My daughter has moved out of the house and wants
karola
17 years ago
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coolmama
17 years agobnicebkind
17 years agoRelated Discussions
How to get out of co-owning house with angry daughter
Comments (6)Is she your only child? First, take a deep breath & realize that she is 18... immature and like a lot of young people, feels ENTITLED. I used to think it was the parenting that created thsse entitled children but the more kids I see out there, having an attitude of "deserving" what parents had to work hard for... I am beginning to think it is a societal epidemic. (not to say parenting did not contribute to it, but let's be honest.... how many of us would have gotten spanked or worse if we did some of the things kids today get away with? I would never have talked back to my parents... not so much for fear of being beaten but becasue I knew it was WRONG. Of course, I never tried it so can't say with 100% accuracy if they wouldn't have spanked me. I never wanted to find out. Kids today push the envelope & have been told how to report it to the police or CPS if they are ever put in fear of bodily harm.) Anyway, one solution is to stop buying her groceries. I may be too blunt here, but if you tolerate a half hour of her demeaning you and telling you what an idiot you are, then I would have to say that she may be right about one thing, that you are somewhat to blame for what's gone wrong in her life. Now, before you take that the wrong way, let me explain what I mean. Sometimes, we as parents want more for our children than we had...we want them to suffer less, have more, do better in life. In the process, we "protect" them from failure and disappointment which is something they MUST experience to appreciate achievement, which is what makes them feel good about themselves. Society has stepped in and in some ways, taken that away from children by giving every kid on a team a trophy or not keeping score because the losers might feel bad about losing. I hear people say that young people shouldn't have to work full time AND go to school/college and that education is more important than work experience. Of course, I disagree but that's another subject for another day. My point is, if you are providing food, paying all the bills & tolerating her barage of insults... then THAT might be part of the problem. Stop providing them.. give her nothing. Hand her a bill for her half of the bills that she uses... utilities, cable, phone, etc. Calmly tell her that if she wants to be treated like an adult, the first thing she needs to do is start behaving like an adult and that means to provide for herself. That's a tough stance to take and in most cases with an 18 year old, I wouldn't suggest being so harsh but any 18 year old that feels it's okay to treat her mother (that is still supporting her) like that... well, it tends to make me believe she has treated you poorly for a long time and you accepted it for whatever reason. She wouldn't treat you this way if you don't tolerate it. If you are being abused (and verbal abuse is still abuse) and you live there & work there, you can get her out by filing a restraining order to have her removed. That is a bit extreme but if you leave, she will not pay the bills and the house will be lost. If she leaves (even through a restraining order) and is half owner of the house, you can refinance and buy her out of her half. Before you do something like that, check with the laws in your state or consult an attorney. That's just my opinion based on the info available....See MoreMy daughter has joined the small house club! Picture tour here.
Comments (15)"How cool dilly dally! Does your bathroom have the original toilet & sink? Was the sink a wall hung one? And are the shower doors original or were they added later? There is a curtain rod above the shower doors and we can't figure out why there are both." No, I checked the date on the toilet when I was looking at the real estate and it was replaced in 1982. (You can look under the tank lid to see the date stamp.) I'm not sure about the sink. It is one that hangs off the wall though. The tub I know is original. It is the same as the one you show with the wider ledge in the middle. My shower rod was installed so that the curtain hung inside the tub. I moved it so the curtain hangs outside. No shower doors. (Thank gawd. I hate them.) I don't think shower doors would be original with a tub like that. My tub is grody. No shine left on it and it always looks dirty. I've looked into replacing it but there is no way to get it out without damaging tiles I was told and the size is so odd that a replacement to fit exactly is impossible. I may have to buy one of those acrylic tub recovers to get a decent tub that looks clean. The original "shower head" was called a 'Victorian' I found out. It was like a stick on a hinge from the wall, low, about waist high. You moved it up and tiled the hinged head to shower. Or you moved it straight down to fill the tub. I liked it. I had to replace it when it broke and could not find anything like it. They don't make them any more. I had to redo the whole works adding separate faucet and showerhead and controls. You probably have a built in ironing board in the kitchen. Most of them end up getting converted into spice cabinets. Mine still had the original wood ironing board in it and although I do iron a lot I did not want to iron on an old stinky wood thing. The built in wall ironing boards that they seel nowdays to do not retro fit into these old ones. I made mine into a spice cabinet by adding little shelves. I'm glad I did it this way. It's one thing to be a purist and try to preserve the ingerity of a vintage home but if it means wasted space with a non functioning widget - it goes. There is also a thing built into the wall in the basement that I had thought was an old mangle in the laundry room at first. (They were popular in that era.) There was a slit in the wall by it. There was a built-in long table in the rec room by the slit on the other side of the wall. I figured out that it was made to hold a roll of kraft paper to pull through the slit to use as a disposable table cover. I know they still sell rolls of table kraft paper like this for restaurants, so I could use it but I never throw dinner parties in my basement and don't have kids who do crafts. "The original must have been one with long pipes." I still have the original. It did not work when I bought the house. I found out when I took it apart to repair, that the pipes do not create the sound. There was a sort of xylophone thingy inside that made the actual sound. The pipes were for decoration only. If I had not been able to repair it, I was going to get a wireless chime to install elsewhere in the house and use the alcove for holding a decorative vase or something. "It's when you cut or break it that it releases fibers and causes problems." True. Some people do not know about asbestos tile and try to chisel it up without proper proceedure. I've had to warn neighbors about this. They had no idea. Make sure you let you DD know about http://savethepinkbathrooms.com if she does not already. And also http://retrorenovation.com/category/by-decade/1960s-by-decade/ Here is a link that might be useful: Pink...See MoreWe got my daughter moved out.....
Comments (5)Ceph, Yes that was my daughter. We have heard nothing from him for quite a while now. I still remind her that she needs to be diligent about being watchful. I know that it is quite soon after that situation for her to move out but it all fell into place quickly. I am feeling pretty good about the fact that no one has seen or heard from him but I think I will always have it in my mind and look for him form time to time....See Moremy bf has a 13 year old daughter who is really upsetting me
Comments (21)Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to....See Moresweeby
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