Wow, Ann! You got a lot accomplished this weekend!

I had 19 people here for Thanksgiving. I, too, am the oldest (as is my husband), and we've started having more of the family get-togethers at our house instead of at the parents' homes. I figure they've done it for so many years, they deserve a break! Our dinner turned out very nice.

I got some Christmas shopping done, but I am having a hard time with our 2 boys (12 and 15). They just keep saying they want $$. I might just give them gift cards to various places. DD (9) is easy, thank goodness.

Today we put the lights on the house:

{{!gwi}}

We moved here 2 years ago, right before the holidays. This is the first year we've put up our large C9 lights. I was impressed that DH got way up to the second level. It was SO cold outside, too. Many of our neighbors have also lit their exteriors, so our street already looks very festive.

I still have a ways to go with the shopping, but I know it will get done. It always does.

Sheryl

Busy women! I love the lights on your house. They are beautiful.

At T-giving this year, we had a small conversation about how it's time for the next generation to host people.

I figure DH & I will be the first to try it. The big problem is, though, that we just don't have as much space. The generation before us owns houses; we own an apt. It's got nice big rooms, but it's not quite the same amount.

Also, the older generation is going to have a hard time w/the the idea of letting go of the menu, the cooking, etc. I won't tolerate more than one other person in my 8x12 kitchen--partly for lack of space and partly bcs I'm very territorial. I can have an assistant, and I can BE an assistant (even in my own kitchen). But I do NOT do well as "co-chairman." So if we do it, I'm going to get my cousin or my "sister-in-love" (they're not married--no law involved) to come extra early and be the assistant.

DH and I really need to plan out Christmas presents. I'm feeling extra broke this year, and have to finally pay medical bills (nothing serious--checkups that ins. doesn't completely cover).

TS, your post about passing on the baton of doing holiday get togethers was very timely; that is the basis of the friction in our household.

Without going into tiresome details we are a modern family in the sense that my father is remarried (my mom died when I was young). I'm the oldest of a large family, and it has become clear in the past few years that my father's wife is having trouble accepting that the will of the majority is to be at my house, not her and my father's. This year T'giving was settled more or less amicably and Christmas will be very simple-she and my dad are traveling to be with her daughter, who just moved to England (Xmas in London, sounds wonderful to me!). So our family party will be my house by default and we've avoided another year of stress over it. As far as space goes, my house is centrally located, has enough room and since 2 of the 4 local sisters are single and live in apartments, my place makes sense logistically as well as emotionally.

RE. organizing the holiday dinner--after several years of trial and error, I have a system. I do the meal buffet style; food is laid out on the dining room table, then we eat at a giant table on the patio. I guess this works best in the subtropics, though :). A few years ago I picked up 20 glass plates (for $1/plate!) at Bed Bath and Beyond, so I have a nice set of dishes to use that all match. I make utensil packets by rolling knife/fork in linen napkins and tying with ribbon. The plates and utensils are at one end, then the food is laid out in order (turkey next to stuffing next to potatoes next to gravy...etc). That way everyone gets dinner, heads out to the porch and eats in a pretty easy efficient way. For dessert I get nice disposable plates, forks and napkins and set those out.

As for prep and clean up, I'd really rather just take care of it myself. The cooking is not all that arduous. Our biggest headache this time (and in the past) is clean up. I find it VERY stressful to have other people in my kitchen cleaning up, especially for a meal at which I've pulled out a lot of extra/fancy/fragile dishes and serving pieces. They don't know where things go, I get frazzled buzzing around trying to put stuff away, etc. For some reason all the women in our family want to help with clean up and I truly want to tell them thanks, but help by leaving us alone to do it. Not gracious but the truth. Also there is such a lot to clean up and my galley kitchen isn't generously endowed with counters to start with. So people keep bringing things in, even after there is literally no place to put it all. Anyway...at Xmas I'm going to try something new. I'll bring in like items all together to wash: all the dishes. Then glasses. Then silverware. Then pots/pans. Might help organize that task.

