I sure don't have any wise advice, but my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what you are going through, but it sounds like your DH is a wonderful man.
((hugs to you all))

In my opinion, DH should be talking this over with you. Not deciding on his own. He has a little boy who needs him. And a wife, and older son too. It isn't the safest place to be in this troubled world. Isn't there something he could do state side that would give him the same satisfaction, without putting his life at risk? Maybe I'm selfish, but I think he should stay in the US.
Leslie

What agency is he representing? Does he fully grasp the situation there? I doubt if there's any comparison whatsoever between Afghan police and US police. I hope he's being paid very well.
Maybe he'll compromise and only go for 6 months?

Hello Susan, I know your pain and fears all too well. DH just told me yesterday that his military unit will most definetly begin their second tour of duty this fall. Im not angry(yet) this time. But i was the first. So i get how the angry emotions comes into play. When dad left the first time my kids were ages 1,2,and 4. How do you explain to a child that young where and why dads gone? I told them that dad is like a policeman(which you DH is) and he is helping a country that cannot help themselves right now. I bought a large world map. Then i bought scrapbook pieces of an airplane, a truck, and a boat. I had a mini picture of dad in uniform sitting on the boat, truck , and airplane. One picture was of dad standing and he was placed standing on whichever country he was currently in. That really helped my 4 year old understand better of where dad was at. She is now 9 and is very good in school with maps. Another VERY inportant thing DH did was he sent home a roll of film of himself every month. At one time DH said he wanted to grow a mustach while he was gone. I asked him not to because the kids being so young do not know the man with the mustach. So he didnt. I have to say that all those photos really helped even my 1 year old reconize dad. He may not have remembered him. But he could point him out and say "Da." He couldnt say dad before he left. DH also wrote to the kids every couple of weeks. He would draw them gi joe stickman pictures. He would have himself saying simple phrases like"Daddy Loves You." I remember one time he laid out 8 pieces of paper and drew the gi joe stickman across the papers. It was a puzzle for the kids to put back together. He also sent many bags of suckers. They loved that. I am so proud of my DH and all he did for our kids while he was overseas. Your older son must really be taken it hard. He really does know what is going on over there. He will also have to put up with people ALWAYS giving him their political opinion. Even though your DH is not military you will get tired of hearing about it. All you can do is be there for him. Your DH is a great man for what he is about to do. Make sure you send a new set of pictures to him every month. Are you selfish for not wanting him to go? God No! How will you run the household without him? One day at a time. You can find support in your local church. You can also find support in a local military family readiness(support group). We know what your going through and what you will go through. Good Luck!

I understand not wanting him to go over there but if he does go you will be fine. My mom could barely speak English and was left by herself many years with us three kids while my dad was out to sea when he was in the Navy. She survived and did just fine. We survived without my dad too. At least your husband will only be going for a year. Many military families do without one or both parents for years. Do you have family nearby? Friends? If not or even if you do, you have us here too if you need to talk to anyone.

I've no doubt what you are feeling is as all wives, children, and family members feel when the people they love go off to war or are commissioned in a war zone. When my nephew (I am 3.5 years older) left for Iraq, I begged him not to go. I knew he could get out of it, despite his regiment being deployed. He has been an army man all his life, joining at 19 and served two tours of duty. His plan was to make the army his career. He had a back injury from a car accident that he was able to hide but when they found out about it, they refused him a third tour. He was able to join the army reserves and has been there ever since. He was deployed to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and then to Iraq because he almost begged for it. I knew he wanted the combat pay and asked if he would still go if it weren't for that. He answered an emphatic "Yes! I have wanted it all my life." I guess he really reflected on our conversation that day because he called me the next morning to tell me, among other things, "I need you to understand I am a military man." Despite my anger with him for wanting to go; despite not understanding anyone in their right mind wanting to do this; despite my disdain for this war; despite my own fears he might not return, I had to respect his wishes, I had to respect the man I now knew him to be and forget the little boy I grew up with, and I had to love him all the more. Acceptance flooded over me like a cascading waterfall of tears, humility, and the realization I have no influence whatever.

