I agree I can't understand why malls etc pay for trees, and then ignore them. Many moons ago, when young, my hubby did landscaping for GE and Samsonite, and his estimate included care (to get them going well) and if they died, replacement, so he took a lot of care getting them going. But then, maybe thats good ol American pride in a job, which seems to be sorely lacking these days. In all fields. I have to say that at least, there is an attempt to have trees and plantings, which is a step in the right direction. We all talk about "going green" and all the possibilities. I've talked til I am blue in the face about one plan. That if there was a "law" that every acre of land MUST have "X" number of live trees on it, one way or another, groupings, fence lines whatever, maybe we can make a difference. I think it would make a HUGE impact. The forest service already gives away free trees. So no one can say they "can't afford one." But as a landowner, you are responsible for its care. You can "own" the plot of earth, but apparently care of it needs to be legislated... Oh yeah... I forgot... Legislating the pollution of a plot of earth didn't work, why would just caring for a tree??? Sigh. Maybe the trees WOULD be cared for, if they hid where the dumping was going on! :0 I don't know why these companies haven't thought of going underground? Wouldn't that be cheaper for climate control? When you are in a mall, you don't know whats outside. Then they could build a gorgeous park on top... Draw people who then might decide to go in and buy something. And now I am shutting up before I write an epistle. Poor trees. Wish I could water them all.... A forest lover...

Well, Stevied, thanks for your concern about "hijacking" my thread but I think we would all be better off if it morphs into a discussion of how we can all (male and female) be more sensitive in communication with our significant others than if it remains a narrowly focused thrashing out of my little problem. After all...I've already relegated that to the "last week's annoyance" category. Some might say that I've swept it under the rug...I prefer to think I've moved on. And I think I might learn a lot from a man who is willing to think a bit about these things. A different perspective, doncha know? I suspect that part of the problem your wife has with your attempts to communicate stems from old hurts. She may be expecting repeats of earlier disappointments and such. It's hard to imagine that a husband who would make such a sweet, humble attempt to understand and change would be rebuffed. There must be some issue lurking here. Have you asked about that? You say that you still can't help her feel better - well, apart from the fact that one person really cannot be responsible completely for the feelings of another - have you asked her to break things down for you into really small, doable bits? If you find that you just don't know what to do or say, could you say, "Honey, I can tell that you are hurting and I hate that and really want to help. What do you need me to do or say right now? What am I not getting about this? Do believe me that I want to understand and am not trying to be thick...I just don't quite see it and need you to help me understand how to help you. I'm hoping that if you walk me through it a few times I'll start to get it on my own." Any woman who would reject that must have a LOT of mistrust left over from somewhere. And those issues will have to be dealt with before progress is made. Also, apology has its valuable place. If you react in a way that turns out to be mistaken, apologize! Right away you can say, "Whoa! I think I read that wrong. You were serious, weren't you? I'm sorry I didn't get that. Let me back up and try again cause I really didn't want to hurt your feelings." And you may need to start out by assuming that it's ALL important for a while. Rather than putting all the burden on her to announce whether you should really pay attention or not, how about just assuming that if her mouth is moving you need to get in gear? I seriously doubt that she will be as annoyed on account of you taking something seriously when she was kidding as she would if you ignore her when she is trying to get your attention. You say that you want to help and you just can't seem to figure it out? Well, take the time and trouble to just pay attention to everything she says for a while and see if that helps. Really listen every time she speaks, take a few seconds at least to try to see what she is really saying and if you don't get it ask her to clarify for you. If nothing else, it should be a huge compliment to her that you are willing to pay attention to her. We really do teach others how to treat us. Heaven knows what I'M thinking...I seem to always teach people to take me totally for granted and to ignore my needs. When will I ever learn NOT to do that? Or HOW not to do that? But it's always easier to give advice about someone else's problem than to figure out our own or to take advice when it applies to us. So why shouldn't your wife teach you what she needs? If you are as willing to learn as you appear to be, I think she would be making a huge mistake not to jump at the chance. Guys like you don't grow on trees!

Reminds me of years ago, I was working full time w/ a commute - 2 teenage boys; ExDH, airline pilot, on days off, at home, did nothing to help. I once said to him, that I just didn't understand how he could keep 300 people aloft at 35,000 feet but could not put the mayonnaise away.................. My DH now is pretty much a neat freak, to the point of annoyance. He insists on letting hot water run while washing up a few dishes. The problem is that he doesn't get all of them clean so I have to put them in the dishwasher anyway :-( Our hot water is heated in the boiler with fuel oil and you know how expensive that is!! He just doesn't get it and I have given up trying to get an 81 year old man to change his evil ways.

Just depends o the reporter's ears and eyes, I think, they seem to see what they want and then think it is true. Sitting at the Dentist and reading the old magazines there with all the gossip and so forth, it changes from one publication to another, I know I don't bother buying them any more, just do catchups at the dentist LOL. Marion, who is missing all the forumites, they seem to have wandered away since I went to England.