Ann

clean-up is the big stress time for me, too. Somehow people understand that during cooking time, they have to ask to help.

But clean-up, somehow, is a free-for-all. They all think they can, and should, and will just barrel right ahead. EVERYBODY does at clean-up, not just my in-laws' family.

But I have the same reaction--and the same problem, w/ the stuff arriving off the table faster than I can "process" it. And also, the whole "storing leftovers" thing is very individual, and I like to be totally in charge of that, no company in the kitchen!

I once did sort of what you're proposing--but I designated specific times for specific people to help: "Julie, will you be the one to help bring the plates in--everyone else, pls wait, I'll need your help at another time, but right now Julie and I have our hands, and the kitchen, full."

Then, "Anita, would you help me get the dessert out?"

Once, I even organized this ahead of time. I asked each person as they came if they'd help w/ a specific thing, and even made sure they knew how to deal w/ it (which plates, where they were, etc.)

People WANT to help, and clean-up seems like a no-brainer--even a noncook can wash a dish, right? So they figure that's their chance to help with the workload (otherwise they feel like freeloaders). But I find I need to steer them.

People get anxious w/ part of the dirty dishes still on the table, so maybe you need to organize the UNLOADING of the table, but not make it wait until the first batch is washed. And maybe even create ways to clear & unload the table that aren't inthe kitchen.

Pick a spot plates will stack (and provide stuff to scrape w/ right near it--kitchen is good for this bcs it's so unappetizing & messy, but if you're dealing w/ leftovers, have it done at the table anyway).

Sic one person on all the silverware first of all, and have them put it all in a roasting pan, or casserole, or something, AT the table, and bring it in all by itself.

Sic a pair of people on all the glassware (put a plastic tub in the sink w/ hot water, and maybe have this be the one thing that gets washed as you go.

Sheryl, your house looks beautiful! :-)

My MIL isn't ready to "pass the baton" on holiday dinners yet, but neither is she willing to invite my folks to their house (or come to my folks' house). So we had two thanksgiving dinners this year - one with DH's family at MIL's house on Thurs, and one at our house for my family on Saturday night. I really enjoy having my family over to our house - we have more room, a bigger table, I have a dishwasher. ;-) Our table is big enough for 6-8 place settings, plus all the various serving bowls and platters, so serving things "family style" isn't a problem. It all worked out very nicely this year at my house, and everyone had fun. I let people bring things into the kitchen from the table, but other than that I do all the clean-up. My mom and sis stood out there chatting with me, but I assigned any tasks and made sure things were done how *I* wanted them done (and *I* loaded the dishwasher...I have a system for fitting lots of stuff in there. LOL). They're still amazed that we don't actually have to wash dishes by hand after a meal at my house (I use dishwasher-safe dishes for just about everything...and the pots and pans are fine in the sink until everyone leaves). After I get the food put away, I gently "drag" everyone *out* of my still-messy kitchen back to the table, which has been wiped down, or into the living room to chat. The nice thing about my kitchen being closed off from all other rooms is that the mess is "out of sight", so it doesn't bother people. ;-) It all works pretty well, really, and I finish cleaning up when everyone goes home.

Christmas is going to be...uh...interesting this year. *eyeroll* Christmas eve we *have* to be at the in-laws house, so that's that. I have the priviledge of having christmas eve off, so I may stop by my parent's house that afternoon for a bit to drop off some goodies for their evening meal. Christmas morning we're having brunch at my parent's house at 10am - I expect some dissention from the in-laws for that, but oh well, my parents deserve our time too. Then Christmas evening we'll probably end up back at the in-law's house again...*sigh* Wears me out just thinking about all that time spent between two houses, and very little spent at home. Thank goodness we both go to a friend's house for New Year's eve, and have for years now, so neither set of parents expects us for that, and we'll probably just split up on New Year's day...DH can visit his parents, and I'll visit mine (and my grandparents, who generally come up then).

