I hope you enjoyed your walk.

Stay calm...I have a sister like yours...maybe even worse. You just have to try to get her out of your head. As long as she messes with your head, she has control...and is enjoying every minute of it.

You have to stop away from the entire situation. Mom is her responsibility now. Talk to mom on the phone...do not mention sister, and if she does...ignore the remark. Your mother sounds like a survivor..she will adapt.

Believe me...it's the only way to hang on to your sanity.

Hang in there, Peg!

Hope the walk helped. I can't imagine what your sister puts everyone through with her "issues". I think she needs to make time to deal with her mental health before she completely loses it. How does her partner deal with her tirades?

((((Peg))))

Linda

You moved Mom to sisters with a loooong list of what to do when she went. So, let it go. Forget it, and let sister work it out herself. Pick your battles. You got the okay from sisters SO to visit Mom. So just visit with her.
Leslie

Merciful goodness, Peg. Your sister seems like the sister from hell...just totally unreasonable.

Good for you that you are going out to get some fresh air, exercise, and maybe browse a bit and clear your head of all the recent upset.

Forget the drinks and drinking...lay in the chocolate!

Take care and hang tuff. You and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers.

Will she never let things work out well for all?

Sue

hahahahaha!!!
I declare you crack me up. You crack yourself up with some of your terminology. Peg, I don't worry about you anymore. You are smoother than I am and way smarter, too. Sister is way off base accusing you like this, but just don't give her any reason. This almost sounds like deja vu, well in reverse that is. Don't go without them being there and without announcing your visit. You didn't want them to do that to you, so why do it? You know how to keep the peace. You also know how to deal with your sister's neurosis.

Ignore her.
Enjoy your walk.
Maybe spend some money on something nice.
Leave the drink alone.
"breathe, just breathe"
Feel better now?

Ummm....and why were you over at your sister's to begin with? It's now between your mother & sister to work out any problems they're having.

Yup...don't drink ~ have a chocolate instead. Here you go:
{{gwi:1543319}}

I feel so bad for you, your family is toxic. Can you arrange to take your mother out for a few hours, just the two of you, for lunch? Then you could see her, at least,but not be accused of "snooping" or getting things "dirty". Remember, look out for yourself,first of all.

Monica and Leslie are right. You have control whether your sister gets in your head. My sister is worse than that, and I learned a long time ago not to play into it.
And forget about having a drink. That's not a solution.

Hang in there, Peg, hope it gets better. Sometimes I'm glad I'm an only child, lol. Then there's times I wish I had a sibling, but what the heck, I've got all you guys!

Hugs for you!

((((Peggy!))))

I'm back. I've decided to do what makes me feel good inside. Now I could deliver the to do list myself to my sister - since my Mom HAS NOT given my sister the list of things she asked me to do. I'm tired of all this. I'm not going to bother. They can figure things out together.
I WANT to see my Mom - I still love her dearly. I'll take her mail and things next week. Visit only when 'it's safe' - someone else is there so I don't get accused of anything.
If it makes me happy to do something - I'm going to do it and help. 2 wrongs have never made a right. Being hard on my Mom after all the years she has given me love and support when I needed it does not equate to the mess we're in now. I may resolve not to visit her as often to keep my sanity and the peace. One day at a time, let the dust settle (just not in SISTER's house....smirk...).
On a brighter note, froze my @ss off during my walk - it felt good! I bought a set of luminarie solar garden lights that change colour. Got some more veggie seeds for the garden.
On the way back, the lot directly beside the Brick box store was a snowbank obviously from the parking lot - the size of the Brick store!!! From the wind the front of the embankment dropped to a flat front - just like the store front. In the middle spot was the sign peeking out -
For Lease
What? Who wants to lease a snowbank at this time of year in this weather? Maybe mid-Jul/Aug when we're having a heatwave that would be hilarious! And why didn't I have my camera???? MMMMMMMmmmmm??? I will be posting that pic by next week for ya'll.
For Lease - your own ski hill - hahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahaha.
Then, I get home to find my garden books arrived that I ordered.
My day just kept getting better.
Since I awoke about 3am, tonight, if my eyes hold out long enough, I plan to be in bed before 9.
I'm tired.

P.S. thanks for letting me ramble and your kind thoughts. Ya never let me down!

Your sister trundled her ass into your house, without a by your leave, whenever and wherever she chose, for whatever reason. You had to put locks on your bedroom door, no? No need of such if there were no snoops inhabiting the woodwork!

And she squawks cause you have a quick look at her bill to get a postal code?

Next time she goes apoplectic, how about just laughing at her, and recounting some of the crap that she did to you, despite your requests, nay demands, that she behave herself.

Which it appears that she totally ignored.

Do as I say ...

... not as I do.

What happens if you suggest that you should be able to take about a tenth as many forbidden liberties in her house as she took in yours??

She taught you how to do it, didn't she? Gave you lots of lessons, over and over, ad infinitum!

Maybe tell her to get used to it ... that you've been putting up with far more from her for ...

... how many years?

She treated you like a doormat - and she wants you to treat her place like a pristine tea-towel, that gets washed, dried and folded ... after drying each dish, right?

How about meeting your Mother at the door, taking her out for a visit, returning her, and going home, without setting your foot inside the dragon's precious house?

Sorry you're having all of this hassle ... but I can't say that I'm surprised.

ole joyful

Hi again, McPeg ... ole joyful here again.

Just after making the last post, I thought of visiting my parents' home 1,600 miles away just after Step-mom's death, over 20 years ago.

The neighbour said that if she saw a speck of dirt on its way to the floor ...

