It sounds to me that your husband's comment was less about YOU and more about how to get the most out of your exercising. I say that because he suggested P90x, which is the dvd set that is often thought to be the "gold" standard that gets excellent results (or in your husband's words, whistle inducing results). You responded that you were too old for the whistles, and your husband basically said that age doesn't matter if the body is "perfect." Maybe it was his use of perfect that offended, but I would take his comments more just to mean that if you are serious about exercising, why waste your time on the lesser exercise systems--and instead just go for the gold.

Hello all How nice to have advice, I tell ya, My kids are grown, and I am really rusty at this stuff. I have got so much comfort from this help. To Sweeby, I can't get away with nothin, lol very observant of you. Thank you for the time you have taken here. And, I am starting to believe that, yes there is something a bit off, when a child is told the permission has to be recieved for the computer, but only for supervision, not to say no, and 5 minutes later, she sneaks again, and we have another talk, and the next 5 days are all the same. That is just amazing. The places she goes are all pg healthy disney type sites, so that's not the incentive. I have to say I am wondering if just being defiant isn't the jolly she is looking for. And if you look at just this disobediance, and not the rest maybe its normal, but I would have never pushed an adult several times a day, day after day, and it's important to point out, I am NOT a comfortable auntie she has known all her life, I am a new person in her life. That concerns me because of the problems she will have if she is like this with teachers and other parents. And it appears she is. So I think , like you probably do,Two or three talks is alot, but maybe normal. This was was 9 or 10, To put me in a place to do that, must have been some of the power she was after, I just don't know, but It will never happen again. Trying not to rock the boat, left my about to sink the ship i think. Don't laugh, but I honestly believe she purposely didn't let the dog out so I would have to clean the carpet from urine for a week back in the beginning.. She was sitting 3 feet from the door, where her dog peed, and it was the third time that morning, So I reminded her every half hour. I didnt make the lunch she requested, and she was a bit peeved about it. I had told her mother I felt she should clean these oversites, because we have all been clear she is responsible for letting her dog out. But mamma quickly said no, she would clean it when she got home from work. I knew right then, I may be heading for a real power trip. Plus, I believe she got this fairy tale notion, that at my house, she would be a princess, with control of the days, and that I would not be like another adult/parent figure. From what I have read, 10 year olds didnt know they didn't necessarily have to mind, just a few months ago, and so defying is a bit of an experiment, that we have to endure till they get sick of consequences, they may pay a price, but they need to learn it the hard way, just in case you are not going to follow thru, so I imagine, when I was telling her to pick up her shoes, close the door, no wet towels on the rug please, she was disappointed. And a bit angry too. Just when she is an age where she is finding adult commands tiring, she gets another bossy adult to deal with. Of course, thats just too bad, but I do think this has a hand in her difficult moods. And no, she is not a monster. No one thinks that here I am sure, I certainly don't either. But she has learned manipulation, and she has come to rely on it too heavily. I have talked to her mother, she tries to get her way with me by implying her mom cant do anything for her because she works all the time. With her her mother it's that I am not attentive and wont do any thing with her, sorta the same. So the next time she is working one of us against the other,to get what she wants, (and yes it is normal, but it is running rampant in this house) Mom and are are casually are going to talk to each other right then, in front of her. There will be no fireworks, just state what was said, and then of course deny there is any truth to it, she will see the consequence. We will go on about our day, not punishing for he lie, for the time being, and I hope; in time, she will stop, because it just doesnt work. Sounds reasonable to me, and watch next week Ill be writting how I screwed that up too lol Your advice to be firm but always kind opened my eyes, I was not being firm often enough, she was so tough, and I had told her so many time, that by then time I got firm, being kind was beyond me. I tried not to look mad, but I was mad and that always shows. Seek, I do not by any stretch think this little girl is a phychopath. I think that she was in a place in her world, where at some point this manipulation was all that worked for her. I think things are better now, but she has made such good use of it she doesnt see any reason to give it up. But she spends so much effort and energy at it, she isnt thriving in any other areas, She has too much to keep straight, and too many people to keep from talking to one another. Her school performance last year was pathetic, with f's even. It's not easy to get an f in the 4th grade. I think that this is just something kids all have to learn, but she has had too few adults in her life to have it backfire before BUT, I am grateful to have you say she sounds normal, You have no idea. I dont have a clue either way to be honest, but it give me hope. And it lets me see, that maybe I am too concerned about a few things, I have let go of a little because of your words. I pick up shoes and various other things as often as I tell her to do it, that was a battle I didnt need. So thanks. Because it has been good for us, LINDAC: You are right on the money, with this thank you thing. I have noticed her mother isnt' setting the world on fire with this social grace either, but there's a twist I cant ignore, mom is deaf in one ear, and I think this has played a role, I have repeated myself to her, and when she hears me, she is graciously appreciative, most of the time. But I have realized that when I thought she heard me and choose to say nothing when a thank you was the standard response, she in fact did not. I have watched her with my son, and i c its something to take into consideration, and it makes me all the more determined because I see that it wasnt modeled for fair reason, and so Ill do it now. And Please Know that your compliment on my parenting, was surprisingly emotional, and extremely comforting. So much so, that my eyes welled up and I had realize that failing at this is part of my frustration. Which is not productive at all. I have to accept this is part of the angst too, I feel like I am failing to get along with a ten year old, and it feels crappy, so doing the normal parenting, "what do you say" has not come automatically, I didnt see that until I read your post, and I am grateful. So confidently and relentlessly, I am going to irritate the hell out of her the way I did my own boys. thank you! BEENTHERE I have actually done what you suggest, and I suspect someone has beat me to this technique, and wore it out, she considers any talking, no matter how hard I try to make it light and easy, as a lecture, and gets snotty for the rest of the day, tho this worked well on my boys, its like blowing in an ashtray with her. Even the praise, she sees right thru. I have had it work, if it was praise for something I had not corrected her on, shes a tough cookie. But she is improving here this last week, and I am hopeful it may be a real change for us all. thanks for the help. To the rest of you, speaking of rules, Ya caught me. It's amazing the way you all nailed me on so much. I have been a wuss about house rules, big time, and I knew it. Seeing it in print made me furious with myself, but thank you. It is my responsibility to state my rules, to keep trouble from popping up, and I was an idiot for being reluctant. I wonder if I can buy a set of balls on ebay, I need some. lol To all of you, I can't seem to make my point with out writting a book the size of "gone with the wind." I actually edit and cut things down, tho I know that is hard to believe. I am sorry. You all have taken so much time and careful consideration,to evaluate my situation,and advise me, because you obviously care to give helpful advice, (and probably because I need it so badly he he) and I am just impressed, surprised, thankful, and most importantly to you, I bet, I have more self confidence in my handling her, and feel sure that my choices are fair, and respect us both. And I am not blowing smoke, Honestly, every post here helped me in ways that I could see happening , and that's big stuff. I really lost it for a while there. I am embarrassed to admit I was downright depressed and hated getting up to face another day. I had no idea what to do. Having someone to vent to and get my head straight was a god send. I had to thank you all. My next post is going to be something like what's your favorite cookie to make with the kids, or what word do you have for Fart or penis. lol I wont be near as needy to get the answers so the thanks i give will be short and sweet i promisel And penis was dinkerdink at our house, In fact I am afraid that became a word in our family's dysfunctional dictionary that stuck to this day. :o) Thanks all Your amazing laurilye