*sigh* Holidays are the only thing that really stresses me out about being married...not that I didn't expect it, but I was hoping that everyone on both sides would get along well enough to spend holidays *together* in one place, since we all live in the same city. Maybe someday...

Jamie, you might consider, once MIL has had a chance to get used to the idea that her DS has something else in his life, insisting that each side of the family only gets ONE visit. You want Christmas Eve? Fine, that's it--no Christmas Day, then. You want Christmas brunch? Great! don't expect us Christmas Eve.

But this is Year One, so people haven't figured out what to do, how to act, and where the boundaries are. You and DH might talk a bit and figure out where you'd like them to be, and then you can "telegraph" them now.

Next Christmas will be my folks' 50th wedding anniversary, and Mom alerted us years ago that we all have to be at her house for Christmas. We've started telling all the extended family THIS year--so they'll be ready next year.

(I refuse to go to MIL & FIL's for New Year's--I refuse to consider that a family holiday. I'd like to divorce the 4th of July from the "family holiday" think too!)

My MIL would soak us up like a sponge (and does, sort of), but I know DH is willing to put the brakes on a bit. Luckily we're in the same frame of mind.

LOL - you're funny, TS. DH say no to his mother on a holiday? The sky would open and we'd all fall through it...I'm afraid that's just not going to happen, though it is a really nice thought. ;-)

There's a reason his mom is demanding - she has two sons and a hubby who spoil her...

I guess I'm lucky because my MIL and mother had *no* problem letting me do everything on Thanksgiving!:) In fact, I don't think my MIL ever set foot in the kitchen all evening! One thing I always wanted was a big, open kitchen/family room concept, and we finally got it. There is an island in the kitchen and some congregate around it and talk while the food is being prepared. Last Christmas eve it really bothered me having so many people around me in the kitchen, but this Thanksgiving it didn't at all. I gave each of my sisters a job - one served coffee and tea and the other fixed and served the desserts. I gave my BIL the job of washing dishes because he was the one that really wanted me to have Tgiving at our house and he volunteered. So, after dinner I got to relax and others did the work for me! My BIL did an awesome job cleaning up. I had one extra load of dishes to do in the dishwasher after everyone left, but he had rinsed and stacked all the dirty dishes so they were ready to go. For whatever reason it all worked out very smoothly.

My biggest worry was seating. Our dining room table seats 6 and we had 19. So we moved the couch and coffee table out of the living room (and into the family room with the other couch!). We then set up 2 tables in the living room. Since the living room is across from the dining room, I felt like we were all close. I was going to mix ages, but decided to put all the "older people" in the dining room. That turned out to be a wise decision, because they sat in there forever talking about the old days in California (they are all from CA).

Our kids LOVE having all these generations in our house. They said they never want to go back to the way it was before.

Jamie, that first year is tough. Actually, it could go on for quite awhile. It's taken us this long to finally have everyone over HERE so that we don't have to go to 2 homes on Thanksgiving, and we've been married 18 years!!! As for Christmas, we still go to my inlaws for lunch and my parents' for dinner. I haven't gotten up the courage to end that one yet. Maybe when we've been married for 25 years???

Sheryl

Sheryl, your house is so pretty!

I'm the youngest in my family & DH is the oldest. Thanksgiving isn't a big event in either family. For DH's side it's mainly because the rest of the family lives 6-8 hours away. DH's parents usually go out of town to visit them, so we're pretty much left on our own. My family lives nearby, but since my mother died & my nephews grew up, it's not the same - we may visit, but kinda go our separate ways.

DH's mother usually fixes a big Christmas dinner. Since my mother died, she usually invites my family too, which is just six more people. I love it when we can do that - both sides of the family together so we don't have to go different places. The problem is that my grandmother won't always agree to to that - says she doesn't want to be any "trouble" to my MIL. It doesn't matter when you tell her that MIL is already cooking for 6-10 people. So we usually end up going to both my MIL's house & to visit my family as well.

Greta