... that she'd grab it before it got there!

I remember a slogan that I heard years ago, and someday I'm going to have to look up the accurate message, as this is a very loose rendering of the Latin,

"Illegitimi carborundum non potest facit" ...

... "Don't let the bastards grind ya down!".

I hope that this day is a glorious one for you and yours.

ole joyful

Why don't I take my Mom out?
She can hardly walk from the living room to the kitchen, a little stooped over. Her lungs have been smoked out over 52 years and are now riddled with emphysema and rheumatoid arthritis. I don't drive. Our weather of late hovers at -7 to -20 with the windchill. She is extremely frail and it takes door to door heated vehicle and a wheelchair to go to the doctors. If my Mom stood at the door in this weather for more than a moment her breathing seized up. I wish I could just pop her in a wheelchair and take her out but in this weather it's risky for pneumonia at the very least. Last summer I tried taking her out just for a walk around the garden or a ride in the wheelchair - it just about killed her in her state. (We still kept trying though).

I think my Mom's overall health is actually picking up at my sisters. Mentally, she see's her grandsons everyday and they are thrilled to have her living with them. Physically she can breathe because there is no carpeting and of course 'hazmat control' for dirt/dust. She is getting more exercise and I noticed because her breathing has improved she is walking more around the house and walking steadier.

After all is said and done -
I'm settling down to a more peaceful home life.
Mom is happy and doing well.
That's all I want. Both of us happy.

It's the silver lining in this whole clouded affair.

As for SISTER - I can't fix her problems. She really needs a doctor and a long rest. She has careered herself over the top to executive level and has OCD at home - she'll never relax in life unless she takes the time to take care of herself and learn to breathe again. She has been like this ever since I can remember. We've been banging heads since we were VERY young children.

I honest feel sorry for her.

So, I'm picking my feet up, shaking out the cobwebs and reminding myself to start enjoying life's little pleasures again.

My grow lights in the basement have a million seedlings popping their heads up now - I'm a very proud Mama!
New gardening books to read.
Taking the time to find old friends and making contact as a treat to myself.
Have a part time job (seasonal) to work with an exterior landscaping firm to plant garden beds in the spring/change them in the fall/do xmas decorations for corporate businesses - out of that I have made a new friend who shares so many similar interests its almost scary....including having not long ago putting her aging mother in a care home (alzheimers).

Day to day I'm striving to breathe, just breathe again.
It feels good.

LOL to all of you,
Peggy

Those plant babies sure can make us feel good! You are doing great keeping yourself busy. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about making lists for your sister or even keeping up your Mom's business stuff. When you were responsible, who gave you lists? I bet you figured out how to do things yourself. It's time for your sister to do the same. Don't make yourself unhappy and stressed trying to wipe her behind. She's a big girl. Just visit Mom and show your love and support.

Hi Peg,

Have to add my two cents here. First of all, we're all proud of you for how well you have done, transferring your mom, picking up hobbies, making friends and staying healthy. I'm especially happy to hear about your new friend; isn't it wonderful to be able to talk to someone who knows just how things really are, and can commiserate?? Makes me feel better to talk to someone like that, for sure.

About your sister: my younger sister (one year difference,) and I were pretty good friends throughout early childhood, but by middle school it was apparent that we were different people. She struggled socially in school and became quite cynical. Things picked up for her in college which she loved, but after that her moods were up and mostly down, depending on her personal situation. When she was having a tough time, she was positively nasty to me, harsh, critical, and thoughtless. I walked on eggshells when I talked to her and often dreaded visits. After ten or so years of this and many bouts of tears after having talked to her, I finally was able to emotionally cut myself off, while still staying in touch. I didn't take anything PERSONALLY anymore. I can't tell you what a relief that was. I still worried about her, but it didn't make me sick any longer. Since that time she has gotten much easier to be with most of the time, now that we're both pushing 50. Some visits are still a little tough, though I don't let her push me around anymore, and some are absolutely delightful. We'll always have that closeness of "almost twins" that we had as kids, but I'm not afraid of the times when she becomes difficult anymore. I hope that you can develop a thick skin when it comes to your sister and her comments. Try to remember that they don't really mean anything, even when she accuses you of nonsense. 'Cause that's what they are, nonsense.

As for your mom, we can see that she is very frail and of course can't go out. I think it's lovely of you to visit her, but as everyone else advised, don't bother with any of her business affairs, unless it's driving her crazy (as my mom's do.) If your sister has a problem with anything, just try to calmly tell her you're helping your mom, and are not bothering her (sister). If she carries on, calmly tell your mom it's time for you to go, and leave. Pretty much like dealing with a child having a tantrum. Btw, I'm so happy to know that the grandsons are thrilled to have their grandma with them. That is wonderful for all involved! Hang in there Peg, and enjoy the plant babies.

for the continued words of support. They mean so much to me.
Trying to put a positive spin on all this for all concerned. I feel more like my ol' self is coming back. If I choose to do something from the heart - it is done with no strings attached and I feel better for doing it. I have decided to take each day as it comes. Each visit on it's own. All on my own terms now, not theirs. Learning to say 'no' is the hardest thing to do. A very good psychologist told me that years ago - one of our smaller words with so much power.
Thank you.

Hi again McPeg,

Sorry I didn't understand your mother's capabilities.

I'm glad that you're feeling more settled and at ease, even though less so at times.

Hope your next few days are less stressful.

ole joyful

McPeg, just wanted to state that I think you are all your mom could hope for in a daughter. I'm so proud of the steps you are taking to keep yourself healthy and able to continue to be that special daughter.

Have a great weekend!
Dee