We had a little party thrown by friends after our private wedding. I did ask that there be a request for no gifts on the invite. We were both in our 40's with three homes between us....and we needed NOTHING lol the thought of new towels in 400 different shades scared me to death :) The request was soemthing to the order of "please share in celebrating this event with us. The couple requests no gifts please, just the pleasure of your company, but if you wish to bring one along, please bring a bottle of wine to share with the couple at a future date in their home" (I don't have one sitting here but that was the gist. We did receive several bottles of wine and shared them with the friends at a later date at different dinners. Our hostess was sweet and put a tag on each bottle with the name of the giver so we could thank them and then know which to bring out in the future. We're wine collectors and most of our friends are as well so it made sense...it might not if you just collect club soda :P

My mom is rather anal about being "fair" to all of her grandchildren by spending the same amount but, on the other hand, she won't buy things just to make sure she spends equally. Instead, she asks us what they want or need, and if there is money leftover from her budgeted amount for that child, she'll give them a check for the remainder. That happened more when they were younger b/c they got soooo many toys b/w us and both sets of grandparents that it got ridiculous. So instead, I'll tell her a few things, then she'd give me a check for me to put in their savings accounts. Now that they are getting older, their desires are pricier so it's easy to spend the full amount. Or she'll give them gift cards to their favorite stores, or a Nook or iTunes card which typically makes up any remaining amount. For the most part, now with online shopping, I buy most of the gifts for her! She is not computer savvy, and I'm usually already ordering for my kids, so I'll just get the things they want then kind of divvy it up b/w what my parents will give them vs what we are giving them, but my mom wraps all the gifts from them. While it would be nice if she actually put some thought into it herself and thought of things herself that they might like or want, she is way too practical (said this in another thread) so wants to make sure to give them exactly what they want so the money doesn't go wasted! As for me, I used to keep my spending in the same range per child, so even if something was on sale, I'd use the sale price b/c that was what I actually spent. But as they each get older, tastes get more expensive. Like the year my oldest got an iTouch, I spent much more on her b/c that gift alone was $200. I still got her a few other things b/c I didn't want her to be sitting there watching her three younger siblings opening gift after gift. So I typically spend most on my oldest, then down the line but try to keep the amount of gifts relatively the same (they each get three wrapped gifts from us to symbolize the gifts of the 3 Wise Men, but each gift might have more than one thing inside or one gift might have two boxes wrapped together with a ribbon). My youngest is only 7, so I get off relatively cheap with her (oldest is getting a laptop, next one is getting an iTouch, and she is getting things like an art kit, headbands, etc). Another I do, and not that this is related to your question, is that I have certain ages where they are allowed to get certain things. So my oldest get the iTouch the year she was 11 so my son had to wait until this year to get one at age 11 even though my 9 y/o's friends were getting them at age 7 and 8! Poor 9 y/o envious that his friends have already had them a couple of years and he has to wait two more! LOL Trying to teach them they have to wait for certain privileges and show enough responsibility as well. Sorry, went off topic there and suppose I didn't even truly answer your question, did I??

Don't overthink it. Sounds great to me. Food is a great gift. This is an "add on" gift couple you don't even know, so don't get caught up in trying to give too much or you risk embarrassing them. I think it's a fine idea and who wouldn't like the surf & turf? Methinks the stress of the season is getting to you my friend. I suggest a timeout of 30 min with Buster in your lap with ample cat treats! BTW... what has BUSTER received this feline holiday season??? Priorities, remember. Priorities. :)

She's your niece, your her Aunt. Why not just have a discussion with her yourself? As an Aunt you have many opportunities in her life to teach her, this may be the one thing she gets from you. Heck, she may have sent you a thank you and it was lost in the mail or perhaps your neighbor got it (happens all the time on my street) and she's disappointed you haven't said anything to her. Open up and talk to her, no emails, no text just a good heart to heart. It may be a bit uncomfortable at first but I'm sure it will end just fine. I don't have any children, I have 25 nieces and nephews and I am confident this is a conversation I could have with about 90% of them. Please do it.