What Made Me.....Me

Long ago and far away.......................In a land that time forgot,

Before the days of Dylan....................Or the dawn of Camelot.

There lived a race of innocents..........And they were you and me,

Long ago and far away........................In the Land That Made Me Me.

For Ike was in the White House..........In that land where we were born,

Where navels were for oranges.........And Peyton Place was porn.

We learned to gut a muffler.................We washed our hair at dawn,

We spread our crinolines to dry..........In circles on the lawn.

We longed for love &romance.............And waited for our Prince,

And Eddie Fisher married Liz.............And no one's seen him since.

We danced to "Little Darlin"................And Sang to "Stagger Lee"

And cried for Buddy Holly......... ...........In the Land That Made Me Me.

Only girls wore earrings then......... .....And 3 was one too many,

And only boys wore flat-top cuts..........Except for Jean McKinney.

And only in our wildest dreams............Did we expect to see

A boy named George with Lipstick.....In the Land That Made Me Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon,...................Annette was oh, so nice,

And when they made a movie.............They never made it twice.

We didn't have a Star Trek Five..........Or Psycho Two &Three,

Or Rockey-Rambo Twenty...... ............In the Land That Made Me Me.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold..............And Chester had a limp,

And Reagan was a Democrat.............Whose co-star was a chimp.

We had a Mr. Wizard............................But not a Mr. T,

And Oprah couldn't talk yet...................In the Land That Made Me Me.

We had our share of heroes.................We never thought they'd go,

At least not Bobby Darin.......................Or Marilyn Monroe.

For youth was still eternal......................And life was yet to be,

And Elvis was forever............................In the Land That Made Me Me.

We'd never seen the rock band............That was Grateful to be Dead,

And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson .....And Zeppelins were not Led.

And Beatles lived in gardens then.........And Monkees lived in trees,

Madonna was a virgin.............................In the Land That Made Me Me.

We'd never heard of microwaves..........Or telephones in cars,

And babies might be bottle-fed..............But they weren't grown in jars.

And pumping iron got wrinkles out.........And "gay" meant fancy-free,

And dorms were never coed...................In the Land That Made Me Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets...............To talk about the lag,

And microchips were what was left.......At the bottom of the bag.

And Hardware was a box of nails..........And bytes came from a flea,

And rocket ships were fiction.................In the Land That Made Me Me.

Buick's came with portholes...... ............And side shows came with freaks,

And bathing suits came big enough......To cover both your cheeks.

And Coke came just in bottles...............And skirts came to the knee,

And Castro came to power.....................In the Land That Made Me Me.

We had no Crest with Fluoride..............We had no Hill Street Blues,

We all wore superstructure bras............Designed by Howard Hughes.

We had no patterned pantyhose...........Or Lipton herbal tea

Or prime-time ads for condoms.............In the Land That Made Me Me.

There were no golden arches.................No Perrier to chill,

And fish were not called Wanda.............And cats were not called Bill.

And middle-aged was 35........................And old was forty-three,

And ancient were our parents..................In the Land That Made Me Me.

But all things have a season...................Or so we've heard them say,

And now instead of Maybelline...............We swear by Retin-A.

And they send us invitations....................To join AARP,

We've come a long way, baby.................From the Land That Made Me Me.

So now we face a brave new world.........In slightly larger jeans,

And wonder why they're using.................Smaller print in magazines.

And we tell our children's children...........Of the way it used to be,

Long ago and far away...........................In the Land That Made Me Me.........