Couple of thoughts....from my own experience with father and many friends who had "bypass" procedures over the decades. Youngest 52. Oldest about 79. 1) There's no way to know what the specific outcome will be for your mom. Among those who have the procedure and follow the rehab instructions about 20% pop back to terrific condition. 20-30% never really come back to a particularly satisfactory place. The rest are someplace in between. Everyone I've known who has been through it, has had some level of impairment afterward. Chest-cracking procedures are significant trauma events. Healing takes time. 2) Those that resist rehab instructions, pretty universally have the worst outcomes. From your description of your mom, I would be concerned about this. Especially since you say she can barely walk, normal rehab will likely be much different for her. A big part of rehab is exercise -- a lot of walking, usually starting right away - and if she's unable to do that, she likely will not recover as quickly as if she was able to. I would cover this ground with the rehab folks to get a clear perspective of what will be involved in your mom's particular case. 3) Caregiving can be pretty light or arduous, depending on the individual patient's progress. 4) They've been doing these procedures for quite a while, now, and have become very good at them. They should have a pretty clear picture of what you should expect in your mom's case. Talk to them about your expectations -- whether over or under. Get a better idea from them about what's reasonable to expect. 5) Prepare to upgrade her standard of care from mere "assisted living". In the beginning, she'll almost certainly need more attention. With a good outcome, this period may pass quickly but the burden for you as an individual in the beginning may well be too much to undertake. 6) Get connected with private-care people whom you can call on if you do find yourself overwhelmed. If/when such a thing occurs, you won't be thinking straight. Make these arrangements in advance so you don't have to think about it if the need arises. 7) Let the rehab folks have their way with her. It will be very uncomfortable for her. She will probably complain. You may feel like intervening. Don't. It has to happen. They'll have to push her a bit. They know what's needed. Stay out of their way. You may have to explain this to her and deal with her resentment. She'll probably forget it all in due course. Everyone does. But keep her moving and excercising. Regularly. Every day. Couch potatoes, don't do well. If they did well in the beginning when it was forced on them, they begin to decline when they stop. It will be a lifestyle change. New routines. She will become depressed a little or a lot. You'll have to deal with it and keep her moving. 8) Knee replacement or other procedures may or may not be deemed wise later on. One step at a time. Right now, this is the only thing. Keep focused on this and this alone. 9) The procedure will NOT change her personality. Your present annoyances will likely continue as before -- but at least you'll have some new subject matter to talk about. There are a lot smarter people than me around to ask about this topic. Find them and talk with them.

Hey Cat- I think courage is defined as doing the right thing even when you are scared....and while I've said folks here can deliver a good buttkicking, they can also be very supportive when you take action to improve your life. Based on DH's latest antics (asking you for money but then loading up his credit card) it's pretty clear that he's JPN (Just Plain Nuts). If being everybody elses piggy bank makes him feel good, well, that's his personality problem, not yours, and you should not feel guilty about it or try to protect him from himself (god knows you've tried often enough). If you had co-mingled finances you would have to find a way to make him stop it, but it sounds like your finances are separate, so his financial insanity does not ruin your credit or bank account (good for you!). And yes, he's probably noticing (albeit unconciously) that you are starting to pull away so he's getting clingy, but don't fool yourself that "things are getting better"....if you went back to the old situation he'd just relax and start ignoring you again. And yeah, being with folks who actually care about you is a whole different world. I was pretty sick a while ago, I told one of my friends, who in turn called another of my friends and they both checked up on me until I was better...it actually brought tears to my eyes, all my ex would have done is carp and moan about having to walk the dog because I was flat in bed....what a witch... You go, girl.....and I mean go, out of there and into a new life.

Saying healing prayers for him and strenth for you in handling all you must. Happened to my DH at age 45 and know how truly overwhelming it can be. No internet back then so it was off to the library for nutrition researching. I became a champion at label reading at grocery store in order to prepare heart healthy meals. May God bless you both! Suzi

Also sending prayers and special thoughts...Having just gone through this with my son, I know what a worry it is..But I also know what the power of prayer can do and Aly will come through this with flying colors.....