I hate to say it, maybe somebody already did - it's not reasoning, it's behavioral modification/conditioning. Like Pavlov's dog... I'll buy that for coming when the dishes rattle. Not unlike going to the refrigerator. I'll buy it for using a certain tone of voice for "go for a ride?" "Treats?" or the like. That's not unlike "sit", "stay" or other commands. I'll buy it for looking for a treat when you come home, when you do it regularly since, not unlike spoiled kids they get used to getting their way. I'll buy it for the ones who say their animals "can tell time" because they look for their food at the same time every day. Many get hungry at the same time. It's not unlike people attributing some of these "psychics" that tell them that someone they knew died recently, gee, how did they KNOW???? But... explain to me how that poodle was like Pavlov's dog as he was working on opening the cage. While you're at it, explain the dog grabbing the ball, tossing it outside and resuming naptime. Behavioral modification? Conditioning? Nope, not quite. I'll buy from a telemarketer before I'll buy that! Methinks your attributing anything and everything stated to BM/C looks a little Pavlovian to me! ;) trishaw, I forgot to mention another part. A black friend of ours was over there one day and a similar situation, out of smokes so Ken said get dad's cigarettes and off went Bubba. Robert looked at Ken and said "If that dog comes back with cigarettes I'm turning WHITE!!!" Bubba did. Robert didn't! After my brother's separation, he called me a couple times and asked if I had been to his house while he was gone. I hadn't. He said someone had been in the house. He thought it was his wife but didn't notice anything gone so he was confused. I suggested changing the locks which I told him to do immediately (long story). So we did. He called me again a couple days later and asked if I'd been there. No, and I reminded him that I didn't have a key. What was bothering him was the TV was on when he'd come home. He wrote it off as forgetting it the first few times but it was too often and he made a point of checking it before leaving. He was nervous about her coming into the house and cleaning it out or something while away. Even asked me to stay there at times or cruise by when I'm out. Then one day he called me and said the mystery is solved. He was lying on the couch watching TV, decided to take a nap so he turned off the TV, set the remote on the floor and got comfortable. His one cat immediately got of the recliner, walked over to the remote and started pushing his paw down on it in various spots. After 5-6 presses, CLICK, on goes the TV. His cat then hopped back in the chair, and watched the rest of Grizzly Adams (his favorite show, BTW). This could be conditioning. He was conditioned to watching TV, and modified his behavior to go press the buttons since that would turn on the TV... Classic Pavlov? I think not! Similar story with my old partners and her heated electric throw/blanket that the husband would constantly be yelled at for leaving it on (funny... *he* never used it! How could *he* leave it on?) while they were gone.... Well, need I tell you the rest of this story? :D Critters.... they're not just for breakfast anymore!

I think it's great you want to start this tradition! I did something similar with my kids, and I thought I was lame because I didn't plan too far in advance. And I never consulted Pinterest, the bad mom that I am. But every year my kids and their friends (and their parents) kept participating and appreciated that someone was providing the venue. They won't remember your food or how you decorate, but will remember how you brought them together for fun. Saying that, 13-year-olds are completely unpredictable and irresponsible when it comes to serving themselves food. Unless you want to police how many slices of pizza or how many sundae toppings they can have, I recommend planning for much more than you think will be eaten, unfortunately. I love this age group, but they haven't learned the "my eyes are bigger than my stomach" mantra. Regarding what type of food, I would serve a variety of healthy foods presented in a fun way, like fruit kabobs and fun veggie dips, as well as easy-to-serve like pre-ordered deli sandwiches or pizza. Maybe an ice cream sundae bar if you have the means to keep the ice cream cold during serving time. I would not serve any virgin version of a cocktail. Even among parents you think you know, someone will misinterpret this in a way you did not intend. Water and lemonade are all that I would serve. A craft root beer is as adventurous as I'd get. Music, a few activity items available, etc., and the kids will create their own entertainment. I love what they can create to keep themselves entertained!