this to try to get help with my family or what is left of it. This is the first time I ever posted anything on this forum. So instead of getting help I am getting feed back based on the notion I am a teenager or the same person that wrote something on a wedding. The real issue is that a young girl of 17 has manipulated her entire family to the point that she is now posting blogs on how the ruin your parents life and get anything you want while you do it. Again she doesn't want to spend time with her father her real mother or anyone she justs wants to do what she wants to do.. She is entering her senior year and has no job doesn't want to go to college her father lost his job and he is going into over twenty thousand dollars of credit card debt to continue to keep her in clothes and jewelry he can't nor never could afford he never made more than fifty or sixty thousand dollars a year. He has no health benefits he depends on me and now that she is living with her grandmother I don't even know if she is eligible to stay under my health benefits. She is dating a drug dealer and there is nothing I can do or say about it. Her father says he believes her when she says he never carries drugs or deals drugs when he is with her. Tell me does this seem odd to anyone? I now don't want her in my home anymore in fear that she will bring this home. So since I last wrote these new developments have changed things If my husband doesn't disciple her and I cant how can I let her be around my children or in my home. I love my husband but I have an obligation to keep my children safe and under the new circumstances having her in my home isn't an option.. MY children informed me she was bring drugs in the house and when my son found out he told her he was not only going to tell us but call the police. I am sure she brings things into my mother-in-laws house she is 65 and doesn't speak much English. So although I love my husband my life may have to be on hold until she is 18 in June. She wants to go out and be discovered she is considering working at Disney a character for experience for acting. That is today tomorrow who knows. If I sound bitter I am. I gave this child love, a home, clothes and anything she could want.Including consistence and rules. I was her only parent five to six days a week. Now she has total freedom because know one knows what she does she can lie and they believe it. The fact that she is writing this on her new facebook which her father does think she has since the time she put up naked pictures of her self.Tells you she is really something If she put this to good I swear she could rival Donald Trump