Oh, Okay. I think I see what you're getting at. You're not as interested since your hormone levels are down, and he's blaming that for his decrease in "function"? If that's the case, I would be irritated as well. Please tell me to mind my own business if you want, but do you guys have a non-sexual affection for each other? If not, it seems this would make is doubly difficult. I have found that with menopause, my whole attitude toward men is different. I'm interested in them mentally and emotionally, but not in a sexual way at all. I work with a couple of younger men and several younger women. I get amused as I watch their interaction with each other, and realize that when I was young, I was all involved in it too. Personally, I'm glad I'm not there anymore, lol. I kind of enjoy this part of life. Mrs H

Micke and coolmama, thanks for your comments. I do think he could have difficulty as you say. We are neither one getting younger, you know? I did promise to stay by him in sickness and health and I guess that covers the limits that sometimes come with age, don't you think? I don't like it but I can accept it like I could accept an illness or accident. I did ask my husband to talk with his doctor about it and find out if there is a physical reason. He never has done that or hasn't told me if he did. So I have to wonder if it is just a physical thing or if he just doen't want to be with me any more. If it's just that the equipment doesn't work right I don't see why it would keep him from ever giving me a hug. His arms still sure work for lots of other things! It hurts me that since he decided he isn't interested in sex anymore he also doesn't seem to be interested in spending time with me or showing any affection. As some have said, it's like living with a roommate. But if he really was a roommate I surely wouldn't have to do his laundry and all the cleaning, cooking, and shopping. I didn't mind all that so much before but now I kinda resent having to do all the wife work when I know I won't get any wife treatment. It's like he's real happy with the way things are and he doesn't seem to notice or care that I'm not satisfied with it. He just doesn't seem to give a thought to how I feel. I'm really annoyed that he decided it all - he lost interest so now I don't have anyone to meet my needs for love and affection with and at my age I probably never will again. And now all I can do about it is tiptoe around and talk with him - but don't make him feel bad - and tell him how much I hurt. Now I know that he doesn't want to talk about it any more than he wants to talk about anything else except guy stuff. And I'm sure that if I try to get him to talk about it he will get mad at me. Whenever he feels like he is being criticized or questioned or crossed he gets mad. You know that thing people say sometimes about a strong offense is the best defense. Like that. He knows I can't handle that and that he will win because I'll give up. And especially with this. What I want is more affection and to have him as a special friend if he can't be a husband in all ways. I sure don't want him blowing his top at me. He has made it really clear that he meant what he said about no more sex. It's been almost 4 years. I don't think there is anything I could say that would make him change about it and I know it sounds like I am a spoiled kid but I also feel like if I have to beg for it, I don't want it! I only barely have a little pride left after being rejected by my own husband. I sure wish there was another way to approach this thing than to offer that to him and let him reject it, too. As it is right now having to do without and feeling like I've been rejected has changed how I feel. I still care about him but I don't feel the same as I did before. I don't think you can feel the same when you believe that your husband would hurt you on purpose and not even care or make a move to stop it. Anyway, you guys may be right that I should talk to him and I'm sorry to seem like I'm not accepting your suggestions. I don't mean it like that. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how I really do feel about all of this.

Interesting points. As a wife, I am grateful my DH doesn't only kiss or touch me when he wants sex. After a while I would start to feel used. On the other hand, a good guy can be too accomodating. When we were very young, my DH (then boyfriend) was too miserable when I was unhappy and too focused on being the perfect man. He is a kind, considerate person, so there is no fear of him falling into caveman status. Over time he became more self reliant and sure of himself-- always concerned about my feelings, but not dancing attendance on me either. As he became more sure of himself I became more sure of him too. Now that the shoe is on the other foot-- he's professionally successful and attractive in his early forties, and I am not a 20 year old head-turner anymore-- it's been a good reminder for me to show confidence in myself. It sounds funny now, but in those early days I was careful to say no-thanks if I didn't feel like it. I more or less trained my body to be psyched about sex. Having an Irishwoman's libido didn't hurt either, I'm sure :) Twenty years later, I'm more willing to go along with it even if I'm not quite there-- knowing there are times my husband does the same for me even if he'd rather be sleeping. I feel a little guilty for admitting how important sex is to me-- we just went away for a few days, did not manage to make time for each other beforehand, shared a hotel room with our 3 kids-- amazing how minor irritations bothered me! Here at home, with some privacy, I was soon in a good humor again :) It's hard to get annoyed over little stuff with someone who does such lovely things for you. Even if health issues ever get in the way of a conventional sexual life, I hope that we would carry on however we could- for me it's just too important to give up.

Henrik was due to visit last christmas, but with family coming, and my husband having passed a little over a year before, re-thought the idea, and needed to consider my children. He called and I relayed this back to him, and he wasn't too happy. He said he was really looking forward to visiting, didn't expect me to pay for the ticket, and doing any work would only be me requiring to pay for what was needed. I let him know I didn't think my family would be comfortable with his being here, to which he became annoyed and left me pi**ed off. We haven't spoken since, whereas he was calling almost monthly. I still think of him and what might have been a friendship or maybe more. Please tell me I need to 'GET OVER IT'(said by Cher in one of her movies). Would love a dinner, movie, etc., with a male other than my son! Dating sites? Don't want an older man, and that's what the choices would be for someone my age. Am I doomed to be alone the rest of my life? I'm a very young 71 year old! Single cruises anyone? I would love to take a river cruise to Europe !