My nephew came home January 2006, and his daughter left a few months later. She served 18 months in Iraq and came home last September. Naturally, we went through all the same feelings and feel incredibly blessed they both arrived back safely and free from harm. But, when he told me she was going, I simply could not believe my ears.

I sure do understand your feelings and fears, and you are perfectly entitled to them. Try to remember though there are forces greater than you. What he needs is for you to be strong and hold down the homefront while he's gone. Cry and be angry, and then pray if you are a believing woman. Pray for his safe return. But for him and your children, be the pillar of strength they need you to be. Who else can they turn to? You will okay, but you have to decide to be. Falling apart won't help anything at all. Come here to let off steam or talk to friends and family. In the presence of your children, don't let on one clue. In your letters to him while he's away, be cheerful, optimistic, and loving. Then come here to let off steam again.

Does the company your DH works for allow him to come home for visits during the year, or is he contracted for 12 continuous months?
I think some men just like to be where the action is...all you can do is wait them out.

I know you are worried and maybe a little resentful, but maybe your husband feels this would be a way to boost your income and thinks it's the way to go.

I've raised 3 kids practically on my own because most of my husband's assignments have been overseas and largely in the Middle East. There were times I thought I'd go crazy, but I made it and we all turned out fine. LOL

I'm not saying it's easy, but you'll surprise yourself when you see how much you can do on your own and how you can accomplish things you never dreamed of. It's one of those things that you have to let go and let God. I'll admit that most of the crisis happened when he was gone but it all worked out. Just hang tough and stand by your husband in his decision. I doubt he's doing this for any selfish reasons.

I understand your concern. I wouldn't want my husband
going over there. Much to dangerous.

Since I was a military wife for many years, including the Viet Nam war, I know what it is like to say goodbye to your husband and try to keep the family together... I think he should have discussed it with you and made the decision with your input but I'll tell you this, like every wife who has ever kissed her husband goodbye whether he was going overseas or on a business trip somewhere, you just do the very best you can do. I will tell you that I am the strong person that I am today because I had to deal with being alone while my husband was serving his country...A proud Air Force wife..

My friend's husband did the same thing. Maybe I can contact him and get some advice.
Donna

the money is very tempting...i can understand the lure. my uncle's dgs went, but he only repaired trucks...it still was very hard on the family emotionally...

i'd let dh know just how much your ds is going to miss him...it may be a way for him to show extra caution...not to mention they should be able to share that love ...

I thank you all for the words of advice and comfort!
My DH was a soldier in the Army and has total understanding of what can happen.
I need to claify that he and I did talk it over and he said, "If you don't want me to do this then just say no, I won't go." If you knew him you can't say no. He is a man who gives his all to help anyone or anything to make it better for them. The "shirt off his back" type of man.
The pay is nice and will help our family but its not the only reason for his choice.
DH's father was a veteran of war and worked with Peace Corp. He passed away in "88. My DH followed in his father's footsteps working, volunteering and helping the not so fortunate. It is in his blood and his way of life.
He does have leave throughout the year, 52 total overall, but can't stay more than 31 days here at a time. He will come home for Christmas. And I will meet him somewhere (maybe England or Germany) for his next leave.
Most of our family and friends are in the Military and DH was going in the Army Reserves 2003 until we found out I was pregnant with the youngest. He thought it would be selfish of him to do that, so he didn't for me. Yet I never told him not to, (but secretly was glad he didn't).
I know our Military and Civilian employed men /women risk thier lives for this great country everyday and someone has to do it. I just feel so selfish and guilty thinking why does my Dh have to be one of them?
Thanks so much for letting me vent.
Bless you all and please say a prayer for our all our troops.
Susan